Misery

[confused]

They say you cant love two people, but you can..it is such misery! I know it is easy to judge without knowing the whole story, but basically I am so depressed I want to give up! One is loving,trustworthy, & responsible and is my best friend, to not have him in my life hurts me so much I cant stand it..but thats just it, no physical attraction. The other makes my toes tingle, is loving, fun, and so much like me BUT he is also irresponsible, selfish, self centered, and has no get up and go...he has to be made to do things and I dont want to be his mother..there's NO cheating going on, except for in my heart...one is an ex, one is now..Im stupid for putting this on here I know, my heart is just taring out and I just cant take much more...

[ok I have a plan]

choose neighter and find someone with all of these qualities this way your heart isn't divided and you'll actually be able to love someone with all of your heart. good luck.

[curious]

which one is the ex and which one is now??

[areusure]

are u sure one isnt yur b/f now and the other isnt a friend u've fallen for? no one knows who u are so u can tell the truth of the story on here, thats the beauty of topix....that way u can get some real insight on yur problem

[why]

why would u be with someone that u are not attracted to, how did u ever even start dating? thats not true love, in true love u would be attracted to that person even if they weighed 300 lbs and lost all thier teeth because love is blind. and why is the ex still in your life? if u loved him and were attracted to him so much why did u break up?? emotional cheating is actually worse than physical cheating but its cheating all the same.

[ricardo]

it's a choice. you don't fall for another person if you have never done anything to encourage them.

[confused]

ok I have a plan wrote:

choose neighter and find someone with all of these qualities this way your heart isn't divided and you'll actually be able to love someone with all of your heart. good luck.

This seems to be an impossible dream...or atleast Ive never been able to find all the qualities in one person, that is willing to be with me..

[confused]

why wrote:

why would u be with someone that u are not attracted to, how did u ever even start dating? thats not true love, in true love u would be attracted to that person even if they weighed 300 lbs and lost all thier teeth because love is blind. and why is the ex still in your life? if u loved him and were attracted to him so much why did u break up?? emotional cheating is actually worse than physical cheating but its cheating all the same.

we started dating because he was my friend first..I was attracted to him as a person and I still am..when I met him all Id been used to dating was these good looking, azzholes who spread it around like peanut butter because they think they are it..I thought I needed to be with someone dependable and that attraction was something I needed to just forget about..I didnt realize how hard that was going to be.

[ricardo]

confused wrote:

<quoted text>
we started dating because he was my friend first..I was attracted to him as a person and I still am..when I met him all Id been used to dating was these good looking, azzholes who spread it around like peanut butter because they think they are it..I thought I needed to be with someone dependable and that attraction was something I needed to just forget about..I didnt realize how hard that was going to be.

you married someone so ugly that you have no attraction for him? wow.

[confused]

ricardo wrote:

<quoted text>
you married someone so ugly that you have no attraction for him? wow.

DOnt say that! it isnt quite that bad...I dont want anyone else to comment..just forget I posted this, I know Im stupid, I am just hurt and confused and needed someway to vent..bad choice, I know!

[ricardo]

confused wrote:

<quoted text>
DOnt say that! it isnt quite that bad...I dont want anyone else to comment..just forget I posted this, I know Im stupid, I am just hurt and confused and needed someway to vent..bad choice, I know!

it always helps to talk. good luck with everything.

[okay I have a plan]

confused wrote:

<quoted text>
DOnt say that! it isnt quite that bad...I dont want anyone else to comment..just forget I posted this, I know Im stupid, I am just hurt and confused and needed someway to vent..bad choice, I know!

You are not stupid, you are however in an impossible situation. Do some soul searching before making any big decisions. good lucky sweety. and remember there's not just a and b to choose from there is also c, d e, f, and so on..

[confused]

okay I have a plan wrote:

<quoted text> You are not stupid, you are however in an impossible situation. Do some soul searching before making any big decisions. good lucky sweety. and remember there's not just a and b to choose from there is also c, d e, f, and so on..

Bless your heart..I believe you are right, I have been thinking maybe I just need to be alone. There is just so much more in it than me, I dont want to hurt anyone and most of all, I dont want to mess up any more but I am miserable..miserable and clinically depressed. If Mr now would just straighten up and not be an immature lazy a** then things might be okay, but I thinking Im crazy if I think he will change it.they never do..right? I just feel like giving up on everything. I appreciate your kind words more than you know.

[InYourShoes]

confused wrote:

They say you cant love two people, but you can..it is such misery! I know it is easy to judge without knowing the whole story, but basically I am so depressed I want to give up! One is loving,trustworthy, & responsible and is my best friend, to not have him in my life hurts me so much I cant stand it..but thats just it, no physical attraction. The other makes my
toes tingle, is loving, fun, and so much like me BUT he is also irresponsible, selfish, self centered, and has no get up and go...he has
to be made to do things and I dont want to be his mother..there's NO cheating going on,
except for in my heart...one is an ex, one is now..Im stupid for putting this on here I
know, my heart is just taring out and I just
cant take much more...

I have been where you are.

[confused]

InYourShoes wrote:

<quoted text>
I have been where you are.

So what did you do??? How did it work out??

[ButterflyInYourS hoes]

confused wrote:

<quoted text>
So what did you do??? How did it work out??

I still am in your shoes. I just take it one day at a time. I'm married and so is the other person so there isn't any hope for us to have future. My best advice. Follow your heart. Love and attraction are both very important. If I could choose I wouldn't be with my husband. But my situation is tooo complicated.

[confused]

ButterflyInYourShoes wrote:

<quoted text> I still am in your shoes. I just take it one day at a time. I'm married and so is the other person so there isn't any hope for us to have future. My best advice. Follow your heart. Love and attraction are both very important. If I could choose I wouldn't be with my husband. But my situation is tooo complicated.

You sure you arent related to me?? It has to be a gene defect to make both of us this nutty..lol But seriously, I guess what you are saying is that you stuck it out because of your situation?? My situation is probably even more complicated than that, you see I left mine for what I thought was the better choice, only to see that I cant stop loving him and that this person whom I thought I knew wasnt who he represented himself as...and I am someone who almost never trusts anyone..yet, I let my guard down and did..Im not saying he is bad, because he is not (MR now that is) Im just saying he is lazy and irresponsible..of which Im not..soooo who knows! I just know my heart cant take much more, Id give anything to know how to solve this without being so hurt or hurting anyone else...

[how]

i just dont understand how u can fully love someone without attraction. when u truly love someone u will be attracted to them no matter what they look like cuz love is truly blind. i think maybe u are confusing love with deep feelings or care but it doesnt sound like true love to me. i was in the situation where my b/f of 5 years gained alot of weight and didnt really look at all like he did at first but it didnt change my love or attraction for him at all, it just wasnt even an issue. the heart is blind and doesnt have eyes. i think it sounds as though u should not really be with either of them and start fresh with someone u could really love.....

[take a good look]

in the mirror. sounds like mr ex was all that you wanted. you leave him, and try to make mr now be like mr ex! it doesnt work that way. you are depressed because deep down, you know you had what you wanted, and threw it away for a fling with mr now. the newness has worn out, and now you want the stable life-style back. let me be the first to tell you, you don't deserve mr ex. you had your chance and pissed it away, so now you are left trying to "shine the turd" that is mr now. keep shining because when you are done, you still are left with a turd.