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Torn

Detroit, MI

#1 Mar 7, 2011
Is it wrong or sickening to date a man 22 years older then you? 8 years ago when I was 22 I dated a man that was 44, and he was really good to me! He showed me what it was like to actually have a life, and what loving some one was truly about! But stupidly I let someone ruin it for me! That person was constantly throwing up our age differences, and some other things that tore us apart! We have recently got back in contact with each other, and I would like to try another go at it, but I'm torn and don't know what to do!?!?!?! Any advice?
just me

Lewisburg, KY

#2 Mar 7, 2011
Torn wrote:
Is it wrong or sickening to date a man 22 years older then you? 8 years ago when I was 22 I dated a man that was 44, and he was really good to me! He showed me what it was like to actually have a life, and what loving some one was truly about! But stupidly I let someone ruin it for me! That person was constantly throwing up our age differences, and some other things that tore us apart! We have recently got back in contact with each other, and I would like to try another go at it, but I'm torn and don't know what to do!?!?!?! Any advice?
22 years is a lot of difference. My concern with that would be as he gets older and isnt able to do the things that maybe you do now, will that become a strain on your relationship? I think it is possible for a relationship with that many years between you can work i just feel like it might be a little more complicated. Good luck with whatever you decide. Only you know what you want
Dear Abby

Columbus, OH

#3 Mar 7, 2011
I truly believe that age shouldn't matter (most of the time). To me, 22 years difference is kind of pushing it though. The thing you need to think of is when you are 32 or 42, and he is 54 or 64. You'll still be in your prime, while he'll be down in his back, taking fiber every day because he has the trots all the time & he's having problems getting it up. Then your attention will start turning towards men your own age again.
So, with that being said, I would probably do it for short term, but not plan on anything long term. Just do it while it's fun then drop him before you're in too deep.
Abby
Opie

Canton, OH

#4 Mar 7, 2011
Torn wrote:
Is it wrong or sickening to date a man 22 years older then you? 8 years ago when I was 22 I dated a man that was 44, and he was really good to me! He showed me what it was like to actually have a life, and what loving some one was truly about! But stupidly I let someone ruin it for me! That person was constantly throwing up our age differences, and some other things that tore us apart! We have recently got back in contact with each other, and I would like to try another go at it, but I'm torn and don't know what to do!?!?!?! Any advice?
I am 10 plus years older than my wife. She tells me that I am equal to her in maturity almost lol. Go with your gut and just make sure you are both financially responsible to avoid the stress. Enjoy life.
Torn

Russell Springs, KY

#5 Mar 7, 2011
Thanks for all the advice I've received so far! Opie, I truly did enjoy life so much more then I do now when I was with him! He never had an argument, and we constantly laughed! Just lived and enjoyed each other! We are both financially stable, so no worries there! We both walked away hurt the last time, and I don't want either of us to go through that again! I know that I'm the only one to know what I really want, but I'm so torn! I don't know if it's because I'm scared of the unknown or what! I guess I'm worried to about how outsiders would view a woman of my age with an older man!
just me

Lewisburg, KY

#6 Mar 7, 2011
Torn wrote:
Thanks for all the advice I've received so far! Opie, I truly did enjoy life so much more then I do now when I was with him! He never had an argument, and we constantly laughed! Just lived and enjoyed each other! We are both financially stable, so no worries there! We both walked away hurt the last time, and I don't want either of us to go through that again! I know that I'm the only one to know what I really want, but I'm so torn! I don't know if it's because I'm scared of the unknown or what! I guess I'm worried to about how outsiders would view a woman of my age with an older man!
i use to be just like you as far as worrying about how others feel.I dont mean im in the same situation as you, but in general. I always thought i had to make everyone else happy before i did myself. And if anyone ever looked down on me for what ever reason, i took it to heart. Then one day i woke up and realized that no matter what you do in life, there is ALWAYS gonna be someone to judge you badly. Thats when i started saying to he** with everyone else. Im gonna be me, like it or not. I have gotten much older since then too, so that didnt help much...lol...good luck!
mouthybiatch

Georgetown, IN

#7 Mar 8, 2011
just me wrote:
<quoted text>
i use to be just like you as far as worrying about how others feel.I dont mean im in the same situation as you, but in general. I always thought i had to make everyone else happy before i did myself. And if anyone ever looked down on me for what ever reason, i took it to heart. Then one day i woke up and realized that no matter what you do in life, there is ALWAYS gonna be someone to judge you badly. Thats when i started saying to he** with everyone else. Im gonna be me, like it or not. I have gotten much older since then too, so that didnt help much...lol...good luck!
Torn: I agree whole-heartedly with Just Me. You have to live your life for YOU !!! First and foremost your happiness is what's important. It doesn't matter what the age difference is when it comes to happiness. As long as there is love, trust and honesty are shared between the two of you, nothing else matters. If you let someone else dictate to and for you and your life, you will never have what you want or be happy. I, like Just Me, have just recently figured that out. I too have let others dictate where and with who. I was so unhappy and regretful. Now, I am still in love with him, even more so since I've decided to live for me and mine. You have to decide what's right and what you want. Age shouldn't play a deciding part on your love life (unless you're breaking the law (LOL)). Do what feels right in your heart and head and to everyone else be damned.
Older Man

United States

#8 Mar 9, 2011
I have been the older man in such a relationship and it was difficult for us because I was the one who didn't want to settle down. We were really great together but I didn't see it being anything long term. It was easy for me to grasp the short term relationship concept but she was young and even though I wasn't trying to manipulate or lead her on she still ended up getting very attached and it has been very painful for her since it ended.

I feel like I did something wrong but I was always upfront with her about the long term outlook on our relationship.

I'm not really sure how to say this but often times a younger woman will become so enthralled with her older man that she expects a dream life that he can't deliver on. When he ends it and moves on the girl feels like she was sucked in and taken advantage of but the guy who has been through many relationships just feels like it was another relationship that ran its course.

Just be ready for the possibility of it not lasting forever and make sure you don't feel as if you wasted your "best years" just being some guys playtoy.

Again.. I'm only speaking from my experience but I've watched several of my friends go through the same scenarios.
LYK

Glasgow, KY

#9 Mar 9, 2011
I am married to a man 20 years older than me. We have been married for a few years now. This is my second marriage and I can honestly say I have never been happier! There is something to be said about the wisdom, maturity, stability and unconditional love that comes with age! I say "go for it"! Good Luck!!
Your Mom

Bowling Green, KY

#10 Mar 9, 2011
Why limit yourself to one man when you can have as many as you want? Get out there and get it on. You got your whole life ahead of you.
Oldschool

Logansport, IN

#11 Mar 9, 2011
Older Man wrote:
I have been the older man in such a relationship and it was difficult for us because I was the one who didn't want to settle down. We were really great together but I didn't see it being anything long term. It was easy for me to grasp the short term relationship concept but she was young and even though I wasn't trying to manipulate or lead her on she still ended up getting very attached and it has been very painful for her since it ended.
I feel like I did something wrong but I was always upfront with her about the long term outlook on our relationship.
I'm not really sure how to say this but often times a younger woman will become so enthralled with her older man that she expects a dream life that he can't deliver on. When he ends it and moves on the girl feels like she was sucked in and taken advantage of but the guy who has been through many relationships just feels like it was another relationship that ran its course.
Just be ready for the possibility of it not lasting forever and make sure you don't feel as if you wasted your "best years" just being some guys playtoy.
Again.. I'm only speaking from my experience but I've watched several of my friends go through the same scenarios.
Your statement is so true. The sad thing is us older men treat younger females with respect and there not used to that. I hate to say this but younger females are easy, just treat them right and they will seek you out.
married

Scottsville, KY

#12 Mar 9, 2011
Your Mom wrote:
Why limit yourself to one man when you can have as many as you want? Get out there and get it on. You got your whole life ahead of you.
Maybe she is tired of the same ole run around, being used, and worrying about being treated like an asshol- from other guys, if this guy loves you and you love him then there is no reason why you can't be together!! just remember in a few years though, you may be taking care of him as he gets older. If you can handle that for real true love then go for it!
Torn

United States

#13 Mar 9, 2011
Thanks to everyone for all the advice...I really appreciate it! When I first met this older man I was 22yrs old, and he was 44...We went together so perfectly! Sadly, I let people interfere and ruin a good thing. I was constantly being bugged by our age differences, and looked down on because I was with a man that many years older then me! I ended the relationship, and we both walked away hurt. We have recently met back up, and have been talking. I'm now 31 yrs old, and he's 53. He's still the same man I fell in love with when I was 22. I have always thought about him, and wondered what could of been, but I can't live in the past. He was good to me, and treated me the way a woman should be treated. I'm by no means looking for a sugar daddy...I'm not looking for an older man to keep me up for the simple reason that I'm very much financially stable, and can keep myself up, and wasn't looking for an older man when I first fell in love with him. We had so much in common, and both enjoyed doing the same things, and I liked how well I was treated. He doesn't show his age, and gets around better then most men in their 30's. He opened my eyes up to a world that I didn't know was out there! He taught me how to live, and to enjoy life! We're still talking and just taking things slow for now, no need in rushing into something just yet! Thanks for all the comments, and I hope to recieve more! Everyone has been so polite! Once again Thanks so much!
hmmm

Glasgow, KY

#14 Mar 9, 2011
Nothing wrong with it. I'm a 50 yr old dating a 19 year old. Now I admit it, I've slowed down some, we probably only hammer once a day now days, but that seems to keep her happy. I still do 100 push ups in the morning when I get up along with a 2 hr workout. I know I'm more fit than most 20 year olds.
perv

Rockport, IN

#15 Mar 9, 2011
hmmm wrote:
Nothing wrong with it. I'm a 50 yr old dating a 19 year old. Now I admit it, I've slowed down some, we probably only hammer once a day now days, but that seems to keep her happy. I still do 100 push ups in the morning when I get up along with a 2 hr workout. I know I'm more fit than most 20 year olds.
Your just a nasty ole perv!! i'm sure that 19 year old is going to have something to do with you within the next few years, especially when you go to the nursing home!! grow some balls and get a woman your own age instead of leading on a baby.
hmmm

Glasgow, KY

#16 Mar 9, 2011
perv wrote:
<quoted text> Your just a nasty ole perv!! i'm sure that 19 year old is going to have something to do with you within the next few years, especially when you go to the nursing home!! grow some balls and get a woman your own age instead of leading on a baby.
Oh shut up you big pig, you're just jealous you can't get anyone to look your way. As long as all parties are happy what the hell does it matter?
idiot

Scottsville, KY

#17 Mar 9, 2011
hmmm wrote:
<quoted text>
Oh shut up you big pig, you're just jealous you can't get anyone to look your way. As long as all parties are happy what the hell does it matter?
Actually I am a very happily married woman and also very attractive!! what your doing is wrong and you will figure it out, like i said PERV!! neither of you could possible have a thing in common besides sex. That would have to be the extent of the relationship!! and will always be the extent of it. SHe will figure it out shortly, she must be pretty hard up in the first place, or just was wondering what it was like to experience sex with your grandpa!! ewwwwwwwwwwww, nasty!!
hmmm

Glasgow, KY

#18 Mar 9, 2011
idiot wrote:
<quoted text> Actually I am a very happily married woman and also very attractive!! what your doing is wrong and you will figure it out, like i said PERV!! neither of you could possible have a thing in common besides sex. That would have to be the extent of the relationship!! and will always be the extent of it. SHe will figure it out shortly, she must be pretty hard up in the first place, or just was wondering what it was like to experience sex with your grandpa!! ewwwwwwwwwwww, nasty!!
Like I said jealous. You Attractive? I highly doubt it. From what I have seen the big fat homely hogs are usually the ones concerned about other's business. They are usually mad at the world for their own short commings in life and like to run their mouth. "Short" commings", lol, yes that's probably part of your problem to.
lexi

Detroit, MI

#19 Mar 9, 2011
hmmm wrote:
Nothing wrong with it. I'm a 50 yr old dating a 19 year old. Now I admit it, I've slowed down some, we probably only hammer once a day now days, but that seems to keep her happy. I still do 100 push ups in the morning when I get up along with a 2 hr workout. I know I'm more fit than most 20 year olds.
Your 50 and have a 19 year old girlfriend? Looks like you win man!!!
I'm about 7 years older than my great gf!!
NOT

Scottsville, KY

#20 Mar 9, 2011
hmmm wrote:
<quoted text> Like I said jealous. You Attractive? I highly doubt it. From what I have seen the big fat homely hogs are usually the ones concerned about other's business. They are usually mad at the world for their own short commings in life and like to run their mouth. "Short" commings", lol, yes that's probably part of your problem to.
Well you haven't seen everything then have you buddy???? cause that ain't me!! after all you posted on topix, so your stupidity, anything is game on here, if you didnt want someones opinion you should have kept it to yourself!! No By no means would I be jealous, just sickened by the thought of that poor 19 year old girl being strung along by her grandpa, horrible!!

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