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“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#1 Jan 31, 2013
DEAR AMY: I’ve been invited to multiple friends’ weddings this summer. Currently, I am receiving requests for reception dinner preferences with the choice of meat, fish, or a vegetarian option consisting of pasta.

Unfortunately, I am a gluten-free vegetarian. Most of my friends are aware of my aversion to meat. However, not all of them know that I am gluten-free due to health reasons.

Knowing that the couples are already under a lot of stress, I would like to avoid inconveniencing them with my dietary restrictions. I would prefer to eat in my hotel room beforehand, but I would hate for them to pay for a plated meal that I cannot have.

I do not want to offend anyone by attending the dinner but declining the meal. Bringing my own food to a reception seems a bit tacky as well. I thought of writing a request for just “a plate of vegetables” on the meal card, but I do not know if this is rude or too much of a burden.

I will be traveling from out of town to attend these weddings, so skipping the reception is not an option. How do I share in the nuptial celebrations without troubling anyone?-- Wedding Food Blues

DEAR BLUES: I ran your letter past Mollie Katzen, author of “The New Moosewood Cookbook,”(2000, Ten Speed Press), whose work helped popularize vegetarian cuisine in the United States.

Katzen says that you could probably enjoy a perfectly good gluten-free vegetarian dinner composed entirely of the side dishes offered to other guests. She responded,“You should let the hosts know that you have a simple request for dinner and ask them if they would prefer that you go through them or communicate it directly to the caterer. If you stress that it’s a simple, one-sentence request (‘I’d like my dinner to be an assortment of lacto-ovo vegetarian, wheat-free side dishes.’) I think the hosts won’t mind passing that along. Plus, the caterer will appreciate knowing. It will make her/his job much more straightforward.”

I want to add that once this request is made, you should let it stand. Do not follow up or make another inquiry. If at the event your meal does not arrive, do not worry the couple about it and simply do your best to deal with what you’re served.

DEAR AMY: My brother and his wife have a year-old baby and are expecting their second child soon. My brother is a surgeon who is doing very well financially.

His wife’s sister decided to throw a last-minute baby shower. On the invitation she said,“They are not registered, but they do need some big items, like a double stroller, car seat, etc. If you would like to contribute, it would be fantastic!”

I thought this was tacky, and I called it to my brother’s attention. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought he had no idea that his sister-in-law was asking for donations. When I asked him about this, he said he didn’t see anything wrong with it and got defensive.

I thought the whole idea of the baby shower was for a bunch of ladies to get together and ooh and aah over baby clothes and baby toys. Am I off base here?-- Younger Brother

DEAR BROTHER: Strictly speaking, showers for second children aren’t normally big events, but many families do want to celebrate the birth of a second child, and the need for some of these big-ticket items is genuine, regardless of whether the family can afford them.

The wording you quote on this last-minute invitation strikes me as being nonspecific and low-pressure. Mainly, however, unless this shower is held in your honor, it’s unnecessary (and rude) of you to weigh in on someone else’s choice.
Sam I Am

Knoxville, TN

#2 Jan 31, 2013
1. "I’d like my dinner to be an assortment of lacto-ovo vegetarian, wheat-free side dishes." No, no, no. Could you put a request any more awkwardly? Just return the card, indicate a choice and note "No meat, just sides please."

2. Soooooo, you don't give gifts to people whom you feel can provide for themselves? Your brother's financial well-being should have no bearing on your decision. You were a jerk for saying anything to your brother.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#3 Jan 31, 2013
LW1: It seems Katzen is under the mistaken impression that the LW is Oprah and is making requests to her personal chef - DO NOT tell them you want your meal to be a lacto-oval-vegetarian, with an assortment if wheat free side dishes.

Just put down vegitarian. There should be at least some things that uou can eat. Maybe bring a few snacks in your purse or eat a little but before hand, just to be safe. Don't be a PITA. They have enough stuff to worry about other than your peculiar dietary choices and restrictions.

LW2: Baby showers are the affairs of women. Quit worrying about it, drama queen.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#4 Jan 31, 2013
1 lacto free glutton what?? Cant you just say I want vegetables only? Oh, and your an idiot for being such a weirdo about your food. Go eat some dirt, you'll feel better.

2 You could have just declined to contribute and kept your mouth shut.
Oh, and BTW whiner, ever consider that your Brother is probably over 1/2 mil in the hole for his education? Go back to your taco stand!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Jan 31, 2013
LW1: Your one plate of food that you may or may not eat all of is not going to break the bank of any of these couples. Request the plate of veg and shut up.

LW2: Well, it sounds like you won't be contributing.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 Jan 31, 2013
L1: So for this, Amy goes to an expert. But for much more serious, life-endangering issues, she shoots from the hip.

I disagree with Amy and her expert. Eat in your hotel room, accept the plate of food, eat what you can, and smile through it all.

L2: You don't have to go to the shower. But you should still buy a gift for your new niece or nephew. I believe every baby deserves a gift! A new outfit, a box of diapers, etc. I'd skip the shower.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#7 Jan 31, 2013
LW1:Why is this such a big problem to you?
"I would like to avoid inconveniencing them with my dietary restrictions."
Fantastic.
"I would prefer to eat in my hotel room beforehand"
Wonderful.
"I would hate for them to pay for a plated meal that I cannot have."
You worry too much. You think they are going to care(or notice) that one of their many guests did not eat their meal? They'll be to busy bitching about the people who rsvp'd yes and pulled a no-show. THAT is the wasted expense that will get their goat.

Find a fat person and let her have your meal too. There. Not wasted.

LW2: "I thought the whole idea of the baby shower was for a bunch of ladies to get together and ooh and aah over baby clothes and baby toys."
Baby clothes, and toys, and any other crap that parents need. Oh boo hoo. The shower thrower gave a suggestion on what might actually be helpful to the parents.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 Jan 31, 2013
L1: This whole food thing gives me a headache.

L2: Quit being jealous that your brother has money and keep your trap shut.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#9 Jan 31, 2013
LOL!
Mister Tonka wrote:
Find a fat person and let her have your meal too. There. Not wasted.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 Jan 31, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
Find a fat person and let her have your meal too. There. Not wasted.
"Excuse me, but I noticed your heft, and the general protrudeness of your belly. I am unable to eat the meal the newly married couple has provided. here you go, I'm sure you can put it away in no time!"

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#11 Jan 31, 2013
1- Put small portions on your plate and fake it. It's not going to kill you.

2- Sorry, but a financially secure doctor can buy his own baby stroller. I'm all for giving toys and diapers and onesies though.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#12 Jan 31, 2013
I thought it funny, he said "give Her" instead of "give them"
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
"Excuse me, but I noticed your heft, and the general protrudeness of your belly. I am unable to eat the meal the newly married couple has provided. here you go, I'm sure you can put it away in no time!"

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#13 Jan 31, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
1- Put small portions on your plate and fake it. It's not going to kill you.

??? This is not a buffet. This is served plates, ie: pick which one you want, so the caterer hasa the correct count. She has no control over putting small portions on her plate. If it was a buffet, then her question would be moot.
edogxxx wrote:
Sorry, but a financially secure doctor can buy his own baby stroller. I'm all for giving toys and diapers and onesies though.
Perhaps you've never been to a shower, but parents put whatever they want/need on a baby registry. From diapers and pacifiers up to strollers and car seats. No one is required to get anything but those gifts are certainly not out of the norm.

Its one thing to say that YOU would not ever choose to give such an expensive gift(which is fine) but its interesting that you had to qualify that with a comment about him being financially secure. Do you only give presents to people who are poor?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#14 Jan 31, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
??? This is not a buffet. This is served plates, ie: pick which one you want, so the caterer hasa the correct count. She has no control over putting small portions on her plate. If it was a buffet, then her question would be moot.
Whatever, she can fake it. A plate of pasta and meatballs isn't going to kill her.
Mister Tonka wrote:
Its one thing to say that YOU would not ever choose to give such an expensive gift(which is fine) but its interesting that you had to qualify that with a comment about him being financially secure. Do you only give presents to people who are poor?
I said a financially stable doctor can buy his own baby stroller. Not sure what buying gifts for poor people has to do with anything.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#16 Jan 31, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I said a financially stable doctor can buy his own baby stroller. Not sure what buying gifts for poor people has to do with anything.
Would you buy a stroller for a kindergarten teacher? If yes, then it is interesting to me that you would determine what gifts to buy others based on how financially stable and able they are.

If not, then it really does not matter if we are talking about a financially stable doctor or a struggling kindergarten teacher. You would not buy one for either, so there really was no reason to correlate your purchasing decision with the fact that he is financially stable.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#17 Jan 31, 2013
Ouch, thats gonna make his head hurt!
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> Would you buy a stroller for a kindergarten teacher? If yes, then it is interesting to me that you would determine what gifts to buy others based on how financially stable and able they are.
If not, then it really does not matter if we are talking about a financially stable doctor or a struggling kindergarten teacher. You would not buy one for either, so there really was no reason to correlate your purchasing decision with the fact that he is financially stable.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#18 Jan 31, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Whatever, she can fake it. A plate of pasta and meatballs isn't going to kill her.
<quoted text>
I said a financially stable doctor can buy his own baby stroller. Not sure what buying gifts for poor people has to do with anything.
If she's gluten intolerant, the pasta could make her extremely ill for days. She can't eat it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#19 Jan 31, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> Would you buy a stroller for a kindergarten teacher? If yes, then it is interesting to me that you would determine what gifts to buy others based on how financially stable and able they are.
If not, then it really does not matter if we are talking about a financially stable doctor or a struggling kindergarten teacher. You would not buy one for either, so there really was no reason to correlate your purchasing decision with the fact that he is financially stable.
What the hell are you blabbing about? Would you buy a doctor a Rolex?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#20 Jan 31, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
What the hell are you blabbing about? Would you buy a doctor a Rolex?
I wouldn' buy ANYONE a Rolex. Their occupation is irrelevant.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#21 Jan 31, 2013
RACE wrote:
Ouch, thats gonna make his head hurt!
<quoted text>
I know.

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