"SUPER BOWL" 2013->->->" Bring the BLING BLING!"
Things to bring: WADS of CASH, LOTS of JEWELRY, DENTAL RECORDS and FAMILY PICS for ease of "IDENTIFICATION"!
REQUEST: Absolutely "NO" Costume Jewelry PLEASE? We throw enough of that $HYT off the Floats down here on Mardi Gras Day!
FACT: The NOPD Homicide Detective Squad and the Coroner’s Office down here in the "BIG EASY" are Grossly Under-staffed and Extremely Over-Worked what with all the Budget Cuts and the Bad Economy, so PLEASE remember to bring along your "DENTAL RECORDS" and a few "FAMILY PICS" for ease of IDENTIFICATION"! We currently have a large quantity of Free "BODY BAGS" in all Shapes, Sizes and Colors on hand, and for a small fee we can use to store your carcass in for the trip back home.
FACT: Down here in the Land of Dixie we call em "JUMP SUITS" and they are extremely durable and come in a variety of different shapes, colors (Florescent Orange is my personal favorite) sizes. In fact, they actually make great Floatation devices in times of EMERGENCY!
FACT: A lot of Dead People actually saved a lot of lives down in lower St. Bernard Parish in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina! We actually had over 100 People Float into the French Quarter on such devices in the days following the storm.
FACT: After Katrina dead bodies turned up all over the City of New Orleans. At first glance, it appeared that the Death Toll would be staggering, but as it turned out. About 98% of all the Dead Bodies had actually died long before Hurricane Katrina came ashore. In fact, most of the Dead Bodies turned out to be just discarded dead caucuses, that the Residents of New Orleans had pushed out of “JUMP SUITS” and/or “BODY BAGS”, whatever the Hell you want to call them to float to higher ground.
FACT: Down here in N’Orleans the Voodoo Queens claim that the Dead actually come back to Life for a little while each and every time we have a storm blow through.
But the Truth of the matter is, that we simply have what is called a naturally “HIGH WATER TABLE” and the Water Pressure under the ground after a flood causes things to rise. Hence, all the Dead Bodies floating around the City of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina.
Fact is, what's buried in the "BIG EASY" usually floats back up to the surface every time we get a Hard Rain or a Hurricane Hits the Gulf Coast!
Fact is, you may be legally DEAD, but you ain't “NEVER EVER” really ever buried! As a matter of fact, Jean Lafitte' s carcass has actually been spotted floating in and around the City of New Orleans for the past 200-years.
I actually have a Buddy who dug a 3-foot deep hole in his back year several years ago and he now uses it as a Swimming Pool, a Fishing Hole and a place for his Hogs to Wallow! I suppose that there are some positives associated with living in a Freatin SWAMP!
BEST BET: I have a SAD Prediction for "SUPER BOWL SUNDAY" in in south east Louisiana "A bunch of innocent People from all over the World are gonna come to "THE CITY THAT CARE FORGOT" with the simple expectation of having a "GOOD TIME" and quite a few of them are gonna be "RAPED", "ROBBED" or "KILLED" down here in the "BIG EASY"!"
PREDICTION: I personally think that the "YOUNG BLACK THUGS" lurking around the French Quarter and the Uptown Areas of New Orleans are gonna be the "BIGGEST WINNA"S" over the course of the "SUPER BOWL WEEKEND"! I am personally Bettin on them to live up to my very Low Expectations. If you find yourself in an EMERGENCY type situation PLEASE do not and I repeat "PLEASE DO NOT" endanger yourself or a family member by calling 911, because there is a good chance that if New Orleans Finest actually show up they are most probably gonna "KILL" your azz anyway!