This one should definitely be on some sort of Topix all-time greatest posts compilations ...
Dear American liberals, leftists, social “progressives”, Socialists, Marxists,
Communists, and Obama supporters, et. al.:
We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of
this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we
tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this
relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right
for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to
irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar
portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a
friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective
representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct
and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.
You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the
We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-
diesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however,
responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and
Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless
homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.
We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the
Bibles and give you NBC and Hollyweird.
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine. You can have the peaceniks and war
protesters and human shields. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism,
Political Correctness, and Shirley McLain. You can also have the United Nations, but we
will no longer be paying their bills.
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every
Subaru station wagon and old school bus that you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare, as long as you can find any practicing doctors.
Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
No doubt you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to
Sing", "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World".
We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty
your best shot.
Sign here, and say goodbye, PLEASE!