Frustrated Medina parents seeking help for daughter

Frustration with a county agency led a Medina couple to take their 19-year-old mentally disabled daughter to the police station Friday in hopes of having her declared homeless and placed in a group home. Full Story
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“It is what it is”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#46 Aug 24, 2008
I just dont get it wrote:
How do you just dump your daughter off in a home? That is horrible...maybe she has issues because of the way her parents have treated her. I have 4 daughters, and I am pretty sure one of them along the way has suffered from a "welt"...or two. Kids fight, that's life, take care of your daughter, show her some love. Then again, maybe she would be better off somewhere else, then living with those fine parents
It is not the parents fault. The daughter is mentally sick. She may look fine on the outside but inside her brain isn't wired tp adjust to the real world. Over 30 years ago one of my sisters became mentally ill while iI was a teen. The constant fights over the most mundane stuff , her leaving in the middle of the night just walking the streets, the constant need to sleep with one eye closed because you may find her standing over you bed with a knife. Then hiding everything sharp so that she won't injure you or herself. Your family isn't a family, every one is focused on her issues, her problrms and the lives of the other kids are forgotten. I know you don't understand but I do. I wish them well because I am now in my 40"s and my sister has been in and out of group homes, she can't keep an apartment, other people who are her so-called "friends" take over it and it becomes a dangerous situation. She can't live on her own, she is a disruptive influence to all family members, including aunts and uncles. A family can only do so much of trying to help a person . Family or not people have a right not to live in fear in their own home.
bobo

United States

#47 Aug 24, 2008
they take their daughter to the police station to be declared homeless? they sound like the kind of people who call the police when they have a raccoon in their garage or when the power goes out. They are the type of people who use the police for all their non-criminal matters. they should remember that police deal with crooks, criminals, crime..not because they cant take care of their daughter with mental abilities.
The police dont have the power to declare their daughter homeless. They cant just say "ok, she is homeless".
there are other government agencies to do that.
anyways, i have to go call the police department, I have a flat tire on my car in the garage.
Kathy

Akron, OH

#48 Aug 24, 2008
Ohioflash wrote:
I know this family & both of their girls. For those of you commenting that are unaware of the situation, I can tell you this...the parents are wonderful people and have done everything for Ashley.
Ashley & her sister are adopted from Russia. As an adoptive parent myself I can tell you there are many issues with Eastern European adoptions, that no one can imagine unless they have been there. I too have experienced things with my own kids but not to this level.
Ashley is a wonderful girl and does have some issues, but I don't live with her. I know what these parents are going thru and wish them the best of luck in getting help for her.
A little more support would be nice rather than badmouthing the parents for abandoning her.
Thank you for sharing much needed information. People are so fast to judge without knowing all the history behind the situation.
Best of luck to the family. Ashley has the right to try and live in a supervised environment with our state or county funding her. I pray all will go smoothly and the Medina County officials take notice of this young lady and support her to become a responsible adult. Who knows what she can later contribute back to society and her community with the proper help and finances.
WAKE UP MEDINA-HELP YOUR TAX PAYING CITIZENS.

“Do what makes you happy”

Since: Jul 08

Akron, Ohio

#49 Aug 24, 2008
seriously wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you implying that people with fertility problems do not deserve to have kids? If that is the case explain why parents who abuse their kids or rely on welfare to raise their kids are able to conceive.
No. I am implying that not everyone is cut out to be a parent. It takes tremoundous amounts of strength and patience, and not everyone has those traits.

“Do what makes you happy”

Since: Jul 08

Akron, Ohio

#50 Aug 24, 2008
May Fong wrote:
<quoted text>
I bet your the type that blames the parents of criminals too... When they are over 18. Its always the parents responsibility.
Even when the adult wants to be out of the parents house. I wonder if the 19 year old adult is willing to make everyone else's life hell to get out of the house... Wouldn't be the first time such a thing has happened...
As long as its someone else they should put up with it.....
There comes a time to cut the cord. They aren't tossing her out in the street. They are trying to get her in a place that is appropriate to her special challenges...
no, they're turning her over to the police. That's just as bad as tossing her in the streets. I am not the type who blames criminals' parents. This girl is MENTALLY DISABLED. Stay on subject.

“Do what makes you happy”

Since: Jul 08

Akron, Ohio

#51 Aug 24, 2008
Js Brown eyed Girl wrote:
<quoted text>
No. I am implying that not everyone is cut out to be a parent. It takes tremoundous amounts of strength and patience, and not everyone has those traits.
>>tremendous.
concerned neighbor

Cleveland, OH

#52 Aug 24, 2008
I know this family well, I think the parents should be in jail because they have not for years given Ashley the help she has needed and she would be a different person if she had any help. The parents mentally abuse her as screaming and swearing at her daily. This is what really goes on behind the walls of this family home. My dog is not treated as Ashley has been treated in this manner for years.
another neighbor

Cleveland, OH

#53 Aug 24, 2008
I happen to know the family very well, the other daughter is the golden child and Ashley is tossed to the side wnen she is not busy doing ALL the housework. Vicki and John do verbally abuse her, they should have never adopted kids, they knew Ashley had issues when they adopted her.I hope their dog stays normal or it will be thrown under the bus like their DAUGHTER? OUR HEARTS GO OUT TO ASHLEY.
May Fong

Franklin, PA

#54 Aug 24, 2008
Js Brown eyed Girl wrote:
<quoted text>
no, they're turning her over to the police. That's just as bad as tossing her in the streets. I am not the type who blames criminals' parents. This girl is MENTALLY DISABLED. Stay on subject.
I am on the subject. Who else do you call when you need help? They can at least point you in the right direction of were she needs to go. Or who to contact.

And turning someone to the police is in now way in tossing someone to the street. At least to a reasonable individual.

Or they would have locked their doors and called the cops saying she was trying to break in.
parents did right

AOL

#55 Aug 24, 2008
concerned neighbor wrote:
I know this family well, I think the parents should be in jail because they have not for years given Ashley the help she has needed and she would be a different person if she had any help. The parents mentally abuse her as screaming and swearing at her daily. This is what really goes on behind the walls of this family home. My dog is not treated as Ashley has been treated in this manner for years.
Well there you go!!!!!! if this is true and you know for fact this child has been mentally abused!!! you should be in jail for not reporting it to CS. oh, I guess you didn't want to stick your nose in it!!! but you will get on here and bash the parents now! has it entered your mind that it was frustration on the parents part and not abuse?!?! People with normal kids get mad and cuss for pete sakes.. People with mentally challenged child has more fear, worry and flustrations than you know. People who don't live this life has no idea what the parents live and how they think or feel..IF this is true what you say then you are real ass for not reporting it.
parents did right

AOL

#56 Aug 24, 2008
another neighbor wrote:
I happen to know the family very well, the other daughter is the golden child and Ashley is tossed to the side wnen she is not busy doing ALL the housework. Vicki and John do verbally abuse her, they should have never adopted kids, they knew Ashley had issues when they adopted her.I hope their dog stays normal or it will be thrown under the bus like their DAUGHTER? OUR HEARTS GO OUT TO ASHLEY.
Another neighbor that just knows this child was abused. What a piece of work you all are for bashing now! and not doing anything to protect Ashley. You are no better than parents IF TRUE !!!!!
concered

Cleveland, OH

#57 Aug 24, 2008
I wish we could here what Ashley has to say about all this, then we would know the truth?
WALKING THE SAME WALK

Akron, OH

#58 Aug 25, 2008
As a mother facing the SAME issues, but in Summit County, I am also facing the same inabilities for the MRDD to assist my child. While my child is "perfectly lovely and wonderful", my child is not (and I thank my lucky stars) handicapped enough for anyone to assist the family but me.
I had my children and I will raise them - however, I do wish there was a service out there available to someone with a child in the "gray area" of disabled.
I am not looking for a handout - a help out with resources and support groups would be GREATLY appreciated, instead of someone telling me how lovely my child is.
LIVE IN MY HOUSE, WALK IN MY SHOES, then see what you think.
becky

United States

#59 Aug 25, 2008
what a copout for parents to try to use the system, there are other people on waiting list that really need the help and cant get it due to people like you. live up to your responsabilities like others whom love their children, and not throw them out on the streets and make them other peoples problem.

Since: Mar 07

United States

#60 Aug 26, 2008
MRDD provider wrote:
"This story speaks volumes in support for us to have permanent facilities for these mentally handicapped folks to be housed and cared for, instead of either on the street, or in a group facility, where the caretakers rarely deal with the residents and dump them off on the hospitals via the local EMS."
That was some of the reason for the closing of the Permanent Facilities for the MR/DD population, 2 & 3 staff to take care of 40-50 residents, unsanitary conditions throughout and many other problems with a facility like that; they weren't taken care of as they should have been. Today's group home facilities are limited to the number of residents that are housed and no-one is dumped off on the local hospitals via local EMS, if someone goes to the hosp. now it is because they need to go, the same as you would call 911 for one of your own "normal children or adults".
There is a lot of red tape involved in getting someone into a residential facility or 24 hour group home setting and even getting services from the county boards of MRDD, it's not like walking into the ER with a broken arm and getting it set & a cast put on and someone has to foot the bill, rent-utilities-staff wages, etc. I don't know too many people who will work for free, do any of you? Anyone know any landlords who will give free rent to these individuals?
Many of these individuals do quite well in a room mate setting with 2 or 3 others and staff there up to 24 hours a day.
You can't judge the parents unless you've been there and done that worked in this field.
We spend millions of dollars every year in other countries taking care of theirs, why not spend some of that money here in our own country taking care of our own?
One thing about bein' a parent is that y'all have the resposibility to take care of y'alls children. Iff'n that child ends up with a mental illness, then it's a lifetime responsibility.

I'm not against helpin' those who need our help, but I am against helpin' when the help is a replacement for the parents care. That help is supposed to be an adjunct to what the parents are providin'.

I agree, the hospitals of yesteryear were rife with problems. Instead of fixin' the problem, and at the urgin' of the various lobbyin' groups, our politicians decided to shut them down instead of fixin' the problem.

Today, the cost of takin' care of the mentally ill is far greater than what it would have cost iff'n we maintained the hospitals.

Todays group homes are jes' daycare centers, and like a daycare center, the caretakers will send off a problem child to the hospital so they don't have to deal with them.
WALKING THE SAME WALK

Akron, OH

#61 Aug 26, 2008
"what a copout for parents to try to use the system, there are other people on waiting list that really need the help and cant get it due to people like you. live up to your responsabilities like others whom love their children, and not throw them out on the streets and make them other peoples problem. "

Don't assume I'm trying to throw my child to the system, that's not my intention or my wish - I am however not above looking for resources to help me help her... eventually I will not be here to guide my child in the appropriate direction - we all do pass on. My hope was there WERE resources in place to help prepare the family for that inevitable time.
Cindi

Cleveland, OH

#62 Aug 26, 2008
I believe this family just couldn't take it anymore. But taking her to the police station? I am shock they weren't thrown in jail. When it comes to adoption, anything can happen. At least they kept until she turned 19, and didn't try to return her at the age of 15 back to the adoption agency. I hope the parents are able to locate a safe group home for this young lady. The last thing the parnets and daughter need to deal with is an unwanted baby.
parents did right

AOL

#63 Aug 26, 2008
WALKING THE SAME WALK wrote:
"what a copout for parents to try to use the system, there are other people on waiting list that really need the help and cant get it due to people like you. live up to your responsabilities like others whom love their children, and not throw them out on the streets and make them other peoples problem. "
Don't assume I'm trying to throw my child to the system, that's not my intention or my wish - I am however not above looking for resources to help me help her... eventually I will not be here to guide my child in the appropriate direction - we all do pass on. My hope was there WERE resources in place to help prepare the family for that inevitable time.
People that have not experienced this kind of child HAS NO IDEA !!!! Some people seem to think the kids are tossed to wayside (some are) but for those of us who do care for the disabled child do need break and help. Most people have no idea what really goes on in nursing homes and group homes . For some odd reason people don't hear about all the abuse in these places. Some people try to keep child at home so they don't have to live in fear of getting that dreaded phone call. It ticks me off to see some people on food stamps that don't need them and people cheating the system with normal kids!!!! and when someone really needs help with disabled child everyone cries how parent should deal with it. Well it should be same for the FREE LOADERS abusing the system!!!!!
Not Surprised

Los Angeles, CA

#64 Aug 28, 2008
What shame but unfortunately I have found the Medina CO board of MRDD has a lot of people trained to tell you how they don't have to help you. Too many people in the wrong job who do not care. This isn't the first they have let down people and they continue to do it.
Grad Student

Northbrook, IL

#65 Aug 28, 2008
Js Brown eyed Girl wrote:
<quoted text>
If they weren't in it for the long haul, they should have never adopted. There are reasons why some people can't (and shouldn't) have children.
That is such an ignorant statement. You have no idea what it is like being in a household with someone who has mental illness issues.

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