Cruz Claims Hagel Inspired Marx

Cruz Claims Hagel Inspired Marx

Posted in the Bellefontaine Forum

Since: Oct 10

Lucas, OH

#1 Feb 26, 2013
Senator Ted Cruz (R/TP-TX) launched a blistering attack on Defense Secretary nominee Hagel, asserting a direct link to Karl Marx:

"History shows that Marx not only read Hagel, but took his inspiration from him," said the Princeton-educated Harvard Law School graduate. "I should know. I was taught by at least 12 communist professors at Harvard."

Broadening his attack on Hagel, and citing French(!) socialist professor Alexandre KojÚve's interpretation of Hagel's thesis, Cruz warned of the "danger to America having a secretary of defense who believes that history ended with the Battle of Jena."

Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) called for a delay in the vote on Hagel's nomination until the Committee had a chance "to read the Phenomenology of Spirit and the Philosophy of Right, two of his key writings, to understand what this nominee really believes, and why he encouraged Karl Marx. These are critical questions for any Defense Secretary nominee."

Former Governor Sarah Palin (R/TP-AL) revealed that, after she took a speed-reading course, she had read Hegel's Phenomenology of Spirit in 20 minutes and concluded: "It's all in German."

Palin continued: "I saw Germany from my airplane window when I was flying from the marvelous people in India, who aren't Indians like we have Eskimo people in Alaska, but are wonderful people who can speak English, to London where they speak our beautiful American language that I know came from them when our fantastic founders started this country, to give us the right language to talk to people all over the world."

"Leave it to President Obama to nominate a man for this so-called defending job who helped Karl Marx and those, and who doesn't even write his books in a language that the people of India understand, that his incredible American soldiers, including some illegal immigrants, can speak," said the former vice-presidential candidate.

Appearing twice on each of the Sunday morning talk shows, Senator John McCain (R-AZ) demanded a bipartisan committee that he would chair to investigate the Battle of Jena. "It's time we held someone accountable for that battle. If it was the end of history, it was because America did not take the lead, and left it to the French and the Prussians. We need to find out if there was any Russian involvement."

Congresswoman Michelle Bachman (R-MN), a member of the House Intelligence Committee, said that this was all part of a pattern of indoctrination. "What better place to have a person who inspired Karl Marx than to head the Defense Department where they hold training camps?"

When writer/journalist Jane Mayer, who broke the initial story of Cruz's commies-at-Harvard accusation, pointed out to Cruz that Chuck Hagel and Georg Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel were two different people, from two different centuries, Cruz's office replied, "Senator Cruz stands by his statements, and remains concerned about communist inspiration at Harvard and in our military."

In other news, former Governor Jeb Bush (R-FLA) applauded the sequester as "likely to trigger the first recession not caused by a member of my family in more than 30 years."

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#2 Feb 26, 2013

You do realize this is all satirical, don't you? Abrams made it up.

Since: Oct 10

Lucas, OH

#4 Feb 26, 2013
magictrix wrote:
You do realize this is all satirical, don't you? Abrams made it up.
What's your point? Everyone with a brain knows that Hagel wasn't even born when Marx was alive. You're annoying.

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#5 Feb 26, 2013
Awoo wrote:
<quoted text> What's your point? Everyone with a brain knows that Hagel wasn't even born when Marx was alive. You're annoying.

Lol...just checking.

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