HELLO BRANSON EMERGENCY ROOM!
Houston, we have a PROBLEM!
Hey Branson Skaggs Horse-Pistol Hospital ER ROOM,
we have a problem
ONE OF OUR KIDS IS SICK!
HELLO BRANSON EMERGENCY ROOM!
When the pain got worse, we relucantly loaded her in the car and drove her to Skaggs Memorial Hospital in the Big Head City of Branson.
Even the name "Skaggs" was ominous.
I envisioned a medical facility run by the notorious Hillbilly Redneck Skaggs Family.
(in fact-Skaggs Hospital was donated to the good people of Branson & Taney County Missouri
by M.B. Skaggs from Kellog,Idaho,
born in McDonald County,Southwest Missouri.
the Founder & Owner of all Safeway Stores of America.
MB promised that sick people would never be turned away from Skaggs Hospital if they could not afford to pay their bill)
We finally got to see the doctor.
Howdy, I'm Dr. Buford P. Skaggs.
I'm the head doctor here at Skaggs Hospital.
Ma Hatfield Skaggs takes the X-rays,
Pa Skittle Skaggs runs ICU and brother
Billy Beer Skaggs is the pharmacist.
Only he's in rehab right now,
cause he's a drunk,
he's a dope-head,meth cooker
from Rockaway Beach.
The Skaggs emergency room on a Saturday night is truly a thing of beauty.
Think Branson hillbilly rednecks with injuries.
Of the 12 patients waiting for treatment,
Natalie was the only one not reeking of gin,
beer or moonshine.
A thirty something woman sat across from us in a wheelchair, with a bandage on her leg and a home made wooden splint on her wrist, which somebody had secuured with (DUCK TAPE)duct tape.
She stunk of booze and informed us that she had "fallen down the stairs.
GO FIGURE!...go figger
Next to me sat a chubby girl,
whose mother sat in a wheelchair and altnernated between laughter and tears, while she was listening to Tex-Mex Freddie Fender sing Before The Last Teardrop Falls,on her earphone cassette player.
The tears flowed whenever the receptionist turned her way.
I don't know if the woman was in pain or just trying to move up in the line by appearing more sick than she was.
In any event, I asked the daughter how old she was.
"I'm seven but I'm fixin' to turn eight," was the reply.
"Fixin'?," I thought. "That's a pretty big word for a little HILLBILLY redneck girl.
I quickly learned that medical procedures are not the same everywhere.
A large sign in the emergency room said, "you are entitled to treatment even if you do not have insurance."
In Chicago, I can't even get in the hospital parking lot without an insurance card.
I wondered if the actual treatment would vary as well.
Eventually we made it past the reception desk and met the doctor, who performed a battery of tests, gave Natalie some pain medication and instructed us to drive hometo Chicago the next morning and see her regular Yankee pediatrician.
Natalie has since been diagnosed with ...
although that required an overnight stay in our local hospital and a bunch of invasive procedures.
She drinks a laxative with her juice every morning and we've promised her that,
when she is better,
we'll take her back to see Shoji Tabuchi and all
the other big Country Music Stars in Branson.
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