Tired of her drinking

Waterloo, IL

#1 Oct 2, 2012
Sick and tired of my wife always hanging out in the garage drinking and smoking at the same time always on the phone looking for drama in other peoples unhappy lives instead of taking care of our own children. Seeking good advice. Been going on nearly 10 years now. Dont want a divorce for the kids sake but man, I am miserable. She's MEAN when she drinks too. This goes on every night. She tries to hide it from me but I can tell the second she talks.
A mother

Waterloo, IL

#2 Oct 2, 2012
Tired of her drinking wrote:
Sick and tired of my wife always hanging out in the garage drinking and smoking at the same time always on the phone looking for drama in other peoples unhappy lives instead of taking care of our own children. Seeking good advice. Been going on nearly 10 years now. Dont want a divorce for the kids sake but man, I am miserable. She's MEAN when she drinks too. This goes on every night. She tries to hide it from me but I can tell the second she talks.
You need to speak to her about this, for your children's sake. Your children are in more harm with a drunk mother than with divorced parents. She needs to seek help, and the children deserve better.

...What a shame. I have no idea what kind of husband you are, but some mothers don't realize just how good they have it because they've never known differently.
A Drunk

Waterloo, IL

#3 Oct 3, 2012
Daily drinking has done me good.
I even have a link card now.
Tired of her drinking

Waterloo, IL

#4 Oct 3, 2012
I have talked to her about it. There is no talking about it. She gets angry. She just turns it around on me and calls me names etc. I am a good father and I am in decent shape. She grew up in a very hostile environment with alcoholic and abusive parents. I made the mistake of (hoping) after what she witnessed growing up she'de try to break that chain. She's typical drunk, all negatives in her life are my fault. Other than her drinking we are fine. I come home at night and cant talk to her because she's already drinking and I do not want to talk to her when she's drinking, which is most of the time and there's no discipline in the house, the kids are angry and disrespectful.
A mother

Waterloo, IL

#5 Oct 3, 2012
I wish I knew what to tell you ...
If there is no talking to her, then only she can help herself. She's not going to break the chain, and your children really don't deserve to grow up that way...

Good Luck.
Interventionist for hire

Waterloo, IL

#6 Oct 3, 2012
I am like DOG. for a price we can put her in the Alton dry out tank for thirty days. If you truly luv and respect her, you should higher me the intervention DOG.
You can reach me at, dragheroff@kicking.com
Please no crying or sniffling.
may work

Saint Louis, MO

#7 Oct 3, 2012
Sit down with her and have the kids ask her to stop drinking.
Tired of her drinking wrote:
I have talked to her about it. There is no talking about it. She gets angry. She just turns it around on me and calls me names etc. I am a good father and I am in decent shape. She grew up in a very hostile environment with alcoholic and abusive parents. I made the mistake of (hoping) after what she witnessed growing up she'de try to break that chain. She's typical drunk, all negatives in her life are my fault. Other than her drinking we are fine. I come home at night and cant talk to her because she's already drinking and I do not want to talk to her when she's drinking, which is most of the time and there's no discipline in the house, the kids are angry and disrespectful.
helping

Saint Louis, MO

#8 Oct 3, 2012
Tired of her drinking wrote:
I have talked to her about it. There is no talking about it. She gets angry. She just turns it around on me and calls me names etc. I am a good father and I am in decent shape. She grew up in a very hostile environment with alcoholic and abusive parents. I made the mistake of (hoping) after what she witnessed growing up she'de try to break that chain. She's typical drunk, all negatives in her life are my fault. Other than her drinking we are fine. I come home at night and cant talk to her because she's already drinking and I do not want to talk to her when she's drinking, which is most of the time and there's no discipline in the house, the kids are angry and disrespectful.
you are allowing her to do that.. so your just as at fault as she is, your enabling her, so with all do respect... you need to look at the big picture and get out and raise your kids...
curious

Waterloo, IL

#9 Oct 3, 2012
Start with human support resources
Carlos Spicy Weiner

United States

#10 Oct 4, 2012
If you must stay together for the kids, you have to take care of yourself and get some poontang on the side. Keep yourself happy, she is most likely a lost cause.
justsaying

Waterloo, IL

#11 Oct 4, 2012
You need to find a 12step group called alnon to help you understand her. She will see how it helps you and she might want help also. Good luck been there just saying
justsaying

Waterloo, IL

#12 Oct 4, 2012
curious wrote:
Start with human support resources
good advice
justsaying

Waterloo, IL

#13 Oct 4, 2012
Carlos Spicy Weiner wrote:
If you must stay together for the kids, you have to take care of yourself and get some poontang on the side. Keep yourself happy, she is most likely a lost cause.
she is not a lost cause...
Tired of her drinking

Waterloo, IL

#14 Oct 8, 2012
I dont think me going to a 12 step program is the answer, she has the problem, not me. I warned her 5 years ago I would leave if the drinking didnt stop but she doesnt believe me. I believe I need to talk to a lawyer and "get prepared". The kid are the ones who are going to suffer, not me. The only suffering for me will be seeing the kids suffer.
i know

United States

#15 Oct 9, 2012
The kids are already suffering. Need to get them out of there. She's only gonna change if she wants too not for anyone else. Be a good dad and do the right thing for your children. Its gonna be hard but the right thing to do. I had to do that with my boys. My ex was doing drugs. They were 9 and 8 now they are 19 and 18. I didn't get help from state or anything. Worked 6 days a week but I did it. You can too. Good luck in your future.
wish you both the best

Columbia, IL

#16 Oct 9, 2012
You mention that you don't think that going to a 12 step program should fall on you because you are not the one with the problem. I would ask you to consider for a moment that you DO have a problem. Respectfully, your problem is that you can no longer sit back and ignore the self destructive, abusive behavior of your wife. It is a problem you have turned to Topix for help in dealing with. It is a very noble problem. Alanon does have a program for families of alcoholics. It will help you understand more about what all of you are going through and give you REAL help in dealing with it. My sister was married to an alcoholic. She always said that getting counseling for herself was the smartest thing she ever did because it taught her how to ensure that her kids didn't follow in her husband's footsteps and gave her the tools she needed (most importantly, love) to convince her husband to get proper treatment. God bless you, your wife, and your kids. You say that you want to be a good father. That is very good. The very best thing (and the most important thing) that a man can do is to be a good father. Best wishes and good luck.
Advice

Waterloo, IL

#17 Oct 9, 2012
I hope you have the strength to do something. You and your children deserve better. Perhaps a separation from you will force her to get help. My Mother-in-law was an alcoholic and was basically enabled to be one by her loving (yet clueless) husband. The emotional damage is apparent in my husband (although he is not an alcoholic himself). If I could do it over, I'd never marry somone from an alcoholic family. He's too emotionally damaged and refuses to go to counseling, too. I think there is hope but only if someone wants to change and makes a sincere effort. Good luck.
agree

Carlyle, IL

#18 Oct 9, 2012
I agree. right now you are enabling her to do the things she does. You have threatened her before and not followed thru. therefore she does not see that there are any consequences for her actions. If you would take the children and leave just for a short time maybe she will wake up and see whats she's doing and what she risk's losing. Also the 12 step program may better help you understand things and then maybe you will know what to do to help her. good luck to you!

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