What is the best way to wipe your bot...

What is the best way to wipe your bottom after pooping?

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wadder

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#1 Apr 27, 2010
Mt girlfriend says I use way too much toilet paper. I am a wadder. I wad probably like 10 squares of TP into a ball and do a wipe. I don't want my fingers to come withing 4 plys of my dirt star. So I play it safe.

Growing up my father would yell at me for using too much. He is such a penny pincher! He takes like 2 squares, folds once and wipes with it like 2 times - after folding it again. Jeeze!

It's not like I waste it either. I check afterwards and there is poop after each big wipe. So what gives? Is there a better way?
wadder too

Ripley, WV

#2 Apr 27, 2010
Yea, like who like poop on their fingers? DUH, sometimes I use so much paper it cloggs the toilet, but my butt is clean. Like, what if you got in a car accident and they had to take off your shorts, I mean leaving a stain would be embarassing, and smelly OMG!
wadder too

Ripley, WV

#3 Apr 27, 2010
wadder wrote:
Mt girlfriend says I use way too much toilet paper. I am a wadder. I wad probably like 10 squares of TP into a ball and do a wipe. I don't want my fingers to come withing 4 plys of my dirt star. So I play it safe.
Growing up my father would yell at me for using too much. He is such a penny pincher! He takes like 2 squares, folds once and wipes with it like 2 times - after folding it again. Jeeze!
It's not like I waste it either. I check afterwards and there is poop after each big wipe. So what gives? Is there a better way?
Ask your girlfriend if she would rather scrub your dirty undies or buy extra TP?
wadder

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#4 Apr 27, 2010
There is no excuse for a dirty butt; no excuse for skid marks or itchy crack.

Have you ever heard, "Patience is a virtue"?

This adage is true in all aspect of life, even when it comes to hygiene.

My personal strategy, which keeps me confidently fresh and clean, is the utilization of patience and my surroundings.

1. After doing my business, I use TP... the amount and quality is not as important as you would think. Use however much and whatever kind of TP you desire until achieving initial, satisfactory results.

2. Next, depending on your location, the most important step, use water.

When I am at home, I use a designated washcloth and warm water to follow-up TP use. I simply waddle (my pants are around my ankles after all) 3 steps to the sink, saturate the washcloth in warm water (which is already warm because I turned it on mid-poo), squeeze out the cloth, and wipe.

3. Rinse and Repeat until totally clean.

All of this takes 1 extra minute at most and will leave you fresh, clean, and confident.

Note that in someone else's bathroom, at a friend's house, or public restroom you can use the same method with TP or papertowels instead of a washcloth.

If you are in a public restroom with multiple toilets and no private access to a sink with warm water, and hear me out on this, after your first wipe with TP, 1) flush it down and wait for the bowl to refill with clean water, 2) grab a handful of TP and dip it in the clean bowl to get it wet enough, 3) Follow step 3 from above.

After all is said and done, it is better than having swamp-butt and/or skid marks, and/or "funk in the trunk". If you are nervous about germs and know you won't have access to a private sink, carry wet naps with you (they fit better in pockets than butt-wipes that, for some reason, are packaged in "backpack size" only.

Your booty and boxers will thank you. After that, you can thank me

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wadder too

Ripley, WV

#5 Apr 27, 2010
Yea, I check and make sure it's clean so I don't waste any TP
wadder too

Ripley, WV

#6 Apr 27, 2010
Hey what are you suppose to do when it won't stop coming out? Like, I tried duct tape but it leaked out, any suggestions?
wadder

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#7 Apr 27, 2010
wadder too wrote:
Yea, I check and make sure it's clean so I don't waste any TP
I dont want it on my hand. I use all the tp I can to protect my hand. Thing is i don't think Tp is the answer. I notice after I wipe and go back out to do yard work, my butt sweats and itches. If I acratch it, and u no it is foul. So the tp does not really clean it. I wash it when at home. Public restrooms are a nightmare. I tried to hover without sittign and pooped on my leg. Now I just hold it til I get home.
wadder

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#8 Apr 27, 2010
Poop stinks as a result of the products of bacterial action. Bacteria produce smelly, sulfur-rich organic compounds such as indole, skatole, and mercaptans, and the inorganic gas hydrogen sulfide. These are the same compounds that give farts their odor.
wadder

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#9 Apr 27, 2010
wadder too wrote:
Hey what are you suppose to do when it won't stop coming out? Like, I tried duct tape but it leaked out, any suggestions?
Floaters are turds that have an unusually high gas content. Sometimes the gases produced by bacteria in our gut don't have a chance to collect into a large fart bubble, but remain dispersed in the feces. The poop then comes out foamy, and has a lower density than water.
wadder too

Ripley, WV

#10 Apr 27, 2010
You forgot about "leakage" like I said, after a few minutes you have to go back for that second wipe to get the leakage. I don't know about you but my hole aint as tight as it use to be, no I'm not gay, I just like my steak and potatos and sometimes the log is hard and long, I mean, I really have to push hard! Now I really DO know what it's like for my wife to have a baby after I spend a couple hours at the Golden Corral
wadder

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#11 Apr 27, 2010
I have to say one of the worst things is constipation. Nothing worse than when you have to dig it out or go to the er and have them get it out. I would rather dig it myself. That is so gross.
wadder too

Ripley, WV

#13 Apr 27, 2010
wadder wrote:
Poop stinks as a result of the products of bacterial action. Bacteria produce smelly, sulfur-rich organic compounds such as indole, skatole, and mercaptans, and the inorganic gas hydrogen sulfide. These are the same compounds that give farts their odor.
Hey wad, stick to the poop, You're confusing me with all your crap
wadder

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#14 Apr 27, 2010
Im glad we can talk open about poop. Most people don't act like they dont poop. Everyone poops and we have to deal with it. Im sorry I got off topic, Im have an obsession with poop and how it works. I have studied it for years.
wadder

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#15 Apr 27, 2010
Speak of the devil. I will BRB, i have to poop.
wadder too

Ripley, WV

#16 Apr 27, 2010
No seriously, I really hate runny poop, it smells, splashes back on your butt and makes a big mess. I have to take a shower afterwards to get it all off, and dont' forget to wipe the bottom of the toilet seat
wadder too

Ripley, WV

#17 Apr 27, 2010
wadder wrote:
Im glad we can talk open about poop. Most people don't act like they dont poop. Everyone poops and we have to deal with it. Im sorry I got off topic, Im have an obsession with poop and how it works. I have studied it for years.
So, you're either a poopologist or a wierdo
wadder

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#18 Apr 27, 2010
Why did u mention that, it was the explosive runs and my gf bought some cheap Vaule brand tp. It was like wiping with sandpaper.
wadder

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#19 Apr 27, 2010
Did ya know "poop" comes from the Middle English word poupen or popen, and it originally meant "fart." The word was based on the sound of a fart. According to Robert Chapman, author of American Slang, "poop" came into use with its current meaning around 1900.
wadder

AOL

#20 Apr 27, 2010
Nahh man, Im not weird Im just aware of my body and its functions. Poop can be intresting. Tp is the problem. We wash our hands why not our butts. We need a butt washer, why hasnt anyone invented one yet.
wadder

AOL

#21 Apr 27, 2010
What Happens When I'm At WORK and I have to Poop?

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those of you who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the.........

Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.

Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun's pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the shitter. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN): This is a group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an

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