what would you do? be concerned pleas...

what would you do? be concerned please help

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BHINNC

Indian Trail, NC

#1 Jan 9, 2013
WHAT WOULD YOU DO??? SHOULD I BE CONCERNED??????
Need help and advice Not criticism or nasty comments.
Been in a relationship for 6 months with someone I dearly love.
Some issues have came up regarding trust. Should I be concerned
1) They have numerous x's on facebook who they stay in contact with consitantly
2) They have had x's call them and leave messages "LOVE YOU MISS YOU BABY CALL ME" Someone they claim to not have seen in 8 years. Someone they claimed at first they did not have sex with but admitted later that they did.
3) They have x's call consistantly from recently and years ago
4) They exchange text messages with x's consistantly whenever they text (several different)
5) They refuse to end communication with x's from years past that they have no reason to stay in contact with
6) They exchange text messages with someone who has admitted to be in love with them consistantly
7) Deletes text messages from phone from x's and other opposite sex members text when they text saying "Its no big deal"
8) Erases phone numbers from history of phone so they cant be seen
9) Has a person of the opposite sex they consider their "best friend"
10) Gets text messages all hours of day and night from x's

Im a good distance from this person and love them dearly. I started questioning this person and was concerned as we were planning on getting married in the near future. They feel that Im "out of line" for questioning them and that " i have never caught them doing anything"

SHOULD I BE CONCERNED? WHAT WOULD YOU DO???
i think that

Fairfax, VA

#2 Jan 9, 2013
I think if I was you I would be concerned.if I was you and it was my life and things didn't change then I would let that one go.That would bother me too much!sounds like the person is not ready for a committed relationship.
lacey

Lockhart, TX

#3 Jan 9, 2013
Get rid of this person. If they are doing all that they are probably cheating too. Speaking from experience.
Sarah

Riverside, CA

#4 Jan 9, 2013
You should be concerned if you are in a relationship with this person and are expecting them to be faithful to you.

IF it was me I would not hang around and torture myself asking questions because your significant other will just come up with excuses that you may end up believing.

You sound like a nice person who would want to believe. I am sure he/she is not intentionally huritng you but your friend sounds like they are not content in their relationship with you. I am not saying that to be mean just trying to save you heart ache.

Being on an emotional roller coaster is not a good place to live....
Resident

Dexter, MO

#5 Jan 9, 2013
Obviously you are showing that you do not know how to handle business and he is going elsewhere to get it handled!
Sarah

Riverside, CA

#6 Jan 14, 2013
I am sorry to say I was on the other end of this situation. And the married person I was seeing had several accounts. They text me constantly during the wifes work hours. I knew her schedule to the second just according to when text messages started and stopped. His wife found out and he refused to stop talking to me. We were facebook friends, text messages and talked from his cell phone number along with his work phone number.
He wasn't/isn't happy at home that is why he continued the relationship. He just claimed he didn't want to hurt her??

If you are looking for someone to be faithful to you...it doesn't sound like this person is going to do that right now.
Just asking

Portageville, MO

#7 Jan 16, 2013
I think you already know the answer to your question, unfortunatly. If he is showing himself to be sneaky and a liar at this early stage(6 months is early. You should most assuredly rethink this relationship. And when you do-make a clean break. Otherwise it sounds like you''ll be loving him along with several other so called exes.
Porky

Dexter, MO

#8 Jan 17, 2013
Stop holdin out on your man! Give him some of that shit! If you keep holdin out, he is goin to keep lookin for strange!
Just saying

Dexter, MO

#9 Jan 17, 2013
Get out of that relationship asap. You know in your heart that is what you wanted someone to say; so get out. You can already see the writing on the wall.
beenawhile

Fairfax, VA

#10 Feb 6, 2013
BHINNC wrote:
WHAT WOULD YOU DO??? SHOULD I BE CONCERNED??????
Need help and advice Not criticism or nasty comments.
Been in a relationship for 6 months with someone I dearly love.
Some issues have came up regarding trust. Should I be concerned
1) They have numerous x's on facebook who they stay in contact with consitantly
2) They have had x's call them and leave messages "LOVE YOU MISS YOU BABY CALL ME" Someone they claim to not have seen in 8 years. Someone they claimed at first they did not have sex with but admitted later that they did.
3) They have x's call consistantly from recently and years ago
4) They exchange text messages with x's consistantly whenever they text (several different)
5) They refuse to end communication with x's from years past that they have no reason to stay in contact with
6) They exchange text messages with someone who has admitted to be in love with them consistantly
7) Deletes text messages from phone from x's and other opposite sex members text when they text saying "Its no big deal"
8) Erases phone numbers from history of phone so they cant be seen
9) Has a person of the opposite sex they consider their "best friend"
10) Gets text messages all hours of day and night from x's

Im a good distance from this person and love them dearly. I started questioning this person and was concerned as we were planning on getting married in the near future. They feel that Im "out of line" for questioning them and that " i have never caught them doing anything"

SHOULD I BE CONCERNED? WHAT WOULD YOU DO???
I would run while u can the only one I don't see a problem with is #9.

If they truly care about you they would stop talking to those people. They are in the past for a reason and if you are their future they would do as you wish!
Guest

Kennett, MO

#11 Feb 16, 2013
Run Forrest Run!!! You said he told you that you are out of line by asking, well he's completely outta pocket with those actions. Sounds to me like he's buying some time until he sets his sights on his next conquest. Get rid of him now. It'll only be worse later. I speak from experience,. I think I was married to the worlds biggest liar and cheat. Heard many of those lines before and the whole time he was cheating with numerous people.
BUCKWILD

Poplar Bluff, MO

#12 Feb 16, 2013
Guest wrote:
Run Forrest Run!!! You said he told you that you are out of line by asking, well he's completely outta pocket with those actions. Sounds to me like he's buying some time until he sets his sights on his next conquest. Get rid of him now. It'll only be worse later. I speak from experience,. I think I was married to the worlds biggest liar and cheat. Heard many of those lines before and the whole time he was cheating with numerous people.
Well said.
Hello

Dexter, MO

#13 Feb 16, 2013
I feel as though you are looking for someone to tell you what you already know.
Been There

Sikeston, MO

#14 Feb 17, 2013
If you have to ask, then you already know. Stop this while you can. I know it is painful leaving a person you love, but it's not worth staying when you love them more than they do you. They obviously don't respect you or what you have together. The past is the past and has not place in your future, if he/she can't see that then you need to move on and cut your losses. Find a person that values you and never settle for less than you deserve. Good luck.
sadly

United States

#15 Feb 18, 2013
I know you won't take anyone's advice. We know in our heart what we should do in these situations, yet we still have to see it play out. We can all give great advice, but we can't take our own.
YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF. You are NOT out of line. If something hurts your heart, and brings tears to your eyes, then your boyfriend should be concerned and determined to put your mind at ease. He tells you you're out of line because then he can make YOU the "bad guy", and you'll back off.
What kind of husband do you want? You need to tell him something like, "I love you so much, but I have to love me, too. If you want all of these friendships with other females, then that's your right. But I can't be with you and pretend I'm okay with it. I need my boyfriend to care more about my feelings than with keeping in touch with other females. You need a girlfriend who supports all of the secretive conversations several other women. As much as it hurts, we're not going to work together."
If you told him that, and he didn't do whatever it takes to make things right with you- if he didn't fight to keep you- then is THAT the kind of "love" or "commitment" you want from your future husband? You've got to believe you're WORTH receiving the same dedication you're offering him.
I bet you're scared to stand up to him firmly because you think you'll run him off. You're likely right, too. But if you express that his actions are hurting you, and he doesn't correct that (even worse- he makes you feel guilty for confronting him), then you have to be willing to save your love and your heart for a BETTER MAN. If YOU don't look out for YOU, nobody else will either.
Good luck.
mytwocents

Kennett, MO

#16 Feb 20, 2013
Get rid of him b4 you get hurt!!
Dexter

Saint Louis, MO

#17 Feb 20, 2013
Im not sure what makes everyone think the person who started this is a female and talking about a male. I too am in the very same boat and i am a male having problems with the female doing the very same thing, the same excuses. She has been married twice before and cheated on them too. She actually started sleeping with me a few weeks before her divorce was final. She thinks it is OK to go out drinking with the girls, i dont drink, ive watched her get drunk and kiss another man right in front of me, she had plenty of excuses as to why. She even told me she couldnt see how that could hurt me so deeply when we had been living together only 3-4 weeks. She simply thinks i am crazy for being upset . I strongly believe in God and have led her to church. She kicked me out for the 3rd time last week because i had a gut feeling she had been talking to someone, she denied it until a knock down drag out where i demanded to see her phone, then she admitted talking to an old classmate but only talked to him during the few days we were broke up. Every time she has kicked me out so far she ends up drunk in someone else's hot tub and staying at their house or going out with the "girls" to the Elks. When i get pissed all of her friends say i am wrong.
Young Republican

Poplar Bluff, MO

#18 Feb 21, 2013
Dexter wrote:
Im not sure what makes everyone think the person who started this is a female and talking about a male. I too am in the very same boat and i am a male having problems with the female doing the very same thing, the same excuses. She has been married twice before and cheated on them too. She actually started sleeping with me a few weeks before her divorce was final. She thinks it is OK to go out drinking with the girls, i dont drink, ive watched her get drunk and kiss another man right in front of me, she had plenty of excuses as to why. She even told me she couldnt see how that could hurt me so deeply when we had been living together only 3-4 weeks. She simply thinks i am crazy for being upset . I strongly believe in God and have led her to church. She kicked me out for the 3rd time last week because i had a gut feeling she had been talking to someone, she denied it until a knock down drag out where i demanded to see her phone, then she admitted talking to an old classmate but only talked to him during the few days we were broke up. Every time she has kicked me out so far she ends up drunk in someone else's hot tub and staying at their house or going out with the "girls" to the Elks. When i get pissed all of her friends say i am wrong.
Speaks more harshly of you than her.
Grow a pair.
Dexter

Saint Louis, MO

#19 Feb 21, 2013
Young Republican. Sounds like you need God in your life.
Hmmmmm

Bernie, MO

#20 Feb 21, 2013
No, he is right! Why would you even tolerate this behavior? SHE is in the wrong. Oh, let me guess.....you love her. I see this so,many times with men in this area. They LOVE the women who treat them like crap. That is not love. That's just a will to win. She does not respect you or she would never kiss another man in front of you or do those other things behind your back. I am a woman. A good woman with a good job and since I refuse to play the childish drama games, I have dated men who end up back with their crazy exes. Men don't want good women. They want mind game playing, drama queens!!!

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