When your mother hates you
Deborah Postlewaite

Long Beach, CA

#61 Feb 10, 2012
My mother just passed away today. I had distanced myself from the hate, negativity and drama. But I got the call that she was dying and that brought all the crap back. All the feelings of insecurity, lonliness, saddness that she never cared about me, my children or any of my accomplishments. I never knew why my mother hated me but it was evident to neighbors and family members. It really messes with your head. When they die it all comes back and you grieve for what you missed out on. I too feel that big hole in my heart that has always been there. I have a sister that today, the day of moms death was insisting and prying that "you had to something to turn her against you. what did you do?" I said I don't know. Don't you think I have spent my life trying to figure it out. I am a nurse and analyzed it with my knowledge in psych. I tried to explain it to my sister and she just said "I think you just won't tell anyone" Watch out for those relatives that just want to bring you down with them in the negativity. You can come very far in your pursuit of happiness and one phone conversation will put you back a few steps. I have always hoped that they (mom and sis-they kind of fed off each others negativity) would change each time something happens and I talk to them but each time I go backward in my progress. I hope I have learned. This is the last time. I know it will be hard when my sister dies but I have to preserve myself. I wish someone could tell me a miracle thing to make me feel better. I am a mess but not as much as a mess as when I was younger.

Kendallville, IN

#62 Apr 9, 2012
41 years ago she gave birth to me...she had 2 more over the next 8 years. Then at the age of ten, We all got split up and sent to live elsewhere becuase she "couldn't" handle it. She really met a guy who didn't want any kids, so she dumped us. Now after numerous attempts to let this woman back into my life she has only been a spoiled disappointment. She expects my 19 year old daughter who could not even pick her out of a line-up to stay in contact with her. Then throws a hissy fit when my daughter has better things to do. I was only 10 when she gave me away, but I was old enough to remember, and feel the pain of rejection. I have tried to let her in to our lives. I have let her buy gifts for my kids, and myself. These only put us into her obligation, which is where I don't want to be, ever again. She has damaged me beyond anything she will ever know, and her favorite line is, I can't change the past. That is a true statement, but you can try to make amends, and not put undo hardship on to those who only want you to be there, listen, smile, and shut - up about how important you are. You are nothing compared to my daughters, and my sons, my wife, my step-children, and my step-grandchildren. You have been given every chance to be there and you refuse to put anything before yourself...so screw you, it's your bed, you made it, now lay down and sleep in it.
chase schulze

Fallbrook, CA

#63 Apr 15, 2012
my mom is nice to my 2 brothers and my sister but to me she yells at me and punishing me.1 time i kicked the ball and i had to write senteces.it's tough living like this. she hates me.why was i born to be hated

Miami, FL

#64 Apr 21, 2012
I have been abused by my mother since I was a small child. Verbally and physically. She always treated me diff than my other sisters. I'm 27 now and she only gets tougher on me-- she has made my life a cruel nightmare. Try to distance yourself... It's the only solution. I have had self esteem issues, trust issues, defensiveness issues, and the list goes on.. All bc of her abuse. It's a nightmare, jealousy? Discontentment? I don't know but I'm so tired.. I'm so shattered and I just pray that one day she regrets and admits what she has done to me.

Arvada, CO

#65 May 10, 2012
i to have the same case, my mother is a terri ble mom, i remember when when i was in kenya, and m y dad used to stay in usa.We had ahouse help gal, who was moms boss. When i finished my high school life was not easy, it was time i wanted to die but i didnt, mum is aperson who dont understand the things, to make matters worse, mom knew i had aboyfriend and it was like adream to her, so to make life tight, she used the house help to tell her what was going on when she was at work, they used to to go my mothers bedroom and talk about me, every minute, i was soo frustrated and i wanted to take sucide but they realized it and they were aware of it, when they knew that my brother slapped me on my cheeks,up to now i dont talk withat brother. we didnt talk with mum almost 3 months, and i was not eating at all just taking water, when i saw her feel like going to the tollet things didnt change either,as time moved by, we moved to usa where things were sooo tight i couldnt move to anywhere just going to college and back.One day my father had aparty and i had to cook everything the previous day we had aparty and i was the one who did all the cooking for 30 people, so i was tired, come to the next day i was told to cook for 15 people and i was to do everthing when i asked my mom, why my brother was not helping me she stopped talking to me anymore, am depressed up please help me any advice will heal my heart am 23 years old ready to go to nursing school.

Walden, NY

#66 May 22, 2012
My mom is the same. I have three sisters and they were not treated badly like I was. It is her loss. She has treated me badly since birth! I no longer care. She has already passed away as far as I am concerned. I am done with her.

Mcallen, TX

#67 Jun 5, 2012
My mother also hates me. She loves all my other siblings, especially my brother. She wanted me to die (I'm serious). Just because I make noise, she wishes I could die. That is very horrible. I can't believe I am suffering this kind of pain. She always hated me. I wanted to come with my father, but my mom would kill me if I went there. I can't go to him anymore, because he says I betrayed him. My mother divorced. I also wanted to go to my aunt, but she didn't want to send me to her house just so I could suffer. She found a guy and hired him to babysit us. This guy was good. She kicked him out after she was so angry, he suffered my pain. I just want to kill her. Then I steal her money and go to my father. The only solution I think is good enough.

Bristol, UK

#68 Jun 12, 2012
so my best guess is that my mum hates me?..
im 15 in 6 days and she couldnt care less. i have felt that my mum hates me for a long time now and im still not sure why. i was sexually abused by my babysitter when i was 3 till about 6 years old when i moved away..my 3 brothers where luckily never left with the man we hardly knew, just me and i still dont know why.Why would anyone leave there daughter alone with a man she hardly knew? Also the fact i have a different dad to my brothers is the other reason why she hates me. my brothers always bullied me about this so as a child i was always alone and had no one to talk to.Also recently my brothers dad told me that he found it strange that when i was younger she never hugged or showed love towards me. two of my brothers have moved out now..My 'mum' now has a boyfriend that when shes with she completly blanks me. when hes around she acts like she always does cleaning everyday and she does sooo much stuff she goes about feeling sorry for herself! however when hes not around she doesnt do any of that stuff and she doesnt even go food shopping half the time! im soon moving away to live with her and her boyfriend and one of his sons..meaning im going to be completly alone once again with no one to talk to and not even knowing anyone!its bad beause with no one to talk to my problems get worse, i have been seriously depressed and extreme cutting and i have tried to kill my self but didnt because the best way of getting my own back on her is living my life to the full and showing that i am nothing like her! i have no idea what to do:( of course i dont want to go but i have no where to stay and i cant rely on my dad as he lives in Ireland living the perfect life with his family. does anyone know anyways i can focus on my life and forget about how she makes me feel, ways to block her out of my mind and forget about my past!? please help!:(
Happy girly

Los Angeles, CA

#69 Jul 9, 2012
I am so glad that I found this site today. I was born a very happy little girl to a mother who wanted to destroy me. I was fed half and half as an infant, was very obese and was abused by my mother. I feel like she wanted me to be dependent on her and for me to be so pitiful so she could abuse me throughout my life. Well, it did not work to her satisfaction because in spite of all of her physical and emotional abuse I became successful. Yes, I feel cheated and have cried for the things that she so unfairly put me thru but about 5 years ago I said goodbye to her abuse and do not associate with her. I have pretty much lost my family because all holiday events are at her house and I do not attend. I know that I am so much better than all of them and am a strong person now. At times, I need reassurance such as this website to get me thru because I still do not totally understand it all but who cares......I am happy and see the world as a happy place so why do I owe my mother anything? Someday I will say to her face or her dead body....."what goes around...comes around"! She cannot be right in the head. Not my problem anymore....it did not work bitch! God is my best friend....praise the Lord.
Happy girly

Los Angeles, CA

#70 Jul 13, 2012
How do I reply to these threads?

Melbourne, Australia

#71 Jul 19, 2012
All my life I have been treated differently and always thought maybe I did something wrong as a child but after reading the above and just having the hundreth argument with my mother which ended in me asking her why she treats everyone even stragers better than her own daughter which she replied its all in my head. It just hit me, she must really dislike me. My father was a abusive alcoholic & when I was little she use to tell me ''Your just like your father!'' So I guess she see me in him. When I was 21 I was pregnante from a 5 yr relationship, my mother just got remmaried 6 months before. I told my mother & without even asking me what I want she made a appointment for a abortion. The hospital stuffed up my appointment time not once but TWICE & I was sent home. The third time I got there, I was outside the hospital ready to walk in & I told my mum I didn't want to have the abortion & you know how she replied.''Don't do this to me!''- I was in shock that she said that- saddened by her words I gave in which now I regret. As I thought by doing that it would make her happier & in some strange way love me more but actually it didn't, it just made our relationship much worse.


#72 Jul 20, 2012
i am not saying that i hate my mother but i don't know why she hates me i have one big brother and two small sisters my mother like her all child except me she always love my brother and my sisters even when i have fever i never say to my mother mom because she hates spending money on me she always beat me she also hate me to give water and food one time she don't give me food for two days and she don't afraid of that oh what a mother she had getting new comments for teasing me and gossip with relatives this year i had written board exam of 10th std and i get result i have eighty six percent and now i am in 11th but afraid of higher studies will she will send me for higher studies like my brother i m always thinking of my dream boy my life partner how he will be would he love me in my whole life or he will hate me but i know his entry in my life will make a heaven
Happy girly

Los Angeles, CA

#73 Jul 20, 2012
Georgie wrote:
My mom is the same. I have three sisters and they were not treated badly like I was. It is her loss. She has treated me badly since birth! I no longer care. She has already passed away as far as I am concerned. I am done with her.
. It is interesting that you are
the only boy with 3 sisters and were the one who was abused. I am the only girl with 3 brothers and I was abused. Something tells me that a mother plays favorites, huh? Actually, as I get older and think about my mother just as a person and not as my mother, she is just evil. She has always been angry, bitchy, mean, demanding, and enjoys belittling and intimidating others. She looks for negative things in life to talk about and never the good stuff. She is a hero when you have problems and really enjoys being involved in fights and turmoil. I have never (and I mean never) touched my mother. I have only come in contact with her with a beating of some type. Hugs, kisses, expressions of love.....she will not have it! As a child, Christmas morning was truly an upsetting time because she would buy Gifts that she wanted me to have and would say....if you don't like it tough! Needless to say, there was plenty of crying and despair every Christmas. She is not sweet, kind, or loving at all and hates flowers, children, hair, pets, music, games, parties, laughter, television, bbq's, and anything involving kindness. She is one who would say something really hurtful when you first see her and never anything uplifting. Something happened to her as a child no doubt so she wants to punish me I believe. It is her and not me I am positive! Thanks for reading my comments.


#74 Jul 21, 2012
S0MeGuY wrote:
My mother also hates me. She loves all my other siblings, especially my brother. She wanted me to die (I'm serious). Just because I make noise, she wishes I could die. That is very horrible. I can't believe I am suffering this kind of pain. She always hated me. I wanted to come with my father, but my mom would kill me if I went there. I can't go to him anymore, because he says I betrayed him. My mother divorced. I also wanted to go to my aunt, but she didn't want to send me to her house just so I could suffer. She found a guy and hired him to babysit us. This guy was good. She kicked him out after she was so angry, he suffered my pain. I just want to kill her. Then I steal her money and go to my father. The only solution I think is good enough.
. We love, respect, nurture comfort & apprieciate ourselves every time all the time. We have come to terms that these mothers dads grans that r sick to take it out on a defenceless child they r just sick & frm my own experience we cannot demand a sick person to get well on our demands. We can only wish they well pray for them and most of all forgive ourselves as we forgive them. We r sorry because we hoped they were more but sadly they r not. In fact they not worth it the pain aggro etc. we have to leave them in the past . And know this when u look back u r their victim. That is why we r not to look back because we are not victims anymore. We refuse to be helpless broken victims to anyone ever again because we really do love and respect ourselves . We have blessed it all with love and healing because that is what they need & r In resistance to owning up to their sickness they r in denial. We have to get on with our freedom and life.. We r so done with feeding fuel to the fire going on spiral to they delight in etc. as was said b4 they just not worth it. We are so much more then the vile that come out they mouths to defile their own flesh. Please don't give it all away & be the evil they are. Because that is their purpose & have failed in swissting u to they mold. They are not worth your freedom. They r not worth an easy death by you saying u cud kill etc. get on and good good luck cut ties and build trust in God in Jesus Christ Name Learn to trust yourself and the family friends who care for you. Slowly slowly each step to healing & loving& learning & earning. We will pray for u in Jesus Christ name.


#75 Jul 21, 2012
[QUOTE who="Deborah Postlewait. not as much as a mess as when I was younger.[/QUOTE]. Love conquers hate anytime all the time. Good conquers evil each and every time . God is every where all the time. The other so called "?" is only in one place at one time. Causing his hate etc. we rather have the peace any day. Luke 20v17 to 18.'The stone which the builder rejected as worthless turned out to be the most important of all' Everyone who falls on that stone wil b cut to pieces; and if that stone falls on someone, it will crush him/ her to dust .". Good luck in Jesus Christ name.

Littleton, CO

#76 Jul 23, 2012
Hi my name is kambrya and my mom is so mean to me she calls me names and somtimes hits me I need advice plzzz?

Littleton, CO

#77 Jul 23, 2012
And also my mom calls me a b**h I really needd so help and advice well mostly advice

London, UK

#78 Jul 24, 2012
kamkam wrote:
I really needd so help and advice well mostly advice
our mothers etc. are haters. They hate themselves and others who are doing well overcoming mental poverty. Something they have no clue where to start or intentions or maybe have fear of the own mothers who dictated and molded them. We do not need hate anymore. We do not need haters or hateful thoughts because this is the mental thoughts of our mothers and we do not want to end up like them so we have to be strong for our own well being, respect ourselves enough not to expose ourself to wicked abuse. We are fending for ourself and surviving and being very very successful without haters. We Love ourselve. We love and apprieciate ourselves every time EVERYDAY. We need this love we didnot get because they had knowledge etc. so we have to give this love to ourselves and this starts the healing process. We have blessed them with love and forgiveness because thats what they needs thats what will make it better and not more hate When they hurt us that did not solve anything better the same if we hurt and hate them just makes us the same as them. This world don't need anymore hate so enough is enough is enough. They've done that and didn't get anyone anywhere so let's try a different approach . Tell yourself "we do not need haters anymore". And "I love myself very much and I am determined to be a success in my very own right. Cut ties with hateful people and when you love them they ran away if they are bad for you. If they stay they are good for you and maybe want to learn to do well. This is the way of love. That's why I say just bless them well with love, forgive them & ourselves & pray them &ours. In Jesus Christ Name God Bless all who need help peace love understanding and healing.
Happy girly

Los Angeles, CA

#79 Jul 24, 2012
Thanks Anna....you've got it right. I tried for 50 years to win my mother over and never understood her hate. Now I am at peace (for the most part) because I have learned that hate is something that takes a lot of energy, forgiveness is a breath of fresh air, understanding is something that the Lord gives us just by believing in the Lord and knowing that he is your best friend. I like myself a lot and know that by living a good life is independent of my mother. OH YES....I always hoped for a sweet, loving mother but I did not get one of those....I did receive a lot of other things and for that I am totally grateful. Keep smiling, join Jazzercise, eat healthy, make regular dentist and doctor appointments, ensure a regular monthly income and watch inspiring television on satellite. Regular exercise really does wonders all the way around. When you can laugh out loud all by yourself.....you are winning! KEEP COMMENTING ON THIS WEBSITE AND WE CAN ALL BE WINNERS!
Happy girly

Los Angeles, CA

#80 Jul 29, 2012
Well, here I am again. I went to my 83 year old mother's today to tell her that I loved her and wanted to know why she hated me so much. I sat next to her on her bed and attempted to hug and kiss her and tell her that I loved her and want to improve our relationship. She went crazy and said that she was going to call the police. She was absolutely frantic and then scratched me along my face. I said, "why do you hate me so much....what did I do wrong, I apologized for anything I may have done wrong (which I really have not done anything to her personally) and again told her that I loved her. She said that she doesn't hate me ...she just does not care about me. It hurts when you reach out to someone and they reject you especially your mother. She was like a child and she ran into the bathroom and turned on the water as to avoid me. I told her that I was not leaving until she talked to me. I realize that she may be crazy...ya think. She was writing in this little book as I was trying to pour my heart out to her. I grabbed the book and read what she was writing. I realized that she is depressed and the only things written in this little book were of hate and/or money . I saw nothing in this journal which indicated love or happiness. She had lists
of items in the kitchen cabinets so she could yell when the items were missing like 3
soups, 2 beans etc., a hate list with names and how she feels about the person next to
the name (for me she wrote the word "wow" which has several meaning). Words I
saw a lot in this journal were: liar, ass, bulls... and even the "n" word. She wrote how
she said a kind word to somebody and next to it she wrote "I lied". I tried to have the
hate go away but found that it will always exist and there is nothing I can do. I cried for a short time as I went back home but now that I have gathered up my thoughts I am proud that I made the attempt to show love to my mother but the relationship is over forever. I can only hope that she searches deep to find love within herself for me, her only daughter, and dies without so much hate. She must be so alone with her hatred. Hatred takes so much energy. I will continue to be a happy girly. I can look in the mirror and know that I am the best I can be and that people with hate (even my own mother) have no place in my life. I will assume that she is dead now. Pretty sad huh?

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