created by: CitizenTopix | Oct 11, 2010

Oklahoma

1,378 votes

OK Health Care Freedom Amendment, State Question 756

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Donnie

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#36973
Mar 22, 2013
 

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1

TAMARA gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

TAMARA goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to Packing Heat next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"

Packing Heat says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off.

Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Jesse

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#36974
Mar 22, 2013
 

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An Irish Okie woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance," Mandy said. "He won't even take an aspirin."

"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an 'Irish Viagra'. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste
it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.

"It wasn't a week later that she call the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress.

Poor Mandy exclaimed, "Oh faith, bejaysus and
begorrah!" T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened?" he asked .

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in hes
eye, and with his pants a bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped my clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?"

"Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show my face in Starbucks again!"
JAG

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#36975
Mar 22, 2013
 

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1

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and Packing Heat said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.

Donnie said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

Packing Heat thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied Packing Heat.

Packing Heat then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
Donnie

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#36976
Mar 22, 2013
 

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Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while Jesse was a suspect.
Bluebird

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#36977
Mar 22, 2013
 

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Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Zane

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#36978
Mar 22, 2013
 

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I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
Mandy

United States

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#36979
Mar 22, 2013
 

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It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
Jonny

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#36980
Mar 22, 2013
 

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It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
Zane

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#36981
Mar 22, 2013
 

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Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
TAMARA

United States

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#36982
Mar 22, 2013
 

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My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
Packing Heat

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#36983
Mar 22, 2013
 

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You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Marcus

United States

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#36984
Mar 22, 2013
 

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There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Donnie

United States

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#36985
Mar 22, 2013
 

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1

An elderly JAG approached a very beautiful young woman in Wal-Mart.

"Excuse me," he said, "I've lost my wife somehow.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, "Certainly, Sir, do you know where your wife might be?"

"I have no idea... but every time I talk to a woman with boobs like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."
Donnie

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#36986
Mar 22, 2013
 

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Jose and Carlos are panhandling at the freeway off ramp.

Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free
house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.

Carlos asks Jose how he can take home a suitcase
full of $10 bills every day.

Jose says, "Look at your sign." It reads: "I have
no work, a wife & 6 kids to support"

Carlos looks at Jose's sign. It reads: "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico"
Packing Heat

United States

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#36987
Mar 22, 2013
 

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Donnie wrote:
Jose and Carlos are panhandling at the freeway off ramp.
Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free
house and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.
Carlos asks Jose how he can take home a suitcase
full of $10 bills every day.
Jose says, "Look at your sign." It reads: "I have
no work, a wife & 6 kids to support"
Carlos looks at Jose's sign. It reads: "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico"
This is the real donnie
Marcus

United States

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#36988
Mar 22, 2013
 

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Justaliar is the REAL liar!
Donnie

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#36989
Mar 22, 2013
 

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1

1

Fake Packing Heat wrote:
<quoted text>
This is the real Fake donnie
All alone again justaliar?
Donnie

United States

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#36990
Mar 23, 2013
 

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Fake Donnie wrote:
<quoted text>

All alone again justaliar?
We is all fakes!!!!!!!!!! and alone!!!!!!!!!!
TAMARA

United States

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#36991
Mar 23, 2013
 

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HOW THE FIGHT STARTED

Marcus rear-ended a car this morning. So there they are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car. And, you know how you just get so stressed and then life seems to get funny?
Well, Marcus couldn't believe it, the other driver was a DWARF!
He storms over to Marcus"s car, looks up at him and says,'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

So, Marcus look down at him and say,'Okay. Well, which one are you then?'

...And that's when the fight started....
Jesse

United States

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#36992
Mar 23, 2013
 

Judged:

1

Donnie's forefather decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend, Packing Heat's forefather. He tells him,“If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.”
So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend.“What's wrong?'” he asks.

“You gave me the wrong key!”

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