ex wives who are vindictive

[frustrated]

Wow! I was feeling very alone in this crazy ex wife triangle. I know the anger and the frustration. I also know the wanting to get revenge, I've put alot of hours of thought into payback before I realised that I am better than that. I'm not evil, she is. Though...
My story is a long one, surfice to say, I'm enguaged to a man who has 3 daughters (under the age of 10) and a few shared businesses with his ex. and we live together (he and I). What could be worse?? I have to agree with the other comments of NO REVENGE. It will cause ripples in the pond that you have no way of seeing now. Besides causing more issues that your man will no doubt have to deal with.
I'm an ex wife myself, I wish nothing but happieness for my ex, I'm happy that he is happy. I'm a good person, she's not.. that's her problem. It must be a misrable life for her to use all that energy in such a negative way. I figure that the best thing I can do is to be happy with MY man.... the frustration alone must eat her up!!!!! OK... I do what I can to make myself feel better!! We all need to.

[Ex Wives Ruin Lifes]

It is unbelievable how women who are mothers of children can think it is OK to use their kids as pawns to try and “get back” at their ex-husband as well as numerous other aggravating, harassing and intervening tactics to destroy his life. Simply because he has the audacity to be happy without her. Their are numerous cases where the ex-husband has done nothing wrong but bizarre as it seems, as soon as he finds a new woman - the ex-wife rears her vindictiveness and decides to wreak havoc on his life and that of his new partner. Sad, jealous and living in the past, these individuals will not and in some cases never let go. Although people realize that not all women are like this and not all men treat their ex-wives properly, in most cases the ex-husband tries to be an adult, be responsible and maintain the situation only to find out it is to his detriment. Meanwhile, the ex-wife has done nothing constructive only her agenda is to cause as much pain and aggravation to her ex-husband as much as she can. She whinges and is constantly disruptive at every opportunity and has never once been grateful that her ex-husband works hard to keep a roof over the kids' heads and be responsible to ensure they have a healthy and enjoyable environment when they are with him.
This type of behavior occurs:
1.Lies at every opportunity but accuses him of doing so.
2.Makes every excuse to not work full time when there is no good reason why she can't
3.Refuses to be adult or co-operate about the divorce or arrangements for the kids
4.Threatens court at every opportunity, which is totally unwarranted
5.Causes as much grief as possible towards her ex-husband
Why can't these these individuals get on with their lives? Its just very sad that they don’t realize how much they are disrupting the lives of others and ultimately impacting their children’s just to make them feel better. Using their children in this manner is abusive!

[frusrtated]

abusive... thats it in a nut shell.

[Ex Wives Ruin Lives]

FEMALE NARCISSISTS: Men and women are both victims. It fully acknowledges the female narcissist and the chaos they cause to the men, women, children, friends and others in their lives.
No one can reform a narcissist. When you are the target, you must be aware and extremely careful. You would not stand in front of a rifle aimed at you, and you must not stand in front of your abuser….the narcissistic woman!

Strategies for dealing with narcissistic women, leaving them, self-esteem, rebuilding a life, divorce and custody.

Maybe you've tried setting boundaries, making compromises, thinking, "If I act with diplomacy and fairness, things will get better." Maybe you vow to be a survivor, not a victim, but it hasn't happened yet. The emotional abuse wears you down. It's time to take control and take back your life. Narcissistic typically have narcissistic parents and you may still be dealing with the anger and shame from long ago during their upbringing. Finding ways to take control is the beginning of the end of this nasty emotional abuse. Changing the way you think is the beginning of changing your life. Many people have been hurt by someone with narcissistic personality disorder. It is painful to be deceived and in chaos from their manipulations. Waiting for them to get better is futile. Those who have been married to a narcissist didn't know it until they got divorced. That's the kind called stealth narcissists. They are in stealth mode until challenged. Other narcissists may show themselves in other ways. Finalizing a divorce from a narcissistic woman takes strength because they align themselves with abusive divorce attorneys, family and as well as with current partners/spouses who are just like them. But you and others don't have to go through this.
Narcissism, Narcissists, NARCISSISTIC Emotional, Verbal Abuse and Divorce

CUSTODY and The Narcissistic Mother

Few go into divorce understanding how often fathers lose custody, access, visitation, etc., especially in todays changing legal climate. This presents huge problems: legal, financial and emotional problems for fathers. Judges often grant custody to these narcissistic mothers who intentionally abuse. There are many therapists who assist them in doing so because the narcissistic mother always claims she is the victim and is extremely manipulative. Most attorneys are woefully inadequate in knowing how to deal with these situations and these individuals begin to control and manipulate them as well. Educate yourself. There are only a handful of attorneys in the legal profession who know and understand the dynamics of complex custody cases and these types of narcissistic mothers. Fathers are losing custody at a rapidly increasing pace. Find out what you can do to stop a custody battle before it begins. Custody battles are expensive and heartbreaking. Find out what Parental Alienation Syndrome is and why it is being so widely used against fathers. A narcissist has certain characteristics similar to other emotional abusers. Narcissistic Personality Disorder should only be diagnosed by a psychiatrist familiar with the disorder. Misery doesn't need company, misery needs help. You do not have to be taken advantage of by a narcissistic x-wife. You don't have to lose your confidence, hope and passion for life because you were once married to a narcissistic woman who is unable to deal with themselves. CONTROL of the child or the children is “THE PRIMARY GOAL” of the narcissistic x-wife in a divorce. They don’t care about what is in the child's or the children’s best interest. Custody battles are vicious, emotionally draining, and the hallmark of the personality disordered who knows how to control the emotions of the father/child bond.

[Ex Wives Ruin Lives]

continued.....The system is broken and out of control teaching mothers how to use the legal system as a battering ram to overcome unsuspecting, naive fathers. Men are reluctant to take a proactive stance and are constantly on the defensive. This is a perfect avenue for the narcissist mother to take control and bully.
Divorce And The Narcissistic Woman

Be prepared. There is nothing more compelling and controlling than a narcissistic x-wife in a divorce. She loves the power of the legal system. A narcissist x-wife has a need to destroy to feel better. Many threaten: "I will grind you into the ground until you are gone." The narcissist cannot understand there is anything abnormal and evil in their actions. The narcissist is aware only of her universe and their sense of entitlement overrides any pain she inflicts. Stealing doesn't matter as long as she doesn't get caught. When caught, she does not apologize. Only by blaming and belittling can they ever feel good.

[frustrated]

Yeah, ok... so what now?? As you say, I wouldn't stand in front of a loaded gun. Of course not, but in this case the gun is always loaded and pointed straight at me. The only way to get the site off me is to leave my man, she doesn't care who I am or what I do as long as I do not have a relationship with her ex husband.
everything you just explained about The Narcissicstic Woman fits perfectly to the personality traits she shows.
Stealing has already happened, as well as breaking into our home, leaving photo's of the two of them all over the house including some scattered in our barn. We have taken to making our home secure to avoid this happening again. The children are being used any way she can manage to cause hurt to their dad, ie; being told lies and offered other things (fun things) to do instead of going to Dad's house for the scheduled visits.
Text messages, faxes and emails are used as a back door into our lives. If there were no children involved, I would handle her simply by calling her on her shit! I can't and won't address her in any way because I will not be the cause of my man not seeing his kids. She is dangerous, she is evil and has the need to destroy.
THE NARCISSIST is a lable, what about positive action that can be taken maybe to help this person, in doing that, I can help myself and my relationship. Any ideas ANYONE??

[father blocked by x]

all the above does not even come close to the BS my x-spouse terri ann fredrick-brown-wagganner and her attorney phillip ayres has pulled over the past 18 years.
garnished my payroll from day one, restraint order after restraint order, accused and filed additional wage with holdings when i was not late, then did not even show up for court.x only drove 2x's in 18 years of visitation, blocked visitation time after time. maintained she encourage's visitation, thats a joke. then allowed the child to move 150 miles away with an opposite race minor, refused to provide grades or any contact info. ect. lies and stated child still lives at home, child states she moved out months ago. and works in the ozarks, so im going back to court again to shut them both down ASAP.

[very sad]

I want to tell everyone about a very sad story about someone I know. He worked very hard his entire life. He went through a divorce - I do not know the particular facts of why the divorce occurred. He could not pay his laywer and therfore had no one to represent him in court when he needed to request a reduction in child support. He ended up stealing money from his company - a desparate act and is now charged with a felony and will probably go to jail.

This is not about his ex-wife. This is about a legal system that is broken. The man was too afraid he would go to jail for not paying child support and could not afford a lawyer. Feeling he had nowhere to turn except theft because he could not afford a lawyer is unacceptable. This needs to stop.

[winks]

Wow. You think that's bad. I have a ex problem that would blow your mind. My fiancee and I started dating over a year ago and yes the divorce was fresh for these two so he decided that until his 15 year old daughter was ready to know about me we would keep it from her. Well his ex found out and brought her to where we were at and threw me in her face. She knew it would hurt his daughter but she did not care as long as he got hurt in the process. Then she left letter after letter in his mail box and told him God delivered them for her. I do not doubt Gods abbility but I know she done it. The first time she done it I was in the apartment and saw her do it. She even went so far as to last valentines day he went to spend the day with his daughter and of course she had afriend drop her of where they were at and and so she spent the next few hours with them. She is always calling to tell me all kinds of stories about them. She went so far as to tell me about you know stuff i really did not want to hear. She tells his daughter lies all the time about her dad. He pays child support and when his daughter needs things I get them if he cannot. I do not mind and she doesn't either for she excepts it. Then the next day it is back to the same crap. She says she has me followed and I need to watch my back. She says she is a Christian and she puts on a good front in church and in front of her friends but then she changes fast when my name is mentioned. As the new wife it is hard. You have alot to deal with and the man does too. For all youexes out there why do you have to make things worse than what they have to be. It is over between the two of you why can't you move on and start your life over. I get along great with my ex husbands new wife she is a good mother and a good person and we do it for our children. Just becouse you are bitter doesn't mean you have to keep making everyone misrable. life is too short and in the long run children do grow up and they will see things differant. I hold hope that my fiancee's daughter being 17 now that she will soon see her moms actions for what they are. And see that her dad loves her more than life and that she does not have to like me but I do love her.

[winks]

YOU KNOW IF THEY WOULD JUST MOVE ON IT WOULD BE GREAT. THEY SEEM TO HAVE A HANG UP ONLY WHEN THEY SEE THEIR EXES MOVING ON WITH THEIR LIVES. THEY CANNOT SEEM TO FIND SOMEONE TO PUT UP WITH THEIR BUTTS. THE PERSON THEY MAY FIND SEES HOW THEY ARE ACTING AND SPLITS. THATS THE CASE WITH US ANYWAY. SHE STARTS DATING TWICE NOW AND FOR SOME REASON(DUH)HE SPLITS WITHIN THE WEEK.

[Ross]

My ex prepped the kids with her story before announcing she was leaving me. No warning, no infidelity, no money problems, no drug abuse.. alcohol, etc. Most of all no compromise... she wanted things her way all the time. Once we separated she filed for divorce. She took me all the way to trial... wouldn't settle, no mediation... she wanted a fight to the finish. Once the divorce was final, I began dating. She found out, went over to my date's house and confronted her. The stress of watching all my children suffer took it's toll on my health. My body "broke" -- I won't go into the medical details. I was in a comma for weeks, in the hospital for some time fighting for my life and what do I receive?... legal paperwork saying she is fighting for custody of my son who lives with me. Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but serving someone legal paperwork while they were in the hospital fighting for their life and attempting to take away the one thing keeping him alive (fighting for live so he could take care of his son and be there for him) no that's vindictive. The best way I've found is to avoid all contact with her... and if she goes out of her way to contact me and tries to punish me I've found a new side of me I never knew existed... I punish her back... aggressively... but within the context of the law and never with the children around. It's working for me, her attacks are less frequent over time. I'm more relaxed now, but always ready for any verbal abuse, legal paperwork, etc., that comes my way.

[skl]

very sad wrote:

I want to tell everyone about a very sad story about someone I know. He worked very hard his entire life. He went through a divorce - I do not know the particular facts of why the divorce occurred. He could not pay his laywer and therfore had no one to represent him in court when he needed to request a reduction in child support. He ended up stealing money from his company - a desparate act and is now charged with a felony and will probably go to jail.
This is not about his ex-wife. This is about a legal system that is broken. The man was too afraid he would go to jail for not paying child support and could not afford a lawyer. Feeling he had nowhere to turn except theft because he could not afford a lawyer is unacceptable. This needs to stop.

Yes it does need to stop especially when a judge can force one man to pay $800-$1200 per month for two children and another man only $50 per month for 4 children when they both make the same amount of money....there are several men who cannot afford these ridiculous amounts of money that they pay...they suffer and the ex live "high off the hog" so to speak. However, nothing will be done unless several people attempt to change it.

[Ever Hopeful]

Just spent yet another day in court with my Partners ex, last week. She finally got creamed…. Thank goodness for the foresight of the Judge who eventually saw what was actually going on with this crazed woman. We have not seen my Partners daughter for over 2 ½ yrs. She is a dangerous narcissist who has tried everything to prevent visitation (long story). It has cost a fortune and as yet we have not had any contact, but hope springs eternal. She is going to spend sometime in goal if she does not comply with the latest order. Think the words used (by the Judge) to describe her were “condescending manipulative compulsive liar” who has been motivated by REVENGE in preventing my partner from having any contact or visitation with his daughter. She forgot that there is a child being used as a tool for more money, more control etc
My strategy always when things were particularly rough is to vent, if necessary on paper… destroy it …NEVER EVER engage in the battle…Never send emails or texts… remember there is a child stuck in the middle of all this. Smile. Soon the evidence of viciousness bitterness and lies will be all one sided and plain for all to see.
Oh! just so you know she (my partners ex - who changed the locks and moved him out) is very happy in her current relationship, they are very much in love and plan to marry…… Soooo.. Get over it…. Move on .. Leave us alone

[Jonnie]

Hi! I am new to all of this ex-wives crap... My fiancee's ex-wife is crazy.. She is telling everyone that I hit her kids and that I am a bad parent.. The funny thing is that when we have the kids we do not stay at our own home because she its outside the house the whole time we stay with his family.. She is bashing us all over the web and I am just tired of it all.. At the pick ups and drop off she takes my picture and says that her attorney told her to.. come on what is the point in my picture.. Even at this time is always getting so close to him that he is always trying to get away or I get put in the middle to keep her away from him...Please someone tell help me understand how to handle this.. I mean I have about 300 pages that I have printed off of her bashing just me not him.. The funny thing is that she is the one that got caught cheating.. My emial address is [e-mail] for anyone that could advise me in this problem..

[Grayce]

Whenever we hate ourselves, we will hate other people. Until that self-hatred is eplaced with self-love...self-haters (ex-wives in this topic) will continue to lash out and behave irrationally and psychotically toward other people. Just remember that when an ex-wife points a finger or creates drama outward...it is pointing back at her in self reflection three fold.

[REFILWE]

OHH gosh,

it is so good to hear that i am not the only one dealing with an ex wife from hell. Worse this one she uses her kids to get to the father, my boyfriend. thru her Pychotic behaviour she has destroyed the relationship between the 2 angels and their father. She has moved the kids 600k away from the father.

she used to sms me, non stop telling i must leave her husband, pyscho pyscho, they have been divorced for years now and she stills havent accepted that.

last month finally she decided to let the father spend time with the angels, she found out i was there and she lost it,

i wonder why this woman cannot accept and move on.

i feel sorry for them, as they will age bitter and manless.

me and my man we going stronger by the day, and cant wait till he can have his kids with him.

[doc holiday]

new wife in town wrote:

I'm married to a wonderfully sweet passive guy. The ex put him in jail for spanking the 3 year old on the behind. The police could not even believe the whole thing and refused to arrest him. She made a citizens arrest. So after 2 years of marriage and an unbelievable amount of child and spousal support he is back in court again. Apparently in the state of CA you can keep sueing for more and more. No wonder there are dead beat dads... WE can't pay our bills and live normal. She is allowed to keep this up until all the kids are over 18. He loves his kids and pays all he can. WHY is there no justice for the dads in this country???

if you want to stop this, file suit against her for harassment.That will stop your problem--fight back

[what a shame]

Ex-wives are exactly like getting a shot in your ass... it does not feel good.. even may cause bruising...
but after time the pain will go away.
Don't fuel it. Don't rub it. Don't even scratch it when it is itchy.
IT will go away.
Trust me.

[topsurvival]

I wanted to let you know about a website that was mentioned to me It is called Bellaonline.com - it is for women, but men read it also. You can search it and you do not even have to sign up to read the articles. There are no fees and no advertising. If you sign up to the forum, they do not sell your e-mail to advertisers. My friend reads it and said the Divorce editor is an attorney that included on her website that in divorce children should come first.

Hopefully she will support people that are fighting vindicative bitter women. Take a look.

[George]

what a shame wrote:

Ex-wives are exactly like getting a shot in your ass... it does not feel good.. even may cause bruising...
but after time the pain will go away.
Don't fuel it. Don't rub it. Don't even scratch it when it is itchy.
IT will go away.
Trust me.

This is pretty much what can be said for second wives. After all, first marriages tend to end up in divorce 50% of the time. Second (ad infinitum) marriages tend to end in divorce 75% of the time.
The problem? Those passive men women marry.