Comments
1 - 13 of 13 Comments Last updated Feb 7, 2013

“Shadowville All-Stars”

Since: Dec 08

Columbus, GA

#1 Nov 5, 2012
Jasmine Rising!

Archived critiques of "Trick of Light" by Karla Rogers by Will Dockery & others:

http://alt.poetry.narkive.com/4qYHLCBq/trick-...

Trick of Light / Karla
Will Dockery
3 years ago
Trick of Light
Tonight, under the bursting moon
I wrote this poem about waltzing with you

Okay, I have a bit more time now... just a bit.

Okay, everyone else says change these two lines, eh? Interestingly, my
comment on them is that they really work. You are not dancing under the
blazing moon (and we've sure had a classic June-moon-spoon of a couple of
days, I daresay, some of the coolest, pleasant nights in the Deep South June
since 1985, I kid you not, and I was there, so I know), you are /writing/
about it, filtering memory, reinventing the memory, making life into art, or
trying to. That's why the line "I wrote this poem about waltzing with you"
just works, is great, and that's my comment on that.

how I felt like Meryl Streep in your arms

Now this part is the one I would change if it were me, which you're not, of
course, but bringing in a real (or almost real, as real as a Hollywood icon
can be, anyway), cheapens the line, makes the image lazy, sort of. Sort of
like the critiques of my critiques of "Your poem reminds me of...", and if
this sort of thing doesn't work for critique, then it sure shouldn't be
acceptable in a poem, which is of course a much higher form of art than
comments /about/ poems.

"You made me feel..." beautiful? Sexy? Strong? Cool? Rich and famous? A good
lover, or dancer (perhaps the dancer in the poem could be Dennis Hammes, but
that's stretching... JK might use that, but not here, not now) could and can
make someone feel that way. I'm reminded of a line I tossed, coincidentally
and interestingly (to me) last week where I felt like Clark Gable... a
stunning night in the Deep South can do things like that, but it seemed lazy
(or I could second-guess that it could or would be judged so by critics) or
at best a cheap and easy reference, so it is gone. And my commenty is I
think you ought to work on how this person you wrote the poem to made you
feel while dancing.

Define what it is like to "feel like Meryl Streep"... because it isn't such
an obvious thing, feels like... nothing. To me.

"You made me forget myself, you made me think I was someone else, someone
good.", is what the line reminds me of, from the old Lou Reed song "Perfect
Day", but I'm not trying to put words in your mouth.

surrounded by japanese lanterns
the scent of jasmine rising around us from
little yellow-white heads crushed under our heels

This isn't Meryl Streep to me, but Vivien Leigh in Streetcar, Japanese
Lanterns (smashed by Stanley) and scent of Jasmine, all there... "I thought
I was someone else, someone good.":



I know that "this reminds me of" isn't acceptable in poetry commentary, but
this is just too obvious.

And in my opinion better than a tired image of Meryl Streep. Leigh and
Brando, now /that/ is an image, dancing under a "hustling bustling moon".

and in the heat of writing it
I hear your voice again, liking me
or a Meryl me

Yes, and back at the crib, writing about it, observing it from the Fortress
of Solitude, gone again, back to the lonesome act of poetry. I like it, and
that's my comment.

because just like the songs
moonlight does that
and I'm remembering
champagne glittering
how we danced till the music stopped

These kind of seem like padding, and I've done it enough to know it when I
see it... heh.

Tighten it, make better images, I know someone would say if someone else had
written this.

the violins packed away, napkins folded
and I was Meryl Streep under a bursting moon

Blah, boring.

a trick of light
your love.

Nice ending.

[Read more at: http://alt.poetry.narkive.com/4qYHLCBq/trick-... ]

--
Over You / Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars:
http://youtu.be/4rvCp_xzWH8

“Shadowville All-Stars”

Since: Dec 08

Columbus, GA

#2 Jan 27, 2013
Jasmine Rising!

Archived critiques of "Trick of Light" by Karla Rogers by Will Dockery & others:

http://alt.poetry.narkive.com/4qYHLCBq/trick-...

More culture for y'all...

“Shadowville All-Stars”

Since: Dec 08

Columbus, GA

#4 Jan 27, 2013
What dis is wrote:
What dis is? Nobody wanna read dis junk. This mess. It just wack.
Then ignore it, of course!

“Shadowville All-Stars”

Since: Dec 08

Columbus, GA

#6 Jan 27, 2013
It like wrote:
It like vomick spit cups and sticky mess slopping on your shoes while trying to get to your seat in the movie theatre. Ruining the show from the nasty joose soaking in your socks and shoes. Make yuh wanna get a refund and comeback later after it is cleaned up. Please people. Anybody post something on here besides that narcisisstic mirror gazer with all his wack scribblings. He got snakes in his head.
Wow... that was almost poetic in a folk-art kinda way.

--
Music & poetry from Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars:
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery

“Shadowville All-Stars”

Since: Dec 08

Columbus, GA

#7 Jan 28, 2013
What dis is wrote:
Nobody wanna read dis
But we are posting it here just in case someone mighr... fair enough?

Meanwhile, here's my latest, a poems set to music by the amazing guitar team of Jack Snipe and Brian Mallard:

"Chasing 'round a silver-dollar moon,'round glimmering green ozone,'round
midnight's pale blue maelstrom, through crimson horned stigmata tied with a
sailor's knot of stars before I give her up... to that Idle Hour Night." -
with Jack Snipe and 5 others at The Shadowville All-Stars.

http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery/song/...

“Shadowville All-Stars”

Since: Dec 08

Columbus, GA

#9 Jan 28, 2013
All Those People wrote:
All those people you promote on here. Why don't they ever come on here and post links to your work music and poems and tell everybody how great you are. I know you'll post TELL EVERYBODY HOW GREAT YOU ARE so I put it caps for you so you can snip it. But seriously. No one. Not one person you ever post on here comes on here and praises you. Why?
Not many decent folks want to deal with the anonymous trolls such as you, obviously.

--
Music & poetry from Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars:
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery

“Shadowville All-Stars”

Since: Dec 08

Columbus, GA

#12 Jan 28, 2013
Only Difference wrote:
You are a self promoting
Glad you brought that up, my anonymous friend.

Exactly... the term is "Do It Yourself", and was created by musicians, artists and poets who don't have the big $$$ of corporate backing.

Here's more on DIY culture:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_it_yourself

Do it yourself (DIY) is building, modifying, or repairing something without the aid of experts or professionals. The popular culture phrase "do it yourself" had come into common usage (in standard English) by the 1950s, in reference to the emergence of a trend of people undertaking home improvement and various other small craft and construction projects as both a creative-recreational and cost-saving activity.

Subsequently, the term DIY has taken on a broader meaning that covers a wide range of skill sets. DIY is associated with the international alternative rock, punk rock, and indie rock music scenes; indymedia networks, pirate radio stations, and the zine community. In this context, DIY is related to the Arts and Crafts movement, in that it offers an alternative to modern consumer culture's emphasis on relying on others to satisfy needs. The abbreviation DIY is also widely used in the military as a way to teach commanders (hence how from this YouTube videoclip) or other types of units to take responsibility, so that they'd be able to do things themselves just as a preparation for their own future.
Subculture

Main article: DIY ethic

The terms "DIY" and "do-it-yourself" are also used to describe:
Self-publishing books, zines, and alternative comics
Bands or solo artists releasing their music on self-funded record labels
Trading of mixtapes as part of cassette culture
Home made stuffs based on the principles of "Recycle, Reuse & Reduce" (the 3R's). A common term in many Environmental movements encouraging people to reuse old, used objects found in their homes and to recycle simple materials like paper.[6]
Crafts such as knitting, sewing, handmade jewelry, ceramics[7]
Designing business cards, invitations and so on
Creating punk or indie musical merchandise through the use of recycling thrift store or discarded materials, usually decorated with art applied by silk screen.[8]
Independent game development and game modding
Contemporary roller derby
Building musical electronic circuits such as the Atari Punk Console and create circuit bending noise machines from old children toys.
Modifying ("mod'ing") common products to allow extended or unintended uses, commonly referred to by the internet term, "life-hacking". Related to jury-rigging i.e. sloppy/ unikely mods
DIY science: using open-source hardware to make scientific equipment to conduct citizen science or simply low-cost traditional science [9] DIY bio

DIY as a subculture could be said to have begun with the punk movement of the 1970s.[10] Instead of traditional means of bands reaching their audiences through large music labels, bands began recording, manufacturing albums and merchandise, booking their own tours, and creating opportunities for smaller bands to get wider recognition and gain cult status through repetitive low-cost DIY touring. The burgeoning zine movement took up coverage of and promotion of the underground punk scenes, and significantly altered the way fans interacted with musicians. Zines quickly branched off from being hand-made music magazines to become more personal; they quickly became one of the youth culture's gateways to DIY culture. This led to tutorial zines showing others how to make their own shirts, posters, zines, books, food, etc.

HTH & HAND.

--
Music & poetry from Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars:
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery

“Shadowville All-Stars”

Since: Dec 08

Columbus, GA

#14 Feb 1, 2013
Only Difference wrote:
Commenting on everything under the sun
That's what the Topix.com Forums were created for, or hadn't you noticed?

--
Music & poetry from Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars:
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery

“Shadowville All-Stars”

Since: Dec 08

Columbus, GA

#16 Feb 1, 2013
Clicking on those links wrote:
I clicked on several of those links he posts and my computer yelled,
BLOCKING MALICIOUS VIRUS
TROJAN FIREWALL ALERT
VIRUS SCAN INITIATED
VIRUS SCAN ADVISED
I don't think I'll be clicking onto any links he posts again anytime soon.
Not from mine you didn't.

Just for the record.

--
Music & poetry from Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars:
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery

“Shadowville All-Stars”

Since: Dec 08

Columbus, GA

#17 Feb 2, 2013
You Dont like wrote:
Anyone who says anything you don't like is a troll.
No, the Topix.com trolls are much better defined than that, even the New York times took note.

--
Music & poetry from Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars:
http://www.reverbnation.com/willdockery

“Shadowville All-Stars”

Since: Dec 08

Columbus, GA

#18 Feb 3, 2013
What dis is wrote:
What dis is? Nobody wanna read dis junk. This mess. It just wack.
Simple solution.

Don't like the post?

Don't read it.

--
Will Dockery backed by The Conley Brothers:
http://youtu.be/v8_Yp-dIPCY
Deb

Columbus, GA

#19 Feb 3, 2013
Anyone ever make the dish "Country Captain"?

“Shadowville All-Stars”

Since: Dec 08

Columbus, GA

#20 Feb 7, 2013
Deb wrote:
Anyone ever make the dish "Country Captain"?
What, do I look like the Galloping Gormet or something?

--
Over You / Will Dockery & The Shadowville All-Stars
http://youtu.be/4rvCp_xzWH8

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Bibb City Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
GA Who do you support for U.S. Senate in Georgia i... (Oct '10) 6 hr Synergy 53,257
GA Who do you support for Attorney General in Geor... (Oct '10) Thu Pfffft 185
Islam Thu Garry 3
Obama did what? Thu Garry 12
Federal Judge Strikes Down Florida Gay Marriage... Wed Columbus Insider 2
Ferguson Gang Leader Admits “Eric Holder Paid U... Aug 27 Hank 3
Eric Holder the Black Racist Aug 25 flora 5
•••
•••
•••

Bibb City Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••

Bibb City People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Bibb City News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Bibb City
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••