Terrible tantrums

Full story: Connecticut Post

Timeouts? Forget it. Spanking? Nope.When Marianne Peterson's toddlers went into meltdown mode, she had a simple, foolproof method for stopping them cold.
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1 - 20 of 29 Comments Last updated Mar 8, 2008
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Lisa Gi

Piscataway, NJ

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#1
Mar 5, 2008
 
little Johnny is having a tantrum maybe he's depressed at two, oh what should we do to make little Johnny's life easier Anyone thinking about discipline
pwilson

Newtown, CT

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#3
Mar 5, 2008
 
Lisa Gi wrote:
little Johnny is having a tantrum maybe he's depressed at two, oh what should we do to make little Johnny's life easier Anyone thinking about discipline
Call the therapist!
Or one of the 30 guidance counselors hiding in the teachers lounge.
Whaaaatttt

Southbury, CT

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#4
Mar 5, 2008
 
She lies on him???? Didn't a minister kill a kid with autism because he lied on him to calm him down and crushed his lungs??? I guess when you can't breath it's quite distracting..... I'd try another method of distraction that doesn't impede his ability to have what he needs most.....***** AIR
Lisa Gi

Piscataway, NJ

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#5
Mar 5, 2008
 
Both my sons have had a temper tanrum once, the oldest when he was about 2 and half, he was put right to bed in the middle of the day and had to stay there til the next mouring the youngest had one when it was time to leave the playground one day when he was about 3, I pick him up while he was yelling and kicking me took him home,at home he sat in the corner, still yelling and kicking, and did not have dinner that night. And we never went back to that play ground. All these years later if you ask my kids about going to the play ground around the corner they'll tell you they're not allowed there. You don't have to hit your children, youdon't have to yell at them and you do not have to threaten them, just discipline them and stand behind what you say..........I am so tired of everyone looking for a label for their children's missbehavor
Lisa Gi

Piscataway, NJ

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#7
Mar 5, 2008
 
Missing one meal is not going to hurt anyone.........Although my kids will tell I'm mean because I don't let the have fast food........
whaaaat

Southbury, CT

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#10
Mar 6, 2008
 
Connecticut Sam is right... witholding food from a child is just wrong. It's not missing the one meal I'm concerned with; but rather the message the parent is sending the child..... "my power over you is so strong I can make your body feel ill" I think it's a sick form of punishment and parents should never do it. Kids are not your possession, you have no right to mistreat them just because they're acting as kids do sometimes. Love and kindness works for me; removing them from the situation and offering a bubble bath is always a welcomed distraction for a toddler whose having a tantrum.

Since: Nov 07

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#11
Mar 6, 2008
 
whaaaat wrote:
Connecticut Sam is right... witholding food from a child is just wrong. It's not missing the one meal I'm concerned with; but rather the message the parent is sending the child..... "my power over you is so strong I can make your body feel ill" I think it's a sick form of punishment and parents should never do it. Kids are not your possession, you have no right to mistreat them just because they're acting as kids do sometimes. Love and kindness works for me; removing them from the situation and offering a bubble bath is always a welcomed distraction for a toddler whose having a tantrum.
Exactly! Re-diretion works wonders with toddlers, all it takes is a little patience, love, and discipline. Why is this so hard for people to figure out?
Momma

Dallas, TX

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#12
Mar 6, 2008
 
Many children have died when adults lie on them as punishment. It's been in the news several times over the years. There is no way to lie on a child's body without depressing their breathing. Just because her children survived doesn't mean they weren't in danger. Even if they can still breathe shallow it can still deprive them of oxygen - causing brain damage if not death.

I think first a hug and speaking with your child calmly followed by redirection and distraction as a next step is the best approach.
whaaaat

Southbury, CT

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#13
Mar 6, 2008
 
Yes, and the fact that the paper published this might give others the idea this is recommended by professionals. I think the paper should make it clear that this is DANGEROUS before ignorant others attempt it.
Artsy

Brooklyn, NY

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#14
Mar 6, 2008
 
My mom took care of one of my tantrums with an a$$ whooping. I was between 3-4. I remember it like it was yesterday and never again did I even get out of control. Old school I guess. Not right, but she seemed to think so.
Calculus

Hauppauge, NY

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#15
Mar 6, 2008
 
I think I'll try throwing a tantrum in the bedroom tonight; something's gotta work on her!
Lisa Gi

Piscataway, NJ

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#16
Mar 6, 2008
 
And people wonder why so many America children are obese and disrespectful

icu

Since: Dec 07

Ruther Glen, VA

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#18
Mar 6, 2008
 
Wow. Are you serious, Lisa Gi? Do you have any experiences with special needs children more specifically children with autism? My daughter has autism. She is high functioning,so no she's not like Rainman. You probably wouldn't guess she was autistic unless you knew a lot about autism or was the parent of an autistic child. She would just seem "odd" to you and probably like a "brat". But she isn't a brat and I didn't go looking for a label for her misbehavior.

In fact its the typr of "misbehavior" that indicates a problem. When my daughter's tantrums lasted for hours no matter what I did and when they continued long past the age at which is was acceptable I knew something was wrong.

Your post is ignorant and dismissive. I suppose you are one of "those people" who stare with disgust at my daughter as she has a meltdown over apparently nothing in Walmart. I guess you are one of "those people" who tell me that I should spank her more or discipline her better. What you don't know is that she is autistic and that maybe the flickering of the fluorescent lights in stores is painful to her. You don't know that she CAN'T control herself, its not a choice for her and it has nothing to do with her raising.

Next time you see a child throwing a temper tantrum rather than gettting all self righteous and judgemental how about having some compassion. Give that mother who is struggling a smile or a kind word rather than a nasty look. It really could make a difference.
Trumbull Resident

United States

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#19
Mar 7, 2008
 
Momma wrote:
Many children have died when adults lie on them as punishment. It's been in the news several times over the years. There is no way to lie on a child's body without depressing their breathing. Just because her children survived doesn't mean they weren't in danger. Even if they can still breathe shallow it can still deprive them of oxygen - causing brain damage if not death.
I think first a hug and speaking with your child calmly followed by redirection and distraction as a next step is the best approach.
Hugs certainly are a healthy thing. But how about a little discipline for these brats!

Have you looked around lately and noticed the number of children who appear completely out of control?
You can't spank them because they'll have you arrested.

Wake up parents! You are creating children who are not and will not be able to cope in this very disconcerting world we live in. I just don't know what has happened to parenting these days. But it does not bode well for these kids.
Lisa Gi

Piscataway, NJ

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#20
Mar 7, 2008
 
icu wrote:
Wow. Are you serious, Lisa Gi? Do you have any experiences with special needs children more specifically children with autism? My daughter has autism. She is high functioning,so no she's not like Rainman. You probably wouldn't guess she was autistic unless you knew a lot about autism or was the parent of an autistic child. She would just seem "odd" to you and probably like a "brat". But she isn't a brat and I didn't go looking for a label for her misbehavior.
In fact its the typr of "misbehavior" that indicates a problem. When my daughter's tantrums lasted for hours no matter what I did and when they continued long past the age at which is was acceptable I knew something was wrong.
Your post is ignorant and dismissive. I suppose you are one of "those people" who stare with disgust at my daughter as she has a meltdown over apparently nothing in Walmart. I guess you are one of "those people" who tell me that I should spank her more or discipline her better. What you don't know is that she is autistic and that maybe the flickering of the fluorescent lights in stores is painful to her. You don't know that she CAN'T control herself, its not a choice for her and it has nothing to do with her raising.
Next time you see a child throwing a temper tantrum rather than gettting all self righteous and judgemental how about having some compassion. Give that mother who is struggling a smile or a kind word rather than a nasty look. It really could make a difference.
Autism and special need children are a whole different group of children than the spoiled little brats that I'm talking about. And I truly admire the abilities Of parents with special needs they don't make excuses for their children they accept their children for who they are as individuals. And I never said anything about spanking a child because that doesn't teach a child anything but resentment
icu

Mclean, VA

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#21
Mar 7, 2008
 
Lisa Gi, you said:
"I am so tired of everyone looking for a label for their children's missbehavor"

That's why I posted what I did. The article was about the possibility of "bad" behavior being caused by underlying disorders (adhd, depression, autism, etc. So, thus, logically your statement means that you don't believe most labeled children have true problems but rather they are not disciplined enough.

I appreciate the sentiment of your most recent post but its doesn't jive with what you wrote previously.
Hilda

Bridgeport, CT

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#22
Mar 7, 2008
 
ICU, thank you for an eye-opener! Regretably, I'm one of "those" people who would (note I say would" shake her head when a child has a tantrum in a public place. Although most disabilities can be "seen", some, such as autism, cannot. I myself have a mentally disabled child. However, you look at him and you see it. I've never let that be an excuse for his behavior (or lack of). Again I thank you ICU. You've made me more aware.
Dont do it

Brookline, MA

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#23
Mar 7, 2008
 
I agree with redirection. However, if your child is being bratty and throwing a tantrum because you wont let him/her hold lets say a card. The feet start stomping and the crying begins etc... Should you just say hey lets go take a bath (it is funtime there) or do you do a time out and still let them cry it out? My son is 2 and a half and I can use some advice on this because a spanking is not going to be my choice. I tried the eye level speaking with a calm voice, that don't work for crap either. I am certainly not going to sit or lay on him. So when he is bad I reward him with redirecting him to something else he likes?? Doesn't sound right to me... because it taught the child nothing about the behavior issue he/she had. But makes sense to have the child interested in something else to stop the tantrum.
Dont do it

Brookline, MA

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#24
Mar 7, 2008
 
Hilda wrote:
ICU, thank you for an eye-opener! Regretably, I'm one of "those" people who would (note I say would" shake her head when a child has a tantrum in a public place. Although most disabilities can be "seen", some, such as autism, cannot. I myself have a mentally disabled child. However, you look at him and you see it. I've never let that be an excuse for his behavior (or lack of). Again I thank you ICU. You've made me more aware.
I agree too. I would have been the person saying for the love of god take that child home or to the car. Why subject everyone to that brat.=) Being honest. Only because if my son were to do it I would leave the store. but I didn't realize that some kids have autism and it wouldn't be noticable to the average joe. I feel bad now ever thinking that while seeing a child having a tantrum. I appreciate you telling us ... thank you.

Since: Nov 07

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#25
Mar 7, 2008
 
Dont do it wrote:
I agree with redirection. However, if your child is being bratty and throwing a tantrum because you wont let him/her hold lets say a card. The feet start stomping and the crying begins etc... Should you just say hey lets go take a bath (it is funtime there) or do you do a time out and still let them cry it out? My son is 2 and a half and I can use some advice on this because a spanking is not going to be my choice. I tried the eye level speaking with a calm voice, that don't work for crap either. I am certainly not going to sit or lay on him. So when he is bad I reward him with redirecting him to something else he likes?? Doesn't sound right to me... because it taught the child nothing about the behavior issue he/she had. But makes sense to have the child interested in something else to stop the tantrum.
I would go with redirection after a time out, but if you can't get him to sit in a time out by himself, you need to keep putting him back in time out until he gets it. It's hard, I know. My little one used to bang her head on the floor, and the pediatrician said, let her go, just toss a pillow under her head, and ignore her until she stops. Which I did. Once she figured out that I wasn't going to pay attention to her, she stopped. It took a while, though, maybe about a month altogether. But she didn't do it all the time, just when she didn't get her way. Most other times, when she misbehaved, I immediately stopped her from whatever she was doing, and if it was something small, like throwing her toys on the floor, I'd take her hand and redirect her to something else, like her art easel or something, then when she calmed down, I'd have her pick up her toys. If she was screaming and kicking at her sister or something like that, I'd take her by the hand and put her in the time out chair, explaining why. After that, if she got up before the time out was over, I'd put her back, without saying a word, until she'd finally stay; then when her time was up, I'd go to her, ask her if she knew why she had a time out (and be sure to be at eye level), and if she answered 'yes' and gave an apology, we'd have a hug, and that was that. It takes a lot of work on your part, but I think it's worth it in the long run. YMMV

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