marriage discussion
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lostlove

United States

#1 Jul 28, 2011
Should people stay with Controlling spouses?
When in your eyes is a divorce okay?
Are reasons other than death/affairs and abuse good enough reasons to leave?
What if you don't know what you want?
Or if you never really loved them and are tired of forcing it because you cant make yourself love them the right way.
how do you know you deserve better?
TexasGMC

Dallas, TX

#2 Jul 28, 2011
Answers!
1- No! Only GOD Controls you!
2- When you are lieing to them and your self!
3- YES
4- You need to find your self to move on
5- You have to have to love your self before you can Love anyone
6- When your aksing I deserve better "Don't Settle" Find Better!

Good Luck
lostlove

United States

#3 Jul 28, 2011
Thank you.
I did not love myself when we got married.
I do love myself now after a lot of work though.
My spouse talks about blowing their head off when i do stand up for myself because i caused an argument by doing so. My spouse is a control freak and must always get their way and be in charge. I am a people pleasing person so i know i can be munipulated easily. I become wishy washy after someone contradicts my choice because i dont like to offend. After a fight my spouse is very sweet so i feel that i can be myself again and before i know it im being controlled again.
Their is a child involved.
CBM

Graham, TX

#4 Jul 28, 2011
It's pretty simple. You got to roll the dice and let the chips fall where they fall. Stop worrying about your spouse. If he is that weak of a person to pull this card, you are way better off without him. You said there was a child involved. With a person in the home like this, there is always the risk of harming the child. Sorry for your dilemma, hopefully everything will work out for you and your child. Godspeed and goodluck.
TexasGMC

Dallas, TX

#5 Jul 28, 2011
You have to make a choice for your child! A child can not be in this environment! It's not healthy for them to hear nor see fighting! Your spouse needs to grow up! You need to stand up and take pride in your self! Blowing his head is a easy way out of his prolems! He needs help you and your child needs to be safe! You need to report it next time he does this acts!

Since: Jul 11

United States

#6 Jul 29, 2011
Think about this your child he or she will grow up thinking this is the way of life and start treating u this way and then go on to treat there partner in life this way and then there children then the cycle will be.never ending I know its hard been there done that. And I got a divorce and yes I am married again and I am happier then I have ever been in my whole life. There r ways to get out call 211 from land.line and they can tell u what u need to do and.places to go.

Since: Jul 11

Bonham, TX

#7 Jul 29, 2011
I used to think that after I had kids that I would never get a divorce because I didn't want my kids to grow up thinking that it was their fault and having to live between 2 homes. I did get divorced, have found the most wonderful man, not only to me but my kids. I just make sure both my kids feel loved and never let them think anything to do with what happened is their fault. Kids are very forgiving sometimes, or at least mine are. And they really don't mind going to both parents houses, kinda like a small vacation for them at times. Just don't stay because you think its best for the child, because which is better parents that are together but miserable which rubs off on the child, or parents seperating and both finding happiness and that rubbing off on the child. Always put the interests of your kids first, men come and go, same as to women, but your kids are yours forever and they are the most important thing you will ever do. Sorry had to put my 2 cents in
Anonymous

United States

#8 Jul 29, 2011
I think women are always going to be torn about issues of an emmotional matter, and I don't have any idea what its like to be you because I am SO not able to be with a controlling man..I will FREAK OUT..if at any point you become comfortible with this idea, you can have me come stay for the weekend and each time he starts to be an ass..I will hit him with a bat...this saves a whole lot of blah blah blah and in time he will learn to shut the hell up....so let me know, my schedule is pretty much open after 6pm and weekends. <3
Anonymous

United States

#9 Jul 29, 2011
and Yes,I was just wanting to make you laugh..don't hit, its not nice. ;)
Old timer

United States

#10 Jul 29, 2011
Lost, would your partner agree to counseling? I know this sounds old fashion, but a marriage use to stand with sickness and health. And it sounds like this person is sick. You need to keep your ground but counseling may help you both in understanding why there is a control issue, and a people pleasing issue. Hope you get help, and hope for the changes.
lostlove

United States

#11 Jul 30, 2011
We have done counseling
I have been and we have been together. It hasn't helped our marriage in the long run.
My spouse has a hard time finding any fault on his part. It's just overall ... very frustrating to be the only one doing everything possible to keep our marriage together.
ted

East Saint Louis, IL

#12 Jul 30, 2011
I've always wondered if you should stay in your marriage for your children? I have a good spouse but after many years of marriage there is "nothing there" between us. I don't desire my spouse and it makes me unhappy. We have great children,so do I stay with my spouse until my children are grown & try and find happiness?? I'm lost also.
Anonymous

Iowa Park, TX

#13 Jul 30, 2011
let me get my glasses....well this all can be blaimed on Romeo and Julliet..from the time we understand what makes the world go round..WE WANT IT..AND WE WANT IT BAD..it doesn't matter that its your first love, or your just so excited someone bought you a ring..so then you create Life and you realise thats the most amazing love and you wonder..why don't I love him or her like I USED to...and its because we put so much of ourself in another person and its not fair to them. If I need to say more, let me know.
Anonymous

Iowa Park, TX

#14 Jul 30, 2011
and yea yea yea I know I spell like a 1st grader but if you can understand it..just deal with it..everyone else uses iphones and spell check so BLAAHHHHHHH
CBM

Graham, TX

#15 Jul 30, 2011
Very well spoken fox. But I do have a question that maybe you can answer. Why is that decent nice girls/women end up with complete douchebags and why does good decent guys end up with............ well trash.
Anonymous

Iowa Park, TX

#16 Jul 30, 2011
NIce girls or women for that matter are taught what they learn from there up brining..you can be the sweetest thing ever but if you grew up hearing how everything you say or do is wrong, or your not good enough to have a voice and in the South when a women is empowered she is the one that gets the dirty looks from her Momma's church friends..so they learn to die inside..then here comes Mr.Douchbag to tell her she is pretty and she is like..but I don't feel pretty on the inside..and the rest is just a train wreck waiting to happen..Men, same way..the ones who have no selfesteem...feel worthless because they weren't told any different..are just glad to not be alone.
Anonymous

Iowa Park, TX

#17 Jul 30, 2011
and Im not cracking on church..but the " church lady"types..were your supposed to be a " lady" and not make a scene..ect, you were born with a soul and to denie a person..takes away that light in the eyes...so sorry for church reference.
Anonymous

Iowa Park, TX

#18 Jul 30, 2011
Ok you totally asked!! lol are you crying or what?
CBM

Graham, TX

#19 Jul 30, 2011
Not at all. Trust me, if I don't want the absolute truth, I won't ask the question. It does make sense. It just doesn't make sense. you hear girls crying about their man did them so wrong and vice versa. come on people, get on the same page. Let the decent folks be together and the douchebags have themselves. Just a thought.
Anonymous

Iowa Park, TX

#20 Jul 30, 2011
alright you left me..so I will say this..the " douchebags" may very well be..but maybe if you work with them and try to see a better way..I really have no paintence for them myself, but say if thats your thing..just think..ok a long time ago he was a kid..and he probably got treated badly and is angry or hurting still..and he wants a nice girl but doesn't know how to stop being angry.. people call me crazy because I say pretty much anything if I think it makes sense..and stop him and say..OMG why are you treating me like that! I don't want to be around you until you can be my friend..don't lay into the water works off how mean he is..let him know at the very basics he is hurting you as a friend..for the men with she devils...take her to the Dr. and get her medicated..chicks ARE crazy. lol just kidding..same thing..TAKE TIME TO SEE EACH OTHER..don't just assume that a person is good for you..watch them, wait and if you like them..then like them long enough to love them..don't just go from basic cable to 1000 channels with 3D and surround sound.

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