Too bad about the DUI thing, smashin up your Lexus and all. Must have looked really funny with you driving down the road on tire rims, cause your tires were smashed by the concrete median of I-35. Those sparks flying from the rims must have looked cooler then glow-in-the-dark curb feelers!
And that school thing with your kids, man what a bummer. Too bad you couldn't remember your own address on that form, but hey, it was worth it to avoid paying $37,000 to the State.
It's not like you stole $37,000 from the State, you just avoided paying it.
You are a drunk Kerry, but not a Thief.
Congratulations again! It was a terrific first year!