AU Student Scales Haley to Graduate
Posted in the Auburn Forum
#1 Mar 15, 2012
Am I last the hear about this? Is it just me or are the students getting dumber? I checked it out, apparently it is true. Maybe it's the drugs:
Idiot AU Student:
D is for diploma and R is for rappelling down a 20 story building at two a.m. to graduate thus acquiring said diploma.
For obvious reasons, this will be the first story I will change names and any damning details to protect our protagonist. I will simply call him Spiderman, no offense to Peter Parker or Stan Lee
Spiderman was a bright student and could have made all A’s with little effort. The only problem was that Spidey also had a nasty party and womanizing habit. It was hard to make it to ethics class when you were exhausted from running half naked from a jealous power lifter boyfriend two hours previous.
Our collective had a great college experience despite the fact our high school did little to promote post secondary education. For Career Day in high school we were encouraged to be truck drivers, air condition repair men, police men (not us specifically), and everyone’s fallback — Marines. Fifteen years later I would volunteer at the same career fair and feel out of place as the only presenter without a weapon.
It only took a few crappy jobs, mine with an organized crime boss, to inspire us leave town for greener pastures. And let’s face it, we had crapped in our own pasture quite a bit by the twelfth grade. Although Ray hated school, he hated the idea of being left behind more and is now a successful civil engineer instead of a gold medalist in the Red Neck Games.
After a brief stint at Georgia Southern University, a college for idiots, we all transferred to the beautiful plains of Auburn University, the best damn school on the planet. All three of us co-oped the entire way through school to make ends meet. Times were tight, but we always seemed to pull something off each time we thought we were going to have to start selling semen to keep the lights on.
The school unknowingly supplied us with cleaning materials, TP, trashcans, the occasional VCR, and student made pottery dishes for our Ramen Noodles. Once Ray moved in, we went off the grid by poaching all our utilities from the neighbors. A few utility bills were not going to stand in the way of us getting a diploma.
Here is the rest of it:
#2 Mar 15, 2012
Damn. Is about all I have to say. Wow.
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