upset

Evansville, IN

#1 Apr 9, 2013
I have a child from a previous relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years my son is now of age to play sports (soccer, baseball, etc...) They ask everyone to volunteer for someone like coach, assistant coach, or concessions. My boyfriend works a straight 40-45hr Monday to Friday job so he does have some free time on the weekends and weeknights. I asked him to volunteer as a coach or assistant coach for soccer he said no he would rather do that for baseball or basketball. Baseball forms are due any day now and so I asked again and he said no. This makes me really upset he is not willing to help me with my son. He knows about sports, I know nothing, & all the coaches are males. This is making me upset to the point I don't want to be with him anymore. I might as well be a single mom because I get no help with my son from my bf pertaining to tasks a male figure should be doing and teaching. My son's dad is a pos and lives an hour away even if he would show up to help so that's out of the question.

My question is: Am I being selfish or do I have some right to be upset?

If he isn't helping now when my son is 6 it seems like he will never help with those kind of fatherly tasks. It would be a great bonding experience for both my boyfriend and son and it's only for a couple months of youth baseball season. I don't think I'm being totally unreasonable.
Sunshine

Evansville, IN

#2 Apr 9, 2013
I know how the whole bf thing & having children from a previous relationship goes. I know from experience I have 2 boys & my boys played baseball when they were that age. I didn't volunteer 2 help out but I was the 1 who always took them 2 their games cheered them on. I know they probly wished even tho they nvr acted like it bothered them especially when the other kids had their dad or male figures there. But I know they probly would have liked their dads or a father figure there. Thing 2 think about is u been 2gether 4 yrs has ur bf always been like this when asked 2 do sumthin with ur son or is this the 1st time? And not tryn 2 be heartbreaking if they don't do it now they probly won't do it when they get older either. I'm not sayn all guys are like that but sum are. I also know that from experience. I don't think ur being selfish & I would be upset 2. Ur the only 1 who can make the choice of what u should do & if its worth it or if its just a waste of time (talkn bout ur relationship) Also if u haven't already ask him why he said he would do it & now he doesn't want to. Like I said all up 2 u. Good Luck
TROLOLOLOLOLOL

Covington, KY

#3 Apr 9, 2013
why would he want to take care of your responsibilities?????

Since: Apr 13

Evansville, IN

#4 Apr 9, 2013
Trolololololo
Don't b an as$)hol^*
U obviously don't have responsibilities or a conscious
lol

United States

#5 Apr 9, 2013
Coaching a team is a lot of work and takes up all your weekends. I wouldn't want to do it either after working 40+ hours a week. I don't hear him saying he won't help your son in his free time. Why is it so important he be one of the coaches? So you can show him off? I agree he should help by being a father figure if you two plan on being together for the long run. Sounds a little like you're playing house and in that case it's not his job to devote his free time to your kid. Where is your son's dad? I think you are asking a lot out of your boyfriend with this and you're being overly demanding. Maybe you should break up with him. It's not wrong at all but you're more worried about your life and what you want. I don't hear any compromise. Hey why don't you go give up your only free time for months on end to coach not only your kid but others, organize everything, worry about snacks, and spend your money on gas and miscellaneous crap that comes from coaching kids. I would not want to do that EVER. would you after working that much?
Curious

Evansville, IN

#6 Apr 9, 2013
Where is the child's father?
Candace

Princeton, IN

#7 Apr 9, 2013
upset wrote:
I have a child from a previous relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years my son is now of age to play sports (soccer, baseball, etc...) They ask everyone to volunteer for someone like coach, assistant coach, or concessions. My boyfriend works a straight 40-45hr Monday to Friday job so he does have some free time on the weekends and weeknights. I asked him to volunteer as a coach or assistant coach for soccer he said no he would rather do that for baseball or basketball. Baseball forms are due any day now and so I asked again and he said no. This makes me really upset he is not willing to help me with my son. He knows about sports, I know nothing, & all the coaches are males. This is making me upset to the point I don't want to be with him anymore. I might as well be a single mom because I get no help with my son from my bf pertaining to tasks a male figure should be doing and teaching. My son's dad is a pos and lives an hour away even if he would show up to help so that's out of the question.

My question is: Am I being selfish or do I have some right to be upset?

If he isn't helping now when my son is 6 it seems like he will never help with those kind of fatherly tasks. It would be a great bonding experience for both my boyfriend and son and it's only for a couple months of youth baseball season. I don't think I'm being totally unreasonable.
Some people feel comfortable coaching , others don't. Don't look down on him because of it.

Hop in there and show him how it's done mom!
wtf

Evansville, IN

#8 Apr 9, 2013
Curious wrote:
Where is the child's father?
If you read the original post, you would know, she said the child's father is a POS that lives an hour away and wouldn't help out anyway.
wtf

Evansville, IN

#9 Apr 9, 2013
upset wrote:
I have a child from a previous relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for four years my son is now of age to play sports (soccer, baseball, etc...) They ask everyone to volunteer for someone like coach, assistant coach, or concessions. My boyfriend works a straight 40-45hr Monday to Friday job so he does have some free time on the weekends and weeknights. I asked him to volunteer as a coach or assistant coach for soccer he said no he would rather do that for baseball or basketball. Baseball forms are due any day now and so I asked again and he said no. This makes me really upset he is not willing to help me with my son. He knows about sports, I know nothing, & all the coaches are males. This is making me upset to the point I don't want to be with him anymore. I might as well be a single mom because I get no help with my son from my bf pertaining to tasks a male figure should be doing and teaching. My son's dad is a pos and lives an hour away even if he would show up to help so that's out of the question.
My question is: Am I being selfish or do I have some right to be upset?
If he isn't helping now when my son is 6 it seems like he will never help with those kind of fatherly tasks. It would be a great bonding experience for both my boyfriend and son and it's only for a couple months of youth baseball season. I don't think I'm being totally unreasonable.
is it just the sports thing? or is it more? does he help you in other ways with your son? those are things you need to think about. i have a child from a previous relationship, and it's hard to make sure that your child is being treated as if he is well loved and cared for. my husband has always taken care of my son as if he was his own, and he does anything/everything for my son. my son's biological father was a p.o.s. who couldn't stay out of jail or get a job, etc.. and my husband (when we met) took responsibility for my son. he loves him and has always been there for him, no matter what.
your boyfriend might be having issues with getting close to your son because it isn't his child. he also may not be comfortable with spending that much time with your child. what you need to do definitely is try and talk to your boyfriend and try to find out what the exact problem is. if it's something you guys feel as if you can work on and improve, then do so. if it's not, then you need to leave asap. the one that is suffering is your child.
mandy

United States

#10 Apr 9, 2013
I am in a similar situation except he treats my kids just like his. He does everything for mine same as his own. I'd move on your son deserves better.
upset

Evansville, IN

#11 Apr 9, 2013
He doesn't spend anytime with my son. He doesn't help out in anyway with my son except financially. He pays rent and utilities, but say I don't have money for some clothes, school pictures, a new bed he won't help. School work he doesn't help. It wouldn't be such a big deal to me if he would at least take him outside to throw a ball around and other things boys need a dad for, but he doesn't. I said why don't you and Troy go see a movie together tonight I'll stay home so you can have some time together. He said no. I thought things would be different when it comes to sports because my bf played baseball as a child and loved it.

Thanks everyone who helped.
speakingfromexpe rience

Evansville, IN

#12 Apr 9, 2013
upset wrote:
He doesn't spend anytime with my son. He doesn't help out in anyway with my son except financially. He pays rent and utilities, but say I don't have money for some clothes, school pictures, a new bed he won't help. School work he doesn't help. It wouldn't be such a big deal to me if he would at least take him outside to throw a ball around and other things boys need a dad for, but he doesn't. I said why don't you and Troy go see a movie together tonight I'll stay home so you can have some time together. He said no. I thought things would be different when it comes to sports because my bf played baseball as a child and loved it.
Thanks everyone who helped.
In response to what you've written, you need to dump him. He obviously doesn't care about your son. He probably doesn't connect with him because it's not his biological child. Either way, the truth remains that your son comes first, and if he isn't getting what he needs from the relationship, then you need to move on and find someone that can accept you AND your son. You are a package deal. I have a son by a previous relationship and when my husband and I met, he knew that he would have to accept my son as well. He has always provided for my son, financially, emotionally, etc. That's how it should be, whether it's your biological child or not. If you decide to get into a relationship with someone that has a child from another relationship, then you need to own up to your choices. The child deserves a real family. Please, don't continue putting your child through the emotional turmoil. What is going to happen if you guys get married, and have your own children? Then your son is going to feel inferior to the rest of your children. Things like that can damage a person for life. I don't want to be rude, hurtful, etc but you need to end the relationship for your son and yourself.
Doctor Phil

Evansville, IN

#14 Apr 9, 2013
Obviously after 4 years he hasn't married you. There is a reason for that. And not being married he has absolutely no obligation to do anything with your kid. Let me guess he works you don't. He pays the bills while you sit around on your ever expanding backside. Sounds to me like he got the raw deal. He needs to send your welfare ass packing and find a young, prettier, and much skinnier girlfriend. One that has a life beside watching soap operas all day.
upset

Evansville, IN

#15 Apr 9, 2013
Doctor Phil wrote:
Obviously after 4 years he hasn't married you. There is a reason for that. And not being married he has absolutely no obligation to do anything with your kid. Let me guess he works you don't. He pays the bills while you sit around on your ever expanding backside. Sounds to me like he got the raw deal. He needs to send your welfare ass packing and find a young, prettier, and much skinnier girlfriend. One that has a life beside watching soap operas all day.
Still didn't answer the question. You're a little slow aren't you?
just wondering

Newburgh, IN

#16 Apr 9, 2013
You should have kept your legs closed and your mouth open to recieve the seed of life. To ask another man to raise another mans mistake from having sex with you, is asking way to much. You have no right to be upset. Be upset with the homo you first had your legs spread with that will not take care of his child.
upset

Evansville, IN

#17 Apr 10, 2013
just wondering wrote:
You should have kept your legs closed and your mouth open to recieve the seed of life. To ask another man to raise another mans mistake from having sex with you, is asking way to much. You have no right to be upset. Be upset with the homo you first had your legs spread with that will not take care of his child.
Hard to do when someone gets you pregnant on purpose and says I want nothing to do with him if we aren't together, but thanks for the advice :-)
speakingfromexpe rience

Evansville, IN

#18 Apr 10, 2013
upset wrote:
<quoted text>
Hard to do when someone gets you pregnant on purpose and says I want nothing to do with him if we aren't together, but thanks for the advice :-)
don't listen to these idiots. they don't know what life is really like. they've probably never been in nor ever will be in a serious relationship because they are cold and stoic. telling someone to keep their legs closed, i mean c'mon. i mean, i agree that you can't EXPECT a man to take care of another man's child, but if he TRULY loves you, he would do ANYTHING to make sure you and your child are happy. and that's the truth. anyone who tries to say anything different is a liar.

Since: Apr 13

Evansville, IN

#19 Apr 10, 2013
These ppl that comment have no CUTH. Probably didn't even graduate high school. Your boyfriend obviously DOSENT know what it is like to have a child of his own. If u have been together 4 years and he DOSENT help nothing is going to change. If he works all day and
DOSENT want to coach on the weekends find something all can do. Pump it up is AWSOME!!!!! Love that place and my kids do to. What adult man DOSENT want to jump around like the idiot he probably is. No offense. He should b happy to have a family that wants him in their life.

Since: Apr 13

Evansville, IN

#20 Apr 10, 2013
Speakingfrmexperience is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO
RIGHT

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