Elijah saw the wheel

[CAPTAIN_JACK SPARR0W]

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods.
All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,.
'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave.
The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered,
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!'
Immediately, there was the answer.
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave.
As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking,
'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found.
There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might
'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call,'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.
The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read..........

You'll like this

NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN!!!

[CAPTAIN_JACK SPARR0W]

mornin vanessa JD twopack and biker and every one else and simpleman Have I told you ........ Today? LMAOOOO

[Johnny Dollar]

THE WEDDING NIGHT

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon,
so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.

In the morning,
Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies,'No'.

Johnny asks,'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies,'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,
'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

She replies,'No.'

Johnny says,'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies,'Never mind wha t you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school '

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

His mom says,'No.'

He asks,'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies,'Ok, now tell me what you think?'

He says:'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...

I gave him my airplane glue.

I WILL FINALLY ADMIT THE TRUTH...I DID IT ON PURPOSE.
I finally got even with Fred for picking on me.
now...LET ME OUTA HERE!! Okay???

[CAPTAIN_JACK SPARR0W]

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

__________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

__________
SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

__________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

__________
HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

__________
LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

__________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

__________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

[DGee]

735stacey wrote:

<quoted text>
If you liked Tybee, you will LOVE Jekyll Island. It's about another 30 minutes south of Tybee and is absolutely amazing. If you're camping, be sure to racoon-proof everything.(It is actually right next to St. Simons but is geared more toward the "working man". St. Simons caters to the rich crowd. I like to entertain myself at Jekyll by sitting on the fishing pier and watching all the private jets fly in and out of St. Simons).

We'll have to check that out. A friend who lives in Savannah also suggested we visit Jekyll.

[mean_old_man]

Moldy Oldies.....

Two Pigs

Two farmers were discussing politics and the first one says: "I believe in a share and share alike policy. One where we are all equal."

"Well" replied the other farmer "I'm not sure about that. What you mean is that if you have two horses you'd give me one?"

"Of course" says the first.

The second farmer continued: "and of you had two cars, you'd give me one of them too?"

"Absolutely"

"So" says the second farmer, "if you had two pigs then you'd give me one of them?"

"Ah, now hang on a minute" says the first, "you know I've got two pigs!"

Making a Deal

After God had created Adam he noticed that he looked very lonely. He decided to help.

He said, "Adam, I've decided to make you a woman. She'll love you, cook for you, be sweet to you, and understand you."

Adam said "Great! How much will she cost me?"

The answer came back, "An arm and a leg."

"Well," said Adam "what can I get for a rib?"

Fascinate

A teacher asks her class if anyone can use the word fascinate in a sentence. Brian raises his hand and says, "The sky is fascinating."

The teacher says, "No that's fascinating."

Jennifer raises her hand and says, "When I saw the tigers at the zoo I was fascinated."

The teacher says, "No that's fascinated."

So finally Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "My mom bought a new blouse with 12 pearl buttons, but her chest's so big she could only fasten eight!"

[Vanessa in SC]

735stacey wrote:

I'm not sure what thread everyone went to, bvut I'm having a hard time keeping up with all of them. Might be time for me to throw in the towel on the forums...

I know the feeling...here, there, where?

[The Real Lori]

Good afternoon. I am having Topix issues, but that's no surprise. None of my recent posts and replies are coming up in that little box at the top. So if I don't reply to folks, it isn't intentional. I post on so many threads all over the place, I don't always get back to the ones I started with earlier in the day.

[Johnny Dollar]

Vanessa in SC wrote:

<quoted text>
I know the feeling...here, there, where?

I have noticed that people aren't posting much anymore lately. I think summer activities/work are keeping most people occupied.
When they DO post most of the posting is done here because the new forum is having so many problems and is soooo slow.

[DGee]

Johnny Dollar wrote:

<quoted text>
I have noticed that people aren't posting much anymore lately. I think summer activities/work are keeping most people occupied.
When they DO post most of the posting is done here because the new forum is having so many problems and is soooo slow.

You can say that again!!!! The new forum is waaaayy toooo sloooowww!!!!! They need to shut down,regroup and try again.

[DGee]

shovelhead wrote:

<quoted text>We'll be doing something the last Saturday. It's not definite yet. When it is we'll probably pass the word by email for peace of mind. I don't think we have yours, do we?

no, but I will get it to y'all. I have one person's e-mail.

[Johnny Dollar]

DGee wrote:

<quoted text>
no, but I will get it to y'all. I have one person's e-mail.

You better hurry or you might miss the bus.

[Johnny Dollar]

Well it's time for me to head on to the house.
As hot as it is I might just turn on the sprinkler in the back yard, take off all my clothes and run around nekked in the yard.
That might cool me off a little.
Y'all have fun now...Ya hear?

[God Squad Member]

Man this is a slow night for the wheel.

No body doing anything bad out there I guess.

Hmmmm?

[two pack]

God Squad Member wrote:

Man this is a slow night for the wheel.
No body doing anything bad out there I guess.
Hmmmm?

Wait a minute here. You do know some of them and they are never good.LOL

[God Squad Member]

two pack wrote:

<quoted text>Wait a minute here. You do know some of them and they are never good.LOL

yea I know and I am one of the bad ones too. lol

You got to have some fun in life. Can't go around being a troll forever. Well may be some can. lol

Man I just get a kick out of cutting up. lol

[CAPTAIN_JACK SPARR0W]

Sunburn remedy

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn,
specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly
admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the
doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a
sedative,and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked,'What good will Viagra do for
him, Doctor?

The doctor replied,'It won't do anything for his condition, but it
will keep the sheets off his legs.

[two pack]

CAPTAIN_JACK SPARR0W wrote:

Sunburn remedy
A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn,
specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly
admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the
doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a
sedative,and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked,'What good will Viagra do for
him, Doctor?
The doctor replied,'It won't do anything for his condition, but it
will keep the sheets off his legs.

And all of the nurses will go around happy . LOL

[BWG]

CAPTAIN_JACK SPARR0W wrote:

Sunburn remedy
A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn,
specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly
admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the
doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a
sedative,and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked,'What good will Viagra do for
him, Doctor?
The doctor replied,'It won't do anything for his condition, but it
will keep the sheets off his legs.

You have mail.

[mean_old_man]

The Worst Wedding Toasts Ever
By Miles Stiverson

The wedding toast is a chance for the bride's and groom's closest family members and friends to express their joy for the couple, share a funny story or two, and impart words of wisdom. Sometimes, though, nerves, alcohol, or a not-so-secret disapproval of the matrimony leads to a speech that leaves everyone aghast. Here are real wedding toasts that made guests want to cower under their chairs rather than raise their glasses.

"At a friend's wedding a few years ago, the best man made it apparent that he wasn't such a fan of the bride. The speech went something like this:'(Groom's name), man I love ya, you know I do. I hope you thought about this and that this is what you really, really, really want.' Then he said the bride's name, hit his fist against his chest twice, and pointed at her."

"A friend of mine from college got married, and his best man said in his speech:'Finally John has found someone with low enough self-esteem to marry him.'"

"The maid of honor (the bride's sister) not only talked about herself during the whole speech, she also mentioned the possibility of an affair between herself and her sister's new husband."

"At my cousin's wedding, the best man ended his toast by saying he wanted the groom to know that he'd be there for him at his next wedding when this one didn't work out."

"The best man at a wedding I was in said during his toast,'Congratulations to the new parents!' No one except a select few knew the bride was pregnant -- not even her parents!"

"I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where the best man gave a toast about how cheap the groom was and how they'd been friends all their lives but the wedding was the first free meal he's ever been offered by the 'cheapskate.'"

"The father of the bride stood up and said,'I'm Jill's dad. I just want to say that I met David before Jill did because of my other daughter.' And he sat down."

"My cousin gave a horrible toast at her younger sister's wedding a few years ago. She began by saying that she never liked her sister's new husband throughout high school and that 'today he's still at the level of slightly below the scum on the bottom of a dirty waste pond.'"

"I attended a wedding where the best man commented on how the bride used to work at Hooters (which her family didn't know about) and how he was jealous of the groom for 'bagging her.'"

"During the toast the groom's dad (after many drinks) said that he was so happy for his son and his beautiful wife Sara. But his wife's name wasn't Sara, his ex-girlfriend's was."