Golf and Whiskey
Elaine

Houston, TX

#1 Feb 4, 2014
Andy an 80-year-old Scotsman went to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor was amazed at what good shape he was in and asked:'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'

'I am Scottish and I am a golfer,' said Andy:'and that is why I am in such good shape. I am up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a wee glass of whiskey, and that's it.'

'Well,' said the doctor,'I am sure that helps, but there has to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?'

'Who said my Dad died?'

The doctor was amazed.'You mean you are 84 years old and your Dad is still alive. How old is he?'

He is 105 years old,' said old Andy.'In fact he golfed
wi' me this mornin', and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had anither wee dram and that is why he is still alive. He is a Scot and he is a golfer, too.'

'Well,' the doctor said,'that is great, but I am sure there is more to it than that. How about your Dad's Dad? How old was he when he died?'

'Who said my Grandad is dead?'

Stunned, the doctor asked,'You mean you are 84 years old and your grandfather is still living! Incredible, how old is he?'

'He is 127 years old,' said the old Scottish golfer

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point:'So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?'

'No. Grandad couldnae go this mornin' because he is getting married today'

At this point the doctor was close to losing it.'Getting married!! Why would a 127 year-old bloke want to get married?'

'Who said he wanted to?'
Elaine

Houston, TX

#4 Feb 11, 2014
Picture of clark alley




A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said,'Take the dog for a walk.'
fubar

San Jose, CA

#5 Feb 11, 2014
Way to keep it classy.
Elaine

Houston, TX

#6 Feb 11, 2014
fubar wrote:
Way to keep it classy.
I knew you would enjoy it.
Lomaxx

Houston, TX

#7 Feb 11, 2014
I did too!

“Ok, maybe I know a little bit.”

Since: Sep 12

But I don't know that.

#8 Feb 11, 2014
I appreciated the laughs:
Lomaxx

Houston, TX

#9 Feb 12, 2014
I took my wife to a restaurant.
>
> The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
>
> "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
> "Nah, she can order for herself."
>
> And that's when the fight started.....
Lomaxx

Houston, TX

#10 Feb 12, 2014
> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
> for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
>
> for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets
>
> and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that
>
> I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
>
> The woman said,'Unbutton your shirt'.
> So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
>
> She said,'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
>
> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
>
> She said,'You should have dropped
> your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
>
> And then the fight started...

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