Biblical absurdities
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TheRevealer

Locust Grove, GA

#1 Mar 7, 2013
Genesis:

1. God creates light and separates light from darkness, and day from night, on the first day. Yet he didn't make the light producing objects (the sun and the stars) until the fourth day (1:14-19). And how could there be "the evening and the morning" on the first day if there was no sun to mark them? 1:3-5

2. God spends one-sixth of his entire creative effort (the second day) working on a solid firmament. This strange structure, which God calls heaven, is intended to separate the higher waters from the lower waters. 1:6-8

3.Plants are made on the third day before there was a sun to drive their photosynthetic processes (1:14-19). 1:11
In an apparent endorsement of astrology, God places the sun, moon, and stars in the firmament so that they can be used "for signs". This, of course, is exactly what astrologers do: read "the signs" in the Zodiac in an effort to predict what will happen on Earth. 1:14

4. "He made the stars also." God spends a day making light (before making the stars) and separating light from darkness; then, at the end of a hard day's work, and almost as an afterthought, he makes the trillions of stars. 1:16

5. "And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth." 1:17

6. God commands us to "be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over ... every living thing that moveth upon the earth." 1:28

7."I have given you every herb ... and every tree ... for meat."
Since many plants have evolved poisons to protect against animals that would like to eat them, God's advice is more than a little reckless. Would you tell your children to go out in the garden and eat whatever plants they encounter? Of course not. But then, you are much nicer and smarter than God. 1:29

8. "He rested."
Even God gets tired sometimes. 2:2

9."The tree of life ... and the tree of knowledge of good and evil."
God created two magic trees: the tree of life and the tree of knowledge. Eat from the first, and you live forever (3:22); eat from the second and you'll die the same day (2:17).(Or that's what God said, anyway. Adam ate from the tree of knowledge and lived for another 930 years or so (5:5). But he never got a chance to eat from the tree of life. God prevented him from eating from the tree of life before Adam could eat from the tree, become a god, and live forever.) 2:9

10. God makes the animals and parades them before Adam to see if any would strike his fancy. But none seem to have what it takes to please him.(Although he was tempted to go for the sheep.) After making the animals, God has Adam name them all. The naming of several million species must have kept Adam busy for a while. 2:18-20
TheRevealer

Locust Grove, GA

#2 Mar 7, 2013
11. God's clever, talking serpent. 3:1
God walks and talks (to himself?) in the garden, and plays a little hide and seek with Adam and Eve. 3:8-11

12. God curses the serpent. From now on the serpent will crawl on his belly and eat dust. One wonders how he got around before -- by hopping on his tail, perhaps? But snakes don't eat dust, do they? 3:14

13. God curses the ground and causes thorns and thistles to grow. 3:17-18

14. God kills some animals and makes some skin coats for Adam and Eve. 3:21

15. "Behold, the man is become as one of us."
God expels Adam and Eve from the garden before they get a chance to eat from that other tree -- the tree of life. God knows that if they do that, they well become "like one of us" and live forever. 3:22-24

16. Cain is worried after killing Abel and says, "Every one who finds me shall slay me." This is a strange concern since there were only two other humans alive at the time -- his parents! 4:14

17. "And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD." 4:16

18. "And Cain knew his wife." That's nice, but where the hell did she come from? 4:17
TheRevealer

Locust Grove, GA

#3 Mar 7, 2013
19. Lamech kills a man and claims that since Cain's murderer would be punished sevenfold, whoever murders him will be punished seventy-seven fold. That sounds fair. 4:23-24

20. "And to Seth ... was born a son." Where'd he find his wife? 4:26

21. God created a man and a woman, and he "called their name Adam." So the woman's name was Adam, too! 5:2

22. Adam finally dies -- 930 years after eating from the tree of knowledge, contrary to God's false prophecy that Adam would die the day that he ate the forbidden fruit (2:17). 5:5
23. Seth lived 912 years. 5:8

24. Enos lived 905 years. 5:11

25. Cainan lived 910 years. 5:14

26.Mahalaleel lived 895 years. 5:17

27. Jared lived 962 years. 5:20

28. Enoch doesn't die he just ascends into heaven. 5:21-24

29. Enoch lived 365 years before he was taken (alive?) by God. 5:23

30. When Lamech was born, nine generations were alive at once. Adam, Seth, Enos, Cainan, Mahalaleel, Jared, Enoch, Methuselah, and Lamech were all alive at the time of Lamech's birth. Adam lived to see his great-great-great-great-great- great-grandson. 5:25

31. Methuselah lived 969 years.(World record holder.) 5:27

32. Lamech lived 777 years. 5:31
When Noah was 500 years old, he had three sons.
[Three sons in one year? Was that with one (nameless) wife or several?] 5:32

33. "The sons of God came in unto the daughters of men."
The "sons of God" had sex with the "daughters of men," and had sons who became "the mighty men of old, men of renown." 6:2-4

34. "The LORD said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh."
God shortened the human lifespan to 120 years because humans are "flesh" and he was tired of fighting with them. 6:3
Concerned

Alpharetta, GA

#4 Mar 7, 2013
TheRevealer wrote:
Genesis:
1. God creates light and separates light from darkness, and day from night, on the first day. Yet he didn't make the light producing objects (the sun and the stars) until the fourth day (1:14-19). And how could there be "the evening and the morning" on the first day if there was no sun to mark them? 1:3-5
2. God spends one-sixth of his entire creative effort (the second day) working on a solid firmament. This strange structure, which God calls heaven, is intended to separate the higher waters from the lower waters. 1:6-8
3.Plants are made on the third day before there was a sun to drive their photosynthetic processes (1:14-19). 1:11
In an apparent endorsement of astrology, God places the sun, moon, and stars in the firmament so that they can be used "for signs". This, of course, is exactly what astrologers do: read "the signs" in the Zodiac in an effort to predict what will happen on Earth. 1:14
4. "He made the stars also." God spends a day making light (before making the stars) and separating light from darkness; then, at the end of a hard day's work, and almost as an afterthought, he makes the trillions of stars. 1:16
5. "And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth." 1:17
6. God commands us to "be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over ... every living thing that moveth upon the earth." 1:28
7."I have given you every herb ... and every tree ... for meat."
Since many plants have evolved poisons to protect against animals that would like to eat them, God's advice is more than a little reckless. Would you tell your children to go out in the garden and eat whatever plants they encounter? Of course not. But then, you are much nicer and smarter than God. 1:29
8. "He rested."
Even God gets tired sometimes. 2:2
9."The tree of life ... and the tree of knowledge of good and evil."
God created two magic trees: the tree of life and the tree of knowledge. Eat from the first, and you live forever (3:22); eat from the second and you'll die the same day (2:17).(Or that's what God said, anyway. Adam ate from the tree of knowledge and lived for another 930 years or so (5:5). But he never got a chance to eat from the tree of life. God prevented him from eating from the tree of life before Adam could eat from the tree, become a god, and live forever.) 2:9
10. God makes the animals and parades them before Adam to see if any would strike his fancy. But none seem to have what it takes to please him.(Although he was tempted to go for the sheep.) After making the animals, God has Adam name them all. The naming of several million species must have kept Adam busy for a while. 2:18-20
You stupid pathological sociopath. Get help. Nobody cares about your stupidity. Go blow your boyfriend.
Concerned

Alpharetta, GA

#5 Mar 7, 2013
TheRevealer wrote:
11. God's clever, talking serpent. 3:1
God walks and talks (to himself?) in the garden, and plays a little hide and seek with Adam and Eve. 3:8-11
12. God curses the serpent. From now on the serpent will crawl on his belly and eat dust. One wonders how he got around before -- by hopping on his tail, perhaps? But snakes don't eat dust, do they? 3:14
13. God curses the ground and causes thorns and thistles to grow. 3:17-18
14. God kills some animals and makes some skin coats for Adam and Eve. 3:21
15. "Behold, the man is become as one of us."
God expels Adam and Eve from the garden before they get a chance to eat from that other tree -- the tree of life. God knows that if they do that, they well become "like one of us" and live forever. 3:22-24
16. Cain is worried after killing Abel and says, "Every one who finds me shall slay me." This is a strange concern since there were only two other humans alive at the time -- his parents! 4:14
17. "And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD." 4:16
18. "And Cain knew his wife." That's nice, but where the hell did she come from? 4:17
You sick screwball. Get help for your illness.
Concerned

Alpharetta, GA

#6 Mar 7, 2013
TheRevealer wrote:
19. Lamech kills a man and claims that since Cain's murderer would be punished sevenfold, whoever murders him will be punished seventy-seven fold. That sounds fair. 4:23-24
20. "And to Seth ... was born a son." Where'd he find his wife? 4:26
21. God created a man and a woman, and he "called their name Adam." So the woman's name was Adam, too! 5:2
22. Adam finally dies -- 930 years after eating from the tree of knowledge, contrary to God's false prophecy that Adam would die the day that he ate the forbidden fruit (2:17). 5:5
23. Seth lived 912 years. 5:8
24. Enos lived 905 years. 5:11
25. Cainan lived 910 years. 5:14
26.Mahalaleel lived 895 years. 5:17
27. Jared lived 962 years. 5:20
28. Enoch doesn't die he just ascends into heaven. 5:21-24
29. Enoch lived 365 years before he was taken (alive?) by God. 5:23
30. When Lamech was born, nine generations were alive at once. Adam, Seth, Enos, Cainan, Mahalaleel, Jared, Enoch, Methuselah, and Lamech were all alive at the time of Lamech's birth. Adam lived to see his great-great-great-great-great- great-grandson. 5:25
31. Methuselah lived 969 years.(World record holder.) 5:27
32. Lamech lived 777 years. 5:31
When Noah was 500 years old, he had three sons.
[Three sons in one year? Was that with one (nameless) wife or several?] 5:32
33. "The sons of God came in unto the daughters of men."
The "sons of God" had sex with the "daughters of men," and had sons who became "the mighty men of old, men of renown." 6:2-4
34. "The LORD said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh."
God shortened the human lifespan to 120 years because humans are "flesh" and he was tired of fighting with them. 6:3
You need help. You are one sick turd.

Since: Sep 09

United States

#7 Mar 8, 2013
Hey The Revealer why don't you write a book about this subject and have it published? You seem to have an answer for everything so you should be able to make millions from it's sale....LOL!
Corkscrew

Douglasville, GA

#8 Mar 8, 2013
I think The Revealer makes good common sense. He may have a bit of anger in there that people are so gullible as to believe anything, but he is at least trying to right some wrong thinking.

Mr. Revealer, maybe you shouldn't rub these people's noses in their comfortable truths. What do you care if they are totally wrong in their thinking? For some reason you seem to think they are worth your time in trying to convince them of their crackpot thinking.

Believe me, they aren't worth your time. Their minds are way too small and their focus much too narrow. All they want to do is hurl insults at you and others.No thinking going on in those empty heads. Go watch some George Carlin on YouTube. He was mostly right about human beings.
Concerned

Alpharetta, GA

#9 Mar 8, 2013
Corkscrew wrote:
I think The Revealer makes good common sense. He may have a bit of anger in there that people are so gullible as to believe anything, but he is at least trying to right some wrong thinking.
Mr. Revealer, maybe you shouldn't rub these people's noses in their comfortable truths. What do you care if they are totally wrong in their thinking? For some reason you seem to think they are worth your time in trying to convince them of their crackpot thinking.
Believe me, they aren't worth your time. Their minds are way too small and their focus much too narrow. All they want to do is hurl insults at you and others.No thinking going on in those empty heads. Go watch some George Carlin on YouTube. He was mostly right about human beings.
You another one of Revealers boytoys? HAHAHAHAHA Get down on your knees. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
TheRevealer

Locust Grove, GA

#10 Mar 10, 2013
Corkscrew wrote:
I think The Revealer makes good common sense. He may have a bit of anger in there that people are so gullible as to believe anything, but he is at least trying to right some wrong thinking.
Mr. Revealer, maybe you shouldn't rub these people's noses in their comfortable truths. What do you care if they are totally wrong in their thinking? For some reason you seem to think they are worth your time in trying to convince them of their crackpot thinking.
Believe me, they aren't worth your time. Their minds are way too small and their focus much too narrow. All they want to do is hurl insults at you and others.No thinking going on in those empty heads. Go watch some George Carlin on YouTube. He was mostly right about human beings.
I can handle the name calling. I ain't in 2nd grade.

I care because these people try to implicate these "beliefs" into schools and try to teach my children absurdities. I'll continue to fight until there is no belief left in god. We are really close. The numbers rise in our favor. It will all be over soon. Maybe not in my lifetime, but definitely in my child's time. They are generation "why" and google has all the answers and priests, preachers, elders, clerics, whatever.... can't keep up.
TheRevealer

Locust Grove, GA

#11 Mar 10, 2013
35. God decides to kill all living things because the human imagination is evil. Later (8:21), after he kills everything, he promises never to do it again because the human imagination is evil. Go figure. 6:5

36. God repents. 6:6-7

37. "Noah was a just man and perfect."
Noah is called a "just man and perfect," but he didn't seem so perfect when he was drunk and naked in front of his sons (9:20-21). 6:9, 7:1

38. "Behold, I will destroy them with the earth."
God was angry because "the earth was filled with violence." So he killed every living thing to make the world less violent. 6:11-13

39. God tells Noah to make one small window (18 inches square) in the 450 foot ark for ventilation. 6:14-16

40. "And take thou unto thee of all food that is eaten ... for thee, and for them." 6:21

41. "Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens."
How did Noah know which animals were "clean" and "unclean" to God?(It wasn't defined until Leviticus was written.) 7:2

42. Whether by twos or by sevens, Noah takes male and female representatives from each species of "every thing that creepeth upon the earth." 7:8

43. God opens the "windows of heaven." He does this every time it rains. 7:11

44. All of the animals boarded the ark "in the selfsame day." 7:13-14

45. "And God remembered Noah."
Yeah. He probably said something like, "Isn't Noah the guy who built the ark?" 8:1

46. "The windows of heaven were stopped, and the rain from heaven was restrained." This happens whenever it stops raining. 8:2

47. Noah sends a dove out to see if there was any dry land. But the dove returns without finding any. Then, just seven days later, the dove goes out again and returns with an olive leaf. But how could an olive tree survive the flood? And if any seeds happened to survive, they certainly wouldn't germinate and grow leaves within a seven day period. 8:8-11

48. "And the Lord smelled a sweet savor."
Noah kills the "clean beasts" and burns their dead bodies for God. According to 7:8 this would have caused the extinction of all "clean" animals since only two of each were taken onto the ark. "And the Lord smelled a sweet savor." After this God "said in his heart" that he'd never do it again because "man's heart is evil from his youth." So God killed all living things (6:5) because humans are evil, and then promises not to do it again (8:21) because humans are evil. The mind of God is a frightening thing. 8:20-21
TheRevealer

Locust Grove, GA

#12 Mar 10, 2013
49. According to this verse, all animals fear humans. Although it is true that many do, it is also true that some do not. Sharks and grizzly bears, for example, are generally much less afraid of us than we are of them. 9:2

50. "Into your hand are they (the animals) delivered." God gave the animals to humans, and they can do whatever they please with them. This verse has been used by bible believers to justify all kinds of cruelty to animals and environmental destruction. 9:2

51. "I do set my bow in the cloud."
God is rightly filled with remorse for having killed his creatures. He makes a deal with the animals, promising never to drown them all again. He even puts the rainbow in the sky so that whenever he sees it, it will remind him of his promise so that he won't be tempted to do it again.(Every time God sees the rainbow he says to himself: "Oh, yeah.... That's right. I promised not to drown the animals again. I guess I'll have to find something else to do.").

52. But rainbows are caused by the nature of light, the refractive index of water, and the shape of raindrops. There were rainbows billions of years before humans existed. 9:13

53. The "just and righteous" Noah (6:9, 7:1) plants a vineyard, gets drunk, and lies around naked in his tent. His son, Ham, happens to see his father in this condition. When Noah sobers up and hears "what his young son had done unto him" (what did he do besides look at him?), he curses not Ham, who "saw the nakedness of his father," but Ham's son, Canaan. "A servant of servants shall he [Canaan] be unto his brethren." This is a typical case of biblical justice, and is one of many Bible passages that have been used to justify slavery. 9:20-25

54. "All the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years." 9:29

55.The entire tenth chapter is the first of many boring genealogies (see Genesis 11:10-32, 1 Chronicles 1-9, Matthew 1:1-17, Luke.3:23-28 for other examples) that we are told to avoid in 1 Timothy 1:4 and Titus 3:9 ("Avoid foolish questions and genealogies.") 10:1-32

56,. "Now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do."
God worries that the people will succeed in building a tower high enough to reach him (them?) in heaven, and that by so doing they will become omnipotent. 11:4-6

57. God says, "Let us go down ..." Maybe he hasn't been talking to himself; maybe there is more than one of them up there. Well, however many there may be, they all decide to come down to confuse the builders by confounding human language and scattering them [humans] abroad. 11:7

58. Another boring genealogy that we are told to avoid in 1 Timothy 1:4 and Titus 3:9.("Avoid foolish questions and genealogies.") Also note the ridiculously long lives of the patriarchs. 11:10-32

Shem lived 600 years. 11:12-13

Salah lived 433 years. 11:14-15

Eber lived 464 years. 11:16-17

Peleg lived 239 years. 11:18-19

Reu lived 239 years. 11:20-21

Serug lived 229 years. 11:22-23

Nahor lived 148 years. 11:24-25

And the days of Terah were two hundred and five years. 11:32

"I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee."

God will bless you if you bless Abraham and curse you if you curse Abraham. Fuck Abraham. 12:3
The Amalekites were smitten before Amalek (from whom they descended) was born. Amalek was the grandson of Esau (Genesis 36:12). 14:7
"And Abram fell on his face." 17:3
Abraham laughs at God for telling him that he and Sarah will have a child, when they are 100 and 90 years old, respectively. 17:17
TheRevealer

Locust Grove, GA

#13 Mar 10, 2013
Abraham was 99 years old when he circumcised himself, along with his 13 year old son, Ishmael, and his 318 slaves -- all in one very busy (and painful) day. 17:23-27

Abraham feeds God and three angels. 18:1-4

"He took butter, and milk, and the calf ... and they did eat."
Not a very kosher meal for God and Abraham to eat!(See Exodus 23:19) 18:8

Sarah, who is about 90 years old and has gone through menopause, laughs at God when he tells her that she will have a son. She asks God if she will "have pleasure" with her "Lord" [Abraham], when both are so very old. God assures her that he will return and impregnate her at the appointed time. 18:11-14

God, who is planning another mass murder, is worried that Abraham might try to stop him. so he asks himself if he should hide his intentions from Abraham. 18:17

"I will not destroy it for ten's sake."
I guess God couldn't find even ten good Sodomites because he decides to kill them all in Genesis 19. Too bad Abraham didn't ask God about the children. Why not save them? If Abraham could find 10 good children, toddlers, infants, or babies, would God spare the city? Apparently not. God doesn't give a damn about children. 18:32

"And the Lord went his way." Now where might that be? 18:33

The two angels that visit Lot wash their feet, eat, and are sexually irresistible to Sodomites. 19:1-5
Lot refuses to give up his angels to the perverted mob, offering his two "virgin daughters" instead. He tells the bunch of angel rapers to "do unto them [his daughters] as is good in your eyes." This is the same man that is called "just" and "righteous" in 2 Peter 2:7-8. 19:8

Lot lied about his daughters being "virgins" in 19:8. But it was a "just and righteous" lie, intended to make them more attractive to the sex-crazed mob. 19:14

Lot's nameless wife looks back, and God turns her into a pillar of salt. 19:26

Lot and his daughters camp out in a cave for a while. The daughters get their "just and righteous" father drunk, and have sexual intercourse with him, and each conceives and bears a son (wouldn't you know it!). Just another wholesome family values Bible story. 19:30-38

Honest Abe does the same "she's my sister" routine again, for the same cowardly reason. And once again, the king just couldn't resist Sarah -- even though by now she is over 90 years old.(See Gen.12:13-20 for the first, nearly identical, episode.) 20:2

"The Lord visited Sarah" and he "did unto Sarah as he had spoken." And "Sarah conceived and bare Abraham a son." (God-assisted conceptions never result in daughters.) 21:1-2

After the water ran out, Hagar left Ishmael alone to die. But God heard the infant crying, so he had an angel cry to Hagar from heaven, telling her not to worry. God heard the child's cry and opened Hagar's eyes so she could see a well, filled with water. God said he'd make Ishmael a great nation, and the child became an archer. 21:14-20

Abraham names the place where he nearly kills Isaac after Jehovah. But according to Exodus 6:3, Abraham couldn't have known that God's name was Jehovah. 22:14

God swears to himself. 22:16

"Sarah was an hundred and seven and twenty years old ... And Sarah died."
Sarah was lived longer than any other woman in the Bible: 127 years. 23:2

Abraham makes his servant put his hand under his thigh while swearing to God. Weird. Of course "putting his hand under his thigh" is just a polite euphemism for "holding his testicles in his hand." Come to think of it, maybe it isn't so weird at all -- coming as it does from a god that is completely obsessed with male genitalia.(See Exodus 4:25, Leviticus 15:16-18, 32, and Deuteronomy 23:1) for just a few examples.) I guess it's sort of like swearing on the bible. 24:2-9
kaplan man

Abbeville, LA

#14 Mar 10, 2013
Mr Revealer read this HE THAT SHALL BLASTPHEME AGAINST THE HOLY GHOST HATH NEVER FORGIVENESS BUT IS IN DANGER OF ENTERNAL DAMNATION

Mark 2;29

My friend you need to beg GOD for forgiveness and please dont teach your kids the garbage that you speak on here i cant believe you would want your kids to be in hell forever catch your man.
Concerned

Alpharetta, GA

#15 Mar 10, 2013
TheRevealer wrote:
<quoted text>
I can handle the name calling. I ain't in 2nd grade.
I care because these people try to implicate these "beliefs" into schools and try to teach my children absurdities. I'll continue to fight until there is no belief left in god. We are really close. The numbers rise in our favor. It will all be over soon. Maybe not in my lifetime, but definitely in my child's time. They are generation "why" and google has all the answers and priests, preachers, elders, clerics, whatever.... can't keep up.
You stupid fool. You bore the sh*t out of everybody.
Concerned

Alpharetta, GA

#16 Mar 10, 2013
TheRevealer wrote:
35. God decides to kill all living things because the human imagination is evil. Later (8:21), after he kills everything, he promises never to do it again because the human imagination is evil. Go figure. 6:5
36. God repents. 6:6-7
37. "Noah was a just man and perfect."
Noah is called a "just man and perfect," but he didn't seem so perfect when he was drunk and naked in front of his sons (9:20-21). 6:9, 7:1
38. "Behold, I will destroy them with the earth."
God was angry because "the earth was filled with violence." So he killed every living thing to make the world less violent. 6:11-13
39. God tells Noah to make one small window (18 inches square) in the 450 foot ark for ventilation. 6:14-16
40. "And take thou unto thee of all food that is eaten ... for thee, and for them." 6:21
41. "Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens."
How did Noah know which animals were "clean" and "unclean" to God?(It wasn't defined until Leviticus was written.) 7:2
42. Whether by twos or by sevens, Noah takes male and female representatives from each species of "every thing that creepeth upon the earth." 7:8
43. God opens the "windows of heaven." He does this every time it rains. 7:11
44. All of the animals boarded the ark "in the selfsame day." 7:13-14
45. "And God remembered Noah."
Yeah. He probably said something like, "Isn't Noah the guy who built the ark?" 8:1
46. "The windows of heaven were stopped, and the rain from heaven was restrained." This happens whenever it stops raining. 8:2
47. Noah sends a dove out to see if there was any dry land. But the dove returns without finding any. Then, just seven days later, the dove goes out again and returns with an olive leaf. But how could an olive tree survive the flood? And if any seeds happened to survive, they certainly wouldn't germinate and grow leaves within a seven day period. 8:8-11
48. "And the Lord smelled a sweet savor."
Noah kills the "clean beasts" and burns their dead bodies for God. According to 7:8 this would have caused the extinction of all "clean" animals since only two of each were taken onto the ark. "And the Lord smelled a sweet savor." After this God "said in his heart" that he'd never do it again because "man's heart is evil from his youth." So God killed all living things (6:5) because humans are evil, and then promises not to do it again (8:21) because humans are evil. The mind of God is a frightening thing. 8:20-21
You crazy fool. Go blow ffinger.
Concerned

Alpharetta, GA

#17 Mar 10, 2013
TheRevealer wrote:
49. According to this verse, all animals fear humans. Although it is true that many do, it is also true that some do not. Sharks and grizzly bears, for example, are generally much less afraid of us than we are of them. 9:2
50. "Into your hand are they (the animals) delivered." God gave the animals to humans, and they can do whatever they please with them. This verse has been used by bible believers to justify all kinds of cruelty to animals and environmental destruction. 9:2
51. "I do set my bow in the cloud."
God is rightly filled with remorse for having killed his creatures. He makes a deal with the animals, promising never to drown them all again. He even puts the rainbow in the sky so that whenever he sees it, it will remind him of his promise so that he won't be tempted to do it again.(Every time God sees the rainbow he says to himself: "Oh, yeah.... That's right. I promised not to drown the animals again. I guess I'll have to find something else to do.").
52. But rainbows are caused by the nature of light, the refractive index of water, and the shape of raindrops. There were rainbows billions of years before humans existed. 9:13
53. The "just and righteous" Noah (6:9, 7:1) plants a vineyard, gets drunk, and lies around naked in his tent. His son, Ham, happens to see his father in this condition. When Noah sobers up and hears "what his young son had done unto him" (what did he do besides look at him?), he curses not Ham, who "saw the nakedness of his father," but Ham's son, Canaan. "A servant of servants shall he [Canaan] be unto his brethren." This is a typical case of biblical justice, and is one of many Bible passages that have been used to justify slavery. 9:20-25
54. "All the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years." 9:29
55.The entire tenth chapter is the first of many boring genealogies (see Genesis 11:10-32, 1 Chronicles 1-9, Matthew 1:1-17, Luke.3:23-28 for other examples) that we are told to avoid in 1 Timothy 1:4 and Titus 3:9 ("Avoid foolish questions and genealogies.") 10:1-32
56,. "Now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do."
God worries that the people will succeed in building a tower high enough to reach him (them?) in heaven, and that by so doing they will become omnipotent. 11:4-6
57. God says, "Let us go down ..." Maybe he hasn't been talking to himself; maybe there is more than one of them up there. Well, however many there may be, they all decide to come down to confuse the builders by confounding human language and scattering them [humans] abroad. 11:7
58. Another boring genealogy that we are told to avoid in 1 Timothy 1:4 and Titus 3:9.("Avoid foolish questions and genealogies.") Also note the ridiculously long lives of the patriarchs. 11:10-32
Shem lived 600 years. 11:12-13
Salah lived 433 years. 11:14-15
Eber lived 464 years. 11:16-17
Peleg lived 239 years. 11:18-19
Reu lived 239 years. 11:20-21
Serug lived 229 years. 11:22-23
Nahor lived 148 years. 11:24-25
And the days of Terah were two hundred and five years. 11:32
"I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee."
God will bless you if you bless Abraham and curse you if you curse Abraham. Fuck Abraham. 12:3
The Amalekites were smitten before Amalek (from whom they descended) was born. Amalek was the grandson of Esau (Genesis 36:12). 14:7
"And Abram fell on his face." 17:3
Abraham laughs at God for telling him that he and Sarah will have a child, when they are 100 and 90 years old, respectively. 17:17
You sick fool. Get help. Nobody cares about your crap. HAHAHAHAHAHA
Concerned

Alpharetta, GA

#18 Mar 10, 2013
TheRevealer wrote:
Abraham was 99 years old when he circumcised himself, along with his 13 year old son, Ishmael, and his 318 slaves -- all in one very busy (and painful) day. 17:23-27
Abraham feeds God and three angels. 18:1-4
"He took butter, and milk, and the calf ... and they did eat."
Not a very kosher meal for God and Abraham to eat!(See Exodus 23:19) 18:8
Sarah, who is about 90 years old and has gone through menopause, laughs at God when he tells her that she will have a son. She asks God if she will "have pleasure" with her "Lord" [Abraham], when both are so very old. God assures her that he will return and impregnate her at the appointed time. 18:11-14
God, who is planning another mass murder, is worried that Abraham might try to stop him. so he asks himself if he should hide his intentions from Abraham. 18:17
"I will not destroy it for ten's sake."
I guess God couldn't find even ten good Sodomites because he decides to kill them all in Genesis 19. Too bad Abraham didn't ask God about the children. Why not save them? If Abraham could find 10 good children, toddlers, infants, or babies, would God spare the city? Apparently not. God doesn't give a damn about children. 18:32
"And the Lord went his way." Now where might that be? 18:33
The two angels that visit Lot wash their feet, eat, and are sexually irresistible to Sodomites. 19:1-5
Lot refuses to give up his angels to the perverted mob, offering his two "virgin daughters" instead. He tells the bunch of angel rapers to "do unto them [his daughters] as is good in your eyes." This is the same man that is called "just" and "righteous" in 2 Peter 2:7-8. 19:8
Lot lied about his daughters being "virgins" in 19:8. But it was a "just and righteous" lie, intended to make them more attractive to the sex-crazed mob. 19:14
Lot's nameless wife looks back, and God turns her into a pillar of salt. 19:26
Lot and his daughters camp out in a cave for a while. The daughters get their "just and righteous" father drunk, and have sexual intercourse with him, and each conceives and bears a son (wouldn't you know it!). Just another wholesome family values Bible story. 19:30-38
Honest Abe does the same "she's my sister" routine again, for the same cowardly reason. And once again, the king just couldn't resist Sarah -- even though by now she is over 90 years old.(See Gen.12:13-20 for the first, nearly identical, episode.) 20:2
"The Lord visited Sarah" and he "did unto Sarah as he had spoken." And "Sarah conceived and bare Abraham a son." (God-assisted conceptions never result in daughters.) 21:1-2
After the water ran out, Hagar left Ishmael alone to die. But God heard the infant crying, so he had an angel cry to Hagar from heaven, telling her not to worry. God heard the child's cry and opened Hagar's eyes so she could see a well, filled with water. God said he'd make Ishmael a great nation, and the child became an archer. 21:14-20
Abraham names the place where he nearly kills Isaac after Jehovah. But according to Exodus 6:3, Abraham couldn't have known that God's name was Jehovah. 22:14
God swears to himself. 22:16
"Sarah was an hundred and seven and twenty years old ... And Sarah died."
Sarah was lived longer than any other woman in the Bible: 127 years. 23:2
Abraham makes his servant put his hand under his thigh while swearing to God. Weird. Of course "putting his hand under his thigh" is just a polite euphemism for "holding his testicles in his hand." Come to think of it, maybe it isn't so weird at all -- coming as it does from a god that is completely obsessed with male genitalia.(See Exodus 4:25, Leviticus 15:16-18, 32, and Deuteronomy 23:1) for just a few examples.) I guess it's sort of like swearing on the bible. 24:2-9
You are a pathological sociopath. Get help you idiot.
TheRevealer

Locust Grove, GA

#19 Mar 11, 2013
kaplan man wrote:
Mr Revealer read this HE THAT SHALL BLASTPHEME AGAINST THE HOLY GHOST HATH NEVER FORGIVENESS BUT IS IN DANGER OF ENTERNAL DAMNATION
Mark 2;29
My friend you need to beg GOD for forgiveness and please dont teach your kids the garbage that you speak on here i cant believe you would want your kids to be in hell forever catch your man.
Don't call me friend then threaten me, though its not much of a threat being that god, hell, jesus and pretty much everyone and everything else in the bible never existed. So, threatening me with with hell is like a small child telling me Santa aint bringing me presents.

Have you ever read Psalm 137:9?

Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.

So, with that said, f*<^>*k you and the god you rode in on.
Concerned

Alpharetta, GA

#20 Mar 11, 2013
TheRevealer wrote:
<quoted text>
Don't call me friend then threaten me, though its not much of a threat being that god, hell, jesus and pretty much everyone and everything else in the bible never existed. So, threatening me with with hell is like a small child telling me Santa aint bringing me presents.
Have you ever read Psalm 137:9?
Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.
So, with that said, f*<^>*k you and the god you rode in on.
Blah blah blah blah blah. Hasn't anybody flushed you yet? Get help.

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