flit

Barbourville, KY

#22 Jul 7, 2013
there are quite a few porno actors,exotic strippers both men and women that have good solid marriages.
knowher

London, KY

#23 Jul 8, 2013
Guess you couldn't take the heat, yeah you are one of those low self-esteem husbands - lover. Probably without a job, living off of the government while sitting around talking bad about the womans life you have destroyed just by marrying her. Get over it lazy butt, her past is hers just like yours belongs to you. Yes we all did things in our younger days that we are not proud of or happy about and don't like talking about it, so find yourself another topic to discuss with your wife and quit making her miserable. GET A JOB. AND further more I know for a fact that you have NOT told her your mistakes.
Mouthmover70

Bradenton, FL

#24 Jul 8, 2013
confused man wrote:
We have been married 11 years since 3 months. Before marriage my wife told me that she loved two people. I had no problem with that. On the first night we were talking and I asked her about past lovers, and when I questioned too much she said she had sex with one of them. and asked me to forgive her. she didn't tell me before cos she was ashamed.
I forgave her. But now I am very disturbed. I cant control my thoughts. I keep on questioning her, my mind is full of doubt. Now I just cant forgive her. She has no contact with past lovers and loves me and cares for me, but my mind is fully disturbed. I want happy family life.
My issue comes in that I am not comfortable with my wife's past sexual history. This is a topic that we've learned to avoid for the most part, although sometimes I find it easier to deal with it by asking her questions and learning more about "specifics" on what she has done. Still, I find myself often plagued with thoughts, especially thoughts that are very degrading to my wife... And sometimes, with the more I know, the more difficult it gets
Please understand I love my wife very much. When I have these thoughts, I try to push them out of my head. I don't want to think bad things about her, and any time I do, it definitely shows and I feel so guilty for it. I've learned to control my thoughts so that it doesn't affect our relationship very often or at all.
My wife's past is in the past - what's important is that her and I are together and happy now. But again, sometimes it is so hard for me. It's like I can't let go of her past until I hear her say, "Most of my sexual history was a mistake and I acted inappropriately," much as I was able to admit with my own one-night stand. If I could hear those words, I think it would help a lot. If she looked back on her promiscuous activity with regret, I would feel like it would be easier to forgive her in my mind - as though she repented for her wrongdoing. But since it never seems to phase her, I have difficulty putting it aside... And I really can't accomplish getting her to admit that without me making her feel bad and telling her she has done something wrong... Which, of course, I know will be met with a lot of resistance. Again, no one wants to hear their partner put them down - especially for something in the past that can't be changed and has no relevance today.
Please tell me please what to do?
So, my questions are as follows:
A) I know this is a fairly typical feeling for men (to get uncomfortable with their wives/girlfriends sexual history), but can any of you relate to what I am saying? If so, do you have any personal stories that may help?
B) Do you have any suggestions for how I may be able to deal with this?
C) Do you feel I am wrong for challenging my wifes' values (and hence, how those values are applied to her own sexual history)?
D) Why is it important for me to hear her admit to being "easy" at some points in her life? Why is it that I just want to hear her say, "I know I used to be a whore, and I am so glad I changed. I regret it."
E) Do you have any other thoughts or feedback for me?
Thank you for reading this very long post. Your replies are greatly appreciated.
I knew your wife back then and let me tell you . I think everything she told you is. A lie . I think she wants to see if you really love her for real so she's making all those sex stories up because I knew her back then and she was as pure as the driven snow. She was way too good for me and I'm good looking. She just had too much class for me but at least I can admit it. Be careful of her lies. She's just trying to test your manhood to see if she chose a man with the same amount of class she has . If she wants you to believe she was a whore in order to have you love her than so be it , but it definitely is hog wash because I knew her. She never dated nobody because nobody had her class
WTF

Manchester, KY

#25 Jul 9, 2013
confused man wrote:
We have been married 11 years since 3 months. Before marriage my wife told me that she loved two people. I had no problem with that. On the first night we were talking and I asked her about past lovers, and when I questioned too much she said she had sex with one of them. and asked me to forgive her. she didn't tell me before cos she was ashamed.
I forgave her. But now I am very disturbed. I cant control my thoughts. I keep on questioning her, my mind is full of doubt. Now I just cant forgive her. She has no contact with past lovers and loves me and cares for me, but my mind is fully disturbed. I want happy family life.
So, my questions are as follows:
A) I know this is a fairly typical feeling for men (to get uncomfortable with their wives/girlfriends sexual history), but can any of you relate to what I am saying? If so, do you have any personal stories that may help?
B) Do you have any suggestions for how I may be able to deal with this?
C) Do you feel I am wrong for challenging my wifes' values (and hence, how those values are applied to her own sexual history)?
D) Why is it important for me to hear her admit to being "easy" at some points in her life? Why is it that I just want to hear her say, "I know I used to be a whore, and I am so glad I changed. I regret it."
E) Do you have any other thoughts or feedback for me?
Thank you for reading this very long post. Your replies are greatly appreciated.
You are a total dumb-ass and not a real man. Why not just sit her down and tell her how miserable you are and have her pack her bags and go? What you are doing to her is verbal, mental, and emotional ABUSE, and anyone with half a brain sees by your post that you actually do not love her. You have a very low self-esteem which causes you severe jealousy and mistrust, which in turn you are taking out on her. You might as well tell her to hit the road since that is what she will end up doing anyhow due to your stupidity and low self-esteem. Truthfully she can do better than an abusive man with double standards.

“Not afraid to stand alone.”

Since: Jun 09

Flat Lick Ky.

#26 Jul 10, 2013
confused man wrote:
We have been married 11 years since 3 months. Before marriage my wife told me that she loved two people. I had no problem with that. On the first night we were talking and I asked her about past lovers, and when I questioned too much she said she had sex with one of them. and asked me to forgive her. she didn't tell me before cos she was ashamed.
I forgave her. But now I am very disturbed. I cant control my thoughts. I keep on questioning her, my mind is full of doubt. Now I just cant forgive her. She has no contact with past lovers and loves me and cares for me, but my mind is fully disturbed. I want happy family life.
My issue comes in that I am not comfortable with my wife's past sexual history. This is a topic that we've learned to avoid for the most part, although sometimes I find it easier to deal with it by asking her questions and learning more about "specifics" on what she has done. Still, I find myself often plagued with thoughts, especially thoughts that are very degrading to my wife... And sometimes, with the more I know, the more difficult it gets
Please understand I love my wife very much. When I have these thoughts, I try to push them out of my head. I don't want to think bad things about her, and any time I do, it definitely shows and I feel so guilty for it. I've learned to control my thoughts so that it doesn't affect our relationship very often or at all.
My wife's past is in the past - what's important is that her and I are together and happy now. But again, sometimes it is so hard for me. It's like I can't let go of her past until I hear her say, "Most of my sexual history was a mistake and I acted inappropriately," much as I was able to admit with my own one-night stand. If I could hear those words, I think it would help a lot. If she looked back on her promiscuous activity with regret, I would feel like it would be easier to forgive her in my mind - as though she repented for her wrongdoing. But since it never seems to phase her, I have difficulty putting it aside... And I really can't accomplish getting her to admit that without me making her feel bad and telling her she has done something wrong... Which, of course, I know will be met with a lot of resistance. Again, no one wants to hear their partner put them down - especially for something in the past that can't be changed and has no relevance today.
Please tell me please what to do?
So, my questions are as follows:
A) I know this is a fairly typical feeling for men (to get uncomfortable with their wives/girlfriends sexual history), but can any of you relate to what I am saying? If so, do you have any personal stories that may help?
B) Do you have any suggestions for how I may be able to deal with this?
C) Do you feel I am wrong for challenging my wifes' values (and hence, how those values are applied to her own sexual history)?
D) Why is it important for me to hear her admit to being "easy" at some points in her life? Why is it that I just want to hear her say, "I know I used to be a whore, and I am so glad I changed. I regret it."
E) Do you have any other thoughts or feedback for me?
Thank you for reading this very long post. Your replies are greatly appreciated.
Stop asking stupid questions, problem solved!
gator

Louisville, KY

#27 Jul 10, 2013
I make truck payments
repo man

Pikeville, KY

#28 Jul 10, 2013
gator wrote:
I make truck payments
I'm the Repo man better go make that tuck payment today or it's mine.
gator

Louisville, KY

#29 Jul 10, 2013
repo man wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm the Repo man better go make that tuck payment today or it's mine.
I am away ahead on my payments but I'll give you a shot at the title anyway
knowher

Somerset, KY

#30 Jul 21, 2013
Hey confused man, have you built your self-esteem up yet? I think you are a pathetic so called man, a real man makes a woman feel good about herself and builds her up. I think you are not allowing her to enjoy life or even the terrible marriage she got into. You should spend some energy and thoughts on doing things with her and taking her places and showing her off. If you want to sit at the house then get up and do some things around the house. Did you put out a garden to feed your family? I bet you are waiting for someone else to carry food thru the door. When was the last time you told her how beautiful she is and how happy she makes you? READ A BOOK ABOUT HOW TO MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK.

“No A appointment Necessary ”

Since: Dec 09

Cannon, KY

#31 Jul 21, 2013
Divorce.
Somebodys_Wife

Mayfield, KY

#32 Jul 22, 2013
Excuse me, is this the middle ages? I am sure you haven't told her every time you gawked at a woman, watched porn, looked over at a pretty woman in the car in the other lane, had a wet dream, or masturbated in your life time either. I used to be the same way because my husband is an ex-manwhore. I worried about all the other women because it is a small town. I wondered if I was experienced enough for him since I was a good churchgoing girl. I drove him crazy with my questions and almost lost him. You won't ever have a chance to be her first, but you can always be her LAST. You have been married 11 years, and you are still dwelling on it? You can find Comp Care's number in the phone book. Worry about your life NOW, and what you are going to do when you are single because you will be divorced if you keep this up. With all the problems in a marriage, you choose this?? The only one that she should "repent" too is GOD...That is between her and him. If you worried so much about how to romance her, you wouldn't have any problems in the marriage at all.. Go to counseling...

Since: Dec 08

Oakland, CA

#33 Nov 24, 2013
confused man wrote:
We have been married 11 years since 3 months. Before marriage my wife told me that she loved two people. I had no problem with that. On the first night we were talking and I asked her about past lovers, and when I questioned too much she said she had sex with one of them. and asked me to forgive her. she didn't tell me before cos she was ashamed.
I forgave her. But now I am very disturbed. I cant control my thoughts. I keep on questioning her, my mind is full of doubt. Now I just cant forgive her. She has no contact with past lovers and loves me and cares for me, but my mind is fully disturbed. I want happy family life.
My issue comes in that I am not comfortable with my wife's past sexual history. This is a topic that we've learned to avoid for the most part, although sometimes I find it easier to deal with it by asking her questions and learning more about "specifics" on what she has done. Still, I find myself often plagued with thoughts, especially thoughts that are very degrading to my wife... And sometimes, with the more I know, the more difficult it gets
Please understand I love my wife very much. When I have these thoughts, I try to push them out of my head. I don't want to think bad things about her, and any time I do, it definitely shows and I feel so guilty for it. I've learned to control my thoughts so that it doesn't affect our relationship very often or at all.
My wife's past is in the past - what's important is that her and I are together and happy now. But again, sometimes it is so hard for me. It's like I can't let go of her past until I hear her say, "Most of my sexual history was a mistake and I acted inappropriately," much as I was able to admit with my own one-night stand. If I could hear those words, I think it would help a lot. If she looked back on her promiscuous activity with regret, I would feel like it would be easier to forgive her in my mind - as though she repented for her wrongdoing. But since it never seems to phase her, I have difficulty putting it aside... And I really can't accomplish getting her to admit that without me making her feel bad and telling her she has done something wrong... Which, of course, I know will be met with a lot of resistance. Again, no one wants to hear their partner put them down - especially for something in the past that can't be changed and has no relevance today.
Please tell me please what to do?
So, my questions are as follows:
A) I know this is a fairly typical feeling for men (to get uncomfortable with their wives/girlfriends sexual history), but can any of you relate to what I am saying? If so, do you have any personal stories that may help?
B) Do you have any suggestions for how I may be able to deal with this?
C) Do you feel I am wrong for challenging my wifes' values (and hence, how those values are applied to her own sexual history)?
D) Why is it important for me to hear her admit to being "easy" at some points in her life? Why is it that I just want to hear her say, "I know I used to be a whore, and I am so glad I changed. I regret it."
E) Do you have any other thoughts or feedback for me?
Thank you for reading this very long post. Your replies are greatly appreciated.
Wait a minute. She had sex with one past lover and that makes her promiscuous? You can't stand that she had a prior relationship? That's nuts.
knowher

London, KY

#34 Nov 24, 2013
Hey confused man,
Did you ever get you head out of your butt long enough to try and make your wife feel special, because trust me she is miserable, there is nothing no worse then having a jealous crazy man around. One who doesn't trust you and makes you miserable. You are the happiest when she is down and depressed (UNHAPPY). I wish you would move away and leave the poor woman alone. I know for a fact that you look at women all the time and lust over them, you are not that great looking and not capable of making a woman feel great, take my advice READ A BOOK ON HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY.
Wolfed

Council Bluffs, IA

#36 Mar 28, 2014
knowher wrote:
Hey confused man, have you built your self-esteem up yet? I think you are a pathetic so called man, a real man makes a woman feel good about herself and builds her up. I think you are not allowing her to enjoy life or even the terrible marriage she got into. You should spend some energy and thoughts on doing things with her and taking her places and showing her off. If you want to sit at the house then get up and do some things around the house. Did you put out a garden to feed your family? I bet you are waiting for someone else to carry food thru the door. When was the last time you told her how beautiful she is and how happy she makes you? READ A BOOK ABOUT HOW TO MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK.
No one cares what you think. You are probably exactly what he was railing against. A used up pump and dump that no self respecting man would ever want.
no right answer

Halifax, Canada

#37 Apr 5, 2014
the answer is simple your never going to know the truth why because you really don't want to know your mind is telling you that you have to know trust me the real truth will drive you deeper insane . everyone has a past does she nag you about your past . how would you feel if every day you had to answer questions about your past and than find out your answer wasn't good enough . trust me you don't want to know about the size or how it felt to her , did she enjoy it . buddy if she's having fun with you and your both smiling after sex that should be good enough . give her a big hug and kiss and say I'm sorry and let her past go . don't drown in that black hole of jealousy my friend love her like the first time you saw her . good luck .
Johnny

Provo, UT

#38 Apr 10, 2014
The more you love her, the more you will forgive her. It's that simple!
My Advice

Somerset, KY

#39 Apr 10, 2014
Look man, I'm in the exact same position with my fiancÚ. I've waited until marriage, she didn't. She regrets it and is pretty open about it, but that really doesn't help. It's the mere fact of it, so I know how you feel.

The truth is, you won't find solace by asking on here. Topix is mostly trolls and white trash with a few social justice warror super liberals thrown in. The trolls will troll, the white trash won't "get it" and the super liberals will be stupid because that's what they are.

Sounds to me like the REAL problem between you and your wife is lack of communication. You shouldn't berate her for anything, but as her husband you have a right to know all of this information from her just as she has the right to know your thoughts and history. Be respectful to her, but don't be disrespectful to yourself. These women talking about how they left their exes for this type of thing either had douche-bag husbands who deserved it, or they themselves couldn't reconcile the fact that they did something stupid in their past and instead of owning up to it, decided to point the blame in the other direction.
Anish

New Delhi, India

#40 Jul 15, 2014
Dude, Most of the people are hypocrates, double standard people. What you are feeling is absolutely normal and people should respect your feelings.It is your absolute right to know about her past and she has the right to know yours. If she can't trust you then its her problem.But my friend, this is absolute truth that you won't find a girl these days who doesn't has past.Those days were past when girl waits for a guy till marriage having patience to stop her desires and same applies to men also. But these are pathetic girls. Sorry Dude same case with me but no solution. Get yourself busy with your work and spend your life peacefuly
meanpplsuk

United States

#41 Jul 15, 2014
If your wife is good to you & you know she hasn't cheated--get over it!
Cheated on

Seymour, TN

#42 Jul 16, 2014
confused man wrote:
Thank you for all your comments ,
the problem is when i talk to my wife its like she is not telling me the full truth abouth her past and thats whats bothering me i dont have problem with her
having bf in the past i understan we all have bf and gf before merriage but i dont get after 11y of merriage she still did not tell me whole truth about how many bf she hade caz when we meet her old frends
i fell stupid and are pleace when they talk abouth past and memmories i dont want to make her fell bad
but i just like to know i been honest to her abouth me and exsplain in deatels every question she got.
but she did not do the same for me.
thanks again..
Trust me. As bad as u think u want to the truth. It's only going to hurt u. She is probably protecting u and u don't realize it. She probably figures if she tells u the truth it will only hurt you. I've been married for 10 years. Together for 15. My wife cheated on me and I wanted to know everything. What where you wearing?Where was I?What did u guys do? How many times? Where did you do it? She kept lying to me then one day she told me every detail. I wish I'd had never asked. It hurt so bad and it still hurts. So if u love your Wife. Just love her and let it be. In the end if you knew the truth it's only going to hurt u, kill u inside. I'm serious. You r going to have to find a way to move on and not let this weigh on your mind and heart. I know it's hard. This happened to me at the beginning of April and I still hurt everyday. My heart is in pain. I really wish I didnt push so hard for all the details. She loves u and wants to protect u by not telling u the whole truth. I know it's easy to say not think about it or let it go. It's almost impossible, but u r not going to have a healthy relationship unless u find a differ way to deal with things. Trust me. As bad as u think u want to know the whole truth, you really don't.

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