alcoholic husband
First Prev
of 2
Next Last
help

Duluth, GA

#1 Mar 10, 2013
My husband is an alcoholic. I don't know how to help him anymore. He's became very mean when he drinks. He's not a bad person but he has a problem.
Dad of 4

Madisonville, KY

#2 Mar 11, 2013
The mistake that people make is believing that an alcoholic is Powerless against their addiction. We encourage the false believe that the Addiction is in control. I'm a recovered addict. I recovered because myself and the people in my life had to hold me accountable for the choices that I made while drinking and the people that I hurt. Enable your husband to continue this behavior and you are doomed to a life of misery. If you have kids, then you are hurting your children. If you enable your husband to drink and become mean, then you are just as responsible as he is.

I recommend holding him accountable. If he's drinking and takes off driving while drunk, call someone to intervene, even if that means calling the police, because if you enable him to drive intoxicated and he kills someone on the road, then you are just as responsible as he is. What if it's a child that he kills?

Is he hitting you or verbally abusing you? That is criminal behavior and needs to be stopped. There is NO justification for a spouse to abuse their wife or husband. NONE! Not even when they are drunk. Drinking is just an excuse that victims use because they are codependent. Ma'am... YOU need to get counseling and get help for yourself.

YOU are in control of YOUR choices. If your marriage is unhappy, then get the hell out of it and find a life for yourself that is what you want. But an asshole is an asshole and a drunken asshole is the worse kind. I used to get drunk... 3-4 Long Island Ice Teas a night. But I was a HAPPY drunk, not a mean drunk... that's because I am not a MEAN person. The alcohol only increases the personality traits in a person that already exists. So if he's mean when he drinks.... I'd say he's quite the asshole.
slow n easy

Duluth, GA

#3 Mar 11, 2013
NgYour in for a fight. Alcoholism is gonna affect your whole family. There's alot you can do.but its gona take hard love. And until he is ready to seek help. Its gona get worse. I have been in his shoe's. Don't blame yourself!!! Just prepare yourself emotionally and save some money. And stand your ground don't give in to the blame he's gona make you feel or try too. Trust me its a hard road. Alcohol. Is worse. To get off than drugs. In my opinion. I fought it unsuccessful. For 28 yrs. And after. Lossing. My dignity my family my freedom I still could not stop. And your just as affected as he.keep reaching out!
Dad of 4

Madisonville, KY

#4 Mar 11, 2013
There are plenty of resources available to spouses wanting to get out of abusive situations. Asking for help for your husband is a waste of time. No one can help your husband but your husband. If you want help for yourself to remove yourself or your children from the situation, you can get help by calling the following phone numbers:

Kentucky Domestic Violence Association
502.209.KDVA (5382)

National Domestic Violence Hotline
800.799.SAFE (7233)
Tom Tom

Madisonville, KY

#5 Mar 11, 2013
Dad of 4 wrote:
The mistake that people make is believing that an alcoholic is Powerless against their addiction. We encourage the false believe that the Addiction is in control. I'm a recovered addict. I recovered because myself and the people in my life had to hold me accountable for the choices that I made while drinking and the people that I hurt. Enable your husband to continue this behavior and you are doomed to a life of misery. If you have kids, then you are hurting your children. If you enable your husband to drink and become mean, then you are just as responsible as he is.
I recommend holding him accountable. If he's drinking and takes off driving while drunk, call someone to intervene, even if that means calling the police, because if you enable him to drive intoxicated and he kills someone on the road, then you are just as responsible as he is. What if it's a child that he kills?
Is he hitting you or verbally abusing you? That is criminal behavior and needs to be stopped. There is NO justification for a spouse to abuse their wife or husband. NONE! Not even when they are drunk. Drinking is just an excuse that victims use because they are codependent. Ma'am... YOU need to get counseling and get help for yourself.
YOU are in control of YOUR choices. If your marriage is unhappy, then get the hell out of it and find a life for yourself that is what you want. But an asshole is an asshole and a drunken asshole is the worse kind. I used to get drunk... 3-4 Long Island Ice Teas a night. But I was a HAPPY drunk, not a mean drunk... that's because I am not a MEAN person. The alcohol only increases the personality traits in a person that already exists. So if he's mean when he drinks.... I'd say he's quite the asshole.
Now I understand, thank you for clearing things up!!!!
help

Duluth, GA

#6 Mar 11, 2013
Dad of 4 wrote:
There are plenty of resources available to spouses wanting to get out of abusive situations. Asking for help for your husband is a waste of time. No one can help your husband but your husband. If you want help for yourself to remove yourself or your children from the situation, you can get help by calling the following phone numbers:

Kentucky Domestic Violence Association
502.209.KDVA (5382)

National Domestic Violence Hotline
800.799.SAFE (7233)
I don't want to give up on him. If I left him he would drink more and do other things.
Dad of 4

Madisonville, KY

#7 Mar 11, 2013
help wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't want to give up on him. If I left him he would drink more and do other things.
Each person is in control of their own lives. You can't help your can't help your husband if he doesn't want it. But we also can't help you if you aren't wanting to change for the good yourself. Tough love is hard sometimes. But enabling an addict isn't helping them.

So the next question I have is, just to be sure we're not dealing with another issue altogether... Is your husband a Combat Veteran? Is it dealing with Combat PTSD that is the root of the issue? If that's the case, then my answer would be very different. At that point then there are completely different steps required to address the issue.
Dad of 4

Madisonville, KY

#8 Mar 11, 2013
I do not believe in the Twelve Step philosophy of "I am powerless against my addiction". I'm 27 years sober without the Twelve Step Programs. I am sober because I decided enough was enough. I stay sober because I CHOOSE to be sober. I surrender nothing to addiction, even when I spent three months in the Hell called The Eastern Mountains of Afghanistan.

Domestic violence, physical or emotional, is an abomination of God and humanity. Most cases of domestic violence starts with substance abuse (alcohol and/or drugs)... and some cases of domestic violence builds up until it ends in death.

Francine Hughes was a housewife with children who accepted her husband's abuse for 13 years. On more than one occasion her husband nearly killed her, had it not been for the intervention of family and law enforcement. On March 9, 1977 Francine Hughes set fire to her husband's bed while he was asleep. Had she refused to enable his abuse at any point, he would have been put in prison, rather than dead. She will live with that experience the rest of her life.

How many fatal car accidents are the result of intoxication or drug abuse? May 14, 1988 Larry Wayne Mahoney drove intoxicated near Carroll County, Kentucky. 27 people on a trip that was part of a Church group, died that night.

Alcohol, drugs and domestic violence has very real consequences.

There are options to getting the right help for your husband... but ONLY if you help yourself first.
Tom Tom

Madisonville, KY

#9 Mar 11, 2013
I'm sober because my God delivered me from Alcohol! Amen
Dad of 4

Madisonville, KY

#10 Mar 11, 2013
Tom Tom wrote:
I'm sober because my God delivered me from Alcohol! Amen
God has nothing to do with your decision to be sober, dude! God gives us the strength to make our own decisions. He instilled strength in us... God did not create Puppets to follow blindly. I chose to be sober and chose to use the strength that God gave me to overcome addiction. I chose to use the gifts he instilled in me to build a life worth something. 3 Months in Afghanistan documenting the horrors of War. Lectures, educating communities on the risks of unprotected sex, HIV and teen pregnancy. Helping Veterans get resources to battle PTSD. Supporting our troops in the battlefield. Fighting Sexual Abuse. What have you done outside of preaching about Hellfire and Damnation, Tom Tom?
Tom Tom

Madisonville, KY

#11 Mar 11, 2013
Dad of 4 wrote:
<quoted text>
God has nothing to do with your decision to be sober, dude! God gives us the strength to make our own decisions. He instilled strength in us... God did not create Puppets to follow blindly. I chose to be sober and chose to use the strength that God gave me to overcome addiction. I chose to use the gifts he instilled in me to build a life worth something. 3 Months in Afghanistan documenting the horrors of War. Lectures, educating communities on the risks of unprotected sex, HIV and teen pregnancy. Helping Veterans get resources to battle PTSD. Supporting our troops in the battlefield. Fighting Sexual Abuse. What have you done outside of preaching about Hellfire and Damnation, Tom Tom?
I'm Sober because God delivered me from Alcohol!!!! And you sir are now disrespecting God!!!!Now whose condemning just because they don't agree with you. Apparently you have no IDEAL who God truly is or you wouldn't be making these kind of remarks. Truth is your running scared!!!Enough said
Dad of 4

Madisonville, KY

#12 Mar 11, 2013
Tom Tom wrote:
<quoted text>I'm Sober because God delivered me from Alcohol!!!! And you sir are now disrespecting God!!!!Now whose condemning just because they don't agree with you. Apparently you have no IDEAL who God truly is or you wouldn't be making these kind of remarks. Truth is your running scared!!!Enough said
Obviously I have a better understanding of God than you do, for I pay tribute where tribute should be paid. I am also willing to expose hypocrisy when I see it.
Tom Tom

Madisonville, KY

#13 Mar 11, 2013
Dad of 4 wrote:
<quoted text>
Obviously I have a better understanding of God than you do, for I pay tribute where tribute should be paid. I am also willing to expose hypocrisy when I see it.
Well your also doing a fine job of exposing yourself, I guess it's all of that education you keep bragging about
hmmmmm

Madisonville, KY

#15 Apr 2, 2013
God helps everything. He gives us the strength to overcome our addiction, for with him all things are possible as long as you have faith. As for the one that started the forum, I had an abusive alcoholic for a husband myself and he would get drunk and beat on me for kicks. The only thing that helped him was the court system. I gave up on him because he wasn't going to stop drinking or doing drugs just because I wanted him to. They have to want to do it themselves. You can't help someone that doesn't want help, you can't force them to want help. If you are being abused there are options for you. Oasis in Owensboro has a shelter for battered women and children. No one will know you are there and they will help you fid housing, child care and a job if needed. I hope I could help you.
bubba

Madisonville, KY

#16 Apr 2, 2013
wow
belt bottom

Sacramento, KY

#17 Apr 2, 2013
dad of 4 if you cant give God the credit when he helps you then No you don't know God.
prayers your way. maybe someday you will know what it is to have God by your side and him helping you and giving you strength.
Truthseeker

Madisonville, KY

#18 Apr 2, 2013
Dad of 4, I think it is wonderful that you found sobriety, and commend you for your fortitude. You do acknowledge that God gave you the strength to overcome your addiction, but you should be careful in taking too much of the credit and being so quick to judge. You may not personally believe in 12-step programs, and that's ok, God does give us free will to make our own choices. I have personally witnessed 12-step programs save lives, quite literally. I am not trying to be insensitive or rude in any way, but you sound alot like the people of ancient Isreal who boasted of their God-given strength, wisdom and ability. While they acknowledged that they were God's chosen people, and that they were blessed by God, somewhere along the way their egos led them to believe that they could master their own destinies without God's help. We know how that ended up don't we? I completely agree that we make our own choices, but never delude yourself to believe that God has nothing to do with our decisions. God can, if you let him, have EVERYTHING to do with your decisions. I am proud of someone who has your strength, but your comment: "I pay tribute where tribute should be paid" is most definately an insult toward God. Those who know God (and I am not saying that you do not)know that ALL tribute, ALL honor and ALL glory are His forever. Before you ask me what I have done besides preach hellfire and damnation, God has seen fit to bless me with an extensive list of accomplishments, all of which were accomplished only through his grace and mercy. Peace to you.
Tom Tom

Madisonville, KY

#19 Apr 2, 2013
Truthseeker wrote:
Dad of 4, I think it is wonderful that you found sobriety, and commend you for your fortitude. You do acknowledge that God gave you the strength to overcome your addiction, but you should be careful in taking too much of the credit and being so quick to judge. You may not personally believe in 12-step programs, and that's ok, God does give us free will to make our own choices. I have personally witnessed 12-step programs save lives, quite literally. I am not trying to be insensitive or rude in any way, but you sound alot like the people of ancient Isreal who boasted of their God-given strength, wisdom and ability. While they acknowledged that they were God's chosen people, and that they were blessed by God, somewhere along the way their egos led them to believe that they could master their own destinies without God's help. We know how that ended up don't we? I completely agree that we make our own choices, but never delude yourself to believe that God has nothing to do with our decisions. God can, if you let him, have EVERYTHING to do with your decisions. I am proud of someone who has your strength, but your comment: "I pay tribute where tribute should be paid" is most definately an insult toward God. Those who know God (and I am not saying that you do not)know that ALL tribute, ALL honor and ALL glory are His forever. Before you ask me what I have done besides preach hellfire and damnation, God has seen fit to bless me with an extensive list of accomplishments, all of which were accomplished only through his grace and mercy. Peace to you.
Well Said! To God be the Glory!!! AMEN
Truthseeker

Madisonville, KY

#20 Apr 2, 2013
help wrote:
My husband is an alcoholic. I don't know how to help him anymore. He's became very mean when he drinks. He's not a bad person but he has a problem.
Bless your heart. I know exactly what you are going through and you probably feel pretty desparate and alone right now. Most of the advice you have gotten on this forum holds some absolute truths. First, you cannot help your husband other than to offer prayers. He does have to choose to make a change and as bad as you want to, you cannot do it for him. You can let him know that you love him, that God loves him, and that God will help if he asks, BUT, it is up to him to choose a different life. In the meantime, while I would argue with Dad of 4's opinion that by enabling him you are just as guilty of his offenses as he is, I would agree that enabling does not help your husband, it hurts him. If we don't allow a person to suffer the consequences of their own actions, we are depriving them of valuable lessons, and maybe even getting in God's way.

You do not have to, and should not have to tolerate abuse of any sort. Dad of 4 is right in telling you it hurts your children, and you do have a responsibility for your children's well-being. If you allow them to be abused, or witness you being abused, you are helping lay the foundation for them to grow into adults who either abuse, or are victims of abuse. You are not alone, you are not to blame, and you have the power to change your's and your children's situations. Please do seek help, I learned this lesson too late. OASIS is a very good starting point with wonderful resources. Pray for guidance and strength, look to God, and find some good friends to lean on. I will say a prayer for you. Much love and blessings.......
Amy

Madisonville, KY

#21 Apr 3, 2013
They have to want to quiet just like any addiction I had the same proble with my husband

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Beaver Dam Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Debbie Gott 1 hr Hellyeah 8
OC Senior Campout 5 hr Haha 2
Gwen 6 hr oc resident 5
Bobby Ray Walton (Oct '13) 7 hr 1whoknows 4
Time To Vote Beaver Dam Wet 14 hr James 22
Sarah peach 21 hr gross 88
Catherine Decker Thu Like2 1
More from around the web

Beaver Dam People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]