Posted in the Chesterfield Forum
#1 Oct 28, 2008
This post was posted in the Kennett, MO post forum, and it was in response to a father asking on how to get to see his son, because he really, really missed him, and wanted to know how to get visitation.. REad on.. Probably the best post I have ever read....
It is horrible not to be there for your children and it sounds like you're really hurting. Here is what you do:
Get a job. PAY CHILD SUPPORT...even if it is a small amount, pay it!! On time, regularly, & pay by check so you have a record. Establish a decent home, either with stable family members or just a small place on ur own, whatever you can afford. Work 2 jobs if you have to. Just do it.
Call ur child's mother regularly to ask to see your son at HER convenience. If she refuses, tell her how much you want to see him and spend time with him, ask her to please work with you because it is best for the child to have two loving parents. If all else fails, call her regularly 1 or 2 times a week and ask about how your son is doing, is he growing good, is he eating well, is he healthy, is he talking, what toys does he like, etc. etc. Offer to take him for a weekend to give her a break. Offer to take him to the doctor if he is sick, just try to be civil and pleasant and no matter how pissy she acts you act like a gentleman for the sake of your son. Also I would send her letters asking to see your son and giving her your phone number to call you when it will work out to see him. Send them with the child support check you mail to her and keep copies.
I know this sounds unfair and it sounds like ur kissing her behind, but if you truly love your son you will do whatever it takes to be a part of his life. You may have to take her to court to get visitation rights, but if you do all the things I've suggested you will go into court with a good record of supporting your child, you will show that you have a stable decent home, doesn't have to be fancy just clean and safe. You will be able to show that you have done everything within your power to see your son and that even when you couldn't see him, you have attempted to stay as much a part of his life as his mother allowed. You can also show that you have treated her with respect as she is your baby's mother and you know you will need to get along for your baby's sake. You will have cancelled checks and copies of the letters, you can even have witnesses around when you ask her to see him.
It seems like a lot of work and trouble I know, but if you love your son it will be a small price to pay to spend time with him, get to know him as he grows and give him the great memories of spending time with his dad and learning from him. And trust me, one day when he is grown he will know that you moved heaven & earth to be with him and he will love you for it. He needs you to be a man and do this for him. No excuses.
And P.S. The next time you have a child, make sure it is with your wife and be sure to choose a woman who has really good qualities to be a great mother and a good wife to you so that you can live with your kids and not just visit them.
God Bless you and good luck to you.
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