Family discord during the holiday dinner

Family discord during the holiday dinner

Posted in the Brookville Forum

Grandma

Wolflake, IN

#1 Nov 21, 2012
Every year I have the family over for Thanksgiving and then go to one of their houses on Christmas. There are six grown adults and spouses with kids, so much food and room is needed. We have a large home and everyone brings covered dishes. It sounds like Norman Rockwell holiday tradition yet we have 2 family jelousy things going on, one daughter in law and one son in law who drink way too much and butt into all the family conversations. The little ones are playing and fighting and crying and laughing because they open their mouths while eating to try to make the other cousins laugh.
Then there is a not so pleasant conversation about who will be taking care of my husband and I when we get in our 80's and 90's.
I think if they don't quit this we may not make it to our 80's.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Just too expensive to go out to eat but being all together is important I think.
hmm

Grissom Afb, IN

#2 Nov 21, 2012
It's not like you are with them everyday. Suck it up and get through the day.
If they are family they should not have to butt into conversations if they are family as you said they were. Why don't you just allow them in on the conversation? Wh are you to think that you can't allow everyone in on the convo?
family

Grissom Afb, IN

#3 Nov 21, 2012
No kidding hmmit sounds like to me that Grandma has a control issue. If you are at our family's home for the Holidays why does somone have to be invited into a conversation? Everyone should be included unless someone has control issues.
You MUST speak up

United States

#4 Nov 21, 2012
Grandma wrote:
Every year I have the family over for Thanksgiving and then go to one of their houses on Christmas. There are six grown adults and spouses with kids, so much food and room is needed. We have a large home and everyone brings covered dishes. It sounds like Norman Rockwell holiday tradition yet we have 2 family jelousy things going on, one daughter in law and one son in law who drink way too much and butt into all the family conversations. The little ones are playing and fighting and crying and laughing because they open their mouths while eating to try to make the other cousins laugh.
Then there is a not so pleasant conversation about who will be taking care of my husband and I when we get in our 80's and 90's.
I think if they don't quit this we may not make it to our 80's.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Just too expensive to go out to eat but being all together is important I think.
I know what you are talking about with drunks butting into a conversation, that is what they do best. and when they start talking about who is going to take care of you both later in years, nicely say, we will take care of ourself, why do you think we are not going to be capable and why do you talk about us being bedridden when we are sitting here listening especially on a holiday when there should be cheer. Oprah Winfrey ALWAYS says, if ya don't speak up when something is bothering you then the stress of it will kill you. You have nothing to loose, your kids are not going to disown you, YOU have to speak and tell them, please don't bring up the subject of us on our death bed at a holiday get together again, period. and it will work, they will not bring it up again. What you and your husband need to do is save up a few dollars a month and then when Christmas comes around let it be known that you and your husband wish to go out together and eat a nice meal on Christmas Eve just the two of you together like it was before you started having a family. A date to be alone together and enjoy each other on a nice quiet holiday evening, no offense to any of you kids, but we are getting older and want to spend a holiday like we did when we were dating,and then wish them a happy holiday and go LIVE YOUR LIFE together just once without all the noise and drunks and nerve racking conversations about you getting old. LIVE the way you want, MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY ONCE instead of doing the dreaded same ol same ol, you are in a Holiday rut, I've been there dun that. One year by yourselfs without the rest of the family will be good for them, tell them, hey don't worry this is what it is going to be like when we are dead and gone anyway. You bring up that issue and see what they think, they can't tell you not to say things like that, because they bring it up every holiday anyway. You have to live YOUR life doing what you enjoy doing, life is too short. Make yourself happy not your kids
Kiddin me

Silsbee, TX

#5 Nov 21, 2012
You've GOT to be kidding me. You can't deal with your own family members in your own home, so you come onto TOPIX and ask for advice from the number one gossip crap stirring website on the net?
Not so quick

Trenton, OH

#6 Nov 21, 2012
Sometimes , you have take a stand . If , just drained emotionally after they leave . Dr. Phil call. People , like that emotionally vampires . It s just saps you . I get it . Good. Luck
Love Them

Brookville, IN

#7 Nov 22, 2012
Sounds like most family get togethers if they are true family, not the fake kind where everyone smiles so sweetly is saying how nice till they get out the door then they shout what they wanted to say the whole time "who gives a" well I'll be polite and not say it. Any way this year look around the room picture one missing with me my brother is missing he was just 2 yrs older in our 40s the one I would argue most with he always try to keep me in line and hes not here this yr What I would do to go to dinner and have him tell me how I need to do this or that whatever it was his way of showing me love and he's not here this yr to do that. Enjoy your Thanksgiving look at everyone of them and Thank God for the good and bad you might not have it next yrs.
family

Grissom Afb, IN

#8 Nov 22, 2012
just get a long for Gods sake or dont go
jolene

United States

#9 Nov 22, 2012
Sounds like most family gatherings to me.Just be thankful that your family is all there to share the day with you.;
Pooh-Kitty

Pine Bluff, AR

#10 Nov 22, 2012
Bah-Humbug
moe

United States

#11 Nov 22, 2012
very simple solution quit talking about them or dont invite them
Cotton

Connersville, IN

#12 Jan 1, 2013
Easy fix. Go out of town on a nice holiday vacation. It's actually cheaper than hosting a bunch of relatives. And, once Grandma and Grandpa get a certain age, they should no longer buy Christmas presents for everyone. If Grandma and Grandpa are retired, the younger generations should be taking care of them at Christmas. If anyone complains about Gpa or Gma not hosting or spending money, Gpa can blame it on Gma (She's not all there, these days.) and Gma an blame it on Gpa (Gpa needs warm weather for his arthritis.)
Doug

Lafayette, IN

#13 Jan 1, 2013
Cotton wrote:
Easy fix. Go out of town on a nice holiday vacation. It's actually cheaper than hosting a bunch of relatives. And, once Grandma and Grandpa get a certain age, they should no longer buy Christmas presents for everyone. If Grandma and Grandpa are retired, the younger generations should be taking care of them at Christmas. If anyone complains about Gpa or Gma not hosting or spending money, Gpa can blame it on Gma (She's not all there, these days.) and Gma an blame it on Gpa (Gpa needs warm weather for his arthritis.)
Good answer!!!!

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