Men's rights group seeks child support exemption

Contending that women have more options than they do in the event of an unintended pregnancy, men's rights activists are mounting a long shot legal campaign aimed at giving them the chance to opt out of ...

[Barb Harte]

I believe that we have a systemic problem in this country. No one is willing to accept the consequences of their actions. Mr. Dubay is carrying on about his limited choices compared to the "many" choices women have with regard to pregnancy. I believe there are three; keep the baby, have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption. In any scenario, the woman has no choice but to live with the consequences of having unprotected sex. She will be the one to carry the baby to term or have surgery. She will be the one to suffer the emotional upheaval associated with any one of her choices. Men on the other hand, can walk away with a single consequence, a fee.

Do not misunderstand. I do not feel sorry for either party. They both need to live with the consequences of their actions. Frankly, the fact that Mr. Dubay had unprotected sex with a woman based on her word that she couldn't get pregnant tells me he needs to go back to high school and take a good health class. He is responsible for his actions. If he didn't want children, then he should have made absolutly sure that he didn't make any children - use a condom.

The drinking age in this country is 21. Yet if you took a trip to almost any large college campus you would find hundreds of under-age kids drinking to the point of being sick. What do the colleges say? They are "trying to teach kids how to drink responsibly". How about some real consequences folks? How about rounding up all the underage drinkers and suspending them for a term - send them home - with NO REFUND. A second offense and they aren't welcome back.

There are thousands of examples of adults and kids being allowed to escape from the consequences of their own decisions. We "give him a break", "let her have another chance", and we teach ~ from kindergarten on up ~ that there are "do-over's" for just about everything. Then all of a sudden - you push someone just the right way and they fall over and hit their head on a rock and die, you drive a little buzzed ~ run a "yellow" light and plow into a car full of kids and kill them, you try this designer drug that everyone is talking about and it kills you, you have unprotected sex and instead of a baby Mr. Dubay, you get AIDS. There are no do-overs in the real world. Every decision you make - you are responsible for. So quit whining and pay up - it is the consequence for being naive.

[Texas resident]

you're are displaying bias. Not all pregnancy are unintentional, how bout when the girl wants the baby, and the guy. Tehn sometime during the preg. she doesnt wnat to be with him anymore. All of a sudden he has to pay cuase she wnated to leave. Her Choice, her Responsability, "no dead beat dad", sees kids regularly,offer smoney when needed. Iam being used for the support, and it isnt fair. She gets paid more than i do hs a boyfriend (whom works a reg. job, and sells drugs) and i Still have to pay child support. She admitted to me that she used the money to pay her bills. Two or three months after the court wheels turned, she got a new car, i am riding a bicycle now casue my car busted and i cant afford a new car, or even used for that matter. Fair, Responsability ? you are either a chic, or a homosexual, or yourself,....Naive

[A Real Man]

I agree with the article. Barb doesn't understand that men do not have a choice in a mistaken pregnancy period.I understand that many women live with the consequence of haveing a abortion or adoption. However, in many situation men are literally bringing next to zero home on thier pay checks for a choice they didn't make. In addition, If a woman wanted to have an abortion, but her significant other wanted to keep the child, more than likely the woman will still have an abortion, because ultimatly she is going to make the choice that is best for her in the long run, which is bias and unfare to men and children, because the child is actually bein cheated from traditional family values. Furthermore, many women that have children use them as a pond and manipulate the system for income. For instance, a woman literally receives more benefits for having a baby than working the average unskilled job. An aboundance of woman choose to have babies for child support, medical, cash and food assistance not to mention that after having a baby woman are elgible to receive car voulture's, schools grants and subsidized housing. While the men that they are having children by loose what ever they have or may gain financially in the future and still remain ineligible for any government assist because most government assistance go by gross income.

[Lilly]

There is one simple solution. Instead of laying all the contraceptive woe on the women, men need to take responsibility for their actions. Use a condom, even if the girl says she is on the pill.
It is just being responsible to be honest.

[Dad]

The system is rigged against fathers. Plain and simple. In the state where I live, 93% of child support payees are fathers. You don't dare, as a father, try to fight the woman in court. Even if she cheated on you. Why? Because after you lose, you have to pay the lawyer as well as the too-high child support.

And quit saying the man should have worn a condom. The woman has all the rights when it comes to the child. If she wants to kill the unborn baby the state says that's ok. The father has no say. But when the child is born, if they separate, who almost always gets custody? The mother. Maybe the father should have a say if the child is born. If mom wants to kill her baby, but dad wants the child to live, how come he has no say? Oh that's right. Because it's the woman's body. Well then she should have the responsibility for birth control. They say you can't have it both ways??? Well if you're the mother you can. Choose to kill your child, or keep it and leave the father and then hit him up for child support so you can live it up while he goes broke working two jobs.

[jlmiller]

Dad wrote:

The system is rigged against fathers. Plain and simple. In the state where I live, 93% of child support payees are fathers. You don't dare, as a father, try to fight the woman in court. Even if she cheated on you. Why? Because after you lose, you have to pay the lawyer as well as the too-high child support.
And quit saying the man should have worn a condom. The woman has all the rights when it comes to the child. If she wants to kill the unborn baby the state says that's ok. The father has no say. But when the child is born, if they separate, who almost always gets custody? The mother. Maybe the father should have a say if the child is born. If mom wants to kill her baby, but dad wants the child to live, how come he has no say? Oh that's right. Because it's the woman's body. Well then she should have the responsibility for birth control. They say you can't have it both ways??? Well if you're the mother you can. Choose to kill your child, or keep it and leave the father and then hit him up for child support so you can live it up while he goes broke working two jobs.

A woman cheating on you has no bearing on whether or not you owe a financial obligation for the child. You could argue the child is not yours and have DNA done, but if it is you have an obligation to the child.

Yeah, because what most women get allowes them to "live it up". That is a moronic statement at best. I know many single mothers who (if they get their child support at all)still don't receive enough to actually care for the child. Many single mothers work also.

The choice during pregnancy is the woman's because as you accurately stated, it is her body. If you don't want children then by all means don't have casual sex without knowing if a woman is truely on birth control (which doesn't always work either) or wear a condom. Not a hard decision. Condoms are easy enough to come by, then you are more protected.

As the anti choice crowd wants to scream when they think a woman should be forced to gestate, it is not the child's fault. Know who you are having sex with and this MAY not happen

[MyUterusIsMine]

Dad wrote:

The system is rigged against fathers. Plain and simple. In the state where I live, 93% of child support payees are fathers. You don't dare, as a father, try to fight the woman in court. Even if she cheated on you. Why? Because after you lose, you have to pay the lawyer as well as the too-high child support.
And quit saying the man should have worn a condom. The woman has all the rights when it comes to the child. If she wants to kill the unborn baby the state says that's ok. The father has no say. But when the child is born, if they separate, who almost always gets custody? The mother. Maybe the father should have a say if the child is born. If mom wants to kill her baby, but dad wants the child to live, how come he has no say? Oh that's right. Because it's the woman's body. Well then she should have the responsibility for birth control. They say you can't have it both ways??? Well if you're the mother you can. Choose to kill your child, or keep it and leave the father and then hit him up for child support so you can live it up while he goes broke working two jobs.

Come back to me when you carry a fetus in your body for 9 months.

Both parents are responsible once the child is born because both played a part in creating it.

Before it is born though the man gets no say because it is not living INSIDE of him. If a man was the one carrying the fetus then he would be the one who got to make the choice.

[Politically Incorrect]

I'm pro-choice, but I'll say this:

If the father express's a genuine desire to take custody of the child, WITHOUT expecting support from the mother, then I say by all means, let him have the opportunity. Most, but not all men are all about "hit 'n run". DON'T use the child as a way to get even for the relationship falling thru...a "get even" tactic. In that case, the child would be better off aborted, because the mother would be all about herself. No child needs to have to depend on someone like that. And, fyi, I'm a mom/grandmother.

[Bitner]

Dad wrote:

The system is rigged against fathers. Plain and simple. In the state where I live, 93% of child support payees are fathers. You don't dare, as a father, try to fight the woman in court. Even if she cheated on you. Why? Because after you lose, you have to pay the lawyer as well as the too-high child support.
And quit saying the man should have worn a condom. The woman has all the rights when it comes to the child. If she wants to kill the unborn baby the state says that's ok. The father has no say. But when the child is born, if they separate, who almost always gets custody? The mother. Maybe the father should have a say if the child is born. If mom wants to kill her baby, but dad wants the child to live, how come he has no say? Oh that's right. Because it's the woman's body. Well then she should have the responsibility for birth control. They say you can't have it both ways??? Well if you're the mother you can. Choose to kill your child, or keep it and leave the father and then hit him up for child support so you can live it up while he goes broke working two jobs.

"In the state where I live, 93% of child support payees are fathers."

Patently untrue. Both parents always pay child support. Now, it may be true that 93% of non-custodial parents are fathers, but the custodial parents pays as well, in every case. The only difference is the custodial parent doesn't have to write a separate check for it, and by no means does a man always pay the bulk of the support.

[JoyofLife]

There are many states who try to give fathers an option to having custody. I've never seen a guy go for it. They don't want the hassle. I tell guys that I'm pro-choice, but not for myself. I'm careful. They want to protect themselves then they should be to. Don't want a kid, get a vasectomy. The payment isn't to the mother it goes to the housing, feeding and clothing of the child. I know my stance, and as the genetic material of the male has to travel outside of his body, then I say be safe too silly!

[lalalulu]

Believe me, I know there are plenty of women out there who lie about protection and get "knocked-up" just to trap the guy. My mother-in-law-to-be actually suggested I do that!

Not my style.

Parenthood is a partnership, IMO. Tricking someone is no way to start what will be, hopefully, a lifelong endeavour. And the frequent male perspective is to "hit-n-run", which is equally distasteful.

If there was a way to make an agreement prior to sex, as in a pre-nup, that would be perfect. Pure fantasy, but perfect.

As it stands, the best way to avoid problems is to protect-protect-protect, and limit sexual contact to healthy, monogamous, trusting relationships.

[carrie cook]

You know what all you "women" you spread your legs two its not all the mens falt i have two beautiful kids and you know what get off your butt get a job and deal with it. Im for the men even though i am a women they really do have the short end of the stick. A child shouldnt be a damn burden on your girls. You had a choice when you droped your pants and knew that there is a great risk of getting pregnant. Both of my kids were conceived with birth control but i see them as a gift. Maybe you should see that two if the father doesnt want to pay so be it. Obviously he aint worth you and your childs time or go for 50/50 custady. STOP BASHING THE MEN AND CLOSE YOR LEGS!!!!! thank you YOU GO BOYS KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!! fight for your rights! its bull that girls get away with everything and the boys are looked down on. Yes i am a Women but i also look at both side! maybe your girls should get over yourself and do the same your just as at fault!!!

[from here]

men, stop giving up the sperm so freely if you don't want to be a daddy.
If you are not wrapping it up every single time you have sex with a spermicidal condom, you are saying with your actions "i do not care if sperm meets egg and creates a child"
at least be a man enough to admit that you did not care. so what are you complaining about again?

[jlmiller]

carrie cook wrote:

You know what all you "women" you spread your legs two its not all the mens falt i have two beautiful kids and you know what get off your butt get a job and deal with it. Im for the men even though i am a women they really do have the short end of the stick. A child shouldnt be a damn burden on your girls. You had a choice when you droped your pants and knew that there is a great risk of getting pregnant. Both of my kids were conceived with birth control but i see them as a gift. Maybe you should see that two if the father doesnt want to pay so be it. Obviously he aint worth you and your childs time or go for 50/50 custady. STOP BASHING THE MEN AND CLOSE YOR LEGS!!!!! thank you YOU GO BOYS KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!! fight for your rights! its bull that girls get away with everything and the boys are looked down on. Yes i am a Women but i also look at both side! maybe your girls should get over yourself and do the same your just as at fault!!!

You're a genius! Gee...why didn't everyone else think of this? You are serious? I don't care if your sleeping with a different man each night of the week sister...it is BOTH parent's duty to support the child. Get that sweets...BOTH. Now...before you go off on a tangent here...I have two children...and I am married to their father. So...you get nice alimony checks...that help support your kids...I don't believe for a nano second that you get no help in supporting those kids. Grow up...move on...oh and thank God you stopped procreating.

[jlmiller]

carrie cook wrote:

You know what all you "women" you spread your legs two its not all the mens falt i have two beautiful kids and you know what get off your butt get a job and deal with it. Im for the men even though i am a women they really do have the short end of the stick. A child shouldnt be a damn burden on your girls. You had a choice when you droped your pants and knew that there is a great risk of getting pregnant. Both of my kids were conceived with birth control but i see them as a gift. Maybe you should see that two if the father doesnt want to pay so be it. Obviously he aint worth you and your childs time or go for 50/50 custady. STOP BASHING THE MEN AND CLOSE YOR LEGS!!!!! thank you YOU GO BOYS KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!! fight for your rights! its bull that girls get away with everything and the boys are looked down on. Yes i am a Women but i also look at both side! maybe your girls should get over yourself and do the same your just as at fault!!!

Oh and one more thing...sweets...go take a grammar and spelling course...maybe you should have graduated instead of being out fighting for the rights of deadbeat dads...

[Ocean56]

A Real Man wrote:

I agree with the article. Barb doesn't understand that men do not have a choice in a mistaken pregnancy period.I understand that many women live with the consequence of haveing a abortion or adoption. However, in many situation men are literally bringing next to zero home on thier pay checks for a choice they didn't make. In addition, If a woman wanted to have an abortion, but her significant other wanted to keep the child, more than likely the woman will still have an abortion, because ultimatly she is going to make the choice that is best for her in the long run, which is bias and unfare to men and children, because the child is actually bein cheated from traditional family values. Furthermore, many women that have children use them as a pond and manipulate the system for income. For instance, a woman literally receives more benefits for having a baby than working the average unskilled job. An aboundance of woman choose to have babies for child support, medical, cash and food assistance not to mention that after having a baby woman are elgible to receive car voulture's, schools grants and subsidized housing. While the men that they are having children by loose what ever they have or may gain financially in the future and still remain ineligible for any government assist because most government assistance go by gross income.

Sorry, I have NO sympathy here. Men who either want kids or don't want them can avoid the possibility of unwanted pregnancy by asking the woman's views on pregnancy and kids BEFORE he sleeps with a woman, not afterward.

If he is against abortion and the woman tells him she will abort if a pregnancy results, then he immediately can tell her "forget it" and WALK AWAY, without sleeping with her at all. The same applies if a man doesn't want a child or pay for child support. He asks the woman what her views are, and if she says she'll keep the child if she gets pregnant and expect him to give her money, he does the same thing. He says, "forget it" and walks away, with no sexual encounter taking place. A man can walk away from sex if he has ANY doubts about the woman's views, or suspects she's not being honest. Honestly, is it REALLY that hard for some men to figure out?

[Ocean56]

carrie cook wrote:

You know what all you "women" you spread your legs two its not all the mens falt i have two beautiful kids and you know what get off your butt get a job and deal with it. Im for the men even though i am a women they really do have the short end of the stick. A child shouldnt be a damn burden on your girls. You had a choice when you droped your pants and knew that there is a great risk of getting pregnant. Both of my kids were conceived with birth control but i see them as a gift. Maybe you should see that two if the father doesnt want to pay so be it. Obviously he aint worth you and your childs time or go for 50/50 custady. STOP BASHING THE MEN AND CLOSE YOR LEGS!!!!! thank you YOU GO BOYS KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!! fight for your rights! its bull that girls get away with everything and the boys are looked down on. Yes i am a Women but i also look at both side! maybe your girls should get over yourself and do the same your just as at fault!!!

Well, I guess it's true; there really IS such a person as a female MISOGYNIST. Guess what, pookie, it's NONE of your business whether a woman has an abortion or not. Not every girl or woman chooses to be a mother, and they don't have to be punished with forced pregnancy and birth simply because they were sexually active.

If men don't want the responsibility for children, they can ask what a woman's views are concerning pregnancy and motherhood BEFORE they sleep with them, instead of whining about child support afterward. Prolife men who hate abortion can do the same to find out if a woman would abort a pregnancy. If she says she would, he can WALK AWAY, with no sex happening. See how easy it is? All men have to do is ASK first. Why some men find that so difficult is beyond me.

[TomS]

In regards to this Dads etc thing, I like to tell young men that if they are smart, they will immediately get a vasectomy if they want to stay single for some time. They can always get it reversed, and or go thru AI if they do ever find someone that THEY really want to have kids with. Most men, really dont want nor can they easily face, 25 years of child support payments. Yes I know, child support is officially over at eighteen, but the bottom line on kids, is if you dont support them thru college etc, they will feel and actually be shortchanged in life. BOTTOM LINE IS, GET A VASECTOMY NOW. I consider it a tragedy that I personally waited until I was forty, even though I didnt experience any pregggo situation after I was twenty.

[Terroration Rescue]

Texas resident wrote:

you're are displaying bias. Not all pregnancy are unintentional, how bout when the girl wants the baby, and the guy. Tehn sometime during the preg. she doesnt wnat to be with him anymore. All of a sudden he has to pay cuase she wnated to leave. Her Choice, her Responsability, "no dead beat dad", sees kids regularly,offer smoney when needed. Iam being used for the support, and it isnt fair. She gets paid more than i do hs a boyfriend (whom works a reg. job, and sells drugs) and i Still have to pay child support. She admitted to me that she used the money to pay her bills. Two or three months after the court wheels turned, she got a new car, i am riding a bicycle now casue my car busted and i cant afford a new car, or even used for that matter. Fair, Responsability ? you are either a chic, or a homosexual, or yourself,....Naive

All of a sudden you have to pay BECAUSE YOU CREATED A CHILD, dummy. THAT has nothing to do with HER leaving you. Why weren't you MARRIED first, Mr. "I wanted to play house and family without actually making the REAL commitment, FIRST"???

Grow up! No one forced you to contribute to a pregnancy. You did. Everything else is bullshit.

Go to college, educate yourself and get a better job. No one owes you a better car. Sounds like your Ex made the right decision by finding a man who CAN support her and her child. What are you complaining about? You can't handle it so why should she and your child suffer?

How funny that you are here begging for the same "special treatment" that you claim others are getting and you do not want THEM to have, because THEY are not YOU. Get over your hypocritical self.

Be a parent, support your kid, and STFU!

BTW, do you know any guys who were married, brought kids in to the world, got a divorce, and just plain refuse to live up to their obligations?

What are you doing about that? Nothing? Yeah, thats what I thought.

CHILDREN are NOT responsible for the decisions their "adult" parents make so WHY should they suffer for them?

Child support is NOT about YOU!

[Terroration Rescue]

A Real Man wrote:

I agree with the article. Barb doesn't understand that men do not have a choice in a mistaken pregnancy period.I understand that many women live with the consequence of haveing a abortion or adoption. However, in many situation men are literally bringing next to zero home on thier pay checks for a choice they didn't make. In addition, If a woman wanted to have an abortion, but her significant other wanted to keep the child, more than likely the woman will still have an abortion, because ultimatly she is going to make the choice that is best for her in the long run, which is bias and unfare to men and children, because the child is actually bein cheated from traditional family values. Furthermore, many women that have children use them as a pond and manipulate the system for income. For instance, a woman literally receives more benefits for having a baby than working the average unskilled job. An aboundance of woman choose to have babies for child support, medical, cash and food assistance not to mention that after having a baby woman are elgible to receive car voulture's, schools grants and subsidized housing. While the men that they are having children by loose what ever they have or may gain financially in the future and still remain ineligible for any government assist because most government assistance go by gross income.

LOL!!!!! "Traditional family values"?? You mean like waiting until AFTER YOU ARE MARRIED to create a PREGANCY??? Oh, OOPS, forgot THAT ONE!

Gosh, yes, we know that men are never, ever, given the CHOICE to abstain from sex, or use protection, in order to avoid a "mistaken pregnancy". It is just shameful.

What a terrible tragedy that when it comes to sex, men have NO choices AT ALL and once raped for their sperm, are FORCED to accept the responsibility of that FORCED SEX FOR SPERM, by having to financially support THEIR CHILDREN.

After all, all those Welfare Queens, ya know, the ones whose raped sperm doners are being ruined financially by having to pay child support, are on welfare, in addition to getting child support because......oh, wait.....if Sperm Doner is paying support, why would she need WELFARE??? Hmmmmm.......

Ya DOPE.

Pull yer head outta your misinformed ass, stop trying to work the system, and GET A JOB. THEN keep it in your pants and stop creating pregnancies TAX PAYERS have to support, k thanks.