What to do when you don't feel safe a...

What to do when you don't feel safe any more

Posted in the Burkesville Forum

falling

San Antonio, TX

#1 Jun 5, 2012
I will start this out by saying that I love the person I am about to discuss. The problem is that we used to be able to share everything, and now I can't share the thing that bothers me most. I used to feel like I could trust everything they said. I used to feel like I had the world by the tail and all I needed was my love. Now I don't. See I let myself get caught up in being threatened by someone from my partner's past. This was compounded by the fact that they had been together after my partner and I were together. In fact, the two of them were still in a relationship (unbeknownst to me) when the relationship started between my partner and I. They parted as fwb apparently. When the whole thing came to a head, I was told that the ex had no idea I existed, and never would have continued anything other than a professional relationship with my partner had she known about me. I allowed the two of them to continue in a friendship/work relationship, knowing that my partner felt a need for this person in his life, and for her part she needed the help. I ended up in a situation most people here would be appalled by, but in the interest of fulfilling a fantasy for my love I dove into it. Hey if you can't beat em join em right? Well then I find (thank you facebook) that she did know about me the whole time. I feel like I have been used by both of them. I feel like I can't trust that he loves me the way he says he does any more. I feel like I am a second choice. I have nightmares about the event with the three of us now. I can't say that I don't enjoy being with him any more, I can say that it leaves me feeling at best conflicted, though worse and much more often, it leaves me feeling empty. I used to be beautiful when he looked at me, now I feel like I am always being compared. I have never really been in love before. I never had any one that I could tell anything to, he was that for me. And now I feel alone even when he holds me... What do I do? How do I get back to where I was?
run

Campbellsville, KY

#2 Jun 5, 2012
get out
Hard

United States

#3 Jun 5, 2012
As it will be for you.Just move on.You will have a few regrets but it will be for the best.
Been there

Burkesville, KY

#4 Jun 6, 2012
falling wrote:
I will start this out by saying that I love the person I am about to discuss. The problem is that we used to be able to share everything, and now I can't share the thing that bothers me most. I used to feel like I could trust everything they said. I used to feel like I had the world by the tail and all I needed was my love. Now I don't. See I let myself get caught up in being threatened by someone from my partner's past. This was compounded by the fact that they had been together after my partner and I were together. In fact, the two of them were still in a relationship (unbeknownst to me) when the relationship started between my partner and I. They parted as fwb apparently. When the whole thing came to a head, I was told that the ex had no idea I existed, and never would have continued anything other than a professional relationship with my partner had she known about me. I allowed the two of them to continue in a friendship/work relationship, knowing that my partner felt a need for this person in his life, and for her part she needed the help. I ended up in a situation most people here would be appalled by, but in the interest of fulfilling a fantasy for my love I dove into it. Hey if you can't beat em join em right? Well then I find (thank you facebook) that she did know about me the whole time. I feel like I have been used by both of them. I feel like I can't trust that he loves me the way he says he does any more. I feel like I am a second choice. I have nightmares about the event with the three of us now. I can't say that I don't enjoy being with him any more, I can say that it leaves me feeling at best conflicted, though worse and much more often, it leaves me feeling empty. I used to be beautiful when he looked at me, now I feel like I am always being compared. I have never really been in love before. I never had any one that I could tell anything to, he was that for me. And now I feel alone even when he holds me... What do I do? How do I get back to where I was?
I will tell you the same as the rest get out!I know easier said than done,I myself have been in and out if a relationship that is not going any where nor is it healthy for me.This person I have been involved with has done so much to me by lying, cheating,and its mentaly exausting,I have tryed to get out and get him out of my life completly but having hard time
doing it.Times he can be so good to me,but he can not tell the truth about nothing and if you dont have honesty its very hard to have any kind of relationship.I have caught him cheating and he will swear up and down that there was nothing going on,I want to move on and start over but afraid of getting hurt again and damn If I had to go through all the hell that Im going through and have went through with him than I really dont think its worth it!Good luck to you and I will hope for the best for us both.
Better

United States

#5 Jun 6, 2012
Thinking it's better to be single and alone rather than be hurt. I'm just as good as the next person and expect to be treated as such. Like the old country song says-I'd like to find someone who loves me better than my dog does.lol
falling

San Antonio, TX

#6 Jun 6, 2012
Logically I know you are all right. And thank you for all the encouragement. I guess I just need to get a little of the self esteem I thought I had together and do what is right for me. Right now I just guess I feel like I am the one to blame for the situation.
true advice

Burkesville, KY

#7 Jun 6, 2012
get out now and don/t get involved for a while.it is hard ai first but time heals everything.
why

Indianapolis, IN

#8 Jun 7, 2012
I've never understood how women can have such low self esteem.
I've seen many women (that a decent guy would love to have) stay tied up in a messy situation.
The short and long of it is, if he's not interested in only you, then you'll never be good enough for him. Period! If he's gotten the best of both worlds, do you think he's eagerly going to go back to one woman? If your cows get out very often, it gets much harder to keep them up. That's just the nature of life. If he were a one woman man you wouldn't be in this position. He's not now, and he probably won't ever be.
I don't know your relationship details, but there is a very good probability that YOU are NOT the problem. Most all men desire additional women, some of us have enough self control and conscious to not do it though. He doesn't have it!
Why does that make women feel like it's their fault. You can't make him what he should be. As far as looks, etc, it wouldn't matter if he was doin some sexy Victorias secret model, if he doesn't have self control he would cheat on her too.
Do your self a favor, slap the %^# out of him, tell him to kiss ur @#$% and send him on his way with no regreats. We all make mistakes (that's just part of life). We can either learn from them or live in them. What you decide to do, determines your state of mind in the future.
why

Indianapolis, IN

#9 Jun 7, 2012
Also, how are you going to get picked up by the right guy if your tied up to this mess?

Think about it, you can do the right thing and hurt for a while or you can do what your doing and keep hurting over and over for years until he finally leaves you for someone else altogether.
A man

United States

#10 Jun 7, 2012
With more than one woman is a fool.And I would guess a tired one as well.
falling

San Antonio, TX

#11 Jun 18, 2012
thank you all for the support. Compared to me yes she is a model. and 10 years younger. Guess I need to chalk this one up to live and learn. Packing bags today

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