Sounds a bit like my life!This is a random post and I apologize up front for my rambling but I'm here seeking opinions that are like/similar to my own. I grew up in church, it was a wonderful place where I was educated about this extraordinary man, Jesus Christ, who performed miracles and saved souls.
However, during that time, as a child, I went through periods of verbal and sexual abuse from relatives and bullying in school from other children. I wondered where the good lord was at when I was dealing with this. I was such an innocent good child at that time who did not deserve the treatment I received but received no help whatsoever from the good lord.
Out of pride and embarrassment, I kept a lot of what happened to me a big secret until nearly a year ago because there were others I felt I needed to protect from a few of these animals. Now the secrets are out and I've been having to deal with them all over again. I've prayed for healing for such a long time but the emotional pain I've felt refuses to go away. And I'm still waiting on the good lord.
The emotional scars dished out to me hindered my confidence build up for years. I've been single all my life. It's torture, it's a living hell. I have managed to have earned a college degree and have been a very dedicated employee with a decent salary but have had to deal with a lot of political ass kissing bullshit.
All this negative stuff has been compounding and I can't shake it off no matter how hard I try. Where's the good lord?
I'm at a point in my life that I'm ready to officially cut ties with all friends and family and only deal with people I only have to deal with. All I ever wanted was status along with the American Dream. But all I have despite my efforts are emotional scars from the verbal/physical abuse. I've done my best to be a good person. I haven't hurt a soul but I have a heart that is crushed. I want this hurt to stop, I never asked for it, I prayed for the good lord's help but still feel void of it.
I should be a happily married soul with children and a good job, but life has flown half way by and part of that equation is empty despite having friends and to some extent, family. Trying to please so many not including myself has cost me a lot of happiness. Shame on me.
I feel absolutely pathetic, I feel as if I was brought into this world to be a whipping post and I hurt so bad for that. Where's the good lord?
I apologize for my yapping but I needed to vent anonymously and found the safe place to do it. I'm at the point where I'm on the verge of cutting out the rest of my family and friends from my life. I'm so tired of hurting. It's a tragedy to think I know what my purpose in the world is only to not have a clue when push comes to shove.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate all the comments made both good and bad from those who choose to remark back to me.
Have a good evening.
Turn towards Christ, you'll find more peace than you thought!
God Bless :-)