Mark Smith: Pahrump: neither here nor there

Sep 25, 2009 Full story: Pahrump Valley Times

I am getting really revved up to toss in my idea for a Pahrump 'brand' and count a cool $500. It can't be that difficult.

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Black Star Ranch

Beverly Hills, CA

#1 Sep 28, 2009
Letter to Mark Smith:

I might suggest, Mr. Smith, that you spend a little LESS time worrying about "branding" Pahrump and more time transforming your twice-weekly newspaper into something worth reading. Lets start with some actual investigative fact-gathering that isn't handed to you from well-cultivated public sources. It might also be time to bring your "Letters to the Editor" section into the 21st century by accepting e-Mail input. Additionally, having someone from the "news" department IN OFFICE during a newspaper delivery day to field verbal comments and questions might be a valuable suggestion as well. "Tap-dancing" around news stories involving your classified advertisers doesn't make for a reputable newspaper. Do you remember your Journalism-101 class at ALL?
Sundown

United States

#2 Sep 28, 2009
Kudo's BSR!:) I read the newspapers biassed & distorted stories online. That way I don't waste my money. lol
Jack

Stockton, CA

#3 Sep 28, 2009
I just read it at the gas station and then use it for but wipe. After all it's nickname is the "Rump Times".
Black Star Ranch

Inglewood, CA

#4 Sep 30, 2009
See the latest PVT cartoon re: Joe Wilson's "You Lie" comment? Whether Joe Wilson's comment on The House floor was appropriate or not doesn't detract from the fact that Obama WAS lying - pretty simple concept. One of these days hopefully, the Las Vegas Review Journal will stop publishing the "rag" they call The Pahrump Valley Times.
Flatulencia Toilleta

Huntington Park, CA

#5 Sep 30, 2009
Yes folks .......Some bathroom humor to get your minds off all this other stuff.

We've all been there but don't like to admit it... We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the *WORK POOP* is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, the following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a *FREQUENT FLYER*. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it.. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the *WALK OF SHAME*.

*WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bath room.. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the *COURTESY FLUSH*.

*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is doggone proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

*SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

*TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the *Turd Burglar* leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

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