Joke of the Day

“Dont care how you did it in FL”

Since: Oct 11

Location hidden

#102 Apr 24, 2012
Floridian wrote:
<quoted text>
2 cowards and 1 brave man. So what's your point?
You really didnt get that did you.
Happy Days

Jefferson, GA

#103 Apr 24, 2012
Timmy_ wrote:
<quoted text>You really didnt get that did you.
Yawn
Floridian

Orlando, FL

#104 Apr 24, 2012
Timmy_ wrote:
<quoted text>You really didnt get that did you.
I was trying to get YOU and I did my little dim witted friend.
happy

Dawsonville, GA

#105 Apr 24, 2012
President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello, President Obama " a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at the Joes Crab Shack, Houston Texas , I am callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on ya!" "Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army ?" "Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!" Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor." President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harold’s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!" Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have at call you back." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?" “Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners."

“Skin a Floridian”

Since: Aug 09

Location hidden

#106 Apr 30, 2012
FLORIDIANS.......
Floridian

Orlando, FL

#108 May 2, 2012
OK moderator I'm puttin' it back cuz you deleted it.
Why do 35% of cannibals prefer Geeks over Jocks?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Some people just prefer dork meat.

“Dont care how you did it in FL”

Since: Oct 11

Location hidden

#109 May 2, 2012
How many floridiots does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three

One to stand on a chair and hold the lightbulb and two to spin the chair around.
Floridian

Orlando, FL

#110 May 2, 2012
Timmy_ wrote:
How many floridiots does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three
One to stand on a chair and hold the lightbulb and two to spin the chair around.
Go back to sleep.
Tsplost

Perry, GA

#111 May 3, 2012


This is not a joke..

I'm putting this here for those who remember the beauty, the lines, and the style of yesteryear. Not like the ladies of today.


I've taken a trip with Studie and Hudie. And the music is nice also.


&fe ature=player_detailpage




“Skin a Floridian”

Since: Aug 09

Location hidden

#113 May 4, 2012
Little somethin to pull wiff the girls.....

http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/de...

“Dont care how you did it in FL”

Since: Oct 11

Location hidden

#114 May 4, 2012
Two floridiots was hiking in the woods when they came across a set of tracks. One floridiot says look deer tracks and the other says no thats bear tracks. For the next 30 minutes they stand there arguing what kind of tracks they are and then they are hit by a train.

Since: Aug 10

Dawsonville, GA

#115 May 5, 2012
Slowpok wrote:
Little somethin to pull wiff the girls.....
http://share.shutterfly.com/share/received/de...
What a beauty, Slo. I remember we had a refrig like the one in the picture. You had to defrost it periodically. It was still working into the 90's.

Since: Aug 10

Dawsonville, GA

#116 May 6, 2012
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary



DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

Since: Aug 10

Cornelia, GA

#117 May 29, 2012

“Dont care how you did it in FL”

Since: Oct 11

Location hidden

#118 May 29, 2012
Truthis Blairsville wrote:
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
This is really wierd!
Floridian

Orlando, FL

#119 May 29, 2012
Timmy_ wrote:
<quoted text>This is really wierd!
What? That a cat can write or that it can speak english?

“Dont care how you did it in FL”

Since: Oct 11

Location hidden

#120 May 29, 2012
Floridian wrote:
<quoted text>
What? That a cat can write or that it can speak english?
Both!
froggy

Cornelia, GA

#121 May 29, 2012
Timmy_ wrote:
<quoted text>Both!
I guess that would make the cat two up on Timmy.

“Dont care how you did it in FL”

Since: Oct 11

Location hidden

#122 May 29, 2012
froggy wrote:
<quoted text>I guess that would make the cat two up on Timmy.
Did you pass the third grade this year frog boy or going to have to repeat it for the fourth time.

Since: Aug 10

Cornelia, GA

#123 Jun 1, 2012
Why parents drink

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick. So he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.' Hello ?'

'Is your daddy home?'' Yes, he's out in the garden ,' whispered the small voice.'May I talk with him?' The child whispered,'No .' ;

So the boss asked,'Well, is your Mommy there?'' Yes, she's out in the garden too '& The boss asked; 'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered,' No .' Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,'Is anybody else there?'' Yes ,' whispered the child,' a policeman..'

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,'May I speak with the policeman?'' No, he's busy ,' whispered the child.'Busy doing what?'' Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men.' Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked,'What is that noise?'' It's a helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.' The search team just landed a helicopter ''A search team?' said the boss.'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle....'ME

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