Prank Leaves 75 Gnomes Without Homes

[YouHelpFixIt]

Olde Dude from PA, thanks for the help
For I must say, Mary smelled like old kelp

Not at all like sweet cologne, it was more like the back streets of Bastone
Or a large backed up sewer on the bad side of Rome

You may make light if you wish
But that's very close to old fish

I think she is she, and not at all he
But wrong I may be, we must wait and see
We see soon enough, when we see the gnome pee

[OLDE DUDE]

In the wee mornings, I walk the green pastures
To wiff the fresh air and see the glistening dew
My mellow smile reveal thoughts of distant pyre
I set aflame not the weasel,that eats my fowl
It was the herd of gnomes beneath my feet
that wrecked my boots.

[PA Redhead]

K - that does it. I'm putting a gnome in my garden this year! lol

[Flawless]

A lovely gnome to sweeten my home:

Sounds likke you found me a winner
I'm not lying that'd make me a sinner
It's not whats on the outside it's whats inner
I hope you'll allow me to invite her to dinner

Even if I don't like her, it's the thought that counts
Mayne i'll just give her a mount
How's her rack does it have a good bounce?
If not do they atleast weigh an ounce?

I can deal with her stench, spray on some perfume
I'll take her for a ride in my Tonka, Vroom Vroom
Maybe she'll end up back in my room
Who know we may end up bride and groom

I'm worried about height a little bit
Just as long as she comes up to my hip
I also hope she likes chains and whips
And when I nibble on her lip

Her having a beard puts me at a rut
Are you sure she don't have nuts?
Did you check to see if she had a hairy gut?
Hmmm guess we'll find out when I feel a poke at my butt :P

[Tony]

Yournamehere wrote:

They are big footbal fans. They love Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Gnomo.

They like baseball too-ever hear of a Gnome run?

[Tony]

I officially can't believe I am participating in this.....

[Stuart Hosley]

Tony wrote:

<quoted text>
They like baseball too-ever hear of a Gnome run?

Don't they play in genomed stadiums?

[PA Redhead]

Tony wrote:

I officially can't believe I am participating in this.....

LMAO! It's gnomtagious!

[Lola]

Tony wrote:

I officially can't believe I am participating in this.....

Hey Tony, St Charles here, and WE have to play gnomeopoly,, to dang cold to play outside!

[Humanist]

The gnome genome has been found. It's 2CaSO4·H2O.

[YouHelpFixIt]

Humanist wrote:

The gnome genome has been found. It's 2CaSO4·H2O.

Thanks, the gnome genome is not very well known
I thought it would be is mostly silly cone.

[Flawless]

You are invited To a Gnome Ceregnomy:

Turns out I did not get poked in the butt
She smells like roses not a mutt!
She does not have a beard or a gut
It was just spiderweb which I scraped up

Her body was a little chipped
And her cone hat had been ripped
She also needed her toe nails clipped
But even so, I think she's got me whipped

We've decided to spend our lives together
She'll stand by me in awful weather
Life with her will be even better
This is the reason why I write this letter

You are cordially invited
To the wedding of Gary Gnome and Mary McGnighted
A beautiful ceregnomy which you will be enlightened
Hopefully afterwards I won't be endicted

The wedding will be held on June First
We won't use a limo, we'll use a hurst
Gnomes believe limos are bad luck, they leave a curse
Thats all, it's the end of this verse!

Bring the family, kids and wife
To celebrate the joing of two lives
You'll be the only non-gnomes, so bring your own knives
Oh, and maybe some meds cause you might catch hives

**COMING SOON**

-THE CEREGNOMY OF GARY GNOME AND MARY MCGNIGHTED

AND

-THE RECEPTION, GET DRUNK, THERE'S NO EXCEPTION!

[RACE]

I am thinking this would make a great table top book, with the proper illustrations, you could retire.

BTW if you do....dont forget where you got the idea, gnome what I mean?

Flawless wrote:

You are invited To a Gnome Ceregnomy:
Turns out I did not get poked in the butt
She smells like roses not a mutt!
She does not have a beard or a gut
It was just spiderweb which I scraped up
Her body was a little chipped
And her cone hat had been ripped
She also needed her toe nails clipped
But even so, I think she's got me whipped
We've decided to spend our lives together
She'll stand by me in awful weather
Life with her will be even better
This is the reason why I write this letter
You are cordially invited
To the wedding of Gary Gnome and Mary McGnighted
A beautiful ceregnomy which you will be enlightened
Hopefully afterwards I won't be endicted
The wedding will be held on June First
We won't use a limo, we'll use a hurst
Gnomes believe limos are bad luck, they leave a curse
Thats all, it's the end of this verse!
Bring the family, kids and wife
To celebrate the joing of two lives
You'll be the only non-gnomes, so bring your own knives
Oh, and maybe some meds cause you might catch hives
**COMING SOON**
-THE CEREGNOMY OF GARY GNOME AND MARY MCGNIGHTED
AND
-THE RECEPTION, GET DRUNK, THERE'S NO EXCEPTION!

[Flawless]

RACE wrote:

I am thinking this would make a great table top book, with the proper illustrations, you could retire.
BTW if you do....dont forget where you got the idea, gnome what I mean?
<quoted text>

Thankyou! If the opportunity presents itself I will give proper due respect to you and Author ungnown, whom inspired me in the first place. Maybe we should create a series.

Make sure you gnominate us when they throw award ceromonies.=)

[YouHelpFixIt]

Flawless wrote:

<quoted text>
Thankyou! If the opportunity presents itself I will give proper due respect to you and Author ungnown, whom inspired me in the first place. Maybe we should create a series.
Make sure you gnominate us when they throw award ceromonies.=)

The kids would all love it, but we may have to edit
Just take out gnome porn and divide up the credit

Greenish gnome hash may have to go to
As would the part about Mary's stinky wazoo

[Flawless]

YouHelpFixIt wrote:

<quoted text>
The kids would all love it, but we may have to edit
Just take out gnome porn and divide up the credit
Greenish gnome hash may have to go to
As would the part about Mary's stinky wazoo

I don't know about you
But I've printed up every poem and there's quite a few
Maybe I'm just nutty and don't have anything better to do
Or maybe we're on to something creative and new

They would certainly need an edit
For children they are not fit
It will take some creativity and wit
I think this could be a hit

They were written for adults
But to some they may insult
If they do, it's not my fault
We may even become as famous as the Disney guy Walt

Let me know what you think of this idea: We have a Disney World, How about a Gnome world =p

[RACE]

Gnome-my-god! What a fantastic idea, Gnomes galore, toad stools for the kids to play on too! Kids could climb the Gnomey bars. How about those gnomes that wobble but dont fall down?

We could start out with a Gnome-bouncey house or something like that (maybe like the haunted house but filled with funny gnomey stuff
(only till the books take off).

Flawless wrote:

<quoted text>
I don't know about you
But I've printed up every poem and there's quite a few
Maybe I'm just nutty and don't have anything better to do
Or maybe we're on to something creative and new
They would certainly need an edit
For children they are not fit
It will take some creativity and wit
I think this could be a hit
They were written for adults
But to some they may insult
If they do, it's not my fault
We may even become as famous as the Disney guy Walt
Let me know what you think of this idea: We have a Disney World, How about a Gnome world =p

[OLDE DUDE]

I CAN REMEMBER YEARS AGO WHEN
I SAW A CLUSTER
OF HAZEL NUTS
ON THE FORREST FLOOR
I PICKED TWO HANDFULS
AND PUT THEM IN MY POCKET
WHEN I GOT HOME
I PUT THEM IN A BOWL
IN THE MORNING WHEN I WOKE
I COULD SMELL THE RAUNCHY SMOKE
WHEN I LOOKED WHERES IT COOKED
I SAW MY BOWL LAYING BROKEN
I SAID TO MYSELF "YO"
WHAT IS THIS ?
THERE IS SOMTHING AMISS
AND MUCH SMOKE ABOUND
I TURNED AROUND AND
GUESS WHAT I FOUND
STUFFING MY CHIMNEY
A BUNCH OF MOTHER CONE GNOMES.

[Flawless]

Welcome to Gnome Economics 101

"They work at night in the woods and sometimes in human dwellings, it is not sheer coincidence that the word gnome itself is derived from Kuba-Walda, which means " home administrator" or "home spirit" in the ancient Germanic language. In rural areas these home administrators often live in the rafters of barns, where, if they are treated well, they keep an eye on the livestock as well as crops. Another variant of their name translates as "to put in order" or "do odd jobs" - with or without an apron." http://www.foundus.com/jani/gnomes/welcome.ht...

Types of gnomes: Woodland, dune, garden, house, farm, and Siberian.

Stay tuned for more gnome facts in Class gnome 101

[Flawless]

One more lesson I couldn't wait:

24 gnome facts:
1- Males indulge in pipe-smoking
2- Males think of marriage about age 200 years
3- Gnome women deck themselves out with blossoms or berry-bearing twigs for the celebrations
4- Gnomes are 7 times as strong as a man.
5- Urine can be contained for a whole day
6- Brain capacity larger than man’s.
7- Hair grays very early, baldness unknown.
8- Life-span is around 400 years.
9- Not tone deaf.
10- Fingertips as sensitive as those of a blind person.
11- Fingerprints are mainly of a circular pattern.
12- Heart attacks unknown.
13- Capable of smelling 19 times better than man.
14- Sense of direction (as good as a homing pigeon)
15- ESP...(nonverbal communication over great distances)
16- Weather forecasting
17- Visit their birthday tree yearly...often live under it
18- Birth of gnomes is always twins
19- Pregnancy lasts 12 months
20- Girl children are raised by their mothers and neighbor women in homely arts.
21- Boys at age 13 are taught the manly ways and taught his fathers trade
22- Boys at age 75 years are introduced to the members of the Regional Council, a few he may already know.
23- Gnomes love to dance and fine occasion to celebrate.
24- Greetings, farewells and goodnights are expressed by rubbing noses.