Things Republicans Believe

Things Republicans Believe

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Gods Choice

Barbourville, KY

#1 Sep 30, 2013
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

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Gods Choice

Barbourville, KY

#2 Sep 30, 2013
You might be a Republican if...
You've ever complained about liberal bias in the obituaries section.
You might be a Republican if...
Your electric chair has a kite with a key on it.
You might be a Republican if...
You'll spend $20 billion guarding a bridge against the possibility of a terrorist attack, but won't spend 20 cents to keep it from falling down on its own.
You might be a Republican if...
You think a Lynch film is a documentary on race relations.
You might be a Republican if...
You think spooning is something you do at Dairy Queen.
You might be a Republican if...
You think smeared bagels are victims of the New York Times.
You might be a Republican if...
You think the right to free assembly is talking about construction companies.
You might be a Republican if...
You have to number the entries of "Hate Week" on your calendar.
You might be a Republican if...
Your desk has a drawer for holding computer punchcards.
You might be a Republican if...
You classify an elegant dinner as one that needs holes punched in the plastic.

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Gods Choice

Barbourville, KY

#3 Sep 30, 2013
You might be a Republican if...
You've ever complained about liberal bias in the obituaries section.
You might be a Republican if...
Your electric chair has a kite with a key on it.
You might be a Republican if...
You'll spend $20 billion guarding a bridge against the possibility of a terrorist attack, but won't spend 20 cents to keep it from falling down on its own.
You might be a Republican if...
You think a Lynch film is a documentary on race relations.
You might be a Republican if...
You think spooning is something you do at Dairy Queen.
You might be a Republican if...
You think smeared bagels are victims of the New York Times.
You might be a Republican if...
You think the right to free assembly is talking about construction companies.
You might be a Republican if...
You have to number the entries of "Hate Week" on your calendar.
You might be a Republican if...
Your desk has a drawer for holding computer punchcards.
You might be a Republican if...
You classify an elegant dinner as one that needs holes punched in the plastic.

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Gods Choice

Barbourville, KY

#4 Sep 30, 2013
Three Republicans walk into a bar.

The

bartender says, "We don't serve Republicans here."

The Republicans

say, "That's OK... We don't serve you either.

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Gods Choice

Barbourville, KY

#5 Sep 30, 2013
How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change the bulb, one to call the media and publicize it, and one to blame the electric bill on the Democrats....

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Gods Choice

Barbourville, KY

#6 Sep 30, 2013
Q. Why are there only 12 Republicans in heaven?
A. If there were any more, it'd be hell....

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Gods Choice

Barbourville, KY

#7 Sep 30, 2013
How many Republicans does it take to read a book?
None--Republicans don't read books, they ban them.

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What's the biggest problem with the idea of intelligent design?
It doesn't explain why Republicans are made.

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Did you hear about the new Republican-built computers?
Me neither.

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Why won't Sarah Palin's favorite book be made into a movie?
She wants Waldo to play himself, but she just can't find him.

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What's icy and distant and comes only once every 75 years?
A Republican's wife.

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Gods Choice

Barbourville, KY

#8 Sep 30, 2013
This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself."

"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.

"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"

"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"

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Two guys are sitting around talking about politics.

One of them asks the other, "So why are you a Democrat?"

"Because my daddy and granddaddy were Democrats," was the man's reply.

"What if your daddy and granddaddy were horse thieves?"

"In that case, I guess I'd be a Republican."

Some guy told me, "I'm a Republican but I vote my conscience."

So I asked him, "How can you do both?"

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Republicans will save the rainforest - if you tell them that's where the golf ball trees are!

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Mike

Corbin, KY

#9 Sep 30, 2013
You must be a welfare sucking SSI piece of s {hit. Only deadbeat losers like you believe the idiocy you have written. I hope you die by fire.

“"Living The Dream"”

Since: Sep 11

It Is What It Is

#11 Sep 30, 2013
He might die by fire, But he has Health Insurance to treat it now!!
Gods Choice

Barbourville, KY

#12 Sep 30, 2013
Mike wrote:
You must be a welfare sucking SSI piece of s {hit. Only deadbeat losers like you believe the idiocy you have written. I hope you die by fire.
thats ^ one of the peanuts outta my sh!t .. eat it
God is a Democrat

Barbourville, KY

#13 Sep 30, 2013
Mike wrote:
You must be a welfare sucking SSI piece of s {hit. Only deadbeat losers like you believe the idiocy you have written. I hope you die by fire.
hey Mike, how long since your wife had an orgasm?
Wounded Eagle

Puyallup, WA

#14 Oct 1, 2013
Funny that democrats sit and think up all the little spins to put on things to make them seem believable. Take away the spin and all that is left is the lie.
Democrata r God

Barbourville, KY

#15 Oct 1, 2013
Wounded Eagle wrote:
Funny that democrats sit and think up all the little spins to put on things to make them seem believable. Take away the spin and all that is left is the lie.
get on your knees and blow me
Trouble

Murray, KY

#16 Oct 1, 2013
Gods Choice - you just demonstrated exactly what is wrong with the Democratic public. Congratulations on googling and copying other persons comments. You make your Democratic leaders proud that you just took what was said verbatim and passed it along without putting your own thought into it.

Congrats! You have reached level Parrot!
Gods Choice

Barbourville, KY

#17 Oct 1, 2013
Trouble wrote:
Gods Choice - you just demonstrated exactly what is wrong with the Democratic public. Congratulations on googling and copying other persons comments. You make your Democratic leaders proud that you just took what was said verbatim and passed it along without putting your own thought into it.
Congrats! You have reached level Parrot!
..copy and paste ? really? with your keen observation skills you should be a detective..bet a penny you are a repub, wanna know how I can tell? Now go sign up some health care.

Since: Jun 12

Location hidden

#18 Oct 1, 2013
Thanks for some good humor this morning. I needed it!
Not Funny

Barbourville, KY

#19 Oct 1, 2013
Q. Do Republicans get mad reading all these jokes about them?

A. Don't be ridiculous. Republicans can't read.
Not Funny

Barbourville, KY

#20 Oct 1, 2013
What's the most common name for the smartest member of a Republican household?

Tie between Rover and Spot
butter face

Barbourville, KY

#21 Oct 1, 2013
What did the Republican say when he sat on a tack?

"Ouch, my face!"

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