How can I deal with my negative views...
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Caprico

United States

#43 Jul 16, 2014
Cheated on wrote:
<quoted text>
Trust me. As bad as u think u want to the truth. It's only going to hurt u. She is probably protecting u and u don't realize it. She probably figures if she tells u the truth it will only hurt you. I've been married for 10 years. Together for 15. My wife cheated on me and I wanted to know everything. What where you wearing?Where was I?What did u guys do? How many times? Where did you do it? She kept lying to me then one day she told me every detail. I wish I'd had never asked. It hurt so bad and it still hurts. So if u love your Wife. Just love her and let it be. In the end if you knew the truth it's only going to hurt u, kill u inside. I'm serious. You r going to have to find a way to move on and not let this weigh on your mind and heart. I know it's hard. This happened to me at the beginning of April and I still hurt everyday. My heart is in pain. I really wish I didnt push so hard for all the details. She loves u and wants to protect u by not telling u the whole truth. I know it's easy to say not think about it or let it go. It's almost impossible, but u r not going to have a healthy relationship unless u find a differ way to deal with things. Trust me. As bad as u think u want to know the whole truth, you really don't.
How did you find out?
My wife has a "secret friend" who she works with, but she says they are just friends. Now that she feels like their "friendship" is in danger, she never speaks of him. It was limited when she spoke of him in the past and I then found out they texted "all" the time. She would go into our bathroom to secretly text him. If she was off work sick, they would text. Even now, she brings items into our home, hides them, then takes them to him at work. She also hides things in our van to take to him. She didn't know that I saw her do this a few times. They are small things, but it's still sneaky.
Needless to say, we now live more as roommates rather than two people in a relationship. I'm ready to throw in the towel. I keep waiting for her to fix this, but I don't think she wants to. If I see her bring one more thing into our house to hide and take to him, then I'm filing for divorce because that's just sneaky and deceptive. And probably only part of what's really going on.
Mikey

Corbin, KY

#44 Jul 16, 2014
Damn dude let it go. If you thought she was a s lut you should have never married her. If she is faithful to yo then don't worry about what she did in the past.
Over there

Barbourville, KY

#45 Jul 16, 2014
Suck it up Buttercup! Everyone has a past and saying that her past that happened ELEVEN FRIGGIN YEARS OR MORE AGO irritates you tells me that you are looking for something to blame her for so that when you either step out on her or step away from the marriage you can lay it at her feet. I've been married to three women in my lifetime. I never asked one of them about their sexual history because that was before me. Over time when trust builds people share. If you are this judgemental it makes me wonder what body of water you walked across..... So grab your balls and Nut Up and explain the real reason you are posting or just shut up.... Twit...
AXE

Barbourville, KY

#46 Jul 16, 2014
Most women are $!uts. I truly believe there has not been a decent woman born in the past 50 years. They spread their legs and drop to their knees for all comers.

Since: Jan 14

Mumbai, India

#48 Dec 15, 2014
As per me, you are not a confused man. You are a victim man.

I don't really understand, why women with low values do premarital sex, enjoy their life doing sex with multiple partners before marriage and finally chose a innocent man like you to marry and then fool them entire life span.

I understand your pain as a close friend of mine is also victim of similar case. He found out about his wife's sexual past after 8 years and being parent of 2 kids. Now he has no option to divorce his s!ut wife and can't even think of running away from his responsibilities. Only thing he can do it is live with the pain for as long as he can.

All other will advice to forget her past and live present. But I don't agree with this. Even though she is truthful to you now, hiding her past from you before marriage is as good as cheating.

The wife husband relationship shall start with truth. Is the base of relationship is a lie, then it's not going to work.

Your wife has been unfair to you by not telling her past to you and not giving you a chance to find another suitable woman for yourself or to forgive her and marry her.

The fact still remains, that she has fooled you and you might have to live with her your entire life.

So sorry for you and my friend...
on n on n on

United States

#50 Dec 15, 2014
KapilShastri wrote:
As per me, you are not a confused man. You are a victim man.
I don't really understand, why women with low values do premarital sex, enjoy their life doing sex with multiple partners before marriage and finally chose a innocent man like you to marry and then fool them entire life span.
I understand your pain as a close friend of mine is also victim of similar case. He found out about his wife's sexual past after 8 years and being parent of 2 kids. Now he has no option to divorce his s!ut wife and can't even think of running away from his responsibilities. Only thing he can do it is live with the pain for as long as he can.
All other will advice to forget her past and live present. But I don't agree with this. Even though she is truthful to you now, hiding her past from you before marriage is as good as cheating.
The wife husband relationship shall start with truth. Is the base of relationship is a lie, then it's not going to work.
Your wife has been unfair to you by not telling her past to you and not giving you a chance to find another suitable woman for yourself or to forgive her and marry her.
The fact still remains, that she has fooled you and you might have to live with her your entire life.
So sorry for you and my friend...
Wow! There is some really ignorant post on this topic, PAST is the keyword, its over! Sounds like your looking for a reason to put her down. My past is far from perfect, but I am & always have been loyal to my husband. When he tries to pull the kind of garbage your pulling with your wife I simply say " if you think you can do better......" From the first negative comment your wife should have put you in your place.
Zoe

Madison, TN

#51 Dec 15, 2014
Women think that they should be allowed to slut around all they want then find some poor sucker to provide for them. Women like this never truly love the one they settled for and will alway want to spread it out for the bad boys. Can't make a ho into a house wife and why would anyone want to.

“Speaker of Mountain Wisdom....”

Since: Jan 10

London, KY

#52 Dec 15, 2014
confused man wrote:
We have been married 11 years since 3 months. Before marriage my wife told me that she loved two people. I had no problem with that. On the first night we were talking and I asked her about past lovers, and when I questioned too much she said she had sex with one of them. and asked me to forgive her. she didn't tell me before cos she was ashamed.
I forgave her. But now I am very disturbed. I cant control my thoughts. I keep on questioning her, my mind is full of doubt. Now I just cant forgive her. She has no contact with past lovers and loves me and cares for me, but my mind is fully disturbed. I want happy family life.
My issue comes in that I am not comfortable with my wife's past sexual history. This is a topic that we've learned to avoid for the most part, although sometimes I find it easier to deal with it by asking her questions and learning more about "specifics" on what she has done. Still, I find myself often plagued with thoughts, especially thoughts that are very degrading to my wife... And sometimes, with the more I know, the more difficult it gets
Please understand I love my wife very much. When I have these thoughts, I try to push them out of my head. I don't want to think bad things about her, and any time I do, it definitely shows and I feel so guilty for it. I've learned to control my thoughts so that it doesn't affect our relationship very often or at all.
My wife's past is in the past - what's important is that her and I are together and happy now. But again, sometimes it is so hard for me. It's like I can't let go of her past until I hear her say, "Most of my sexual history was a mistake and I acted inappropriately," much as I was able to admit with my own one-night stand. If I could hear those words, I think it would help a lot. If she looked back on her promiscuous activity with regret, I would feel like it would be easier to forgive her in my mind - as though she repented for her wrongdoing. But since it never seems to phase her, I have difficulty putting it aside... And I really can't accomplish getting her to admit that without me making her feel bad and telling her she has done something wrong... Which, of course, I know will be met with a lot of resistance. Again, no one wants to hear their partner put them down - especially for something in the past that can't be changed and has no relevance today.
Please tell me please what to do?
So, my questions are as follows:
A) I know this is a fairly typical feeling for men (to get uncomfortable with their wives/girlfriends sexual history), but can any of you relate to what I am saying? If so, do you have any personal stories that may help?
B) Do you have any suggestions for how I may be able to deal with this?
C) Do you feel I am wrong for challenging my wifes' values (and hence, how those values are applied to her own sexual history)?
D) Why is it important for me to hear her admit to being "easy" at some points in her life? Why is it that I just want to hear her say, "I know I used to be a whore, and I am so glad I changed. I regret it."
E) Do you have any other thoughts or feedback for me?
Thank you for reading this very long post. Your replies are greatly appreciated.
Convert to Islam and you can just Behead her....

Since: Jan 14

Mumbai, India

#53 Dec 15, 2014
on n on n on wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow! There is some really ignorant post on this topic, PAST is the keyword, its over! Sounds like your looking for a reason to put her down. My past is far from perfect, but I am & always have been loyal to my husband. When he tries to pull the kind of garbage your pulling with your wife I simply say " if you think you can do better......" From the first negative comment your wife should have put you in your place.
Yes she should do that, but not doing it.
The reason behind is low self esteem. She does not think in reality that she has done something wrong by cheating a poor guy, she only says sorry to make him happy!!!! So bad...

My question is, if we men do the same thing (cheating) to you now, will you take it so easily as you are expecting us for you?
Amos

Bowling Green, KY

#54 Dec 16, 2014
Women only love the ones that treat them like $h!t. Also they only truly love the ones from their "past". The current guy or current "means of support" is only a stop gap and really means nothing to them.

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