How do you tell someone you no longer...

How do you tell someone you no longer love them?

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seriously lost

Portland, TX

#1 Jan 21, 2011
How do you tell someone you no longer love them? I've been with this person for so long that's it's become nothing more than a routine. Not to mention that this person has let me down when I needed them the most not only once but twice. I've already told them that I wanted them to move out of the house but they refuse to see that our relationship has taken it's course and it's really just come to an end as well. Yes we have history but that's not enough for me and our small family. I mean what am I suppose to tell my children when they ask why I'm not happy anymore. I really can't continue on this path for both my sake and theirs. They deserve a happy parent all the time. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Since: Oct 10

Beaumont, TX

#2 Jan 21, 2011
like my mom always said you have to be happy yourself before you can make your kids and live a happy life.. if you dont take care of you who will? people so often stay because they are "comfortable" and it not only hurts their partners but it hurts the kids.. so in the long run being honest will be better than staying mum.. it will be hard to move on but once you have made that first step it will make things easier..
duh

United States

#3 Jan 21, 2011
If u leave the person u luved it wont ever be the same the kids will really hate u for taking the one parent they luv away frm them i think u should just try to work things out and be up front with that person and let it out maybe uall need the lord in ualls life amen
Routine

Portland, TX

#4 Jan 22, 2011
In the same boat as you, but almost made a serious mistake. We have been together for over 20 yrs. Its the same old thing. I found a friend and became lovers. He was on my mind all the time.... I put my kids, my friends, family, everything aside. I realised though that although safe and boring, I have it all. My spouse is not perfect, but will never cheat, abuse, and will always provide financial security. Yes I want to be happy, happy, happy, like i feel when i'm with this other person, but how long will that feeling last? Will i be happy when my kids part from everything they've known? Will i be happy if i become broke, ill or can't provide for my family? What if this other guy leaves me for someone else? Am i up for searching for love? My relationship does get routine or boring, lets say safe, but it can always get spiced up. I've done it before and will do it again. THINK, PRAY, AND DON'T ACT IMPULSIVELY, LIKE I DID!!! I am very sorry for what i did, and realised my spouse is all i want and need.
lol

Skidmore, TX

#5 Jan 22, 2011
totally agree with u, im in the same boat i wouldnt be able to take my kidz away frm their dad and were happy just not as happy as i wish we could be but that my fault
QueeQuees

Redmond, WA

#6 Jan 22, 2011
I think your just looking for an excuse to leave your significant other. Did you meet someone else if you did there's your excuse. Your suppose to work things out between each other not go looking for answers from another person (cheating on each other). Remember you 2 cared about each other at one time it can happen again the thing is to communicate with each other.
Try

Corpus Christi, TX

#7 Jan 22, 2011
Try To make it work!
Remember the for better or worse part in your
vows? Sit down and communicate with him..tell him look honey...this and that..sometimes all it can be
is a lack of communication and well Men cannot
read our minds. We wish they could but they can't.

Take a little go away just you and him..even though
it might be just a dinner or something..and clarity
stuff.

I rather have my old toy (that has some fond memories, kids etc.) than to have a new toy that
is going to take you for a spin, excite you and are not made like the old fashion toy.
abused

Pflugerville, TX

#8 Jan 22, 2011
I was physicaly and emotionaly abused i stayed for ten plus years cause i thought my kids needed thier father within six months i gained 70 pounds i was so unhappy he didnt love me but wouldnt let me go i tried evreything and my kids would see me cry all the time he kept me from my family and friends i finally broke free and have made a good life for myself and my kids and the only time i feel i made a mistake by leaving is when my kids get out of control and i cant control thier actions or behavoir i blame myself constantly if only id stayed my kids wouldnt act up so badly divorce effects the kids more than the parents so be absolutly sure you cant make it work and if u cant be ready for a rough road ahead gulit is a horrible feeling
Other Side of the Coin

United States

#9 Jan 22, 2011
Routine wrote:
In the same boat as you, but almost made a serious mistake. We have been together for over 20 yrs. Its the same old thing. I found a friend and became lovers. He was on my mind all the time.... I put my kids, my friends, family, everything aside. I realised though that although safe and boring, I have it all. My spouse is not perfect, but will never cheat, abuse, and will always provide financial security. Yes I want to be happy, happy, happy, like i feel when i'm with this other person, but how long will that feeling last? Will i be happy when my kids part from everything they've known? Will i be happy if i become broke, ill or can't provide for my family? What if this other guy leaves me for someone else? Am i up for searching for love? My relationship does get routine or boring, lets say safe, but it can always get spiced up. I've done it before and will do it again. THINK, PRAY, AND DON'T ACT IMPULSIVELY, LIKE I DID!!! I am very sorry for what i did, and realised my spouse is all i want and need.
Routine, just to satisfy my own curiosity, how did "he" feel about your decision avoiding your near mistake?
some thing to consider

Edroy, TX

#10 Jan 22, 2011
Kiss and hug everyday atleast for one minute. It is a peck on the lips. Tell one another "I love you" everyday not just on Valentine's Day. Put a note in their vehicle, briefcase, lunch box, etc. Sent a quick text, even if its as simple as "thinking of you" or 123 aka I love you or xoxo. Don't forget to flirt, blow him kisses, whisper something in his ear, tell him you had a wonderful dream about him last night (don't give details, just smile, it will keep him thinking about you all day. Just any little thing that demonstrates that you still care about them, give him attention, make him feel special even after all these years. Bake him homemade chocolate chip cookies or make his favorite meals. Dress up for him, just because. Reminisce together about your relationship before you had children. Do what used to make you feel giddy. Good luck!
awww

Dallas, TX

#11 Jan 22, 2011
that was great advice:)
KooKaManga

Redmond, WA

#12 Jan 23, 2011
some thing to consider wrote:
Kiss and hug everyday atleast for one minute. It is a peck on the lips. Tell one another "I love you" everyday not just on Valentine's Day. Put a note in their vehicle, briefcase, lunch box, etc. Sent a quick text, even if its as simple as "thinking of you" or 123 aka I love you or xoxo. Don't forget to flirt, blow him kisses, whisper something in his ear, tell him you had a wonderful dream about him last night (don't give details, just smile, it will keep him thinking about you all day. Just any little thing that demonstrates that you still care about them, give him attention, make him feel special even after all these years. Bake him homemade chocolate chip cookies or make his favorite meals. Dress up for him, just because. Reminisce together about your relationship before you had children. Do what used to make you feel giddy. Good luck!
Hey where have u been all my life? I already have you on my mind! Wish I was a lucky guy to have a gurl like you! ; )
well

Skidmore, TX

#13 Jan 23, 2011
some thing to consider wrote:
Kiss and hug everyday atleast for one minute. It is a peck on the lips. Tell one another "I love you" everyday not just on Valentine's Day. Put a note in their vehicle, briefcase, lunch box, etc. Sent a quick text, even if its as simple as "thinking of you" or 123 aka I love you or xoxo. Don't forget to flirt, blow him kisses, whisper something in his ear, tell him you had a wonderful dream about him last night (don't give details, just smile, it will keep him thinking about you all day. Just any little thing that demonstrates that you still care about them, give him attention, make him feel special even after all these years. Bake him homemade chocolate chip cookies or make his favorite meals. Dress up for him, just because. Reminisce together about your relationship before you had children. Do what used to make you feel giddy. Good luck!
I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE UR ADVICE BUT I JUST CANT I'VE TRYD B4.I THINK IM A GREAT WIFE AND MOTHER,I COOK, CLEAN,I DO EVERYTHING A WIFE DOES EVEN MORE.I DRIVE HIM AROUND WHEN HES DRUNK I EVEN HANG OUT WITH THE LOWEST OF PPL SO I CAN MAKE SURE HE GETS HOME OK.IM JUST TO TIRED I CAN KEEP TRYN IF HE DOESNT MAKE AN EFFORT TO CHANGE.HE SAYS HE LOVES ME BUT IM LIKE WHAT EVER IF HE LOVED ME HE WOULD SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS FAMILY THEN HIS BEER AND FRIENDS.IM TO THE POINT THAT I CONSTANTLY TELL HIM IF HE DNT LIKE THAT I DNT COOK FOR HIM AT 2 IN DA MORNING THAT HE CAN LEAVE CUZ IM NOT CATORING TO HIM LIKE I USED TO.HE KNWS WHERE THIS RELATIONSHIP IS GOING SO HE TRYS TO GIVE ME THOSE DRUNKEN TEARS,I TELL HIM TO STOP CRYN LIKE THE PUS$Y AND THINK BOUT WHAT HES DOIN TO OUR FAMILY
Routine

Portland, TX

#14 Jan 23, 2011
Other Side of the Coin wrote:
<quoted text>
Routine, just to satisfy my own curiosity, how did "he" feel about your decision avoiding your near mistake?
I honestly don't know if he's hurt or wanted it like this anyway. He told me that he wanted me to be positive of my decision because it will be devastating to put two families with children together and expose them to change and then realize that it was a mistake and go back home. EVERYONE would suffer. I may not have a home or spouse to go back to, children will be put through emotional hell, and we all lose our heart and mind in the process.
XOXOXO

Portland, TX

#15 Jan 23, 2011
KooKaManga wrote:
<quoted text>Hey where have u been all my life? I already have you on my mind! Wish I was a lucky guy to have a gurl like you! ; )
Dude, all those ideas are available online if you google, how to show you love him/her. Do those things for your loved one and make her say to herself..........where have you been all my life? I will never let you go.

Since: Jan 11

Location hidden

#16 Jan 23, 2011
The only thing more pathetic then the advice that these idiots are giving is the idiot taking the advice!!
Other Side of the Coin

United States

#17 Jan 23, 2011
Routine wrote:
<quoted text>I honestly don't know if he's hurt or wanted it like this anyway. He told me that he wanted me to be positive of my decision because it will be devastating to put two families with children together and expose them to change and then realize that it was a mistake and go back home. EVERYONE would suffer. I may not have a home or spouse to go back to, children will be put through emotional hell, and we all lose our heart and mind in the process.
I can truly relate to all of your considerations. Seems the two of you have made very level-headed decisions. I do question though if either of you feel that the decisions made for the good of others, doing the right thing, were made at the expense of being truly happy? Assuming the two of you clearly know each other, is there a mutual understanding of the sacrifices each of you have made? How long does it take to be at peace within.....
Routine

Portland, TX

#18 Jan 23, 2011
Other Side of the Coin wrote:
<quoted text>
I can truly relate to all of your considerations. Seems the two of you have made very level-headed decisions. I do question though if either of you feel that the decisions made for the good of others, doing the right thing, were made at the expense of being truly happy? Assuming the two of you clearly know each other, is there a mutual understanding of the sacrifices each of you have made? How long does it take to be at peace within.....
We need to talk!!!
Mmm

Dallas, TX

#19 Jan 23, 2011
Hmmm
Mmmmmmm

Portland, TX

#20 Jan 23, 2011
Mmm wrote:
Hmmm
What's that mean?

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