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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Jul 24, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I have an awful time meeting men. I'm not considered beautiful by any means, so that means meeting any good guys won't happen. I use Craigslist a lot to meet sexual partners. I am so tired of giving up my body for a few minutes of pleasure and then feeling empty on the inside. Please tell me what to do.-- WHERE ARE THE GOOD GUYS?

DEAR WHERE: I'll try, but first let me tell you where the good guys aren't. They are not on Craigslist trolling for sex partners. As my grandfather used to say, "If you're looking for trout, don't go fishing in a herring barrel."

Your problem isn't your looks; it is your extremely low level of self-esteem. It's important that you discuss this with a psychologist who can help you recognize the positive qualities you have to offer, because until you do, you will only repeat these empty, depressing encounters. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl who was raised to be polite. When I meet someone, I offer a handshake and a smile and make eye contact. However, I have found that because I'm female, adults -- especially men -- will go in for a hug even when I offer my hand to shake. This is followed by comments like, "You're too sweet to just shake hands," or, "Girls don't shake hands."

I like hugs, but they make me uncomfortable when they're from someone I don't know well, and I find the comments insulting. How do I avoid this awkward moment and respond to the comments?-- TEEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR TEEN: The next time someone lunges forward, take a step back and say, "I prefer to shake hands!" Say it with a smile and don't be confrontational, but do defend your personal space if you feel it is being invaded. It is not impolite to do so.

DEAR ABBY: I'm single, have no kids and I'm about to turn 62. I own my own home and have no debts. After years of earning a modest but steady income and watching my expenses, I have saved enough and I am eligible for good retirement benefits. So what's my problem?

Friends and family insist I'm crazy to leave a job at which I could work for another five to 10 years. I know retirement is practical for me because I have gotten professional financial planning advice. There are many things I really want to do -- classes, hobbies, volunteer work and travel before I'm too old.

My friends need to work to support their extravagant lifestyles, lavish vacations, expensive restaurants, plus their new cars, clothing and electronics. I did things my way and can afford to retire now, so why can't my friends keep their mouths shut and let me enjoy what I have worked for?-- READY TO RETIRE

DEAR READY: They may be jealous, or they may be genuinely concerned about you. Not knowing them, I can't answer for them. I can, however, suggest this: Before quitting your job and the steady, modest income it provides, talk with another financial planner and get a second opinion. You'd do that with a doctor if you had a serious question about your physical health, and I'm recommending you do it because this decision will affect your financial health for the rest of your life. If you wait a few more years, you won't be over the hill, and you will have even more money to enjoy in your retirement.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Jul 24, 2013
L1: So stop meeting guys for hook-up sex. I"m not model either, but I've never lacked for dates -- it's about attitude!
L2: Eff no. NO hugs. Especially from someone I just met. Back the eff off. Respect personal space and personal boundaries.
L3: THey are jealous that their high cost of living (by choice) is keeping them from retiring right now.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#3 Jul 24, 2013
1 What "good guy" wants to date a chick who uses Craigslist for sex?

2 Awww,'cmere cutie. That a thong your wearing?
Yes, what red said. Learn it now, it will help in the workplace later.

3 They are jealous and lamy is just doing a CYA. Your an intelligent person, and you hired someone to develop a retirement plan for you. You both have crunched the #'s and you are confident in them.

Now go retire and enjoy yourself, just stay out of the casino's and away from hookers.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Jul 24, 2013
RACE wrote:
Now go retire and enjoy yourself, just stay out of the casino's and away from hookers.
That's gonna be a boring retirement!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#5 Jul 24, 2013
Ha!
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
That's gonna be a boring retirement!

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#6 Jul 24, 2013
L2. That's their way of trying to cop a cheap feel.
I don't even like shaking hands with people, so I will often go for the fist bump instead.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#7 Jul 24, 2013
L1: Like others have said, they're not on Craigslist. You need therapy to help with your issues. There's many and they're deep.

L2: Polite does not mean you do whatever someone else wants.

L3: If you're so certain, why are you looking to other people for permission?
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#8 Jul 24, 2013
Why did LW3 tell these people about the plan to
retire?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#9 Jul 24, 2013
L1: You troll Craigslist for hookups and wonder why you can't find a good man? Listen to yourself!

L2: I refuse to believe that New Yorkers are constantly trying to hug you.

L3: Thanks for bragging. Consider this official permission to spend your money and your retirement in any way you choose.
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

#10 Jul 24, 2013
Retire and enjoy yourself. You have lived a modest life and know how to manage on what income you will be getting. My husband and I lived a similar life and after working many, many years decided to retire early. We get snarky remarks from some people but we just ignore them.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 Jul 24, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
L2: I refuse to believe that New Yorkers are constantly trying to hug you.
Ha! good catch!

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 Jul 24, 2013
LW1: Oh god lord! Go join a church or a sports club or something other than trolling craigslist! Sheesh.

LW2: If you do not want to be hugged, than don't permit it. Politeness does not = doormat.

One of my favorite lines from a song is "don't take my kindness for weakness." You need to learn this and live it.

LW3: They are jealous and you are rubbing their noses in it. Maybe you need to find some new, retired friends...

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#13 Jul 24, 2013
LW1: Men who are not considered physically attractive exist too. Men who are not considered physically attractive exist who are looking for a relationship too.

LW2: I normally don't thing it's worth making a huge production out of it, but it is kind of rude for someone to insist on a hug when the person puts their hand out for a shake. So, I agree with Abby.

I also don't think a man should be hugging women he just met. I only hug women I know.

I've been in the opposite situation on more than one occasion where I put my hand out and the woman is expecting a hug. It's awkward!

LW3: Why do you care so much about what your friends think? Simply tell them to mind their own businesses if you donít want to hear their comments. Easy peasy.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#14 Jul 24, 2013
LW1 - I thought anencephaly was a fatal disorder, and those babies that weren't miscarried or stillborn died within hours of birth. I guess I was wrong. Some of them, apparently, survive into adulthood and are even able to troll for sex on Craigslist. You learn something new every day!

LW2 - "Girls don't shake hands"? WTF. If you see them coming in for a hug, sidestep and tell them that you don't let (near) strangers touch you.

LW3 - Tell them to go do themselves.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#15 Jul 24, 2013
1: Dang, girl...what a brutal self-assessment. There are oodles of "unattractive" men, but they have people. We all have someone that fits in our zone. Let him find you. Craiglist for sex? Wow-why not stand in a dark alley at night with a neon sign that says, "I love risking my life, whoopee!"

2: I'm anti-hugs and usually have to initiate the handshake. I find so many people can't manage this simple greeting, but I predict she's getting old guys perving on her, TBH. She's young and her body language isn't forceful enough.

3: Why the frack would you care at this stage?

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#16 Jul 24, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
L2: I refuse to believe that New Yorkers are constantly trying to hug you.
I don't. It's misogyny at it's most disgusting. "too cute to shake hands?" WTF? It's the patriarchy saying she needs to/can be be touched whether she wants to be or not. Abby reinforces it by telling her to step back and smile. Screw that...try to hug me without my permission, lose a testicle. <shrug>

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#17 Jul 24, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
1: Dang, girl...what a brutal self-assessment. There are oodles of "unattractive" men, but they have people. We all have someone that fits in our zone. Let him find you. Craiglist for sex? Wow-why not stand in a dark alley at night with a neon sign that says, "I love risking my life, whoopee!"
This.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#18 Jul 24, 2013
1: So you hookup via CraigsList and complain you can't find good men? WTF is wrong with you? Stop acting like a hosebag and get some class and self-respect.

2: Use your words cupcake, and do the backstep.

3: He who retires with the most generous retirement wins. It's your life dude. Go get your ya-ya's out!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#19 Jul 24, 2013
Cass wrote:
LW1 - I thought anencephaly was a fatal disorder, and those babies that weren't miscarried or stillborn died within hours of birth. I guess I was wrong. Some of them, apparently, survive into adulthood and are even able to troll for sex on Craigslist. You learn something new every day!
Troll for sex on Craigslist then complain how no one will date her for a relationship!

I did my college philosophy on that, and the very quiet hush-hush practice (condoned by the AMA and their pediatric branch) of hastening those infants' deaths before their organs go bad, so they can harvest the organs for others who are waiting for them.

Troubling stuff.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#20 Jul 24, 2013
Thanks to the advice of someone online, one nighta few years ago I trolled through the CL ads for one-night stands. The gay ones were disturbing. Most were about cheating on their wives with other men. Many had men bent over showing their held-wide-open butt cheeks. Many were saying "Wife is out of town, come one over and I'll blow you."

It was entertaining and a bit horrifying at the same time.

Haven't been back to look at those ads again. Saw enough.

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