Bellcranks Government Crash Course

[Bellcrank]

We the people have what is called a Bi-Cameral legislature. It comes from the Latin term which roughly translates,'..about as useful to an Anglo Saxon as a two-humped camel..'.

The House of Representatives is comprised of about 430 message-runners who carry our regional worries to Washington. Our territories also send in a Representive who can gripe but not vote since their people DO NOT PAY TAX but are guarenteed full protection, currency and postage stamps. Not
a bad booby-prize.

The Senate is comprised of 100 entities to represent the interests of their States. Remember, States are not people nor are they the Federal Government. If a State wants to be governed by a Monarchy or a Church or a Family, it could. No one outside a State can tell how a State shall govern except that State. If you doubt me, then test your thinking: Why do we have Senators to begin with?

Here's how our legislature works. A committee is formed. Those members then pay back the members who appointed them with special favors later like retirement perks, land swaps, gay nephews admitted in the Airforce Academy, law-firm assasinations tit-for-tat...that kind of thing. At some point, a member is supposed to emerge with what you or you neighbor would like to see become LAW. That happens.....about as often as Amelia Erhart emerges holding his arm.

<more to follow>

[Bellcrank]

So once a committee has taken an idea for a bill and gouged all common sense out of it, they present it for chamber vote. If it looks like it's going to pass the whole chamber, THAT is the magical time; the time when each member puts a turd-in-the-couch-cushion called 'pork' or 'pork-barrel spending' in that bill. It's a bribe buried in deep in the fine print aimed at the other members and it goes like this:' my vote which would push this bill over the top to victory could be bought for (hypothetically) another military base in my home town right across the street from my existing military base so that they could play badmintton with each other...' Or....'I want to build a bridge to nowhere and I want your people to pay for it...'

Then they bat it to the the other chamber and they do the same until it gets sent to the Executive Branch of Government to be signed into Law, pending the Judical Branch's legal review.

All of our Legislature's accomplishments belong in the Hall of Fame, since they shape and sculp our lives.(see footnote B) They range in spectrum
from, the naive category (Daylight Savings Time, etc.) to the onerous and wrong category (Affirmative Action, E.P.A., etc.) to the depraved and treasonous category ( 13th Amendment, letting women drive, etc.)

If you love, like, or even tolerate your Congressman, let him know! It is your duty as a citizen to encourage her with words like, "I don't care what you did to my grandkids' bring-home wages once they grow up, I'm among the 9%- 11% of Americans who think you're okay!"

Footnote B By 'lives' congress presumes that you made it past the 2nd trimester of infancy, ya lucky little punk. Because, just because you have a beating heart and can hear and love and learn in the womb at 188 days old, they'd fund agencies to chop your little arms and legs off and vacuum the remains of your little ass out of there and thrown in the dumpster so they can retain the 'single mother' voter constituent.

[Bellcrank]

By now I've piqued the interest of young people from all backgrounds like those coming out of Cezar Chavez high school into reaching for great
heights and going into government. Yet they wonder what it takes to get elected. Well, besides the hurdle that you have to be part of that elite 18% of of Cezar Chavez enrollees who eventually graduate, you need some personal attributes to become a United States Legislator; some real special virtues that tower above the rest of us who vote.

1.) You need to have razor-sharp intelligence. Like Shiela Jackson Lee when at her NASA Mars Mission Funding hearing demanded to hear of the
military brass if they'd be able to take pictures of the flag that earlier astronauts placed there back in 1969.

2.) You need to have impeccable moral rectitude. Like Barney Frank when his live-in boyfriend was running a gigilo service out of Barney's apartment. Barney did the right thing: He denied knowing what goes on in his own apartment. Can the rest of us rise to that standard?

3.) You need to be a rock-ribbed defender of your party's standards like John Boehner. Okay, bad example.
You need to offer modest resistance against the other party, like John Boehner. Okay, bad example.
You need to be useless as teets on a boar, but have a good tan. Ah! Like John Boehner.

If you got those, you're on your way to Washington, kiddo. And when you get there, don't look back. Roll up your sleeves and plunder that treasury! Chisel away our liberties before we hurt ourselves with them. Slap leins against our young kids' wages once they grow up and begin earning. What are working schlubs doing with their own take-home pay? Their too dumb to need it. YOU need it. You're our politician!