Seattle's single moms find strength in one another

Full story: Seattle Post-Intelligencer

Randi Anderson knew she was on her own the day her son was born 22 months ago when she drove herself to the hospital.

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David Walker

Seattle, WA

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#21
Oct 2, 2006
 

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Poor Randi. So naive. "I'm not naive," but naive comments made all around.
Barb Ryan

Seattle, WA

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#22
Oct 2, 2006
 
I'm not prejudice I'm not prejudice, but I was scorekeeping for a basketball game. It was close and it was tense. At the end of the game, I knew that somebody was going to be mad. Then after the game, a mother of one of the players came up to me and called me every name in the book. I was the only white person in the gym. I have NEVER been more scared in my entire life! I did nto know what these people were going to do to me. I'm not prejudice I'm not preducide, but I was so entirely scared.
Kate

Federal Way, WA

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#24
Oct 18, 2006
 

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Wow... I was really surprised to see what people could come up with by just looking at a couple of pictures. I didn't even notice the race thing until I read the comments. I admire women who are able to raise children on their own, and there could be a million reasons for them being single. I myself am in a mixed race relationship, but I never really thought about it. Really, it's a new century people, race shouldn't be an issue anymore.
Zoeller

Seattle, WA

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#25
Nov 7, 2006
 

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I notice that women like Randi semll real nice.
Prejudiced people say that blacks smell different.
You know who really smells different? It's those light-skinned blacks with softer curlier hair. THOSE are the blacks who often smell different.
Randy Anderson must smell nice. Knowing how her son smells, she must know that she has to put on good perfume so that her clothes don't stink like him.
Chris

Cave Creek, AZ

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#26
Nov 9, 2006
 

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The only person who seems to be focused on race is Mr. Walker - what saddens me is that a generation of men have deflected their responsibilities by throwing the issue of parental responsibility under the bus and crying foul by fault of race and socio-economic scapegoats. Mr. Walker should be offended - he serves as a loud and obvious example of one male who doesn't get the issue - the father decided to be absent by choice, not due to his race (No Mr. Walker the article wasn't about you), but by his own freewill.
His race wasn't the factor that made him a bad father - his choices were. Once you hold fathers accountable for their decisions and decide not to focus on the color of their skin or yours, then your opinion will hold more buoyancy in the social arena.
All I read was "me,me,me and my personal hang ups"
Mr. Walker, be offended that you share a self-centered attitude - not the skin tone with the father of that child. Thats what you should be embarassed of.
David Walker wrote:
I am an African-American man. I am VERY offended by this article, more specifically, the pictures. Not hard to figure out, I depise seeing anything showing a white woman with a black man, and especially the offspring. That's because it only spurrs even more hatred. Have you ever noticed that while you see light-skinned black children on pictures of products all the time (let's face it, they're often more physically attractive), you RARELY see the mother. In fact, there was one where a beautiful light-skinned little black girl was sitting on the lap of a DARK-skinned black mother (if that was indeed her mother). Why is that ok? Because nobody is against it. It doesn't matter whether my friends are white, black, Mexican, Arab, or Chinese. I asked them over the years, what honestly do they stereotype about black men who have kids with non-black women, and they agree that it is the most hated.
Will black men ever stop having children with non-black women? Of course not. But, this is something that needs to be KEPT QUIET and not put the spotlight on. I know that picture offends many black women.
Furthermore, mention of her film school boyfriend who was gone when the son was born just once again feeds the stereotype of black men: Get the white woman pregnant, and disappear from her and the child's life, and contribute nothing.
And, the skin color of either Randy Anderson or the father of her child has NO bearing on the story. So, you should have just shown a picture of the son. Leave it to the readers to guess what race either parent was, but picturing the mother just takes EVERYBODY'S concentration off the issue at hand (single mothering), and you KNOW that readers are half thinking about "black man/white woman/illegitimate child."
If this were an artical SPECIFICALLY about biracial children, then fine, show the pictures. You may THINK that showing just how much these exist breeds more acceptance, but all it does is breed more hate. Believe me, I know. One such example is whenever a black man has a job interview, he's asked to bring a picture of his family. Why? It's obvious. If his wife is white or Mexican or Arab or Chinese, he gets rejected for the job.
If I sound angry, it's because I am. PLEASE DO NOT (or at least minimize) showing pictures of children of black fathers and non-black mothers. I know that you mean well, but this was very hurtful for me, as well as many black men to see. It reinforces ALL stereotypes that society has about black-American men.
David Walker
Terrell Owens

Seattle, WA

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#28
Nov 9, 2006
 

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I notice that a lot of non-black peoples' faces drop when they see my light-skinned son. They just assume, I gess, that the mother is non-black. Actually, she's Indian, East Indian. My two kids have light skin and soft hair, and curiously, are even lighter than my girlfriend (the mother of my two kids).
David Duke

Seattle, WA

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#29
Nov 9, 2006
 

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Randi: Yeeech........

Oh yuk, Randi......
John Ritter

Seattle, WA

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#30
Nov 9, 2006
 

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OK!! Taht's enough of this hatred, either racial hatred, gender hatred, or hatered for lifestyles that happen to be different from ours! Enough already!
L James

Seattle, WA

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#32
Nov 9, 2006
 
Barb Ryan wrote:
I'm not prejudice I'm not prejudice, but I was scorekeeping for a basketball game. It was close and it was tense. At the end of the game, I knew that somebody was going to be mad. Then after the game, a mother of one of the players came up to me and called me every name in the book. I was the only white person in the gym. I have NEVER been more scared in my entire life! I did nto know what these people were going to do to me. I'm not prejudice I'm not preducide, but I was so entirely scared.
Poor prejudiced Barb! Were you afraid that the wall was going to cave in? Were you afraid that "these people" were going to attack you?
shut your pie hole

Redwood City, CA

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#33
Nov 21, 2006
 
shut your pie hole black man becasye nobody gives a f*** anymore what you and the rest of y'all negros are offended about. you don't like it here you go back to where the arabs caught your ancestors!
Fu_kc

Seattle, WA

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#34
Nov 21, 2006
 
Fu_kc f_uc_k
Respndent

Seattle, WA

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#35
Dec 4, 2006
 
Chris wrote:
The only person who seems to be focused on race is Mr. Walker - what saddens me is that a generation of men have deflected their responsibilities by throwing the issue of parental responsibility under the bus and crying foul by fault of race and socio-economic scapegoats. Mr. Walker should be offended - he serves as a loud and obvious example of one male who doesn't get the issue - the father decided to be absent by choice, not due to his race (No Mr. Walker the article wasn't about you), but by his own freewill.
His race wasn't the factor that made him a bad father - his choices were. Once you hold fathers accountable for their decisions and decide not to focus on the color of their skin or yours, then your opinion will hold more buoyancy in the social arena.
All I read was "me,me,me and my personal hang ups"
Mr. Walker, be offended that you share a self-centered attitude - not the skin tone with the father of that child. Thats what you should be embarassed of.
<quoted text>
Don't forget, John Rocker, Zoeller, Barb Ryan, and L. James made some pretty hateful remarks, too.
L James

Seattle, WA

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#36
Dec 11, 2006
 

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All right. I don't mind disagreements, even if it's over whether single motherhood, or biracial childbearing is ok or not (I think both are ok), but let's stop throwing out these nonsensical racist thoughts on the board.
Democritus

Bellevue, WA

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#37
Dec 27, 2006
 
As a single custodial dad for the last 11 years, I can see how some men can get upset by that article. It leaves a hell of a lot out. Professional journalism has really slid down the chute into hysteria and shock value. F.U.D. is the buzzword that keeps newsrooms busy.

I didn't get any child support for almost 3 years, then it gradually started at 200 a month for a few years, then 400, and finally topping out at 600 a month just a few years before they are to turn 18. For the most part, I supported them myself and used what little I got to buy them 'extra's. I did my best to represent the contributions of their mother, even though it was slight. I drove them to see her every two weeks even though she won't even so much as get on a bus to come see them. All through this last decade I've chased her down to make sure she gets visitation.

Why? Because I refuse to be like a woman. I refuse to use the children as a weapon against anyone, or to damage their lives by making them hate her, or any other malicious act commonly lobbed against males.

During those years when I got nothing, no police came knocking on her door, even though her address was declared in court and didn't change. While I bounced through apartments trying to keep bills paid, she remained "stable" with a stable of boyfriends helping to keep her up. I ignored her criticisms of myself and the kids, and ended up getting a BA and working at Microsoft. Now I earn more than six times what she does and I own a house.

Point is, nobody ever made her do anything. Not the courts, the cops, her family, nobody. There are no specials about deadbeat moms on prime time television though. That would be sacrilege. Mothers are holy, regardless of how negligent and terrible they are, and we see it clearly when they kill their kids. The media treats them with velvet gloves, never failing to mention the mental anguish, the problems, what drove them to it. No mention of responsibility.

This nation sucks and I'm going to be very happy to take my then-adult children to Europe as soon as I retire. She can get her own butt on a plane and come see them herself, but I know she never will.

Democritus - US Navy vet
Democritus Backer

Seattle, WA

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#38
Jan 4, 2007
 
Democritus wrote:
As a single custodial dad for the last 11 years, I can see how some men can get upset by that article. It leaves a hell of a lot out. Professional journalism has really slid down the chute into hysteria and shock value. F.U.D. is the buzzword that keeps newsrooms busy.
I didn't get any child support for almost 3 years, then it gradually started at 200 a month for a few years, then 400, and finally topping out at 600 a month just a few years before they are to turn 18. For the most part, I supported them myself and used what little I got to buy them 'extra's. I did my best to represent the contributions of their mother, even though it was slight. I drove them to see her every two weeks even though she won't even so much as get on a bus to come see them. All through this last decade I've chased her down to make sure she gets visitation.
Why? Because I refuse to be like a woman. I refuse to use the children as a weapon against anyone, or to damage their lives by making them hate her, or any other malicious act commonly lobbed against males.
During those years when I got nothing, no police came knocking on her door, even though her address was declared in court and didn't change. While I bounced through apartments trying to keep bills paid, she remained "stable" with a stable of boyfriends helping to keep her up. I ignored her criticisms of myself and the kids, and ended up getting a BA and working at Microsoft. Now I earn more than six times what she does and I own a house.
Point is, nobody ever made her do anything. Not the courts, the cops, her family, nobody. There are no specials about deadbeat moms on prime time television though. That would be sacrilege. Mothers are holy, regardless of how negligent and terrible they are, and we see it clearly when they kill their kids. The media treats them with velvet gloves, never failing to mention the mental anguish, the problems, what drove them to it. No mention of responsibility.
This nation sucks and I'm going to be very happy to take my then-adult children to Europe as soon as I retire. She can get her own butt on a plane and come see them herself, but I know she never will.
Democritus - US Navy vet
You go, Democratis!
I'm ALL for equal rights, and what also pisses me off is that police NEVER pull over young women for speeding or driving recklessly. If the ONLY people sppeeding were black males, only black males should be ticketed. But, that is far from the case.
The point is, men who do wrong SHOULD pay the price, but so should women for the SAME infraction.

Both sexes are EQUAL, NO MORE NO LESS.

I know some men who CAN win sexual harrassment cases, but their biggest obstacles are other MEN, who you know will tease and taunt them until they drop.

Saying it's ok to rip on men JUST for being men, is like saying that it's ok to rip on white people for no reason. All wrong.
Thanks for speaking out, Demicritus.
D in Nebraska

Bellevue, NE

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#39
May 20, 2007
 
Are you kidding me? David...is this 2007? I have never heard something so racist in my life. Does it really matter what race a person is or who conceived them? Um...no. Not in this day and age. Get a grip man.
David Walker wrote:
I am an African-American man. I am VERY offended by this article, more specifically, the pictures. Not hard to figure out, I depise seeing anything showing a white woman with a black man, and especially the offspring. That's because it only spurrs even more hatred. Have you ever noticed that while you see light-skinned black children on pictures of products all the time (let's face it, they're often more physically attractive), you RARELY see the mother. In fact, there was one where a beautiful light-skinned little black girl was sitting on the lap of a DARK-skinned black mother (if that was indeed her mother). Why is that ok? Because nobody is against it. It doesn't matter whether my friends are white, black, Mexican, Arab, or Chinese. I asked them over the years, what honestly do they stereotype about black men who have kids with non-black women, and they agree that it is the most hated.
Will black men ever stop having children with non-black women? Of course not. But, this is something that needs to be KEPT QUIET and not put the spotlight on. I know that picture offends many black women.
Furthermore, mention of her film school boyfriend who was gone when the son was born just once again feeds the stereotype of black men: Get the white woman pregnant, and disappear from her and the child's life, and contribute nothing.
And, the skin color of either Randy Anderson or the father of her child has NO bearing on the story. So, you should have just shown a picture of the son. Leave it to the readers to guess what race either parent was, but picturing the mother just takes EVERYBODY'S concentration off the issue at hand (single mothering), and you KNOW that readers are half thinking about "black man/white woman/illegitimate child."
If this were an artical SPECIFICALLY about biracial children, then fine, show the pictures. You may THINK that showing just how much these exist breeds more acceptance, but all it does is breed more hate. Believe me, I know. One such example is whenever a black man has a job interview, he's asked to bring a picture of his family. Why? It's obvious. If his wife is white or Mexican or Arab or Chinese, he gets rejected for the job.
If I sound angry, it's because I am. PLEASE DO NOT (or at least minimize) showing pictures of children of black fathers and non-black mothers. I know that you mean well, but this was very hurtful for me, as well as many black men to see. It reinforces ALL stereotypes that society has about black-American men.
David Walker
JustMe

United States

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#40
May 21, 2007
 

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Guess I don't see one shread of "race" in the news article.
I moved out from my alcoholic husband of 5 yrs just 3 months before our son was born. Moved to an apt. 2 blocks from the hospital, because I knew I would have to get myself there alone, and figured I could walk that short distance, if need be.
Have been single more than 1/2 of my adult life now, lastly because my last husband committed suicide. Who is helping ME raise MY kids? Nobody. Period. I'm thrilled there are towns with groups like this one - wish there was here in Indiana!

“E-A-G-L-E-S”

Since: Mar 07

Quakertown

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#41
May 21, 2007
 

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Wow, I did not even notice the color of the baby or the Mom. Well, that's because I am not racist. Listen, dads are walking out left and right, blacks, whites, latino's. For all us single dads, I know there are more of you out there then just me, we need a website or some kind of place we can go to interact. If anyone knows of any, please let me know
light skin prettier NO

Renton, WA

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#42
May 24, 2007
 

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David Walker wrote:
I am an African-American man. I am VERY offended by this article, more specifically, the pictures. Not hard to figure out, I depise seeing anything showing a white woman with a black man, and especially the offspring. That's because it only spurrs even more hatred. Have you ever noticed that while you see light-skinned black children on pictures of products all the time (let's face it, they're often more physically attractive), you RARELY see the mother. In fact, there was one where a beautiful light-skinned little black girl was sitting on the lap of a DARK-skinned black mother (if that was indeed her mother). Why is that ok? Because nobody is against it. It doesn't matter whether my friends are white, black, Mexican, Arab, or Chinese. I asked them over the years, what honestly do they stereotype about black men who have kids with non-black women, and they agree that it is the most hated.
Will black men ever stop having children with non-black women? Of course not. But, this is something that needs to be KEPT QUIET and not put the spotlight on. I know that picture offends many black women.
Furthermore, mention of her film school boyfriend who was gone when the son was born just once again feeds the stereotype of black men: Get the white woman pregnant, and disappear from her and the child's life, and contribute nothing.
And, the skin color of either Randy Anderson or the father of her child has NO bearing on the story. So, you should have just shown a picture of the son. Leave it to the readers to guess what race either parent was, but picturing the mother just takes EVERYBODY'S concentration off the issue at hand (single mothering), and you KNOW that readers are half thinking about "black man/white woman/illegitimate child."
If this were an artical SPECIFICALLY about biracial children, then fine, show the pictures. You may THINK that showing just how much these exist breeds more acceptance, but all it does is breed more hate. Believe me, I know. One such example is whenever a black man has a job interview, he's asked to bring a picture of his family. Why? It's obvious. If his wife is white or Mexican or Arab or Chinese, he gets rejected for the job.
If I sound angry, it's because I am. PLEASE DO NOT (or at least minimize) showing pictures of children of black fathers and non-black mothers. I know that you mean well, but this was very hurtful for me, as well as many black men to see. It reinforces ALL stereotypes that society has about black-American men.
David Walker
Mr Walker,
Some of the most beautiful children and adults I have seen are dark skinned blacks. You are correct in saying that society stereotypes black men, so I will give you a thumbs up on that one. It is an unfortunate fact of life that people will be stereotyped. Chalk it up as ignorance and don't let it get to you. Let go of some of the anger you are carrying around.
I am a single white mother with three lovely bi-racial (black & white) children. It just didn't work out with their father. He is still very supportive in their lives. We spend time together with him often. I actually would say that we are "co-parenting".
I cannot say what it feels like to be a black man or woman, so I will not judge your comments. However, I have experienced a lot of racism from Blacks even before they knew my kids are bi-racial. Ignorance that's all it is.
Take care Mr Walker.

“Talk 2 Me”

Since: May 07

Sea-town...SEATTLE

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#43
May 31, 2007
 

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Kudos, Randi. David, GROW UP!! Take your racist attitude and clearly racist SELF somewhere else where your hatred of non-Black mothers of black children is appreciated. It's NOT even wanted around here!

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