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1 - 18 of 18 Comments Last updated May 25, 2013
lost

Charleston, WV

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#1
Apr 9, 2013
 
Can you ever get passed a spouse being unfaithful? He's done it before, can he change?
ootm

Belle, WV

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#2
Apr 9, 2013
 
If I found out my spouse had cheated, the relationship would be over, no questions asked. I mean, how could a cheater honestly say that they love you?
If I were you, I wouldn't waste my time, if you weren't enough for him once, your probably still no enough for him & he will probably cheat again. That's just my opinion.
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lost

Sioux City, IA

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#4
Apr 9, 2013
 
zzz wrote:
<quoted text>I don't think you can ever get past it. I'm a victim of this. Until you've been there you can't really say what you would do. I always said there was no way to stay with him but here I am. I think about it nearly every day and sometimes I still get very upset. I honestly think he regrets his decisions and won't do it again knowing how close he came to losing it all. I think men who cheat can change but I don't think we ever really get over it completely. With everything, the circumstances make every situation different. I wish you good luck with whatever route you go.
I don't know what to do, he's cheated multiple times that I know of. It wasn't until recently that I knew for sure. I begged him to come home and we would start over but the resentment is more than what I can take. When he wants intimacy all I can see is her
jen

Virginia Beach, VA

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#5
Apr 9, 2013
 
I know one couple who have survived this, but he didn't cheat multiple times. And the main difference I saw with them is how HE dealt with it. She didn't trust him for a minute. She questioned his every motion, phone call, etc. And he was fine with that. He said he deserved that and he no longer had a right to any privacy. She had his passwords, he gave her access to his cell records and explained his whereabouts everyday for a good 2 years. Slowly she began to trust him and they are fine now. But I've never known a cheater to pay his dues like that.
jen

Virginia Beach, VA

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#6
Apr 9, 2013
 

Judged:

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Most just expect you to trust, they aren't willing to earn it. And that never works, period. And if he's done it multiple times this just sounds like a lot of stress on you. I know, I've been there. You try to make it work because you want what it was. When he comes back you see its not what it was and what its become is not what you signed up for. For me, I became the wife who searched pockets, checked the phone, etc. That's not who I am and not who i'm willing to be. That's not a relationship. I realized even if he did change, it was already broken. I didn't like who I became with him. There was no more "us"...he fractured that beyond repair. I knew it was time to move on and I did.
zzz

Charleston, WV

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#7
Apr 9, 2013
 
jen wrote:
I know one couple who have survived this, but he didn't cheat multiple times. And the main difference I saw with them is how HE dealt with it. She didn't trust him for a minute. She questioned his every motion, phone call, etc. And he was fine with that. He said he deserved that and he no longer had a right to any privacy. She had his passwords, he gave her access to his cell records and explained his whereabouts everyday for a good 2 years. Slowly she began to trust him and they are fine now. But I've never known a cheater to pay his dues like that.
Mine did cheat multiple times. I have questioned everything. He has handed over every ounce if information I could possibly want. I do feel like there is more from the past that I don't know but I try not to dwell on it. I'm focusing on how we are right now. Things will never be the same as they were though.
broken

Sioux City, IA

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#8
Apr 9, 2013
 

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I had a face to face talk with my husbands mistress, she admitted everything and had evidence. I thought I could get past it, but an affair of the heart is much worse than knowing they had sex. He chose his family and for that I am greatful, I will keep him no matter the cost to myself
zzz

Charleston, WV

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#9
Apr 9, 2013
 
broken wrote:
I had a face to face talk with my husbands mistress, she admitted everything and had evidence. I thought I could get past it, but an affair of the heart is much worse than knowing they had sex. He chose his family and for that I am greatful, I will keep him no matter the cost to myself
I spoke with my husbands too. One of them actually came to me and admitted everything before I knew. The others just denied it even tho he confessed. It is hard to accept. Talking to others who have been through it before helps. Just be careful who you talk to. You don't want all of your personal business advertised. Especially with family members and those who may hold a grudge if you decide to stay.
amber

Cabin Creek, WV

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#10
Apr 9, 2013
 
I threw away 14yr relationship when my ex cheated on me ...I packed up and never looked back that was 10yrs ago and I still don't trust a man
lisa

Charleston, WV

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#11
Apr 9, 2013
 
Mine still denies having an affair but I knew it in my heart. What hurts the worst is that all my friends knew all along and didn't tell me. I feel betrayed by them all
move on

Charleston, WV

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#12
Apr 9, 2013
 
Cut your loses and move on. I tried to hold our marriage together and the fact is you can't if he doesn't want to. I only hurt my self and our children because 25 years later we still didn't make it.
I never really got over it and he never stopped cheating
family

Charleston, WV

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#13
Apr 10, 2013
 
You can't keep a marriage together for the sake of the family. Once the bond is broken its gone, forever. It's harder for the children to live in a broken home
ootm

Belle, WV

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#14
Apr 10, 2013
 
It really is hard on the children, what ever you do, don stay for the kids bc kids can tell if their parents aren't in love with each other & they can see if you don't really like each other & they never forget that. When they get older they will just wonder why you & their father are still together. Trust me, staying & arguing & having tension will hurt your kids way more than if you were to split up. If you're gonna do anything for your kids, DON'T raise them in a hostile/tense environment.
family

Charleston, WV

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#15
Apr 10, 2013
 
ootm wrote:
It really is hard on the children, what ever you do, don stay for the kids bc kids can tell if their parents aren't in love with each other & they can see if you don't really like each other & they never forget that. When they get older they will just wonder why you & their father are still together. Trust me, staying & arguing & having tension will hurt your kids way more than if you were to split up. If you're gonna do anything for your kids, DON'T raise them in a hostile/tense environment.
Very well said! You can be better parents apart, the stress is not good for the children at all.
shame

Charleston, WV

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#16
Apr 10, 2013
 
It's a shame when people stay together for the sake of their children. It's bad enough the trust is gone, children already know and actually feel cheated in the long run and blame themselves
bull

Charleston, WV

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#17
Apr 10, 2013
 

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Staying for the kids is an excuse
Kids know

Charleston, WV

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#18
May 25, 2013
 
Kids are smarter than you give them credit. I would rather my parents get a divorce than live they way they are now. I hate my life
FATBACK

Saylorsburg, PA

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#19
May 25, 2013
 
STUPID!
FATBACK RULES!
FEED ME LESS!
FEED ME LESS!
FEED ME LESS!

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