Girlfriend doesn't want to help w/ household bills

Posted in the Canton Forum

DBA48174

United States

#1 Apr 10, 2013
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 years. We're both 40 y/o, have grown kids (her youngest just turned 18) and lives w/ his dad. Before we met, I already owned my own home, paid off truck, paid off $25k sport boat, no debt outside of my house and a 5-figure emergency fund. I am of the thought that if I have to buy it on credit, I don't need it. While I only make about $50k/year, I do pretty good at managing my money and expenses. She was renting a place and had was a paid off car.

When we first started dating she was going to school to be a RN and working part-time. About a year into our relationship she finished school, but kept putting off taking her board exam. I kept encouraging it, but she kept putting it off.

After about 2 years she finally started telling me that she would have to take refresher courses before she took her board exam b/c too much time had passed since she graduated and she didn't think she would pass. About this time I told her I felt she needed to give up the part-time job and look for a full-time job as I felt it was time she start helping w/ bills. This idea upset her, but I was not giving in.

After about year 3 of our relationship, she got a job and a few months later started (begrudgingly) giving me $300/ month towards bills (monthly household bills run about $2000/mo; house, cable/internet, gas, electric, water/sewage, property taxes and insurance and boat insurance). During this time her car died and she bought a modestly equipped 2010 Honda Civic.

A short time later, she lost her job and stopped paying me the $300/mo we originally agreed upon. She got another job about 3 months later, but she never resumed paying me.

Another year and 3 months has passed since she got her new job, but she has yet to start contributing to the monthly household bills.
Every time I try to discuss it she gets mad and says I'm just all about money. I brought it up again about 2 weeks ago and she (as usual) got upset and started going off about how much more money I make than her. I suggested we compare pay stubs and split the bills adjusted by pay. After comparing our pay stubs I make exactly twice as much as her. So I suggested she pay 25% and I pay 75%, which she (again begrudgingly) agreed to. I took the immediate bills, did the math and showed her what I would pay and what she would be expected to pay. A couple days later the house bill and the boat insurance bill came in, so again I did the math and added it to her "list" to pay.

Last night I inquired as to when I could expect her to pay and (true to form) she got upset and once again accused me of being "all about the money".

Here's a little more detail to fill in some blanks...
We eat out every night. Chinese, Mexican, Applebees, Chilis, O'Charley's, Longhorn, Outback and sometimes more expensive places like Red Lobster, Chappys, Sakura. We usually take turns paying, but I usually voluntarily pick up the more expensive meals.
On the other hand, she voluntarily does all the shopping for household needs like deodorant, razor blades, laundry detergent, dish soap, body soap, toothpaste, etc and grocery shopping (remember we eat out every night so the grocery shopping consists of breakfast food: milk, bread, butter, honey, cereal, coffee, sugar, chips, etc.). Also during the summer her shopping list will also include drinks and food for the boat while my additional expense consists of the gas. We each pay for our own things like clothes, gas, cell phones and auto maintenance (which I do most of myself on both vehicles).

I'm not looking for counseling, but I would like to know what the "general consensus" is on this topic. I know it's long, but if you have the time, please read the entire post and then let me know if you think:
- I'm being fair?
- I'm not being fair?
Mudrunner

Hollywood, FL

#2 Apr 13, 2013
Pull her hair!
Same here buddy

United States

#3 Apr 14, 2013
But oppisite in gender roles... Im 40 as well, own my house (paid off) my 08 SUV is paid off, I work 40hrs+ a week, my kid is grown, and my 'other half' sounds just like yours, but male...

There's the grasshoppers and the ant. The older I get, the more I believe grasshoppers need to stay with grasshoppers, and the ants stay w/ the ants. In other words, water treads its own level. I dont think u are being unfair at all. Maybe we need to join the other ants? We work hard and it makes me sick after busting my ass all day and come home to find the other "off work" eating the steak I bought for us w/ his buddies, enjoying the beautiful backyard I landscaped, after golf. I'm moving on, i hope you do too... because it gets real old, real fast.
K-Dee

Houston, TX

#4 Apr 14, 2013
Ass, Gas, or Cash (No One Rides for Free)
DBA48178

United States

#5 Apr 15, 2013
Hey "buddy", good luck. I hope things work out for both of us.

K-Dee, wish it were that easy.

Thank you both.
Mudrunner

United States

#6 Apr 22, 2013
Make her do all the yard work and housework, wash the car. Is she overweight?
Make her jog every day. Loan her out to your friends.
Joey Boots

Westland, MI

#8 Apr 30, 2013
How's the p***y?? Is it worth the $??
DBA48178

United States

#9 May 1, 2013
Mudrunner, she's not overweight and she's not against doing chores, but I am not the kind of guy to sit around and watch her do all the chores. I prefer that all things be shared, but it doesn't matter now.

Girlfriend, meet curb. It's over. I decided it was time for a change.

Thanks for the support.
AngryBlackMan

United States

#10 May 1, 2013
W-what's her number?

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