Terrible tantrums

[icu]

Thank you HildaB and Don'tDoIt, thank you for understanding and being willing to be more aware. Most of us who parent autistic children make awareness our number2 prioity in life, right after caring for our children. Its nice when people are open to changing how they view childrens' behavior for a less judgemental perspective.

I will admit I used to be the same way, I used to think that children were "brats" when they were acting up in a grocery store. And I am embarrassed to admit I even thought it about my own child before the diagnosis. But now I take a look back and rather than brat being my default judgement, I think perhaps the child is autistic or developmentally delayed, or possibly maybe really distressed over a parents' divorce. It makes it a lot easier to show compassion.

I so rarely get someone lending me a hand when I am out in public. In addition to my daughter being autistic my almost three year old has ADHD. Going out with them is rough. I have moments where they are both trying to run out into the street. The autistic one usually because she is so distressed and my toddler because he is so active and instead of offering to help, people glare at me and whisper in my direction. Its hurtful and it does nothing but make the situation worse. I ask of anyone who may be willing when you see a parent or caretaker struggling please see if you can assist them in any way, in the very least offer a smile, it will help the parent relax and be better able to resolve the situation.

Also, please try to remember that 95% of autistic children are of the high functioing variety, meaning that you wouldn't be outwardly aware that they are autistic. And the stats are now 1 in 86 boys and the girl stats are too hard to figure out as they are often go undiagnoses.

I thank you again for allowing me to share and for being so open minded.

[Dont do it]

Thank you for the advice. What if I ask do you know why you are in time out and get an off the wall answer after I explained at eye level several times why he is in timeout?

[LynneB]

Dont do it wrote:

Thank you for the advice. What if I ask do you know why you are in time out and get an off the wall answer after I explained at eye level several times why he is in timeout?

Keep asking, and dont't accept the off the wall answer. Mine used to do that too, and I'd say, do you really think so? Then you can sit here for another time out. And then she'd say, no, mommy, and tell me the real reason. It took a lot of asking and time outs, but it's important that you let him know that the truth is important. It's a big concept for a small child, but if he insists on giving you an off the wall answer, maybe the next thing to do would be to take him out of time out, but also take something else away, like a favorite toy, or tv time or something. Just to get the message across that the truth is the only acceptable answer.

[Artsy]

icu wrote:

I so rarely get someone lending me a hand when I am out in public. In addition to my daughter being autistic my almost three year old has ADHD. Going out with them is rough. I have moments where they are both trying to run out into the street. The autistic one usually because she is so distressed and my toddler because he is so active and instead of offering to help, people glare at me and whisper in my direction. Its hurtful and it does nothing but make the situation worse. I ask of anyone who may be willing when you see a parent or caretaker struggling please see if you can assist them in any way, in the very least offer a smile, it will help the parent relax and be better able to resolve the situation.
Also, please try to remember that 95% of autistic children are of the high functioing variety, meaning that you wouldn't be outwardly aware that they are autistic. And the stats are now 1 in 86 boys and the girl stats are too hard to figure out as they are often go undiagnoses.
I thank you again for allowing me to share and for being so open minded.

I tried to help this young lady at the grocery store one day because her little one was running around screaming, so I went up to her and asked if she needed help with her bags (so that she can grab her boy) and she yelled at me, telling me to mind my business and gave me a dirty look. Sometimes it's not easy no matter which way you look at it. I commend you for your kindness.

[Dont do it]

Artsy wrote:

<quoted text>
I tried to help this young lady at the grocery store one day because her little one was running around screaming, so I went up to her and asked if she needed help with her bags (so that she can grab her boy) and she yelled at me, telling me to mind my business and gave me a dirty look. Sometimes it's not easy no matter which way you look at it. I commend you for your kindness.

I do agree with you about damned if you do and damned if you don't. Because as a mom sometimes I am so frustrated with the little one running off and then someone trying to help me would maybe irritate me more because now a days you can't tell who is sincere and who isn't. However, just a smile to the kid or a goofy face or something might help during a tantrum. The running off and mom trying to grab kid and groceries. Well in the end the child is more important she should drop the bags and get the child. A good person would just pick the bags up who cares if she wants your help... trust me she certainly needs your help. just do it next time and don't ask. At first she will look at you like a jack a-s-s but in the end she will go to sleep saying wow what a great thing that person did for me today.

Any new parent will jump down your throat because they feel like others think they don't know what they are doing and are judging them.

I know i did it to my husbands aunt. She was trying to tell me how to do something when he was 3 months old and I yelled at her and told her to let me be and if it fails my way then I will try her way. sometimes just jumping right in is better then asking before hand. Besides many people will say no because they feel they are a burden if they say yes. When they really wanted to say yes.

[Dont do it]

LynneB wrote:

<quoted text>
Keep asking, and dont't accept the off the wall answer. Mine used to do that too, and I'd say, do you really think so? Then you can sit here for another time out. And then she'd say, no, mommy, and tell me the real reason. It took a lot of asking and time outs, but it's important that you let him know that the truth is important. It's a big concept for a small child, but if he insists on giving you an off the wall answer, maybe the next thing to do would be to take him out of time out, but also take something else away, like a favorite toy, or tv time or something. Just to get the message across that the truth is the only acceptable answer.

Again, thank you. Sometimes reasoning with a 2 year old is hard and now as I have went through the new parenting curve.... I have learned to ask others because it isn't easy.

It is sad to think that all it takes is to ask someone for a little advice but people instead take to serious butt whoopings and/or neglect. Some even worse as we have read in the papers often attemping to kill or to killed the kids. I don't understand how one can get to that point. I know my little guy can give me a hard time sometimes but it is just him also being frustrated because he is learning. He is two and learning to speak or ask for things in a correct manner. Other things like not being able to express discomfort for the day for whatever reason.. shoe is tight or a headache etc. But I can not see how anyone can harm a child for being just that a child (an innocent child who is learning this new world that was given to him).

[give me a break]

pwilson wrote:

<quoted text>Call the therapist!
Or one of the 30 guidance counselors hiding in the teachers lounge.

typical "non-parent" comment.

[Lisa Gi]

what I find so sad is the parents of children looking for a label for their children to excuse their own bad parenting skills. Like the lady in the doctors office yelling and screaming at the doctor because she wants the doctor to put her son on Ritalin because she's tired of the school complaining about her son yelling at everyone. How about the parents down the street who daughter throws these temper tantrums at 8 years old because she can't have what she wants, so her smart educated parents give into her and she's as happy as can be. Then her parents tell the rest of us their daughter suffers from childhood bipolar. Or how about the class bully who is beating on a little kid and breaks the kids glasses(while singing the theme song to cops), the bully's mother tells the other mother her son can't help himself because he's ADD or some other such problem. Than there is my favorite the woman going around trying to raise money for her two kids she self diagnosed as autistic and feels that the government is against her. So yes I have a problem with too many people looking to label liitle Johnny

[Armor Hot Dogs]

Remember the song from the old Hot Dog commercial, "Fat kids, skinny kids, kids that climb on rocks... tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox..... That was from the days when we understood kids are all different. And we accepted that. And it was OK. Today it seems there is some cookie cutter ideal we should be forcing our kids into. HOGWASH... Being too strict with small children is useless. Their brains aren't developed enough to understand all we'd like them to... so let them grow at their own pace. And let them be who they are... just like a plant they need space to grow... not a little package with a label on it so everyone knows what's inside. AND CT POST.. PLEASE LET YOUR READERS KNOW NOT TO EVER, EVER, EVER SIT ON THEIR KIDS TO CONTROL THEM... AND THAT QUOTES FROM THIS WOMAN YOU INTERVIEWED ARE NOT TO BE TAKEN AS CHILD REARING ADVICE. Perhaps "Article Causes Uproar" and cite some of the cases where children have died. It is your responsibility to do this CT Post!!!!