The bacon tree

Since: Jan 12

Location hidden

#1 Mar 15, 2013
Ok maybe not your best, but post up a joke!

The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States wandering aimlessly and starving.
They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says:
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Is, Luis, eet sure smell like bacon."
With renewed hope, they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon, every
imaginable kind of cured pork."Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved! Ees a bacon tree!"
"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon?
Ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree!" With that, Luis staggers towards the tree.
He gets to within 5 yards, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a
machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally
wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath:
"Pepe, go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
"Luis, Luis miamigo, what ees it?"
"Pepe ees not a bacon tree. Ees...

a ham bush."

Since: Jan 12

Location hidden

#2 Mar 15, 2013
A newlywed goes fishing with his buddies. While on the boat, they start asking him how his sex life is.

"So, is she good in bed?"

"Well," the newlywed says, "She's got Gonorrhea."

"So what!" says one of his buddies. "Just flip her over!"

"Uh", says the newlywed, "She's got Diarrhea, too."

"Well", said another buddy, "There's always oral sex!"

"Uh", said the newlywed, "She's also got Pyorrhea."

"Jesus Christ!" said the last buddy. "If she's got all that, why in the hell did you marry her???"

"Well", said the newlywed, "She's also got worms....and you know how much I like to fish!"

Since: Jan 12

Location hidden

#3 Mar 15, 2013
My buddy found out his wife had triplets.
He told me they made it happen by using 3 in 1 oil as lube.
I got a worried look on my face and he asked what is wrong.
I said "We have been using WD40"
Jamie Renee

United States

#4 Apr 5, 2013

Pearland, TX

#5 Apr 6, 2013
How to know if they are Rednecks;

-You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table ... in front of her kids.
-You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
-You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
-Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."
-You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
-Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey watch this."
-You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
-Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
-Your junior prom had a daycare.
-You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are:
"Gentlemen start your engines."
-You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
-The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
-You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
-One of your kids was born on a pool table.
-You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
-You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
-Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
-Your front porch collapses and kills more than five animals.
-At some point in your life you've been too drunk to fish.
-The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

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