OK Health Care Freedom Amendment, Sta...

OK Health Care Freedom Amendment, State Question 756

Created by CitizenTopix on Oct 11, 2010

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Packing Heat

United States

#36886 Mar 18, 2013
Mary Falin and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car.

The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't.
The aged cow was struck and killed.

Mary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow.

She stayed in the car making phone calls.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray.

He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you," asked Mary?

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Mary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said,'I'm Mary Fallin's driver and I've just killed the old cow.'

The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."
Zane

United States

#36887 Mar 18, 2013
Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Norman, Oklahoma who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Tulsa. One of my sisters lives in Muskogee and is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Oklahoma City.

I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at McAlester for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Duncan . She is a part time "working girl".

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Mary Fallin for Governor?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation
JAG

United States

#36888 Mar 18, 2013
Mary and a Cowboy

Governor Mary Fallin (R), on an airliner bound for Texas, finds herself seated next to an older, weathered man in a western snap shirt, faded jeans, and a cowboy hat.

Thinking herself above the old cowboy, she decides to make sport of him.

"You know," she says, "I've heard these flights go much more quickly if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger.

So, let's talk."

The cowboy looks at her wryly and says, "Well I s'pose that'd be all right, m'am. What'd ya like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says Hillary with a slight hint of sarcasm.

"How about Obamacare?"

"Hmm," says the cowboy, sensing an attempt to perhaps belittle him, "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first: Horses, cows, and deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet a deer passes little pellets, a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse makes muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

Dumbfounded, Governor Fallin replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me, then," says the cowboy with a smile. "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss Obamacare when you don't know sh!t?
Ralph

United States

#36889 Mar 18, 2013
JAG wrote:
Mary and a Cowboy
Governor Mary Fallin (R), on an airliner bound for Texas, finds herself seated next to an older, weathered man in a western snap shirt, faded jeans, and a cowboy hat.
Thinking herself above the old cowboy, she decides to make sport of him.
"You know," she says, "I've heard these flights go much more quickly if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger.
So, let's talk."
The cowboy looks at her wryly and says, "Well I s'pose that'd be all right, m'am. What'd ya like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," says Hillary with a slight hint of sarcasm.
"How about Obamacare?"
"Hmm," says the cowboy, sensing an attempt to perhaps belittle him, "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first: Horses, cows, and deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet a deer passes little pellets, a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse makes muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
Dumbfounded, Governor Fallin replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me, then," says the cowboy with a smile. "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss Obamacare when you don't know sh!t?
Ha, Ha--Repug are not smart enough to discuss Obamacare since they do not know sh!t---Ha, Ha.
TAMARA

United States

#36890 Mar 18, 2013
One day, the seven dwarfs left to go work in the mine. Snow White stayed home to prepare lunch.

When she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave in.

Tearfully, and fearing the worst. Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that some of the dwarfs had survived.

"Hello, hello," she called. "Can anyone hear me? Hello"

For quite a while there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White called again, "Hello. Is anyone down there?"

Just as she was about to give up all hope, there came a faint voice from deep in the mine. The voice said, "Vote for Mary Fallin. Vote for Mary Fallin."

Snow White, somewhat relieved screamed out, "Oh, thank God. Dopey is still alive."
Mandy

United States

#36891 Mar 18, 2013
n the Listening Tour, Mary Fallin was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town she was visiting had named a sandwich after her.

She was somewhat less pleased after she found out what was in it.

"Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.
Donnie

Atlanta, TX

#36892 Mar 19, 2013
Pope Francis issued an appeal for the protection of the weak, the poor and the world environment Tuesday at a special Mass marking his inauguration as the new leader of the world's 1.2 billion Roman Catholics.

During the homily, he told a crowd of up to 200,000 gathered in front of the Vatican:“I would like to ask all those who have positions of responsibility in economic, political and social life, and all men and women of goodwill: Let us be protectors of creation, protectors of God’s plan inscribed in nature, protectors of one another and of the environment.”

He added:“We must not be afraid of goodness or even tenderness.”
TAMARA

Atlanta, TX

#36893 Mar 19, 2013
Well, so much for his fantasy.

This will leave all repugs and Catholics alone in the woods.
Packing Heat

Atlanta, TX

#36894 Mar 19, 2013
A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.

He asks the first nun,''Sister Karen, have you ever had any contact with a penis?''

The nun giggles and slyly replies,''Well once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.''

St. Peter says,''OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gate.''

St. Peter asks the next nun the same question,''Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with a penis?''

The nun is a little reluctant but replies ''Well once I fondled and stroked one.''

St. Peter says ''OK, dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gate.''

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of nuns, one nun is pushing her way to the front of the line.

When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says ''Sister, Sister what seems to be the rush?!

''The nun replies,''Do you think I'm going to gargle with that stuff after Sister Briony has dipped her azz in it?
JAG

Atlanta, TX

#36895 Mar 19, 2013
Donnie walks into the country club one day and notices his friend Zane at the bar, and he was looking pretty drunk. Concerned for his friend because he usually didn't drink much, he asked Zane what the matter was.
Zane gets up and walks to a quiet corner of the bar and says to Donnie, "You know Hole 6, the par 3 that runs parallel to the highway?" "Sure," his friend replied, "What about it?"

Zane explained, "Well you see, when I teed off, I sliced it really bad and it went through the windshield of a bus full of nuns. It must have hit the driver because he lost control and the bus flipped several times, killing all the nuns. I just don't know what to do".

"Well", Donnie replied, "You need to concentrate more on not dropping your shoulder mid-swing and you'll get rid of that slice."
Packing Heat

Vinita, OK

#36896 Mar 19, 2013
The Pew Research Center’s annual “State of the Media” report says that opinionated programming is 85% of MSNBC’s programming and just 15% as what they call “actual repeating” of what Fox News reports.

It goes on to say that liberals are some of the most ignorant, uninformed, low life piece of shit bottom feeders alive. They can usually be found posting meaningless liberal bullshit on Topix using everyone else’s screen names in a lame attempt at making those individuals angry, FAIL!

They have been known to engage in Human Trafficking as a way to pay for their Occupy Protest as well.

In other news, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada) said Monday that Democrats spanked his ass for the dumbass gun bill so he will drop a ban on certain semiautomatic weapons as part of its gun control package affectively making it a meaningless bill and complete waste of time.

The ban on so-called "assault weapons" was near and dear to a moron by the name of Sen. Dianne Feinstein, who has admitted frustration that her bill, which would have banned 157 models of weapons, won't be offered on the Senate floor and will not even be considered by the majority of this Nation!

She could still offer the ban as an amendment but that too would be a waste of time. Harry Reid and his fellow Democrats will still push for tougher gun registration laws and limits to the size of ammunition magazines that is just another waste of time but since they sit on their ass or stay on vacation might as well spend their time writing bills they can‘t get passed.

Senate Democrats explained their decision to drop the weapon ban from their legislative package because it was a stupid idea to start with.

Basically was just a demonstration to show the American People what kind of idiot democrats we have.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Donnie

United States

#36897 Mar 19, 2013
After mudslinging for the last couple of years, Packing Heat and TAMARA sit down at a bar. An attractive woman walks by and TAMARA blows a kiss at her.

Packing Heat smiles wide and says, "I see we have the same taste in women. That was my wife."

TAMARA cackles and says, "After you've eaten enough of them, they all taste pretty much the same."
Zane

United States

#36898 Mar 19, 2013
The Pope and Governor Mary Fallin are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

'Her Majesty' and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the Governor says to the Pope,'Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Republican in the crowd go wild?'

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Republican in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do.

'That was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice.'

The Governor seriously doubts this, and says so.'One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me.'

So the Pope slapped her
JAG

United States

#36899 Mar 19, 2013
Q: Did you here about Kentucky Fried Chicken's Mary Fallin comboo meal?
A: two small breasts, two large thighs and two right wings.

Q: What kind of jewelry does Mary look best in?
A: Handcuffs

Q: What kind of neckwear does Mary Fallin look best in?
A: Stocks & Chains
TAMARA

United States

#36900 Mar 19, 2013
A Democrat cowboy from Oklahoma goes to a social function where Mary Fallin is trying to gather more support for her Re-election . Once she discovers the cowboy is a Democrat, she starts to belittle him by mockingly talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.

As she was doing that, she kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around her head. The cowboy says, "Y’all havin’ some problem with them circle flies?"

She stopped talking and said, "Well yes, if that’s what they’re called. But I’ve never heard of circle flies."

"Well ma’am," the cowboy replies, "circle flies hang around ranches. They’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

"Oh," Mary replies as she goes back to rambling. But, a moment later she stops and bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse’s ass?"

"No, ma’am," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for citizens of Oklahoma to call their Governor a horse’s ass."

"That’s a good thing," she haughtily responds and begins rambling on once more.

After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Oklahoma drawl adds,... "Hard to fool them flies, though."
Jesse

United States

#36901 Mar 19, 2013
Q: What does Mary Fallin do to lose weight?
A: She runs away from the issues.

Q: What's really Mary Fallin's favorite baseball team?
A: The Dodgers.

Q: What Biblical and Renaissance characters does Mary most resemble?
A: Jezebel and Lucretia Borgia.

Q: Why is Fallin prone to losing her voice?
A: She keeps having to eat her words.

Q: What was the real purpose of Mary's college visit to Moscow?
A: To study economics.

Q: Have you heard about the new Mary Fallin doll?
A: You pull a little ring and it never tells the same story twice!

Q: You know what the problem with political jokes is, don't you?
A: They get elected.
Donnie

United States

#36902 Mar 19, 2013
Subject: You Can Be THE Man Of Your House

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man Of Your House." He stormed out to his wife in the kitchen and announced,

"From now on,you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?

Mandy replied, "The f*ckin' funeral director would be my first guess."
Packing Heat

United States

#36903 Mar 20, 2013
LIES, BITTER LITTLE LIES
Over 100 Lies Told to Promote the Iraq War
An Iraq invasion 10-year anniversary special

I's well known that when America invaded Iraq, Bush and Cheney had no evidence linking Saddam Hussein to 9/11 and knew that the chance of finding WMDs was virtually nil.

What's less well remembered is the long series of lies and misdirections that convinced Americans that war with Iraq was both necessary and desirable.

A full catalog has been compiled by Mother Jones, totaling over 200 entries. It features numerous contributions from Dick Cheney, such as his false statement on Meet the Press just one week before the invasion: "'We believe [Saddam] has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons.'(Cheney later claims he misspoke.)"

The timeline also includes many now-forgotten moments of malfeasance by the mainstream media and Bush's advisors, who collectively downplayed doubts over the grounds for war.

For instance, just one day before the invasion, the Washington Post buried an article revealing major doubts over the grounds for invasion deep inside the newspaper, on page A13: "As the Bush administration prepares to attack Iraq this week, it is doing so on the basis of a number of allegations against Iraqi President Saddam Hussein that have been challenged - and in some cases disproved - by the United Nations, European governments and even U.S. intelligence reports."

The timeline also shows the dates at which the public learned they'd been deceived - in most cases months after the invasion.
Donnie

United States

#36904 Mar 20, 2013
The administration repeatedly lied. Not only that when someone who knew the truth and published it they retaliated by revealing his wifes role as a cia agent. This undermined a cia program that was effectively stopping the spread of nuclear weapons and interfering with countries obtaining technology to develop them.
TAMARA

United States

#36905 Mar 20, 2013
Yup. But thanks to mother jones exposing the 47% comment at least republicans aren't in the white house...

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