KRIKORIAN: Kelly's Reopening
Posted in the Artesia Forum
#1 Dec 14, 2010
KRIKORIAN: It's anyone's guess who will attend Kelly's re-opening
By Doug Krikorian, Sports Columnist
Posted: 12/13/2010 10:30:27 PM PSTUpdated: 12/13/2010 11:34:32 PM PST
The biggest game going on tonight in Long Beach will occur among the patrons showing up at the official grand re-opening of Kelly's, the venerable restaurant which already has had more than 14 unofficial ones in recent times.
"But this is the real one," insists Dashing Denny Lund, one of the investors in the grande dame of Naples that has nearly as many on board as Fidelity, which has more than 20 million.
Anyway, the game that will be engaged in by those waltzing through Kelly's portals is a parlor one, replete with gossip, tittle-tattle, chitchat, hearsay and uttered perceptions based on preconceived caste-system notions.
Who will be the biggest local celebrity to make an appearance?
Will it be (a) Bob (Bananas) Foster, who's the Long Beach mayor,(b) F. King Alexander, who's the Long Beach State president,(c) Vicki Lawrence, who's the only Long Beach resident to star on the Carol Burnett Show,(d), Susie Atwood, who's Long Beach's only State Farm agent to swim in two Olympics,(e) Jeff Severson, who's the only Long Beach country-and-western singer to play 10 seasons in the NFL,(f) Joe Maddon, who's the only Long Beach resident to manage a major league team, or (g) Art Levine, who's Long Beach's most prolific anesthesiologist with his Boring Talk cable TV show that long has been a surefire panacea for area insomniacs?
What proud hubby will show up with his trophy wife? Will it be (a) Rick Bryson with Bree,(b) Harold Hughes
with Donna,(c) George Heuser with Kimberly,(d) Bill Robinson with Denise (e) Stu Milligan with Liz,(f) Bernie (The Prince of Tabs) Selmanson with Sherri,(g) Vic Cegles with Bonnie,(h) Frank Rossi with Dede, or (i) all of the above?
Who will be the most eligible bachelor on the premises trolling for action? Will it be (a) Stu Ledsam, wealthy environmental contractor who co-founded the Belmont Shore Rugby team,(b) John Hill, who makes a lot of money,(c) Dickie (2Fast2 Furious/Count Dracula) Babian, who spends a lot of money,(d) Neal Gold, who has a lot of money, or (e) Dancing Barry Clifford, who's a nice guy?
Who will be the most eligible bachelorette present? Will it be (a) Donna (The Meatball Queen) Albano, niece of the late great wrestling icon Capt. Lou Albano,(b) Gayle (Our Miss) Brooks, a former world class ballerina,(c) Lydia Wagner, a real estate agent with a glorious hunk of black hair, or (d) Joyful Janet Underwood, a Wilson High instructor of fabulous distinction who also is a well-known Los Angeles Angels' loyalist?
Who will be the first person to air public grievances about the food and service? Will it be (a) Dickie Babian, a notorious critic who would have found fault with the Last Supper,(b) Junk Bond Jimmy Werner, who's never had a meal, other than ones served at Korean restaurants, able to satisfy his persnickety palate or (c) Shirley Wild, the controversial tell-it-like-it-is Press-Telegram columnist?
Who will be the first person to cadge a drink? Will it be (a) Steve (Son of Bob) Folger, who, along with Tom Lasorda, is America's Guest, or (b) Paul Chastain, who is Phil Trani's Guest, or (c) Craig (Five Bellies) Vestermark, a retired firefighter living on his puny six-figure annual pension who is Everybody's Guest?
Who will be the first person to be 86'ed out of Kelly's?
Alas, libel laws forbid me from mentioning such probable miscreants, but I can think of at least 10 live candidates for such a dishonor.
Will the majority owner of Kelly's, Daredevil Dave Davies, remember all the names of Kelly's shareholders? Well, unless Mr. Davies possesses a photographic memory like the peerless Serbian inventor Nikola Tesla who could memorize entire books, that's not within the realm of Daredevil Dave's considerable intellectual capabilities.
#2 Dec 14, 2010
Oh my gosh, it is so sad to read this stuff. How pathetic it must be to hang with these middle-aged rummies.
Note to the "investors" -- there is a long tradition of affluent folks who purchase minority positions in their favorite bar or restaurant, and end up getting totally burned. Be careful!
#3 Feb 24, 2013
BEWARE of Dave Davies. Look at his past track record of failed Real Estate and construction businesses. INVESTORS BEWARE
#4 Feb 25, 2013
I walked past Kelly's just before Christmas 2012 and it seemed to be doing great. Congratulations to the lucky investors!
#5 Feb 25, 2013
I don't think violating libel laws are anything you have to worry about now. Let's hear about the 86'ers!
#6 Feb 25, 2013
How come they call him Bob "Bananas" Foster? Is it because there's something wrong with him, psychologically?
#7 Feb 25, 2013
Bananas Foster is a dessert made from bananas and vanilla ice cream, with the sauce made from butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, dark rum, and banana liqueur.
The butter, sugar and bananas are cooked, and then the alcohol is added and ignited. The bananas and sauce are then served over the ice cream.
Preparation of the dish is often made into a tableside performance as a flambé.
#8 Feb 25, 2013
So are they trying to accurately describe Foster as someone who would order up such a dish for himself, or Foster as the dish itself? Or maybe both?
By that I mean, are the people who call him "Bananas Foster" trying to say that Mayor Foster is a pretentious, self-indulgent fat pig who is more trouble than he's worth?
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