Save my marriage.

[GBH]

my wife has filed for divorce, and it is killing me, we have young kids together. I has a substance problem that is ultimately the reason she wants to leave me. i would do anything to save my family. my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered loss like this. What can i do?

[good luck]

if you have and can admit to a substance abuse problem, then that is a great step in the right direction. however if your wife has been aware of this issue for a long time and it is only recently that you are self aware of it, and only recently that you are stepping up and trying to save the relationship, then that may be the problem. it sounds like, with most cases, the children are most at risk. i understand that you would want to save the relationship for their sake, but she might see things differently. how many times have you two gotten to this point? how many times have you changed your ways for the sake of staying together? how many times has the change made a lasting impression? if this has been looming within the house for a while now, she might be set in her decision and there may not be a way to save it...right now. best thing you can do, if she is already walking out the door, is show her you can change. for the time being, find somewhere to go, clean up your act, pay the bills, get on your feet, so on and so forth. if you can do this for yourself, she may realize that the man she left was not the man she married...but he might be coming back.:) hope this helps.

[quit]

GBH wrote:

my wife has filed for divorce, and it is killing me, we have young kids together. I has a substance problem that is ultimately the reason she wants to leave me. i would do anything to save my family. my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered loss like this. What can i do?

stop smoking crack.

[poor mom]

if she has filed this means she has tried to see if you would change your ways. apparently you dont love her or your kids enough to kick the bad habit, and you dont love yourself enough to quit!!!
first step check into rehab, show her that you are trying, but the step back into the trust issue is a long process. it starts with baby steps. go to rehab!!!if not for your wife or yourself do it for your kids. You dont want them to see a drugee everyday as they grow up or you may leave stuff around and they may try it and kill them. is their life or death worth it!!!think of the kids they are our future and what are you showing them???
its time for you to grow take some responsibilty
for them. show them that your can be a father that they need and a husband you can be!!!you asked for help, wel advice is all i can give, you need to help yourself...take the first steps....it may take a year of showing your wife that you can be trusted again but it will be worth it. what do you have to lose???

[tiff]

my best friend is thinkin about doin the same thing same situation. the last year hes had substance problems & she want soooooo badly to believe hes gona change but.....its not goin in that direction. go to rehab & really want it for yourself. even if u get divorced continue through with it. show her ur serious...people get remarried to the same person sometimes. but if youve put her through too much already it may be too late...hope things work out for the best for the kids.

[Mr_ President]

GBH wrote:

my wife has filed for divorce, and it is killing me, we have young kids together. I has a substance problem that is ultimately the reason she wants to leave me. i would do anything to save my family. my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered loss like this. What can i do?

You have recognized the problem. Get some help. I doubt you will get your wife back. You need to be a stand up man for your kids.

[Hello]

GBH wrote:

my wife has filed for divorce, and it is killing me, we have young kids together. I has a substance problem that is ultimately the reason she wants to leave me. i would do anything to save my family. my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered loss like this. What can i do?

Give up whatever substance you are abusing.

[Hello]

GBH wrote:

my wife has filed for divorce, and it is killing me, we have young kids together. I has a substance problem that is ultimately the reason she wants to leave me. i would do anything to save my family. my heart goes out to anyone who has suffered loss like this. What can i do?

Give up the drugs / alochol.

[cola-dreamer]

I wasted 7 years on an abusive addict. I gave him many chances. After 7 years I quit. Couldn't invest any more time,or faith or love into it. It started to affect my daughter in a very negitive way. 6 years later he is in jail for making meth. He was to selfish to ever change for anyone. You have to be willing to put all your needs or wants second to your family. If it has gone this far,I would say she has had enough and you will have to get your life together and prove to her you can change. You have to want to change and not just do it to get her back. You will need to do it on your own first and try and gain back her trust. She is trying to give your kids a better life. Seek help now. Quit using now and forever.I have respect for her not allowing your kids to be around an addict and suffer.

[tiff]

cola-dreamer i know how u feel...5 years with an addict but no kids. almost had kids with him...guess there was a reason for it now. we been split for 5 months now.

[cola-dreamer]

Tiff-(that's my lil sis name)
Indeed everything does happen for a reason. I don't think I would have had the will power to leave had it not been for my daughter. I am ashamed to admit I too was into drugs when I was really young. I got pregnant @ 17,she gave me the strength to stay sober. Then she gave me the courage to leave to give her a better life. She saved me. Please don't give up on all men(I read what you posted on the marrried men thread) there all good guys out there,believe me if I can find 1 in the situation I was in...you can.
I'm glad you got away. I know how hard it is to invest all that time and love,only to realize they aren't changing. I know how heart breaking it is to finally know you have to give up. There is a better life,I promise.

[tiff]

what u mean??? like put it in the tub in the water????? umm wouldnt that give me an infection or something??? lol im feelin a liiiiiiiiiiiil better. drank some yager last night & been spittin all the crap up so its lil better thanks. i got me some mucinex today from my mom so....hopin that helps too. my boyfriend bringin me OJ helps 2 lol.

[tiff]

my bad...thats meant for my sick forum lmao

[The Debator]

MAn Up and get off the crunk ! Oooooh pity me, pity me. I don't think so dude, you can get clean & take care of business for your family. you know what to do so why you asking us ?

[tiff]

what i meant to say to ya cola lol is that we have just been broke up for bout 5 months & it still hurts to know that he is doin what hes doin. i just couldnt stand the thought of wakin up next to his cold body one mornin and i just am not emotionally strong enough to handle that. he was the love of my life but his pills became more and more important than me. it bout killed me losin my granny and lil brother last year within 24 hours of each other & seein him get hurt or killed with this mess would tear me apart. i had spent SOOO much of our relationship worried about him day in and day out. its taken its tole on my heart & sanity. i started seein someone else & care about him a lot but there are days i still wonder if i will get a txt or call or somethin sayin he OD on something.

[GBH]

good luck wrote:

if you have and can admit to a substance abuse problem, then that is a great step in the right direction. however if your wife has been aware of this issue for a long time and it is only recently that you are self aware of it, and only recently that you are stepping up and trying to save the relationship, then that may be the problem. it sounds like, with most cases, the children are most at risk. i understand that you would want to save the relationship for their sake, but she might see things differently. how many times have you two gotten to this point? how many times have you changed your ways for the sake of staying together? how many times has the change made a lasting impression? if this has been looming within the house for a while now, she might be set in her decision and there may not be a way to save it...right now. best thing you can do, if she is already walking out the door, is show her you can change. for the time being, find somewhere to go, clean up your act, pay the bills, get on your feet, so on and so forth. if you can do this for yourself, she may realize that the man she left was not the man she married...but he might be coming back.:) hope this helps.

Great Advice

[GBH]

My deamon in pain medication. i dont drink or do drugs. I battle with this beast on me everyday. I want to go to rehab. i have insurance but getting help around here is impossible. My wife is a hard working beautiful mother to our kids. i havechanged over the past 4 yrs of my addiction.It may be to late to save my marriage, which rips us both apart. i will not be successful again until the meds are gone. where is rehab

[cola-dreamer]

tiff wrote:

what i meant to say to ya cola lol is that we have just been broke up for bout 5 months & it still hurts to know that he is doin what hes doin. i just couldnt stand the thought of wakin up next to his cold body one mornin and i just am not emotionally strong enough to handle that. he was the love of my life but his pills became more and more important than me. it bout killed me losin my granny and lil brother last year within 24 hours of each other & seein him get hurt or killed with this mess would tear me apart. i had spent SOOO much of our relationship worried about him day in and day out. its taken its tole on my heart & sanity. i started seein someone else & care about him a lot but there are days i still wonder if i will get a txt or call or somethin sayin he OD on something.

I understand 100% girl. There were days he wouldn't come home and I just knew he was dead. It started as meth then back and forth on pills,even shooting them up. He pawned everything we owned,even our baby daughters jewlery. He would get extreamly defensive then abusive if I ever brought up the problem. I'm glad you found the strength to move on. It took me a long time to over come all my issues from that relationship. I'm still trying actually. Its so good you moved on. We share a child and he has been a horrible father,he lies and breaks her heart. I tried to keep faith he would be a man and step up for her. Finally I had to cut him from her life after he broke in and threatened to take her. He was strung out and dangerous. Thank god shortly after he was busted with that lab since the cops wouldn't take me seriously.
I'm so happy you didn't let him pull you down with him. I truly understand what you have been through. Your totally not alone.

[cola-dreamer]

There is a rehab in Johnson city that a friend went to,magnolia I think?? You need inpatient care,asap. Pills are so bad. Your body become so dependent so quick on the and DT is nasty,but you will die if you don't get help. Even if you can't work it out with your wife. Be a man and take care of your children. They need you.

[tiff]

lol yaa he took a lot of stuff from me too. even some things that were given to me by family that meant a lot. thanks to him i have issues trusting the guy im seein & he hasnt even done anything to me.