Crossroads

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Dazedandconfused

Charleston, WV

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#1
May 1, 2013
 
I am at a crossroads! I am not perfect and have made bad choices throughout life. I have no one to talk to about this so i am posting here to release some stress. I found myself in the arms of a married man about 2 yrs ago. We both been married for yrs! I have always stood against cheating but this man dropped me to my knees! I am a very sexual person and my husband and i have had a great sex life until the last 5 yrs! I have kept up with my appearance and always feel very sexy. When this affair started it was strictly a FWB!! He had mentioned I needed someone to make love to me like I deserved it. I still put it off and stuck to fu<king. He wanted to see me on a softer side! I have always had walls up! I finally gave in and we made love. He could touch me and I would feel electric go through me! He could look into my eyes and see my soul! His wife was getting suspicious so he shut me out. I probably sealed the deal when I told him I thought I was in love with him! He started pursuing me 10 yrs ago and I gave in 2yrs ago! I know he had an affair before and he told me he hates her now! She wanted him to leave his wife for her! We never talked about a future together and he didn't make any promises! I would never ask him to leave his wife And children! He would always withdraw for days after sex just cause i think he was getting to close. The intimacy between us is something i didn't think existed. I only dreamed of a man making me feel the way he did and thought for sure I would never experience such passion! He never bad mouth his wife in any way nor would I tolerate that! He Won't leave because he thinks a family consists of 2 parents in a home! I don't know if i could ever leave my spouse either. Years of being with someone is hard to throw away. I told him about 2 weeks before it ended i missed him! That was wrong! He said i couldn't do that! 5 days before it ended our last time together he told me he wanted lots of holding and Kissing and I told him it wasn't a good idea! He said if not then I wasn't getting him that day! Well he had quick sex that day and then we sit and talked for awhile! We touched kissed talked caressed and just enjoyed each other and the quiet! How can you be with someone so intimately like that and go on like nothing is wrong. I was good for the yr, no feelings no nothing! When he wanted to make love it was different! Even though I have been married for years my husband had never made love to me. My FWB knew that so he was taking the risk! On top of everything i am a recovering addict and have come very close to using to numb the
Pain. I know it isn't right and don't justify it but it hurts to know he was a player! Would have been fine if we stuck to the wild freaky fuc>ing! I can seperate feelings from sex! Sex is physical but when u make love it is mental and personal! I know he cared! Actions and feelings don't lie. They speak louder than words! Somehow though i feel like a whore and i shouldn't! I never ever thought i would do this! From the first time with him i wasn't scared of being caught, i was so comfortable with him be brought out my freak side! I even had a 3some with another girl set up just for him but never got the chance to tell him! He would show signs of jealousy... He shook my world up bad! I would almost give up my sobriety for one more night! I could deal easier if i knew for sure I wasn't just a flavor of the month! I have a chance to leave in a week  for the next 6 months to travel and i am thinking hard of going! My marriage is sour and I need to find myself! How do i let go? How can a man make love and just not care how he effects the other person? I don't justify cheating nor recommend So wish me luck on my 6 month sabbatical if I go and my sobriety! I will never open up again to anyone! Sad part is he knows if he would come back in a year i would have him! Cant let the sex go!
broken

Charleston, WV

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#2
May 1, 2013
 

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I am in the same boat. No one chooses to cheat. I've been unfaithful more than once we should have stayed divorced years ago, but I can't leave my family. This last time though I fell in love and found my soul mate. I went back home again and that was the biggest mistake of my life, we were so close. I love my wife but am not in love with her. My life is completely miserable now and is nothing but a lie
Igotyourpasion

Charleston, WV

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#3
May 1, 2013
 

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You sound like a strong woman. If this man felt for you what you did him, he would contact you and make sure your okay. Spmeone's sobriety is not something you can take lightly. Addicts are timid people. For you to go through all this and stay sober, no reason to use now. He obviously wasn't what you thought or wanted because good connections like that just don't stop. I hope you find your way back to the light and have learned a lesson. If you need a new fwb I will gladly fill his position and make him look like a little boy
Dazedandconfused

Charleston, WV

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#4
May 1, 2013
 

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broken wrote:
I am in the same boat. No one chooses to cheat. I've been unfaithful more than once we should have stayed divorced years ago, but I can't leave my family. This last time though I fell in love and found my soul mate. I went back home again and that was the biggest mistake of my life, we were so close. I love my wife but am not in love with her. My life is completely miserable now and is nothing but a lie
I understand you also. I love my husband but not in love! I felt like he was my soulmate. I can't explain it, was just something i never felt before! So where does that leave us! It is hard to leave your family, in reality your not leaving them. You can't stay in a unhappy marriage cause it effects the children the same. No matte what! They was obviously not our soulmates cause we would still be with them. I don't believe in true love anymore either. I don't believe in much of anything except raising my kids and being the best mom I can and try to forget i ever met him! Somehow that is gonna be hard! My BFF keeps saying if I was as special to him as he was me, he would reach out to me somehow and make sure I'm okay! I thought I was different to him but guess not! I admit I used him for sex as much as he did me. When u stop fucking and start making love it changes everything! I would give up my sobriety to be able
Just to wrap my arms around him! Or to have him throw me on the ground and manhandle me! Lmao! I should just get divorced and move
On to the next good sex. I get plenty of offers but it won't ever be the same. When I do get lucky enough to have sex with my husband I think
Of him! That is what is horrible! I pray everyday for
The strength to stay sober. He don't deserve this
Power and no man will EVER bring me to my knees again! Almost 40 years old and just now finding out what passion and desire is! How do people go their whole lives without it? I can't live the rest of my life without passion and sex! But I'm different than most! Thank u for ur input
passion

Charleston, WV

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#5
May 1, 2013
 
I feel your pain, I also have been having an affair and feel terrible but OMG the sex. I can give him exactly what his wife can't but he is so good in bed it's worth the pain because when we get together it's just indescribable. We both agree to keep things as is but we have both fallen in love now so who knows what's next.
Dazedandconfused

Charleston, WV

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#6
May 1, 2013
 
passion wrote:
I feel your pain, I also have been having an affair and feel terrible but OMG the sex. I can give him exactly what his wife can't but he is so good in bed it's worth the pain because when we get together it's just indescribable. We both agree to keep things as is but we have both fallen in love now so who knows what's next.
Wow wondering If we are fucking the same guy! It is painful but the sex is to good! A part of me is hating him now! I realized after posting this and reading replies if he thought anything of me he would make contact! This has been a long term affair also! Almost cpl yrs!
Dazedandconfused

Charleston, WV

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#7
May 1, 2013
 

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passion wrote:
I feel your pain, I also have been having an affair and feel terrible but OMG the sex. I can give him exactly what his wife can't but he is so good in bed it's worth the pain because when we get together it's just indescribable. We both agree to keep things as is but we have both fallen in love now so who knows what's next.
I thought he was falling for me! Don't let ur heart deceive you sweetie! Most married men won't leave their wives for fear of losing everything! I hope for the sake of all of us in this boat, your relationship with him works out! We are not bad people. I miss the sex so bad I can't stand it! I have looked for replacements but it's never the same! Once u have the sexual connection it's hard to replace! I would rather go without then try to find someone to replace him! I think for once I have fallen in love and really need to admit it instead of being so damn mentally stubborn! Maybe If i can admit it then it will be easier to let go! I'm also afraid if i admit it then i have lost him forever! We are taught as kids if you find someone you have a connection with then it is meant to be! That's bullshit! I seriously don't see him coming back and maybe that is why it is so hard! I really thinking that come Sunday Im leaving for 6mths and going to find myself. No technology, no Facebook social media sites! Just me and my dad on the open roads to go nowhere! How long has your affair been going on?
passion

Charleston, WV

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#8
May 1, 2013
 

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He will, once you've had that great of sex he won't let you go. Trust me
Men never forget
Dazedandconfused

Charleston, WV

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#9
May 1, 2013
 
passion wrote:
He will, once you've had that great of sex he won't let you go. Trust me
Men never forget
I wish i could believe that! I really! Thank you! Also hope we are not having the same married man! Lol! I know what i felt with him and how he felt with me! He never admitted to being or falling for me but like I said actions speak louder than words! Thank u again!
passion

Charleston, WV

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#10
May 1, 2013
 
Dazedandconfused wrote:
<quoted text>I wish i could believe that! I really! Thank you! Also hope we are not having the same married man! Lol! I know what i felt with him and how he felt with me! He never admitted to being or falling for me but like I said actions speak louder than words! Thank u again!
I doubt it but our story is the same.
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user

Saylorsburg, PA

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#12
May 8, 2013
 
Crossroads

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