Since: Jun 11

Location hidden

#1 Mar 13, 2012
I am going to move a topic that was in discussion in another thread into this thread. Clearly, this topic was unrelated to that discussion so I want to remove it from that discussion. However, there are some strong feelings about anti-bullying and if those of us want to discuss it, we can in the rightful context.

First, I was posting under "sad" last night because I couldn't get logged into my account because my cell phone was acting all crazy. I want to clarify that so that those who were involved in the discussion know that this is a continuation.

Let's leave the sad occurrence this week out of this discussion because it was not a factor.

MSO4 - I do not believe that standing up to a bully necessarily means jail time. If you have read my past posts, you know that I am clearly an advocate for anti-bullying. Bullying behavior starts young so you have to start interceding young.

I will use a recent discussion with my young elementary age daughter as an example. My daughter was with a group of friends that were teasing another child. My child felt very uncomfortable with the situation and did not know how to react. She was not participating in the teasing, but she did not remove herself from the children who were teasing. First, I commended her for not teasing. It was important for her to realize that she started off making a wise decision by not directly being a part of the bad behavior. However, I told her that she should have said "this is not right" and removed herself from the group.

This is important for two reasons. 1. By remaining part of the group she is desensitizing herself from bullying and it could lead her to participating in it to feel part of the crowd. 2. Remaining part of the group gives the bully a "pack" feeling, which empowers them.

If we taught our kids to stand up, even if one child at a time, at some point maybe that bully is standing alone.

It's a long road ahead for lessons of this type, but I am so thankful that my child knew that the situation was not right and came to me to discuss it with me so that I could help empower her. Listen to your kids and help them know how to react. Remember, one child at a time can make a difference.

“Unions are still scum ”

Since: Dec 07

Atlanta

#2 Mar 14, 2012
LadyFromTheSouth wrote:
MSO4 - I do not believe that standing up to a bully necessarily means jail time. If you have read my past posts, you know that I am clearly an advocate for anti-bullying. Bullying behavior starts young so you have to start interceding young.
I think times have changed. You get into a fight at school, the police will be involved. Proving who was right is the difficult part. Gone are the days when boys got in a fight and got the paddle from the principle, then shook hands and went their merry way.

Since: Jun 11

Location hidden

#3 Mar 14, 2012
MSO4 wrote:
<quoted text>I think times have changed. You get into a fight at school, the police will be involved. Proving who was right is the difficult part. Gone are the days when boys got in a fight and got the paddle from the principle, then shook hands and went their merry way.
You know what is worse about this whole day and time. If you tell your child to speak up and say something to the teacher, it gets defined as tattling or you are told to "work it out yourselves." I do believe that some kids should work things out themselves (those little petty fights, "you're not my best friend", etc). However, some children have a very bad mean streak, and I believe that if they were disciplined instead of the child "tattling", the world might be a better place in the school yard.

“Unions are still scum ”

Since: Dec 07

Atlanta

#4 Mar 14, 2012
LadyFromTheSouth wrote:
<quoted text>
You know what is worse about this whole day and time. If you tell your child to speak up and say something to the teacher, it gets defined as tattling or you are told to "work it out yourselves." I do believe that some kids should work things out themselves (those little petty fights, "you're not my best friend", etc). However, some children have a very bad mean streak, and I believe that if they were disciplined instead of the child "tattling", the world might be a better place in the school yard.
I agree. But thats not conforming to the way "society" is these days.

Ultra White Knight

“Do it right the first time”

Since: Feb 12

<*><*><*><*><*><*><*>

#5 Mar 14, 2012
OMG!The biggest"wannabe bully"on Topix discussing Anti-bullying...You go MSO4,ROTFLMFAO!!!!
Stacy

Midland, GA

#6 Mar 15, 2012
I completely agree with 04. Kids are going to tease each other, and that is not bullying. The whole anti bully movement has had the reverse effect on what it was supposed to do. Today, kids can't get in little arguements, or fights and learn how to deal with teasing. Police are called, the zero tolerance crap is used, and the kid that is getting picked on gets the same punishment as the kid that is teasing. Everything that kids say to each other that isn't nice IS NOT bullying. The real bullying is done quietly, and most of the time is not known about. The main problem with schools and kids today is that everyone has to be a winner. On field day, there are no competitions, and all of the kids get the same ribbon. I'm surprised they even keep score at sporting events anymore. Kids need to learn how to deal with failure just as much as dealing with success. That is why we have a whole generation of entitled college kids who think they shouldn't have to work hard and still get a job paying $100,000/year or more. We have got to get back to the way things used to be.

“Unions are still scum ”

Since: Dec 07

Atlanta

#7 Mar 15, 2012
Stacy wrote:
I completely agree with 04. Kids are going to tease each other, and that is not bullying. The whole anti bully movement has had the reverse effect on what it was supposed to do. Today, kids can't get in little arguements, or fights and learn how to deal with teasing. Police are called, the zero tolerance crap is used, and the kid that is getting picked on gets the same punishment as the kid that is teasing. Everything that kids say to each other that isn't nice IS NOT bullying. The real bullying is done quietly, and most of the time is not known about. The main problem with schools and kids today is that everyone has to be a winner. On field day, there are no competitions, and all of the kids get the same ribbon. I'm surprised they even keep score at sporting events anymore. Kids need to learn how to deal with failure just as much as dealing with success. That is why we have a whole generation of entitled college kids who think they shouldn't have to work hard and still get a job paying $100,000/year or more. We have got to get back to the way things used to be.
Kids are told over and over that there is never a reason to fight, well there is truth to that, but in reality, it has been the cure to stop bullies for hundreds of years.
haha

Hogansville, GA

#8 Mar 15, 2012
This is some funny stuff. The biggest a-hole on topix giving his 2 cents about anti bullying. Keep going! It's hilarious!
Rumor Mill

Carrollton, GA

#9 Mar 15, 2012
Stacy wrote:
I completely agree with 04. Kids are going to tease each other, and that is not bullying. The whole anti bully movement has had the reverse effect on what it was supposed to do. Today, kids can't get in little arguements, or fights and learn how to deal with teasing. Police are called, the zero tolerance crap is used, and the kid that is getting picked on gets the same punishment as the kid that is teasing. Everything that kids say to each other that isn't nice IS NOT bullying. The real bullying is done quietly, and most of the time is not known about. The main problem with schools and kids today is that everyone has to be a winner. On field day, there are no competitions, and all of the kids get the same ribbon. I'm surprised they even keep score at sporting events anymore. Kids need to learn how to deal with failure just as much as dealing with success. That is why we have a whole generation of entitled college kids who think they shouldn't have to work hard and still get a job paying $100,000/year or more. We have got to get back to the way things used to be.
You are right, there is a difference between teasing and bullying. However, the line is sometimes unclear. The teasing that was occurring that I discussed with my daughter - there was a very strong undercurrent of hatred. It was not your normal teasing. I have seen teasing turn into more bully-type behavior, and this type of teasing usually occurs off the radar like you suggested. Mean behavior can include verbal cruelty or physical cruelty.

I also agree that things should get back to where things were. Competition helps a child to strive to achieve their best, not mediocre. This level of "entitlement" that is flourishing throughout the country is very aggravating.

Since: Jun 11

Location hidden

#10 Mar 15, 2012
That should have been posted from me. I forgot to log on. Guess it randomly picks who it makes you be?
irony

Carrollton, GA

#11 Mar 15, 2012
MSO4 wrote:
<quoted text>I think times have changed. You get into a fight at school, the police will be involved. Proving who was right is the difficult part. Gone are the days when boys got in a fight and got the paddle from the principle, then shook hands and went their merry way.
True. Very true and sad that it is the way it is now.

“Unions are still scum ”

Since: Dec 07

Atlanta

#12 Mar 15, 2012
Rumor Mill wrote:
<quoted text>
Competition helps a child to strive to achieve their best, not mediocre. This level of "entitlement" that is flourishing throughout the country is very aggravating.
Very true.
Just me

Bremen, GA

#14 Mar 20, 2012
I always told my kids not to ever start a fight,but if presented with a problem they should take care of it,and that I better not hear that they threw the fist punch.My oldest son was in one fight his whole life in the 8th,where it ended up with him,and the guy becoming the best of friends the rest of their high school days.
I do not agree with fighting,but I also disagree with a child being picked on,especially when the teachers won't put stop to it...
Responsible

Carrollton, GA

#15 Mar 23, 2012
Bullying isn't "competition".. it's what makes kids hate school, fear their peers, be unable to communicate properly with their peers, and at times even commit suicide.

No, I don't think that sending every kid to jail is the answer, and I am very grateful both for the message the original poster gave to her daughter as a response, but also for the apparent leadership the parent has shown to the child, so that the child could recognize that what was happening was not a good thing to do. This is where it starts guys, with the parents teaching their child that even teasing someone else isn't nice.

I've been in the classroom, both as a teacher and a substitute, and every student that has been in my class at any school for any reason knows that I do not tolerate that sort of behavior in my classroom. If friends are joking around that is one thing, but when the student getting the "ribbing" isn't participating, then it isn't fun teasing, it's hurtful.
The thing is, I don't think many students actually understand what they are doing. I was bullied in school, and when I talked to the bullies years later they didn't remember any of it. I remember, but they don't. It's important to teach our kids, both as parents and teachers, that what they might think is funny, can be hurtful to others. And to remind our children that it's easy to forget if you hurt someone, but the person they hurt could remember that forever.
The way to fix is to teach responsibility, both of students being bullied (to report to a parent or teacher, I wish I'd told my mother as a kid, but I never did), and to the potential bullies that may not even realize the harm that they are doing.

Since: Jun 11

Location hidden

#16 Mar 26, 2012
Responsible wrote:
Bullying isn't "competition".. it's what makes kids hate school, fear their peers, be unable to communicate properly with their peers, and at times even commit suicide.
No, I don't think that sending every kid to jail is the answer, and I am very grateful both for the message the original poster gave to her daughter as a response, but also for the apparent leadership the parent has shown to the child, so that the child could recognize that what was happening was not a good thing to do. This is where it starts guys, with the parents teaching their child that even teasing someone else isn't nice.
I've been in the classroom, both as a teacher and a substitute, and every student that has been in my class at any school for any reason knows that I do not tolerate that sort of behavior in my classroom. If friends are joking around that is one thing, but when the student getting the "ribbing" isn't participating, then it isn't fun teasing, it's hurtful.
The thing is, I don't think many students actually understand what they are doing. I was bullied in school, and when I talked to the bullies years later they didn't remember any of it. I remember, but they don't. It's important to teach our kids, both as parents and teachers, that what they might think is funny, can be hurtful to others. And to remind our children that it's easy to forget if you hurt someone, but the person they hurt could remember that forever.
The way to fix is to teach responsibility, both of students being bullied (to report to a parent or teacher, I wish I'd told my mother as a kid, but I never did), and to the potential bullies that may not even realize the harm that they are doing.
Thanks for your supportive comment. I think it's hard for some people to understand the difference between teasing and bullying, but honestly, you know the difference when you see or hear it. And I don't know why it should be acceptable to let peers harass children under the hidden pretense of "teasing". Cruelty is just... cruelty.

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