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Ali
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While drinking between the ages of 18 and 21 may be a gray issue, what's not gray is drinking if you're less than 18.
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Jennifer
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How about these parents do a better job of raising their kids in the first place so that they don't feel any need to drink at 18. I was educated to have respect for the law, not to pick and choose which bits I thought suited me. Parents who think they are doing a better job than lawmakers should put their money where their mouth is and run for office. Otherwise leave the job of deciding what the appropriate age for alcohol is to the pros.
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Tina Kingberg
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I think the problem is thinking of drinking as an "sdult" thing to do. My parents (both MD's BTW) were very American in many ways and only drank on special occasions but on those occasions they followed the Italian (we are) custom fo allowing the children a small amount of wine mixed with water. As I got older the ratio of wine to water increased. By doing this, consuming alcohol no longer was a "rite of passage" but just part of our cultural fabric and as ordinary as eating bread. so when I turned 18 which was the age where I went to college, it was no big deal to have a glass of beer with friends. If parents drink, it should be presented as part of the family culture and the kids should be permitted an occasional sip starting early enough that they don't regard it as a milestone.
AS for parents who don't use alcohol at all, this should be presented as a family value as early as possible and positively reinforced so the kids also don't think they're missing out on something. This is ahrder for sure but I have never understood the herd mentality of American youth. Perhaps it's because we've created this category of "teenagers."
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Deb
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Bravo to the recent verdict in Illinois that convicted parents who allowed alcohol to be consumed in their home by under age kids. The tragedy is that it took the death of 2 of this kids to bring the case to court.
Thanks to the courts for telling parents...you will be held accountable and that "it ain't my fault" isn't an acceptable response.
Hopefully, more states will follow suit.
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Curious in Skokie
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I see strong parallels between parents who want to offer a "safe haven" for underage drinking because their children "are going to drink anyway" and parents who offer birth control to their children because they "are going to have sex anyway."
I suspect that many folks speaking out against parents permitting under-aged drinking have no issue with parents providing birth control to the children.
How can people can take a position condemning the first group of parents without also condemning the second group of parents? In both cases, the children are engaging in age-inappropriate, and probably illegal, conduct. In both cases, actions taken by these children can irreparably influence the rest of their lives.
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Mag
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I couldn't agree more. I was a teenager not too long ago, and some of my friends' parents did hold drinking parties. Looking back, I feel sorry for those friends - what they need is a parent, not another friend. My parents never in a million years would host a drinking party, and told me not to drink at these parties. And I'm glad that my parents were always mature enough to be my parent, and not try to be my friend. I had enough friends. And I have great parents. So bravo to the parents who actually parent their children. Let their friends be the ones to make stupid choices, you have to be the voice of reason and authority. Your children will turn out much better for it.
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the parent not a buddy
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Dear Amy,
When you serve alcohol to minors you are breaking the law. As a host/hostess you have a responsability to see your guests are safe, as well as those they pass on the way home.
We did not serve any alcohol at our daughter's graduation party in our backyard because it would be too hard to make sure no minors would get a drink. No adults at the party even asked for a drink, but plenty of my co-workers wondered why I wouldn't be serving beer etc. You can have a good time without alcohol.
dad of 2
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Tom56
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Some want to be the "COOL" parents with their children's friends by serving alcohol. I saw it with a neighbor/friend on my block. I told her to stop.
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Suze
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Dear Amy,
Can you stand another letter about minors and drinking? My parents served us wine with Passover and special holidays, and as we got older, a drink or two at home. In fact, when I went to college, I was confused when I saw people my age drinking whisky sours as I thought they were kids' drinks! Consequently, I was never tempted to get drunk or drink to excess. What they didn't do was serve my friends, even wine at a family dinner, without getting the friends' parents' permission first.
As for the argument that if a person is old enough to go into the military, he's old enough to drink a beer, think about this. When a person is in the military, he or she has a tough old sargent watching out and keeping the person disciplined. There is training and a whole different attitude than a bunch of eighteen year olds have at a bar. Maybe if you want to say that a person 18 and above serving in the military can drink, I'd agree, but not just any old 18 year old. I teach college freshman; trust me, many of them are NOT responsible enough to get their work in, much less drink. This is not to say that they're not drinking, however.
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Bjean
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What a sad commentary from a parent/bouncer:
"In terms of following the law, laws are made to serve us, not for us to serve them. When laws do not work, we can try to change them or, as our government does, ignore them."
I believe this parent was the person tailgating me today, as I was doing the speed limit, which obviously was a law that they chose to ignore.
Where does this rationale end?
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Jennifer
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I also wanted to add that I found it a little strange that so much effort was put into prosecuting the Deerfield parents when the drunk drivers' parents were spared. Surely if the parents who allowed the drinking in their home were to be held responsible in this way the parents who had raised a child to drink and drive as well as take drugs should have had some blame in the matter too. I realise that losing a child is probably enough of a punishment but I'm sure the Hutsells will be dealing with their fair share of guilt for the rest of their lives too. I wonder how much they were involved in pressing for charges to be brought and how much of that was down to them trying to absolve themselves of their own mistakes.
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Bob Poznanovich
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The enabling by some families is crazy. No wonder there is such a huge drug and alcohol problem in the US today. How can someone justify this behavior that says it's okay to drink and break the law.
Under age drinking is against the law--PERIOD. Those who violate the law should get into trouble. Those who drive impaired are a danger to all of us. Those how contribute are just as guilty. IT'S NOT OKAY
A good book to help families is It's Not Okay to be a Cannibal....How to stop addiction from eating your family alive.
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Michelle
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Jennifer wrote: I also wanted to add that I found it a little strange that so much effort was put into prosecuting the Deerfield parents when the drunk drivers' parents were spared. Surely if the parents who allowed the drinking in their home were to be held responsible in this way the parents who had raised a child to drink and drive as well as take drugs should have had some blame in the matter too. I realise that losing a child is probably enough of a punishment but I'm sure the Hutsells will be dealing with their fair share of guilt for the rest of their lives too. I wonder how much they were involved in pressing for charges to be brought and how much of that was down to them trying to absolve themselves of their own mistakes. Very good point
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Elroy
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Our society is becoming infantilized. We need a law for everything. I have two boys who I am raising to be men not infants. When they reach an age I consider appropriate I will allow them to drink alcohol in my house.
Are we adults or are we children of the nanny state? Are you going to cede your rights as parents out of fear that someday someone somewhere may get hurt or killed? How many parental rights are you willing to give up in the name of "security"?
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Steve Z
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Elroy,
You're believe system is the problem. Somehow you think the laws and rules don't apply to you and parental rights prevail....they don't.
I'm glad that there are laws to protect us from parents like you who are too permissive and teach their children that the law isn't important
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School Cop
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I have been following this and I also wanted to add my own thoughts. I am a school resource officer at a high school in NC. I have worked the road for 8 years and I can't tell you how many kids I've pulled out of their cars because they got into an accident after leaving a party. I read one of the letters written and the lady wrote about parties she had hosted for teens and she said that if any of them ever left the parties drunk, she would host no more. What happens if the kid who decided to leave killed themselves or someone else? She also mentions that kids will always get alcohol as if this justifies her actions. Yes kids will get alcohol because of parents like her! I agree that we need to teach children how to drink responsibly, but we also need to obey the law. I also agree that we need to decide once and for all at what age are you an adult? In NC you are charged as an adult at 16, that's also the legal age of consent for sex and the legal age to drive a car, but you still fall under the juvenile code as well, at 18 you can join the military and leave the house without your parent's consent, at 21 you can drink. I agree that we send mixed messages. However, studies have shown that alcohol does adversely effect the teenage brain and teens tend to overindulge a lot more than adults do. Even though a lot of the laws we have don't make a lot of sense, they are what we have and you must either obey them or be willing to accept the consequences when you don't.
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kbm
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I agree with "More Parent Than Bouncer" - our attitudes about drinking (especially underage drinking) are completely turned around. I spent part of my childhood in Western Europe, where children were offered the occasional sip of beer or glass of wine diluated with water - and taught that alcohol is not a rare, naughty treasure, but an enjoyable bit of fine cuisine. Like rich cheese or chocolate, it is best enjoyed in moderation. As a result, I enjoyed wine with dinner and beer at a barbeque as a teenager, while many of my peers horded and chugged down alcohol the few times they could get their hands on it - sometimes resulting in drunk driving or alcohol poisening. The U.S.' drinking-age laws (which, by the way, are more of a provision for states to recieve highway repair money than genuine health statistics) are absurd, especially in light on the lower voting/smoking/serving in the military/etc. age of 18. Our dependance on driving is more hazerdous than availability of alcohol - better public transportation, thus lower chance of DUI accidents, would help solve teen drinking problems, not to mention lessen our staring on environment. Mostly, though, it's our lack of willingness to educate children about the healthy way of enjoying sometimes-dangerous pleasures of adult life, such as drinking and sex. "Forbidden Fruit" is always more enticing, and often encourages reckless behavior to get it.
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Bob
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The law may not be just, fair, or equitable but it is the law!
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Richardhg
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It seems the American answer is to encourage kids to learn binge drinking with their friends in a strange car park, then drive their cars. this is excellent for the political mill, which can blame alcohol consumption, rather than the laws that prevent parents from educating their kids to the dangers of this social drug by gentle introduction.
America has tried prohibition. It has tried ridiculous regulation, to the point where the police now regulate every aspect of a growing child's life, and become hated for their negative influence.
Unfortunately, at the pinnacle of this trash heap are grandstanding politicians, who have a "get tough on ...." you name it, and in the process, reason flies out the window.
The path to success in either American police forces or American politics is to victimize people, then tell the rest of the people who have not been destroyed by your actions what a great job you are doing.
When you are doing a really excellent job, you are healing, not destroying. But healing doesn't get you noticed.
The advantage of being a destroyer is that you get a lot of attention. People will vote for destroyers because they are high-profile, and often because they just happen to be preaching nonsense that a lot of people believe, without examining why.
The Founding Fathers tried to warn us about leadership. We have been told again and again that the price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
When we choose to no longer be vigilant, and to think up better solutions, and simply victimize the weak or those who show us a better way, it is a good time to reflect on the crucifixion, and that in times of conflict, the first casualty is often the truth.
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concernd
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well ifeel that any adult who willing give liquor to a minor should be held to answer .try this on for size . my son went to a party given by a 50 year on women and 58 year old man as result they couldnt control this party it got out of hand. my son chased angrey mob of drunking. people the surround his car through bricks and bottles his car causeing to lose contol as a result of this he hit seven people one man died. the 58 year old man that was given yhe party was kileed when the car went out control.my son was not drinking at this party .so you tell me why they didnt take the remain parent to jail yes she lost her husband as result of this. but now they are to take my son to jail for something he had no control over. but the justice system sucks
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