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Sick and Tired

United States

#1 Feb 25, 2013
Can someone please tell me something ? What is child support supposed to be used for ? I pay her directly what the court system said to in 2003 and my daughter is 17 and my son is 15 I have never been behind or late and the ex says I need to pay for car insurances and cellphone and prom. If I'm wrong correct me but I thought that's what I already pay for. I'm sick of getting ran over and threatened ?
IMHO

Oakland, CA

#2 Feb 25, 2013
No bro - if your kids want to go to the prom, have a car, and a nice, shiny new smartphone, tell them to go get a job and pay for it. Child support is for their BASIC MAINTENANCE... not for whatever your ex old lady wants to say it's for. You COULD volunteer to help your kids out with their expenses and see what your ex old lady does... if she freaks out and says she needs more money and she's gonna take you back to court to get it, then you should easily be able to figure out that the kids aren't going to get any of it.
heres my handle

United States

#3 Feb 25, 2013
Well those things listed are not necessities. Your child support is to help feed, clothe, educate, and insure your children. Smartphone, cars and insurance for cars should be earned by your children since they are now of age to get some type of job to pay for those items. You might want to help with prom expenses if they're not too outlandish. A nice dress and a tux rental is always necessary for prom. Discuss the expenses for prom wiith your children, not your ex. You should not be threatened as that's no way to settle anything, but how is your support determined in 2003 keeping pace with today? Personally I don't think we owe our children cell phones and cars, but our love and time. Just think of it this way: your days of paying support are coming to a close in a few years and your ex may feel a little panicky. See if you can help out with the events in your kids' lives which they'll remember like the prom; don't worry about the other things.
someone

Crossville, TN

#5 Feb 25, 2013
I would take the kids to pick out what they wanted. I don't know how your ex is but mine is a welfare queen who has been leaching off my income for 10 years. I've tried numerous times to get custody but my job requires that I spend large amounts of time away from home and the courts somehow think that is worse than keeping the kids with a parent who has no sense of responsibility whatsoever.

I'd buy your daughter a dress, but don't feel like you're required to spend hundreds of dollars on it, or foot the entire bill. Your ex should be coughing up 50% of the cost.
heres my handle

United States

#6 Feb 26, 2013
Keep in mind that they grow up fast. Make good memories with them. Believe it or not, the time will come for the child support payments to end and you can deal directly with your children when they're adults. I paid my support on time and without fail even though their mother was was bent on being as unpleasant through the whole thing. Now my children and I are so close and now can see what was going on even though I never talked bad about the situation. Hang in there and remember It's about them, not your ex-spouse.
Geno

Tinley Park, IL

#8 Feb 27, 2013
Every comment on here is GREAT! First time I think I ever said that.

Anyway I to pay child support, in your situation I would take your kids shopping yourself.

A car is a huge responsibility, sit down with them, help them buy a car if you wish, that's 100% up to you. If your wife wants to add them to her insurance then that's up to her. You could do the same, add them to yours and carry on.

Have a good one and good luck to you
Good grief

Kansas City, MO

#9 Feb 27, 2013
IMHO wrote:
No bro - if your kids want to go to the prom, have a car, and a nice, shiny new smartphone, tell them to go get a job and pay for it. Child support is for their BASIC MAINTENANCE... not for whatever your ex old lady wants to say it's for. You COULD volunteer to help your kids out with their expenses and see what your ex old lady does... if she freaks out and says she needs more money and she's gonna take you back to court to get it, then you should easily be able to figure out that the kids aren't going to get any of it.
EXACTLY what's going on she wants CASH ! I am not putting up with it I bought my 17 year olds car and she pays me back and that's just for good morals. I hate it for my ex she just went 2 weeks ago and bought a 2013 dodge ram and a 2008 dodge charger she isn't hurting she's held my kids over my head for years me and my wife and kids have to live as well and I'm not keeping up with her lifestyle. IM DONE THEY CAN PUT ME IN JAIL IF THAT'S WHAT FLOATS HER BOAT !
Yep

Kansas City, MO

#10 Feb 27, 2013
heres my handle wrote:
Well those things listed are not necessities. Your child support is to help feed, clothe, educate, and insure your children. Smartphone, cars and insurance for cars should be earned by your children since they are now of age to get some type of job to pay for those items. You might want to help with prom expenses if they're not too outlandish. A nice dress and a tux rental is always necessary for prom. Discuss the expenses for prom wiith your children, not your ex. You should not be threatened as that's no way to settle anything, but how is your support determined in 2003 keeping pace with today? Personally I don't think we owe our children cell phones and cars, but our love and time. Just think of it this way: your days of paying support are coming to a close in a few years and your ex may feel a little panicky. See if you can help out with the events in your kids' lives which they'll remember like the prom; don't worry about the other things.
thats right too she's panicking cause its almost over and I don't want to wish the kids lives away but it's hard not to. That last child support check is gonna be the size of that one on THE PRICE IS RIGHT !
Yep

Kansas City, MO

#11 Feb 27, 2013
someone wrote:
I would take the kids to pick out what they wanted. I don't know how your ex is but mine is a welfare queen who has been leaching off my income for 10 years. I've tried numerous times to get custody but my job requires that I spend large amounts of time away from home and the courts somehow think that is worse than keeping the kids with a parent who has no sense of responsibility whatsoever.
I'd buy your daughter a dress, but don't feel like you're required to spend hundreds of dollars on it, or foot the entire bill. Your ex should be coughing up 50% of the cost.
well I'm not racist but I don't like mixing of the races and my wife now can not handle that but the ex is all for it. Put it this way since the ex is fine with this let her get it. My daughter knows how me and her stepmother feel. Put it this way I definitely won't have that picture on my wall.
Yep

Kansas City, MO

#12 Feb 27, 2013
Geno wrote:
Every comment on here is GREAT! First time I think I ever said that.
Anyway I to pay child support, in your situation I would take your kids shopping yourself.
A car is a huge responsibility, sit down with them, help them buy a car if you wish, that's 100% up to you. If your wife wants to add them to her insurance then that's up to her. You could do the same, add them to yours and carry on.
Have a good one and good luck to you
thanks man I'm trying to do just that !
Agreed

Kansas City, MO

#13 Feb 27, 2013
I really appreciate all the good advice. I know its an obligation that I take seriously. I try to teach them morals the ex does right the opposite but seriously thanks for the supportive comments and that is a first !
serious

Cookeville, TN

#14 Feb 28, 2013
If you love your child, you want to do those things for him/her. If you are in the court system, it is because you will not pay the support of your own free will but have to have it garnished from your wages, which BTW, the custodial parent has to pay for which means less money for the chil. The most important thing is to not throw your child away.
not right

Cookeville, TN

#15 Feb 28, 2013
serious wrote:
If you love your child, you want to do those things for him/her. If you are in the court system, it is because you will not pay the support of your own free will but have to have it garnished from your wages, which BTW, the custodial parent has to pay for which means less money for the chil. The most important thing is to not throw your child away.
So, if he loves his child, he should do EVERYTHING for the kid, and the mom should sit on her ass and not pay for nothing? it is not one parents responsibility. BOTH parents are EQUALLY responsible for the expenses for the child.
hello

United States

#16 Feb 28, 2013
serious wrote:
If you love your child, you want to do those things for him/her. If you are in the court system, it is because you will not pay the support of your own free will but have to have it garnished from your wages, which BTW, the custodial parent has to pay for which means less money for the chil. The most important thing is to not throw your child away.
Wow, "serious": you are seriously wrong about your facts. You do not have to be in the court system because one does not want to pay on free will. It can be beneficial for both sides as the court can record when payments are paid and received. My parents wanted this done this way and both parents were great to me, not so great together. My father never smirked his responsibility, but I had a grandmother who liked to stir things up and add drama, so it was decided that the support would be made through the court. I don't get the impression. The OP did not to "throw" his kids away., just wondered about the extras. Some fathers don't make a lot of money for the extras, especially in this economy, even if they want to.
IMHO

Oakland, CA

#17 Feb 28, 2013
serious wrote:
If you love your child, you want to do those things for him/her. If you are in the court system, it is because you will not pay the support of your own free will but have to have it garnished from your wages, which BTW, the custodial parent has to pay for which means less money for the chil. The most important thing is to not throw your child away.
You're going to be in the system anyway - you have to go to court for the divorce, and the child support issues are determined during the divorce hearing. Apparently you've never been divorced and had children, otherwise you would know this. Nobody throws their children away, but when you have a custodial parent who makes life miserable for you and your children, and deny you a relationship with your children, then you sometimes have no recourse except to lay back and take shit for a while until the child grows up and you can re-establish that relationship with them when they get older and they can see what a lying, lazy, sorry-assed piece of shit the mother is. Yeah, I know - not ALL divorced women are like that - but the vast majority of them are greedy little gold-digging whores who spit out kids just so thay can collect child support from men who were in love with them at some point before the woman decided she wanted money instead of a stable environment for their kids and a man in their bed who loved them and treated them with respect.
geez

United States

#18 Mar 1, 2013
serious wrote:
If you love your child, you want to do those things for him/her. If you are in the court system, it is because you will not pay the support of your own free will but have to have it garnished from your wages, which BTW, the custodial parent has to pay for which means less money for the chil. The most important thing is to not throw your child away.
Nothing like sweeping generalizations, plus unfounded assumption that men want to " throw your child away" and won't pay support. You made a post that is neither correct or informative, just emotion stemming from what, we don't know.
wtfe

Cookeville, TN

#19 Mar 1, 2013
geez wrote:
<quoted text>
Nothing like sweeping generalizations, plus unfounded assumption that men want to " throw your child away" and won't pay support. You made a post that is neither correct or informative, just emotion stemming from what, we don't know.
One can not put a dollar amount on a child's worth or their raising. There are a lot of men and women that are doing it by themselves and are doing it without any help from the government or child support services. It is common and for someone to get on here and BELLYACHE about paying support or being asked to help with extra stuff outside of housing and food (which is what child support HELPS the custodial parent do)is beyond me. If you do not see your child on a regular basis, you are throwing them away, it is not about the grown adult's petty little feelings getting hurt, it is about the child now. You are the adult so start acting like one.
wtfe

Cookeville, TN

#20 Mar 1, 2013
not right wrote:
<quoted text>
So, if he loves his child, he should do EVERYTHING for the kid, and the mom should sit on her ass and not pay for nothing? it is not one parents responsibility. BOTH parents are EQUALLY responsible for the expenses for the child.
You sound like a very angry individual that likes to read stuff that isn't there. Child support is just that- support to HELP feed, house, clothe, provide transportation for, medical care, school supplies, entertainment like cable and an occasional movie, it is money to help pay for utilities necessary to keep the children warm in the winter and cooled off in the summer, so they can take warm baths and have their clothes laundered. You obviously have never raised and supported a child on your own or you would know how hard it is to do and know that the little bit of money you get in child support is only a drop in the bucket!
wtfe

Cookeville, TN

#21 Mar 1, 2013
IMHO wrote:
<quoted text>
You're going to be in the system anyway - you have to go to court for the divorce, and the child support issues are determined during the divorce hearing. Apparently you've never been divorced and had children, otherwise you would know this. Nobody throws their children away, but when you have a custodial parent who makes life miserable for you and your children, and deny you a relationship with your children, then you sometimes have no recourse except to lay back and take shit for a while until the child grows up and you can re-establish that relationship with them when they get older and they can see what a lying, lazy, sorry-assed piece of shit the mother is. Yeah, I know - not ALL divorced women are like that - but the vast majority of them are greedy little gold-digging whores who spit out kids just so thay can collect child support from men who were in love with them at some point before the woman decided she wanted money instead of a stable environment for their kids and a man in their bed who loved them and treated them with respect.
DEAD BEATS always have an excuse. Don't wait on having a relationship with your child, tomorrow is never promised to any of us and the damage done to the child in those years that you are absent are sometimes irreparable.
wtfe

Cookeville, TN

#22 Mar 1, 2013
geez wrote:
<quoted text>
Nothing like sweeping generalizations, plus unfounded assumption that men want to " throw your child away" and won't pay support. You made a post that is neither correct or informative, just emotion stemming from what, we don't know.
Out of sight- out of mind. Do you spend your weekends with your kids?

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